ELD1984 Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I have a friend that I am seriously worried about. He is being manipulated by another friend of his and I can't for the life of me get him to see it. They work together and she is constantly going behind his back and saying things like that she thinks he is gay (she has tried to get him to either sleep with or date her multiple times and he won't) or that she wants him to do drugs with her or that if he gets a promotion befofe her she will quit because it wouldn't be fair to her. Every one of their coworkers say they love working with him unless he's scheduled with her because all they want to do is stand in a corner and laugh hysterically and that he acts like a different person around her. I have seen this girl talk pure crap about him and she is a known trouble maker and changes boyfriends faster than she does clothes and is constantly gossiping and spreading rumors, she just isn't a good person at all yet all he can say about her is that she is "a remarkable person". I have talked to him about her several times and it does no good. At first he would listen and explain his side of events but as the months went by it got to where me expressing my concerns to him turned into arguments and him accusing me of being jealous of her and what not. He now goes around accusing me of causing drama for him and of being fake and basically everything that this "friend" of his is doing when I really haven't. He genuinely believes that all their coworkers are jealous of them and want to make their lives bad for no reason at all and adamantly refuses to see their end of the issue. I have tried everything I can think of (telling him things she's saying, taking screen shots of texts she's sent, etc) to get him to open his eyes before it's too late and he just flat out refuses to believe anything less than perfect about her. I haven't given up hope on him seeing her for what she is but I'm worried that she's going to cause him to lose his job or face all kinds of other problems if he don't wake up soon. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 You just have to let him make his own decisions, no matter how foolish they look to you. He's an adult, and responsible for himself. Stop trying to rescue him; it's clearly not within your power. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 My advice is to mind your own business. He likes her for whatever reason and doesn't appreciate your comments about her. He has made it more than clear to you. It sounds like he is more a friend of hers than yours at this point. Lessons are always best learned from experience. Let him experience this. She must be very attractive and that's what he likes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Well, if he thinks she's that perfect but doesn't want to date her, what IS his problem? You know, I kinda think they may be just keeping it a little secret and they are dating or having sex or whatever. Anyway, if you really feel she's bad news, it will catch up with him eventually. Meanwhile, you're the bad guy, so you may as well just totally distance yourself from both of them and stop trying to protect him at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ELD1984 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 Yeah I guess you're right about me being the bad guy but I really don't think their relationship is intimate. He used to confide a lot in me and I'm not going to divulge any secrets on here but I'm pretty sure she's not his "type" if you get me plus she has a boyfriend but that hasn't stopped her in the past. I believe she has him thinking that she's the only real friend he has and that everyone else is out to get him/them. He is VERY naive and believes that everyone who smiles at him has his best interest in mind but it's really hard to tell. I had good intentions with trying to show him that he's playing with a snake but I guess I went about it wrong and villified myself. I guess my best bet is to just sit back and let it play itself out but that's the problem when you care about someone, you don't want to see them mess up or get hurt...but oh well what can you do? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 The recurring theme I have seen in offices over the decades is the no-strings sex girl all the men like. She doesn't have to be his type for that. It sounds like he really likes her though, and most men don't just like someone as a friend. Being in the office, of course he is obligated to be "friends" with the women in his immediate vicinity, but he likes this one, so.... Just let them hang themselves. If she's bad, that's what will happen. He's not your son or your man, so no reason for you to stick your neck out. You will just get the reputation for being a nosy person or everyone will think you want him. Just remove yourself with no attitude is my best advice. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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