CarrieT Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 This is becoming very detrimental; I've been working 7-days a week for almost a year and have only had half-a-dozen dates in that year. Here it is Labor Day Weekend and I saw a poster for free Shakespeare in the park and it hit home that there was no one I could call to join me (all my friends work weekends). I have also been trawling Craigslist for sex (tried that twice in two weeks; one guy couldn't stay hard and the other got a case of hives due to a cat allergy). But the bottom line for me is that more than just sex, I really want the morning after -- someone to hang with and possibly sleep with, but also to wake up with. Seems the only action I get on the dating sites are "boys" looking for Cougars and men more than 20 years older than me. But even with the piles of work staring at me, I find myself spending hours and hours reviewing profiles, hoping to find SOMEONE to meet for coffee or a drink. The winks or emails I send out have been ignored, even after a recent re-write of my profile with help from people on this site. I am dwelling on the fact that I am alone, which I know is not a good thing. It is hitting harder this weekend than most, I guess, so here is this vent... Link to post Share on other sites
truegirl Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 It seems to me that you are a little desperate and it may come across in profile that you wrote, the way you carry yourself, etc... It's strange but people can sense desperation or loneliness... Some people are turned off by it.... Don't mean to be rude. Take up some new hobbies; you will meet new friends and possibly go out on a few dates... There maybe some insecurity on your part... Men and women are attracted to self confidence... When you feel confident; you give off a positive vibe and people want to be around that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 You are absolutely right. I'm sure the desperation is seeping through and pushing them all away. Thanks for hitting me back upside the head. I need that every now and then... Link to post Share on other sites
stepka Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Carrie, I went thru that phase too and realized it's not healthy and that maybe I'm not really ready for a relationship yet anyway. So I took my profile down and started doing volunteer work instead. (I'm working at the art fair this weekend.) I'm much happier now and stay too busy to agonize, and now I like being at home on the rare occasions when I am. Also, I've started going places by myself if I want to--like Friday night I went to a micro-brew restaurant that has live music (less threatening to be there alone) and I met 2 men out celebrating, and we had a great conversation and then I went home alone, as I was determined to do, since I draw the line at picking guys up from bars. (I had the feeling that I could have picked them both up if I'd wanted to.) I would have gone to Shakespeare in the Park alone too--I think I saw some people there alone when I went this summer. Maybe you should try getting out more by yourself and then being open to meeting people--I might mention that I'm rather shy, but then I told myself, "What have you got to lose? Pride? Maybe they're just a jerk if they won't talk to you. Or preoccupied, or whatever." It helped. Don't stop there either--I went camping by myself this summer too, and met some people at the campground--actually it was 2 married men, and I don't date married men. But, we had great convos and they weren't trying to pick me up anyway, and I made 2 new friends, and gained a lot of confidence that I won't always be alone. Put yourself out there and be open to the experience and let me know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I have also been trawling Craigslist for sex (tried that twice in two weeks; one guy couldn't stay hard and the other got a case of hives due to a cat allergy). Really? Is this how you want to be living? I would imagine that both those experiences were a bit humiliating. I'd take these failed online hookups as a sign to stop "trawling for sex" on CL. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 This is becoming very detrimental; I've been working 7-days a week for almost a year and have only had half-a-dozen dates in that year. Here it is Labor Day Weekend and I saw a poster for free Shakespeare in the park and it hit home that there was no one I could call to join me (all my friends work weekends). I have also been trawling Craigslist for sex (tried that twice in two weeks; one guy couldn't stay hard and the other got a case of hives due to a cat allergy). But the bottom line for me is that more than just sex, I really want the morning after -- someone to hang with and possibly sleep with, but also to wake up with. Seems the only action I get on the dating sites are "boys" looking for Cougars and men more than 20 years older than me. But even with the piles of work staring at me, I find myself spending hours and hours reviewing profiles, hoping to find SOMEONE to meet for coffee or a drink. The winks or emails I send out have been ignored, even after a recent re-write of my profile with help from people on this site. I am dwelling on the fact that I am alone, which I know is not a good thing. It is hitting harder this weekend than most, I guess, so here is this vent... Dammit Carrie, I'd go with you if you lived close. Sorry about your troubles. Try not to focus on being alone. Find hobbies that will take up your time and go do them. For instance, I am playing CO-ED Softball and having a BLAST. I am meeting new people, we're hanging out and talking, it's fun. And might I add one thing? If you're sitting on your butt at home alone, that's a choice your are making. You will NEVER meet anyone unless you get off your duff and go, even if you have to go alone. I'm not chastising you. I just think that sometimes, we can be our own worst enemies and I think you are doing that to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 A couple of things come to mind: 1) You seem to be working a lot; is there any way you can make a bit more free time for yourself? Sometimes when you're working around the clock... people think you don't have any time to hang out with them. 2) It doesn't sound like casual sex is what you want. 3) You may need to make new friends if they never have time for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 Believe me, all -- I do a LOT by myself. I dine out in restaurants at least twice a week, alone. I attend wine tastings by myself. And in three weeks, I'm heading to the United Kingdom (London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow) as a solo traveler. I go to museum openings and gallery openings by myself. CaliGuy is right about working alone too much. But I've donated time to the local Craft and Folk Art Museum. Not really a sports-kinda girl... 'cept for golf so I suppose I should see if there is some form of golf club I could play with. I go to the gym every day but never see anyone talking to anybody else; they all wear head-phones for the iPods. And, yes, the trawling on CL for sex HAS been humiliating. At least that has stopped. Two abject failures in that regard sort of cured that out of me. I *am* going to start looking for a different kind of hobby. Not sure what yet, but I know I need a different kind of social life as this one has not worked. And, unlike Stepka, I am not shy; I do chat with people (men and women) all the time at restaurants and the gallery openings -- it just doesn't ever seem to lead to anything beyond those few minutes of banter. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowGlitter Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 You seem to have a lot going for you and that's a good thing. Maybe it is the time for you to meet someone, not right now. Enjoy the time alone and Europe! I'm sure if you don't think too much about it, you'll meet someone. Link to post Share on other sites
stepka Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Let us know how Europe goes--that is so cool and I'm thinking of taking a trip by myself also. Now that I've taken the first tentative steps like camping by myself, it's on to bigger and better things. The Yucatan is calling. . . I have no more advice to offer b/c I suspect you're better at this than I am, and your post was prompted by a mood and you've already decided to make the changes. The only thing I can offer is to have faith that a relationship will come in time and you'll be glad the other ones failed. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 This is becoming very detrimental; I've been working 7-days a week for almost a year and have only had half-a-dozen dates in that year. Here it is Labor Day Weekend and I saw a poster for free Shakespeare in the park and it hit home that there was no one I could call to join me (all my friends work weekends). I have also been trawling Craigslist for sex (tried that twice in two weeks; one guy couldn't stay hard and the other got a case of hives due to a cat allergy). But the bottom line for me is that more than just sex, I really want the morning after -- someone to hang with and possibly sleep with, but also to wake up with. Seems the only action I get on the dating sites are "boys" looking for Cougars and men more than 20 years older than me. But even with the piles of work staring at me, I find myself spending hours and hours reviewing profiles, hoping to find SOMEONE to meet for coffee or a drink. The winks or emails I send out have been ignored, even after a recent re-write of my profile with help from people on this site. I am dwelling on the fact that I am alone, which I know is not a good thing. It is hitting harder this weekend than most, I guess, so here is this vent... I hereby pronounce you "normal" (but quit working so much - you are effecting your own eventual demise) Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 I hereby pronounce you "normal" (but quit working so much - you are effecting your own eventual demise) Thanks. I suppose it just hits home now and then that the guys who have approached me which seem interesting, never seem to continue after two or three emails. I express interest and even suggest coffee or a cocktail, but then there is silence. Perhaps that is the most frustrating part. Four of the most interesting in the past few weeks disappeared; I guess they found someone else, I would just like to know one way or another. It is that desperate vibe I'm putting out, probably... Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Carrie, if you're backpacking to Europe, you're bound to make friends with other travelers and get friendly with the locals. If it's a vacation, you should avoid the internet unless it's business related and try to focus on having fun in Europe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Carrie, if you're backpacking to Europe, you're bound to make friends with other travelers and get friendly with the locals. If it's a vacation, you should avoid the internet unless it's business related and try to focus on having fun in Europe. The first part of the trip (London) is business and involves the internet rather extensively (I own an Internet Service Provider). I'm not backpacking -- but staying in 4-star B&Bs, so at least over breakfast I'm bound to meet other interesting people. Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Carrie, You sound like a catch. Just relax and let things happen! I would love to go to Shakespere in the Park with you! I do a lot of things alone. I have subscriptions to two theatre companys, I see movies, I go to Powells (Portland's huge bookstore) and just browse for hours at a time, and I go hiking by myself, whatever, you name it. Sure it's more fun with someone, but I'm not waiting for a invite to live my life, you know? You sound like you have a lot going on for yourself. Have Fun in Europe! I just got back but didn't go to G.B. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I am hoping one day I can do things alone.... perhaps I will see a movie alone.... You can do things alone and that is proving you have the self esteem to do it..... Being how independent you are... you will meet that person.... without desperation..... you are so much further on your independence.... I want that!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Carrie, have you tried adultmatchmaker? I have joined for fun (don't intend to actually meet up with anyone) and got about 200 messages in the first 24 hours. Some are creepy, and most are looking for some kind of casual arrangement but there were few that claim to want a relationship, and quite a few are incredibly good looking too. If you went on CL, this might be worth a try... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarrieT Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 Carrie, have you tried adultmatchmaker? I have joined for fun (don't intend to actually meet up with anyone) and got about 200 messages in the first 24 hours. Some are creepy, and most are looking for some kind of casual arrangement but there were few that claim to want a relationship, and quite a few are incredibly good looking too. If you went on CL, this might be worth a try... I've gone the CL route and is discussed at length here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=188758 Link to post Share on other sites
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