in his 30s and no LTR's?

[ImThinkingWTF]

What do you think of a man in his early 30s that has never been in a long relationship? I'm talking all his relationships have been well under 1 year in length. Is this a sign that he would be unwilling to commit? Or maybe things just never worked out. What are your opinions on this?

[BlueHarvest]

What do you think of a man in his early 30s that has never been in a long relationship? I'm talking all his relationships have been well under 1 year in length. Is this a sign that he would be unwilling to commit? Or maybe things just never worked out. What are your opinions on this?

 

Could be a plethora of things. Your best bet is not to try to analyze it here on the boards. None of us are going to be able to tell you why he is in his 30's and hasn't had a LTR. I'm 26, my longest relationship was 9 months, and the reason it didn't last is because my ex wanted to keep the relationship open (as in date others) after 9 months....(Yea...no thanks).

 

I date selectively. I don't go to bars and hand out my number to 20 girls and have 2 call me. I build up rapport with people, and genuinely get to know them and their values. Just makes for slightly better relationships IMO.

[Ruby Slippers]

I would consider him to be a very risky prospect and probably not take an involvement with him too seriously.

[sagetalk]

I am nearly 30 and I have never been in a long term relationship (>1 year).

 

I focused on my education (masters) and career (great job) rather than spending all my time and money on girls. There were many that I was crazy about, but I knew if I let my education/career slide, it could hurt me for the rest of my life. Girlfriends demand a great deal of time and attention, and so do education and early careers. Sometimes you have to choose one or the other because many girls will not stay with you if you are constantly writing research papers, or trying to improve your career.

 

I'm now in a stable position, and feel much more confident that I can provide the life my future girlfriend/wife/children deserve.

 

Unless this guy is a womanizer, I see no problem with it.

[BlueHarvest]

I would consider him to be a very risky prospect and probably not take an involvement with him too seriously.

 

Why would you say that Ruby? So what if he's in his 30's and hasn't had a LTR. Maybe he hasn't found the right person yet. Who are you to judge he is a risky prospect? You don't even know him.

[TouchedByViolet]

We need more information about this guy. There can be many reasons for his situation.

[PJKino]

Iv never been into a relationship because im not good approaching women and most women just arent attracted to me..

[sagetalk]

I would consider him to be a very risky prospect and probably not take an involvement with him too seriously.

 

You are missing out if you think the best guys have all have had LTR. That is shockingly shallow. I never even considered that a woman would view it negatively. What if I dated a girl for two years and then cheated on her, would I be a better man?

[ImThinkingWTF]

I was mainly talking in general and wanting to know reasons or situations you guys have come across. Only he really knows his reason and I'm not comfortable asking him that yet. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 2 years he had never had a serious relationship before me. This guy now, is a college graduate, works hard, is very passionate about his hobby and of the friends I've met, he seems to keep pretty good company. Oh, and he is very attractive....I don't get a player vibe from him though. So I can only speculate. ...

 

So, what are some reasons you all have come across? I'm a ltr girl and none of my relationships have been under 2 years. But, I've also been known to stick around way after the expiration date.

[Disillusioned]

I'm a 42-yo man who has never had a LTR, but I'm prepared for nothing else (sorry, no quickies here). I haven't found the right person yet, because 1. I've seen the unhappy endings my friends got into after they got involved with partners who had too many differences with them, and 2. most of the women my age just want to be independent and party away until they get old enough to collect Social Security.

[Crazy Magnet]

There could be so many reasons. Its best to just ask him.

[D-Lish]

I would consider him to be a very risky prospect and probably not take an involvement with him too seriously.

 

Agree with Ruby.

 

I think people exhibit patterns, and although it might not necessarily define them, it can't be ignored.

 

Since the demise of my marriage I have not invested in someone for more than 3 months, and it's been 6 years... I keep telling myself I haven't met the right person, but the truth be told, I have issues.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think people exhibit patterns, and although it might not necessarily define them, it can't be ignored.

Yes.

 

Sometimes you have to choose one or the other because many girls will not stay with you if you are constantly writing research papers, or trying to improve your career.

Life offers an ever-renewing buffet of reasons not to make the commitment of time and energy to a relationship. But a relationship-oriented person who makes it a priority will find time.

 

It would be nice if people could be more open about their past, but many people are not because they might be judged harshly without a chance to explain themselves.

Facts are facts. Someone who has had longer relationships in the past is more likely to have longer relationships in the future. And someone who has NEVER had a relationship over a year long, especially by his 30s, is less likely to have a longer relationship. He's "never met the right person"? Well, don't be surprised when you're not the right person, either.

 

I keep telling myself I haven't met the right person, but the truth be told, I have issues.

Aww, this makes me want to hug you. But we all have issues.

 

I was out with friends tonight, and one said something I loved: "Everybody's a dork! Some people just work harder to hide it."

Edited April 22, 2010 by Ruby Slippers

[espec10001]

Is this a business deal or a date? Why don't you give the guy a chance?

**** what some *ahem* ladies say. Ask yourself these questions:

 

Do you enjoy being around him?

Do you feel he deserves a fair chance?

 

Give him a freakin' chance for christ sakes! Women these days man, I tell ya! Some women really have to get their heads out of you now where!

[ImThinkingWTF]

Great opinions....

 

I tend to agree with sage on this. If someone was in a relationship and for whatever reason decided it wasn't working and broke up with that person I feel like they are a much less "risky prospect" even if they have never celebrated two birthdays with the same girl....than someone who stays in a relationship they don't want to be in but emotionally checks out or worse, finds someone on the side. I think the former is a much more admirable quality.

 

But all we can do is speculate...he might be a Jerry Seinfeld and dump great women because they have freakishly large hands. I'm not going to count him out...I'm definitely interested.

[ImThinkingWTF]

The real issue is some insist on knowing your relationship history very quickly. If you don't have enough LTRs, you're out of there often before the end of the first date no matter what you have to offer. I think it's that some people value others that are in high demand.

 

What this thread shows is that it pays to be evasive.

 

 

I agree. But sometimes people don't ask and the information is given to them anyway. I for one never divulge that much information so early on unless asked...but I can't recall a time when a man wanted to know about exes that early...unless it was an online situation. I like keeping some mystery and keeping some information to myself.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I'm 29 and have never had a serious relationship. I've been looking but women in my demographic are hard to be with. Especially when they feel like you owe them something. So i perfer just sleeping with them and getting what i can get because most of these little hoochies and gold diggers are a waste of time.

 

The girls you really want to be with are already in serious relationships.

 

So i'll be single when a real woman crosses my path shows her interest in me and comes correct not on some game playing crap. Be real, that's all i ask.

[Knittress]

I would worry. And no, not because he 'wasn't high enough in demand' (though this would cross my mind). There are a lot of skills involved in making a relationship work - skills and perceptions this guy just wouldn't HAVE. I've invested too much of my life into flakey men as it is.

[MrNate]

Great opinions....

 

I tend to agree with sage on this. If someone was in a relationship and for whatever reason decided it wasn't working and broke up with that person I feel like they are a much less "risky prospect" even if they have never celebrated two birthdays with the same girl....than someone who stays in a relationship they don't want to be in but emotionally checks out or worse, finds someone on the side. I think the former is a much more admirable quality.

 

But all we can do is speculate...he might be a Jerry Seinfeld and dump great women because they have freakishly large hands. I'm not going to count him out...I'm definitely interested.

 

Cool. I think it's awesome to hear you decided to give this man a chance instead of assuming a 1000 things about him such as him being in high demand or not. You will definitely to far with that mindset.

[PJKino]

Status is improtant to women they want their Man to be in high demand..Women very much care what people on the outside think of their Men they need more validation thne just their own of the guy there with..Very insecure thing but thats females..

 

And guys get heat for being shallow and petty with things..Women seem way worse..The idea most women just want the right guy and love is a joke..They worry about such petty things at times..

 

Ive never bee in a relationship because im not very good with women, im shy and not that confident about where i stand with women but i dont think it would be lack of exeprience that would hurt me in a relationship because im a very laid back flexible person whos far from selfish and uncooperating...

 

Why would somebody whso been in numerous relationships be a better candidate to be in another relationship when he may not have those traits i listed?

 

If i ever get to courage to get a women im lying about my past because i guess its better to be a player whos scorned women then a guy who didnt get allot of women and doesnt show allot of social value or social proof with other women..

Edited April 23, 2010 by PJKino

[pandagirl]

It might make me question him a little, but at the same time I don't think it's necessarily a red flag.

 

If he seems like a good guy, treats people well, has friends, lives a nice life and seems like an all-around well-adjusted person and everything else adds up to positive things, then who knows why he hasn't been in a LTR.

 

Of course, this is coming from me, a 31 year old woman, who has never been in a LTR. For me, it's because my early 20s were a disaster and I had a lot of issues to deal with. I dated the wrong guys until my mid-20s, then I decided I needed to take a break from dating and focus on myself and making me happy, which included a lot of intense work on my career, going to therapy and, in general, trying to be happy. Of course, there were some romantic dalliances here and there, but nothing serious at all.

[Thebob]

Im 21 and never had a relationship longer than 2 months, it's happened cause I've never found that right girl. And the girls I had a connection with were just hookups and nothing more because it wasn't meant to be.

 

Thebob

[ImThinkingWTF]

Well, the reason is not because he isn't attractive or "in demand". Not that it would matter because I would still like him. We were out one night and he went to the bar to get us a couple drinks, some lady starting talking to him like she was interested. He told her, sorry but I'm here with someone. Which I understand is what he should do but my ex who also had never been in a ltr would have continued talking to the woman and then not understand why I was upset. (He was a jerk). So that and a few other things he's done makes me think he's not a player or womanizer.

 

Also, this guy lives in a city that is know for its superficial residents. He mentioned that most women there were fake or flakes.

 

I'm not viewing it as a red flag....maybe just a yellow flag, until I get to know him better. But he is calling me everyday and making future plans so I think it's a good sign and I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.

Edited April 23, 2010 by ImThinkingWTF

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well, the reason is not because he isn't attractive or "in demand". Not that it would matter because I would still like him. We were out one night and he went to the bar to get us a couple drinks, some lady starting talking to him like she was interested. He told her, sorry but I'm here with someone. Which I understand is what he should do but my ex who also had never been in a ltr would have continued talking to the woman and then not understand why I was upset. (He was a jerk). So that and a few other things he's done makes me think he's not a player or womanizer.

 

Also, this guy lives in a city that is know for its superficial residents. He mentioned that most women there were fake or flakes.

 

I'm not viewing it as a red flag....maybe just a yellow flag, until I get to know him better. But he is calling me everyday and making future plans so I think it's a good sign and I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.

 

Wow that right there is a sign of loyalty!!! men like that are not common these days, real respectful.

 

See these are the things women dont want in a man. They want the playas and guys in demand so they can brag to their girlfriends. Look what i caught, blah blah , blah. it's ridiculous it's like i got a shiny toy everyone wants but i only can have. C'mon grow the F- up.

[BobSacamento]

LTRs only bring one thing - baggage.

 

The last thing I want to know is hown many LTRs my partner has had.