binny Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 There are a few recent topics regarding people who "fail to launch".. I am actually curious as to whether the opposite is also a turn off. If a woman is able to pay off a mortgage, car, bills, 50/50 in relationships etc (I think sum it up quite nicely!) is this a turn off for men? I was having this debate with a friend of mine a while back, and he was of the opinion that it's a turn off if a woman is too independent. He said that most men like to feel like they are needed. So I'm just curious gents, what's your opinion? Ladies, would you consider yourself independent? Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 If I was an independent guy I'd have no problem dating an independent woman. Right now I'd avoid an independent woman since I'm a "failure to launch" guy and I'd be too embarrassed. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatDudeXO Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm all for 50/50 and women being independent but some women lose too much for their feminine tendencies trying to be too independent and professional that it makes them less attractive, IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 independent to me means opinionated bitch. I want a woman to want me for how I treat her & my skills in the bedroom. Not my wallet. If a woman makes more than me it wouldn't bother me at all. It just means she doesn't need a man to support her so all she needs a man for is the stuff I mentioned above. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turt Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Why would it be a turn off? If she needs to rely on someone else to survive, how will she get by without someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm independent. I'm single, pay my own bills, make a decent income, etc. There's a difference between being independent and being unsupportive. In a relationship, I'm generally a supportive partner. I also expect my partner to be supportive of me. Perhaps that last bit is where a man gets to feel needed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 No idea about the other thread. Independent means? I like a woman who is opens herself up to be emotionally vulnerable and wants to give 100% of herself. She acknowledges that she needs the right guy who can make her feel complete. It's a real turn off when a women is out fishing for a guy but then claims not 'to need' one. It's usually phrased as 'I'm happy but..." Sort of a take it or leave it attitude. Sorry, as a guy I'll definitelty leave it. As far as independent financially, career wise, etc...I don't care one way or the other. My girl is a fellow professional and I love her dearly but no more than if she was a waitress or cashier. Bottom line. If a woman doesn't need me with her heart and soul then she's not for me. So many "I don't need a man" profiles on match. But for someone who doesn't need a man they sure as hell know what their looking for in the "her date" section. LOL! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 It's a real turn off when a women is out fishing for a guy but then claims not 'to need' one. It's usually phrased as 'I'm happy but..." Sort of a take it or leave it attitude. Sorry, as a guy I'll definitelty leave it. Many women operate under the delusion that men are commitmentphobes. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I think a lot of women who say they don't "need" a man mean it in the sense that they aren't broke or a mess in some other way. They aren't looking for a man to support them or to "save" them from their lives. However, they want and need a man in their lives for love, fun, support, and sexy times. I would think a man would be flattered to be wanted for his wonderfulness rather than merely needed for his wallet or for social standing. In fact, I'm surprised more men don't seek out women who don't "need" a man - I would expect a man would rather be sure that his girl is into him because of him, not just because of what he can offer financially or what she needs him to do for her. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 It would not be a turn off if she didn't go on and on about how she doesn't need a man. The reason this attitude turns men off is because some women say it in a very misandist and male bashing kind of way. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I was having this debate with a friend of mine a while back, and he was of the opinion that it's a turn off if a woman is too independent. He said that most men like to feel like they are needed. There's a balance. It's always been hard for me to pinpoint it exactly. But my mother had it down to a fine art. Dad was always #1 on her priority list, and she always made sure he felt like the king of the castle. But she also maintained a bit of ... emotional independence? closest I can come to describing it. And it kept my dad enthralled for 54 years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Old Flame Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'd never consider being with a non-independant woman. Needy sluts bore me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I need men, not for money but for the sex. I'm not very emotionally needy either. Best thing a guy can offer me is great sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 So I'm just curious gents, what's your opinion? Ladies, would you consider yourself independent? You must be a girl to ask this question. Of course they are not turned off by an independent woman. That is a man's dream. A woman that works and pays hopefully for half of all the expenses. In my case, I want to never work a day in my life and I want a man to support me. That is my dream in life. And to find love. Good thing that I converted to Islam where: The husband has to meet his legal responsibility to provide full maintenance of the wife; in turn, the wife should ensure that the duties as wife and mother are performed to the best of her abilities. So maybe that way I will get lucky. I'll just have to make myself more attractive and maybe a Muslim man will be interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Well, I find it to be a problem when I tell guys I run my own start-up business that is doing well. Even if they were all flirty before, they usually get weird when I reveal this, and almost always make some comment about how it'll be hard to keep up with/impress me. It's so disappointing. The only guys who don't seem bothered by it are sexy alpha types -- but I can't imagine something with one of them would last. They probably aren't bothered because they know it would only be short-lived fun. I'm considering saying something less impressive about what I do, giving them a watered-down version of the truth, so it doesn't scare guys off. But I think it would suck to have to pretend like that, so I haven't done it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
txalpiner Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Mmmm mmm mmm... wouldn't date anything but independent women! They are the ultimate prize for any man with self confidence. Whether it be everyday life, or in the bedroom, strong independent women with minds of their own are truly golden! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
insertnamehere Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 When I encounter one of these bill-splitters, I will then attempt to form an opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I've had crushes on girls who lived with their parents and crushes on girls who have their own place and make way more than I do. The only thing I wouldn't really like is not picking her up and taking her back to her place. It's always been something I've enjoyed doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 It depends on the definition of independent women. Someone who splits the bills and responsibilities is actually the type of woman I look for. However, the warped SATC independent woman who says things like 'my money is my money and his money is our money' are the kinds I hate. These are the kind of women who will spend money on $500 shoes without consulting me because it isher money and she can do that she wants without ever consulting me. I am looking for a partner and an equal and those type of women are not it. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I think a lot of women who say they don't "need" a man mean it in the sense that they aren't broke or a mess in some other way. They aren't looking for a man to support them or to "save" them from their lives. However, they want and need a man in their lives for love, fun, support, and sexy times. I would think a man would be flattered to be wanted for his wonderfulness rather than merely needed for his wallet or for social standing. In fact, I'm surprised more men don't seek out women who don't "need" a man - I would expect a man would rather be sure that his girl is into him because of him, not just because of what he can offer financially or what she needs him to do for her. On the money as always. A lot of men are insecure however when it comes to being judged purely on their personality rather than their wallet - as you know It's much harder when someone is rejected for who they are rather than for how much they earn. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm considering saying something less impressive about what I do, giving them a watered-down version of the truth, so it doesn't scare guys off. But I think it would suck to have to pretend like that, so I haven't done it yet. Same here but then I think I'm not being true to myself and besides, I want a man who appreciates my qualities. You can't keep walking on eggshells around someone for fear of bringing out their insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 However, the warped SATC independent woman who says things like 'my money is my money and his money is our money' are the kinds I hate. These are the kind of women who will spend money on $500 shoes without consulting me because it isher money and she can do that she wants without ever consulting me. I am looking for a partner and an equal and those type of women are not it. If it's her money why the hell would you have to say anything on how much money she spends on a pair of shoes??? She earned that money so she decides what she spends it on! Would you want your woman to tell you that you can't buy that fancy i-phone or nice car with your money? I have a very good salary and there is no hair on my hair that thinks about ever having a joint bank account with my partner. I am willing to take the risk that my heart gets broken, but not my bank account! Of course, if me and my partner decide on a shared project like buying a house, the bulk of my money will go to that. With everything on paper of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 If it's her money why the hell would you have to say anything on how much money she spends on a pair of shoes??? She earned that money so she decides what she spends it on! Would you want your woman to tell you that you can't buy that fancy i-phone or nice car with your money? I have a very good salary and there is no hair on my hair that thinks about ever having a joint bank account with my partner. I am willing to take the risk that my heart gets broken, but not my bank account! Of course, if me and my partner decide on a shared project like buying a house, the bulk of my money will go to that. With everything on paper of course. Did you read the first part? She feels that the money he earns is for the both of them and the money she earns is strictly for her. It would be okay for her to spend her money on overpriced clothes but let him buy a nice car and he gets called selfish. That is what he is talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 When I met my H, I was more educated than him and also made more money than him, which he first found very problematic. It wasn't so much that he felt the need to have the 'upper hand', it was more that in his culture it was just very unusual to have it the 'other' way around and he was worried that he wouldn't be 'good enough'. We spoke a lot about it and eventually his fears about it went away. I have always been very independent in that I've pursued my own ambitions and goals, travelled the world on my own, etc., and I haven't 'waited around for a man' to start my life or support me. But the whole point of being in a relationship (for me, anyway) is to have a partnership where you mutually support each other and explore life and grow together. So to me it's not about 'needing a man' or not, it's about wanting to have that kind of partnership and someone to go through life with. I'm sure I could live my life relatively happily alone. I'm never bored, I have lots of friends, and I always have lots of different projects I'm working on. But being in a relationship gives you something that you can't access through other means, and in that sense it's special. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Well, I find it to be a problem when I tell guys I run my own start-up business that is doing well. Even if they were all flirty before, they usually get weird when I reveal this, and almost always make some comment about how it'll be hard to keep up with/impress me. It's so disappointing. The only guys who don't seem bothered by it are sexy alpha types -- but I can't imagine something with one of them would last. They probably aren't bothered because they know it would only be short-lived fun. I'm considering saying something less impressive about what I do, giving them a watered-down version of the truth, so it doesn't scare guys off. But I think it would suck to have to pretend like that, so I haven't done it yet. i'm financially fooked from my divorce & probably won't recover for yrs. I can pay my bills & take care of my kids, afford my house but going out to dinner every week just won't happen with me. Most women i've met that do well are used to a lifestyle I can't keep up with even if we were splitting the check & aren't interested in me because of that. But I wouldn't be intimidated by one if she really wanted to date. Link to post Share on other sites
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