thezappa Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Hi all, I have been in love with this man for over 8 months and finally last night after weighing up the pro's and con's of why I should not let him know I decided to do it! Well as the title says, he rejected me. I am absolutely devastated because I really didn't think he would reject me, I waited until I was sure he liked me as more than a friend. He has been flirting with me non stop, all our friends thought he liked me but no I am the girl that is, "Really Hot with an amazing personality but not relationship material". I get this a lot, they say I have everything going for me but i am not for them? I am sick of it! Worst is, he is there flirting with me after rejecting me, I have even met some of his family. I don't know how to become the relationship material type and stop being just the hot girl with a good personality? Which obviously just isn't enough for a lot of people. I feel so deflated right now. 1
sid3 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Did he say why he feels you're not relationship material? What gives? Could it be because aside from your great personality you are just too hot?
Author thezappa Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 Did he say why he feels you're not relationship material? What gives? Could it be because aside from your great personality you are just too hot? He wouldn't tell me why which was frustrating seeing as I just told him I like him as more than a friend. He just started talking about some other girl who is relationship material that he likes, which hurt even more. All he said was that I am really really hot but he doesn't see me as anything more. Basically I am the girl that all the guys try to get with but that is it, no relationship.
Kamille Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I'm sorry this happened. I wouldn't take his words as gospel though. No one elected him general speaker of humanity. He doesn't consider you two to be compatible enough to have a relationship. This isn't the same as ascertaining that you're not relationship material for anyone. Since this is a comment you keep getting, a little introspection might be good. Is there anything you can identify in your own habits that might hinder men from taking you seriously? Do you seek a lot of attention from men? Do you struggle to communicate your needs? Do you party a lot? Do you have your own life going on (career-wise)? 1
truth_seeker Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 All he said was that I am really really hot but he doesn't see me as anything more. Basically I am the girl that all the guys try to get with but that is it, no relationship. What he is telling you is that he is very insecure. He is afraid that if you two are in a relationship other men will hit on you and he won't be able to handle that. He rather be in a relationship with a woman not all men will desire. 4
truth_seeker Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Since this is a comment you keep getting, a little introspection might be good. Is there anything you can identify in your own habits that might hinder men from taking you seriously? Do you seek a lot of attention from men? Do you struggle to communicate your needs? Do you party a lot? Do you have your own life going on (career-wise)? Good points.
Author thezappa Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 I'm sorry this happened. I wouldn't take his words as gospel though. No one elected him general speaker of humanity. He doesn't consider you two to be compatible enough to have a relationship. This isn't the same as ascertaining that you're not relationship material for anyone. Since this is a comment you keep getting, a little introspection might be good. Is there anything you can identify in your own habits that might hinder men from taking you seriously? Do you seek a lot of attention from men? Do you struggle to communicate your needs? Do you party a lot? Do you have your own life going on (career-wise)? I know he doesn't speak for everyone but this does keep happening to me and I am unsure of how to deal with it. I am not at all cocky about how I look, I do get a lot of attention of men but it's not the attention I want. I have done this before and do look at myself and want to be a good person, I grew up very fast as a child due to having too mature at a young age. I honestly can't say why they can't see me as anything more. I have had relationships, a two year and one year both ended on good terms. I have been single now for over a year and half because I don't get into relationships for the sake of it. I never seek attention from men because I don't need to. I don't party a lot, I go out once or twice every month because I don't have the money to spend on nights out. If I am out I don't drink a lot but I do have fun. I just finished a four year honours bachelors degree in science so I do have a career or the start of one. I may have problems communicating my needs though only because stuff like what happened last night usually happens. I just feel so alone, I really really liked this man.
Alexanda Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I'm really sorry to hear that. That guy sounds like a total dbag. Every guy has their requirements for what make a woman relationship material. All I can say is just be yourself and the right guy will come along eventually. 1
Imported Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) I am not saying this is the case. It could be completely off the mark. For me, a really hot girl with a nice personality that I don't consider "relationship material" is because I think she's a slut. Do you flirt with a lot of guys besides him? Have you tried to make him jealous thinking that will spark some kinda interest from him? Are you constantly around a bunch of dudes? Do you talk overtly about sex (talking to just the one guy is one thing...talking about it around a bunch of guys and that guy is something else......a slut in the bedroom and an angel in public is desirable......a slut in the bedroom and a slut around friends is just a slut and is to be avoided)? And a girl like this, I am not going to tell her what I actually think. I will just tell her something like "we are not compatible". Edited May 26, 2012 by Imported
Author thezappa Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) I am not saying this is the case. It could be completely off the mark. For me, a really hot girl with a nice personality that I don't consider "relationship material" is because I think she's a slut. Do you flirt with a lot of guys besides him? Have you tried to make him jealous thinking that will spark some kinda interest from him? Are you constantly around a bunch of dudes? Do you talk overtly about sex (talking to just the one guy is one thing...talking about it around a bunch of guys and that guy is something else......a slut in the bedroom and an angel in public is desirable......a slut in the bedroom and a slut around friends is just a slut and is to be avoided)? I see your point but no I am not a slut, I don't get with men unless I like them and that doesn't happen too often. I have never tried to make him jealous by flirting with other men I have never kissed or anything with a man in front or around him. I am a bad flirt anyway. I do have a lot of male friends though because I get along with men really well but I don't flirt with them. I have kissed(just kissed) two men in the past 9 months or so. That was only because I thought they were leading to somewhere relationship wise, which was not the case. He never said we were not compatible just that he likes our friendship. He even asked to meet up to play songs together and bring me to an acoustic night far away in another state. All of this after I told him I liked him and he shot me down. Edited May 26, 2012 by thezappa
Author thezappa Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 its cause hes a jerk. your in love with a jerk. why do girls always love the jerks. if he was a nice guy you would have sent him packing. stop picking jerks every time. No I never saw him as a jerk, he is a friend for about a year now. He is considered a nice guy! Not all girls only go for jerks! do u wear mini dresses all the time and take a lot of attention? (men dont like pros***tude looking women) u drink a lot? do u put alot of make up on ur face? u dated many guys before or had one nites stands and shared these issues wth that guy?? some guys -lets say many guys dont want to date or marry these type of women they see these women as "hot chicks" to be taken out for drinks only -but later on they marry more serious looking women . thats all i know about men no matter where thyre from men always dream about a -lady- looking woman. not a b***ch looking woman as a WIFEY No I am not a slut, I wear classy clothes that cover me up. I don't do one night stands and I hardly go out because I don't have the money for that. I do not drink a lot and I do not wear any make up.
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I do have a lot of male friends though because I get along with men really well but I don't flirt with them. You really need to stop having dozens of guy friends. It really is a turn-off to men. Also a lot of women can be attractive but not relationship material. I'd say Kim K is attractive but not relationship material. I'd say Demi Moore and Kim Catrall are attractive but, from what I've read about their personalities, they are not relationship material. Hope this helps. 1
Imported Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 You really need to stop having dozens of guy friends. It really is a turn-off to men. . I was just gonna let that slide and not turn this in to a "guy friend" debate, but I agree completely. Some guys might not have a problem with it, but I think many guys will have a problem with it. In the early stages if it looks like it, smells like it and acts like it, than that is what it is .... even if it's not. Sometimes perception is reality enough even when it's wrong. Because sometimes perception is all we got to go by to make a judgement call.
udolipixie Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 It may have been insecurity that you'd upgrade for a better guy. It may have been associating hot with sex/short term rather than long term as he dumped you then flirted with you implying a message of what he finds you suitable for. It may have been that you have a great personality but he found you incompatible. It may have been because you have guy friends and as you're hot he thought they were not friends but waiting to get in your pants or already got in your pants. It's a sense of looking like a chump for dating a gal that others had sex with the mindset tends to be 'he got sex & I got to pay'. As for how to become the relationship material gal that depends on the guy though in my experiences many attractive gals have to essentially become placating subservient adoring worshipper not doing anything to that may hurt a guy's ego or pride in the slightest- tailor their dressing, never be friendly to other guys, and drop all male friends. 1
phineas Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 You really need to stop having dozens of guy friends. It really is a turn-off to men. Also a lot of women can be attractive but not relationship material. I'd say Kim K is attractive but not relationship material. I'd say Demi Moore and Kim Catrall are attractive but, from what I've read about their personalities, they are not relationship material. Hope this helps. I was just gonna let that slide and not turn this in to a "guy friend" debate, but I agree completely. Some guys might not have a problem with it, but I think many guys will have a problem with it. In the early stages if it looks like it, smells like it and acts like it, than that is what it is .... even if it's not. Sometimes perception is reality enough even when it's wrong. Because sometimes perception is all we got to go by to make a judgement call. I picked up on that line also. Knowing you are "hot" and being a guy I can say your guy friends want to sleep with you. Hell, the guy who said you weren't relationship material would probably sleep with you if it was no strings attached. A hot woman with a a lot of guy friends she hangs out with is a red flag to me & I won't get serious with a woman like that. Even if I were to somehow know she wasn't sleeping with these guys 100% I know for a fact they will still interfere with our relationship because THEY are holding a torch for her, consider me the enemy & try to compete with me & show me up in some way & the whole things is just rather childish and plain old damn annoying. I just have better ways to spend my time.
FitChick Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 If you have lots of men friends, ask them why men keep telling you this. Then start dating outside of your social group.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Hey OP, is this the guy that is 10 years older than you that was in your class? Or is the guy you have a crush on much older than you? Because youre 23, and I know from experience that I couldnt be in a relationship with someone that is 23, its just too young. If your guy is older, this might be what he is thinking. But on the other hand, if he couldnt tell you why he doesnt see you as relationship material, he is hiding the real reason, and maybe that was an excuse and not the truth. 1
lospantalonsfancie Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Some of the other posters have a point regarding your male friends. If you are as hot as you claim to be, then you should be aware that all your male friends, unless they are gay, fantasize about sleeping with you. Regardless of how they act around you, you can bet they are all secretly plotting to take off your panties, and sit at home for hours on end hatching secret plans to make that happen. Being a guy, the gentleman you were after knows this all too well, even though you may not be very aware of it. The idea that a relationship with you must withstand this endless and continuous barrage of competition is unsettling, as every relationship will have ups and downs. Its hard to blame a guy for choosing not to go down that route.
firehawk1 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 to the OP: DEAL WITH IT! look at how many guys you reject in the wierdest and most horrible way and get away with it. 1
joystickd Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 You have orbiters. Let's say it like this woman + orbiters = drama. It's not an insecurity thing but any man would have a red flag with a woman that has a lot of guy friends. 1. they are suckers so she prefers a sucker or 2. wants a strong man but will give him sh*t all the time 3. orbiters get jealous and create headache for a guy. I say you already got surrogate boyfriends all you are looking for now is just some d**k.
joystickd Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 If you have lots of men friends, ask them why men keep telling you this. Then start dating outside of your social group. asking the problem what the problem is lol. The male friends are the problem
thatoneguy1988 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 if i said this to a girl and honestly thought she was hott and had a nice personality it would be because i thought she had been with to many men and therefore was not relationship material.
Brit Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Giving you a cherry to top the rejection, was his way of thinking you would take his rejection and not subject him to in depth reasoning of his disinterest. You may not be his type. No worries, I was out right rejected once, and was not really given a reason, but all in all, I just had to suck it up as we were not compatible and he was not interested, no blanks inbetween. Being hot means nothing, I am told all day I am hot, I am not, I am this, I am that, and I never ask for these opinions, but am subjected to others always in my business or making false assumptions.....there is no answer to your question that will lead to your happiness. I believe being unique, interesting and nice looking can have more downfalls, then simply blending in. I look around and see good looking men with women with huge butts, and fatty rolls, and wonder why these women are not subjected as harshly as women who do not have fat rolls. I believe the better looking you are, the harsher you are critiqued, your imperfections are magnified to deafing degrees. I would love to know the answer to this. But, then again, we could all be living in a Matrix, and the wires are all crossed, thus we are not really hot, and this and life is all in our imaginations:) 1
phineas Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 You have orbiters. Let's say it like this woman + orbiters = drama. It's not an insecurity thing but any man would have a red flag with a woman that has a lot of guy friends. 1. they are suckers so she prefers a sucker or 2. wants a strong man but will give him sh*t all the time 3. orbiters get jealous and create headache for a guy. I say you already got surrogate boyfriends all you are looking for now is just some d**k. At least op's guy was stand-up about it. Just about every woman I know with orbiters at my age is still single. The guys she gets with are "alpha" enough & put up with her crap long enough to get what they want then bail when she wants more of a commitment. Then she dumps on the poor orbiters who now think it's their turn at her.
Recommended Posts