luvhim Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year and a half. He is an incredibly conservative but he's also a cool guy and we get along great. Early on in our dating we decided to be exclusive. We even had the talk about past partners and I was truthful about what I told him. I also believe that he was truthful about what he told me. I was really glad that we were both "mid range." I've met a couple of his exes and he even met my last boyfriend. My boyfriend is in the marketing field so his business life revolves around ads and advertising. We celebrated his big 30th birthday yesterday with lots of his friends. Everybody brought gifts. Lots of laughing and drinking so he didn't get a chance to open all his presents. He did so this morning before leaving for work. He showed me what a bunch of his work pals got him - a big hardcover book of glamor photography in risqué advertizing. He leafed through it and jokingly said I should take a look. I was off work today so I got a chance to look through the book. I was shocked to find some photos of me in there! They were shots that I did two years ago for my ex who happens to be a photographer. There are only five pages of me in a book of about 200 pages, but the photos are revealing. They are Playboy style in setting but I'm nude and everything is on display. I'm pretty sure he didn't see them this morning when he quickly flipped through the book. I just know he is NOT going to react well to this when he does see them. (In the past, he's jokingly tried to take racy pics of me with his cell but I wouldn't let him.) I'm not sure how to handle this. He may never see them if he doesn't actually go through page by page so I'm thinking about not saying anything unless he does. I'm also not sure if his buddies who got him the book saw them before giving it to him as a gift. And if they did, what if they tell him? My boyfriend and I have been nurturing a great relationship that I want to take forward. I think if he found out about this our relationship would be jeopardized. What's the right (smart?) thing to do now? Edited January 27, 2013 by luvhim 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Steal that book before he finds the photos. If you can somehow take them out do that and replace it. If not, just throw it out and tell him he misplaced it. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 I'm also not sure if his buddies who got him the book saw them before giving it to him as a gift. And if they did, what if they tell him? The question that comes to my mind is did they buy him the book because they knew it had pictures of you in it? You need to be straight with your boyfriend asap rather than wait for him to question you (or even worse for him not to say anything) 7 Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 I'm a bit worried his friends may actually know you were there... If not, then that's a hell of a coincidence! If you do make the book disappear, his friends may tell him themselves and then he'll know you took it (assuming of course the friends know). By the way, if he tried to take racy pics of you before I doubt he's that conservative. What do you mean by that?? That's a very tricky situation, maybe you should discuss how you came about to have those pics taken without mentioning you are in the book just yet. Say something like "oh... these photos in the book remind me of one time when...) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SensitiveTJ Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 I would say with almost 100% his friends knew it was you in the book. They may have gotten it for him to let him know you had done some nude photography in the past. Obviously if you suspect your bf might have an issue with it, they would most likely know that as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvhim Posted January 27, 2013 Author Share Posted January 27, 2013 I don't think I should just throw out the book. How would I explain that? I did think of maybe carefully cutting out the pages that I'm in, but what if his friends know about my photos? I think that would look worse. Anyway what I think would add to Jim's (obviously I changed his name) not feeling so good is that like I said before, he's tied to snap a few nudes of me in the past and I didn't let him. Uggg!! Can't believe this! Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 So these are...modeling shots? I mean presumably you signed a release for them, since they have since been published. So, in discussions about your past, you didn't reveal that you did a nude photo shoot and the photos could potentially be used/sold ? I think you need to fess up and be honest to him. Before he sees them himself. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 So these are...modeling shots? I mean presumably you signed a release for them, since they have since been published. So, in discussions about your past, you didn't reveal that you did a nude photo shoot and the photos could potentially be used/sold ? I think you need to fess up and be honest to him. Before he sees them himself.This. Fifty times this. Fess up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvhim Posted January 27, 2013 Author Share Posted January 27, 2013 Veggirl asked if these were model shots? Yeah they were...sort of. I did them for my photographer ex boyfriend and I did sign a release. At the time I thought it was sexy and we had a "fun time" doing them. I know my current guy is NOT going to see it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 What is your boyfriend going to be pissed about? That you let your ex take photos but haven't let him? Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 "I'm not that kind of girl". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvhim Posted January 27, 2013 Author Share Posted January 27, 2013 To Veggirl again: Well, my guy is conservative so I've "presented myself" as conservative as well when it comes to sex and stuff. And I kinda fibbed on that one. So now he'll see that I wasn't AND it'll be worse cause I didn't let him snap a couple on his cell phone. Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Thought so... Now you're in it deep. Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Veggirl asked if these were model shots? Yeah they were...sort of. I did them for my photographer ex boyfriend and I did sign a release. At the time I thought it was sexy and we had a "fun time" doing them. I know my current guy is NOT going to see it that way. Then he is not the right guy for you if he can't get over this. I don't think you should lie to him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 I wouldn't even consider that. His friends buying him that book is not a coincidence. Either you tell him or they will. But let's assume for a moment that it is just a coincidence and you do manage to misplace the book. Then what? You live this lie for ever? How do you know he wont be turned in by it? He may be peeved that you didn't let him takes pics but there is an easy way to solve that. LOL. I just realized this sounds like the plot of some sitcom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Hmmm....how conservative can he be when he wanted to take pics of you on his phone? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Geez. You "kinda fibbed" about having an ex who is a photographer take photos of you...that you signed a release for....it never crossed your mind that those could get out at some point? you have no choice but to confess and I guess beg for forgiveness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvhim Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 To mesmerixed: No, he IS the right guy for me. I've dated enough jerks to know when a good sincere guy came along. I just have to smooth things out with him before this becoems a major problem. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Whoooooowh! Prepare to consider him your soon-to-be 'ex'. Holy cow.... "Oh what a tangled web we weave When first we practise to deceive"...... Face it: There is no easy way out of this. You merely hold the book and tell him what's in it, and why. And then shut up , listen and see what his reaction is. That's your choice. Well, the best one. Others, involving concealment and deceit, are less favourable choices. But choices nevertheless. Up to you which route you take, but you really don't want to keep digging the hole, and piling crap on crap. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) I would bet a months salary that the friends knew. I'd bet a weeks salary that the friends already told the boyfriend and this is a test, because what friend informs another friend by dropping a bomb in this manner? What will you do. Is the question. Strange how it worked out where he didn't open that present in front of everybody, but rather the next day right before work and than leaves it for you to check out. Just remember he didn't shut the door on you. Edited January 28, 2013 by Imported 2 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 What is your boyfriend going to be pissed about? That you let your ex take photos but haven't let him? As a man I can say this right here is going to be the biggest problem. The fact the pictures exist & are in print is nothing compared to pretending you "arn't that type of girl" When you are & were with other ex's. He's going to think you just arn't attracted to him enough to do that stuff with him. He will feel like 2nd best & i'm not even sure there is anything you can do to fix that other than getting your freak on squared to show him how much he does turn you on. This is how i've felt when I found out women I dated were complete prudes with me but total freaks with past guys. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I would bet a months salary that the friends knew. I'd bet a weeks salary that the friends already told the boyfriend and this is a test, because what friend informs another friend by dropping a bomb in this manner? What will you do. Is the question. Strange how it worked out where he didn't open that present in front of everybody, but rather the next day right before work and than leaves it for you to check out. Just remember he didn't shut the door on you. No, I'm inclined to think that they've given him the book, but in a "we're doing this for your own good" kind of way, they have probably either resisted giving him the complete reason behind it and not said anything , or have maybe dropped an innocent hint about how much they hope he will like it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Well, these photos are in a book of racy photos of women that's he looking at. So he's not being any more "conservative" than you've made yourself out to be. Did you really sign a release and consent to these photos of you being published, though? I hope you've learned a lesson from this and don't make that amateur mistake again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 What is the name of the book? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Later82012 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 As a man I can say this right here is going to be the biggest problem. The fact the pictures exist & are in print is nothing compared to pretending you "arn't that type of girl" When you are & were with other ex's. He's going to think you just arn't attracted to him enough to do that stuff with him. He will feel like 2nd best & i'm not even sure there is anything you can do to fix that other than getting your freak on squared to show him how much he does turn you on. This is how i've felt when I found out women I dated were complete prudes with me but total freaks with past guys. I agree with this 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
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