Too much OLD?

[CryForNoOne]

As some probably already know I've been going nuts on OLD -like 6 or 7 dates in three weeks. Last night it kinda blew up in my face. On Wednesday, I had a date which went OK. We had great chemistry online/texting but not quite the same F2F. Nonetheless it was a nice time and we agreed to a second date.

 

Last night I had a new date. Being Friday it was packed and there was only one spot at the bar. Low and behold, who is sitting there just to the right of us? My date from Wednesday night on another date. Both of us multi-daters BUSTED!!! It seemed the only thing to do was to say hi and break any awkwardness that might have ensued. Frankly I thought the situation was hilarious as I have no emotional investment with her. Anyway, it's my new date's first online meetup and she's visibly nervous. Not sure if it was a good idea but I told her I had just gone on a date Wednesday with the girl to the right of us. We laughed about it and it broke the ice and she really warmed up after that. There was another couple to the left of us, whom we recognized so we said hi. I told her I had met the girl before, I think just carousing or bar hopping, and she said the guy dated her sister briefly. I noticed my date was wearing a ton of jewelry, commented on it, and used it as an opportunity to make hand contact. Next we talked about her failed attempt at guitar and I showed her my calluses from playing. She said I have really soft hands. There was already WAY more touching than any other OKC first date. I invite her to a friend's gig right down the street and she enthusiastically accepts just saying she HAS to be home by midnight. I say no problem and I grab her hand and we walk out together. We walk a couple blocks holding hands - felt totally natural like we were already BF/GF. Lots of hand holding the rest of the night. A couple of times in the evening she clenches a little tighter, which to me is a clear signal she likes it.

 

My band also plays at this bar so I know EVERYBODY there - that's kinda important in this story. Time really flew by after that as we watched the band. It was loud so we hardly talked. I stood behind her most of the night with my arms wrapped around her. Lots of touching her waist, arms, shoulders. All very suggestive but very respectful. Around 1145 she says she needs to leave soon, but takes a swig of my beer. I tell her I'll buy one more if we share and she accepts. At midnight she says she's supposed to be home already but it's not hard to convince her to stay a little longer after each song. We left at 1230. I walked her to her car, holding hands the entire way. Along the way I bump into someone I know - she says "God do you know EVERYBODY..." I said hey I'm in a band that plays around here every week... Against the consensus of women on the "OLD first kiss thread", I gesture for a kiss based on all the prior touching. I can tell she is not receptive so I back off without any real awkwardness. She tells me "We need to save something for the next date". OK.

 

So now today - two problems. How to deal with the Wednesday night date? Laugh about it? Cancel the date? Ignore it?

 

Then there is my new romantic interest. I really like her - moreso than any of the other dates. I text her this morning with simple honesty "It was great to meet you. I really like you and want to see you again very soon." She replies "Is that what you tell all the girls? :)" I reply "No. Only if I really like someone." No reply from her in the past couple hours.

 

I'm feeling now that sharing that story, and running into people I knew all night has cast me in a negative light. I just went on a date with the girl to our right, I met the girl to our left bar hopping. The lead singer of the band we saw is a female friend. Then I randomly bump into a guy I know on the short walk back to the car. Now she probably thinks I touch every girl the way I did with her. And that I go for the kiss on every first date. But it's not true. She's a really sweet girl but now she totally thinks I'm a player. Not sure if there is a way to talk my way out of this. I mean perhaps I'm a Zebra and can't change my stripes. I surround myself with lots of women, and actually don't sleep around but it's becoming obvious I give off that vibe every time I meet a girl I really like.

Edited April 6, 2013 by CryForNoOne

[Gottabestrong]

Wow. I guess that's the reason I don't like to get physical with numerous guys while in the early dating stages.

 

You said you were holding hands with the new girl at the bar already while your date from Wednesday was sitting two chairs over? Well, if I was her I would have no interest in seeing you again. Who knows, maybe one of the other girls you are dating was also out that night and saw you holding hands and cuddling with the new girl. If I saw you wrapping your arms around another girl, I would not want to see you again.

 

About the new girl, I'd understand if she felt you were a player. Maybe it's a guy thing, but I can't imagine holding hands, touching, letting a guy hug me, etc. and then two days later doing the same thing with another guy. But she might be thinking that is exactly what you are doing. To me that thought would be a huge turn off. I think all those things are special and have meaning. I don't act like that with any guy I am on a first date with, unless I really like him. But then I would want him to like me back and not act the same way with other women.

 

I don't know her though, so she might be totally okay with you acting that way, as I know some women are okay with kissing multiple guys. I guess it all depends on her views on multidating and 'physical exclusiveness'.

 

My advice to you would be to not get so touchy-feely with every woman you date, if you don't want to come across as a player.

 

To answer your specific questions:

 

1) About the girl from Wednesday, I would suggest you text/call her and ask her if she is still on for the next date.

 

2) About the girl from Friday, if she is not getting back to you, but you really like her, I would call/text her and say that you don't act the way you did with her on all your dates, but you really felt a connection and would love to see her again.

 

Good luck!

[CryForNoOne]

Wow. I guess that's the reason I don't like to get physical with numerous guys while in the early dating stages.

 

You said you were holding hands with the new girl at the bar already while your date from Wednesday was sitting two chairs over? Well, if I was her I would have no interest in seeing you again. Who knows, maybe one of the other girls you are dating was also out that night and saw you holding hands and cuddling with the new girl. If I saw you wrapping your arms around another girl, I would not want to see you again.

 

For sure. I mean I would feel the same way. I didn't actually even think about what she may or may not have seen. My back was turned to her, thankfully, so it was easy to forget about her. My attention was solely focused on my date. But now I'm realizing, that her date was between us but she was facing me. If she looked over at all she must have seen us touching. I think I'm going to let her text/call me and most likely cancel. I'm really not feeling it.

 

 

About the new girl, I'd understand if she felt you were a player. Maybe it's a guy thing, but I can't imagine holding hands, touching, letting a guy hug me, etc. and then two days later doing the same thing with another guy. But she might be thinking that is exactly what you are doing. To me that thought would be a huge turn off. I think all those things are special and have meaning. I don't act like that with any guy I am on a first date with, unless I really like him. But then I would want him to like me back and not act the same way with other women.

 

To be clear that's exactly how I feel. For instance there was virtually no touching on my Wednesday date. I don't try to force something that was not there. Last night we had WAY WAY more touching than any first date in a while.

 

I don't know her though, so she might be totally okay with you acting that way, as I know some women are okay with kissing multiple guys. I guess it all depends on her views on multidating and 'physical exclusiveness'.

 

My advice to you would be to not get so touchy-feely with every woman you date, if you don't want to come across as a player.

 

To answer your specific questions:

 

1) About the girl from Wednesday, I would suggest you text/call her and ask her if she is still on for the next date.

 

2) About the girl from Friday, if she is not getting back to you, but you really like her, I would call/text her and say that you don't act the way you did with her on all your dates, but you really felt a connection and would love to see her again.

 

Good luck!

She seems like a really sweet girl. She was very apprehensive about meeting. We texted for a bit. Then we talked on the phone for about an hour last night. She was definitely doing some screening and background checking. I past with flying colors though. Then when we first met she was nervous and I could tell. I thought it was really cute.

 

I fairly certain she's not comfortable kissing multiple guys as she wouldn't even kiss ME!

 

Yes I think my next move is to call her and tell her that I don't normally touch as much as we did on the first date but I really DID feel a connection.

[outsidethebox]

IMO you should respectfully cancel Wednesday's second date, even if she hadn't seen this date. Everything is working out very well for you and there's nothing to second guess about it. I wouldn't cast a shadow on anything you did on that great first date with her.

 

If this doesn't stay just as strong and promising as it seems then resume your very well done dating search.

Edited April 6, 2013 by outsidethebox

[FitChick]

I would feel more comfortable dating a guy whom everyone seems to know and like. It shows you aren't a creepy stalker.

 

Wednesday Girl was dating someone else, too, so it's a wash. Maybe she likes him better any way. If you aren't that interested, then cancel.

 

Keep dating Friday Girl and see what happens.

[CryForNoOne]

I think she was just being playful and maybe testing me a little bit. As usual the radio silence got me wondering a bit. She replied about 5 hours later. I never get what that's about... Anyway she thanked me for a good time. I decided to share a few things with her. I told her I had been on several OKC dates and ours was easily the best. When I was with her she was like the only person in the room. And also I'm not normally so affectionate on a first date but it felt natural and right. She replied back it was very sweet of me to say, she really likes me too, and it usually takes her a while to be that affectionate as well. I told her I'll call her tonight. All is good!

 

As for Wednesday I'm going to cancel. I really like this new one.

[CryForNoOne]

UPDATE - man it's amazing what a healthy attitude and sincerity can do sometimes. Wednesday night girl and I texted and we agreed to cancel/postpone. At the same time we established the basis of friendship going forward - that feels about "right" to me. I offered that we go for drinks or karaoke sometime and she replied "Absolutely! I would love that."

 

Meanwhile Friday night girl and I went out again last night and will again Wednesday. We are totally into each other. I'm feeling like I may take a break from OKC...