My life is over.. I think I am getting dumped.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I hatehatehate my life, literally I feel like I am going to die.

I have posted before about the most amazing guy ever that I was with well here we are about 2-3 months in well he got a new job and works EVERY SINGLE DAY these insane hours like 4-6 then he goes home and crashes and does it again. Lately he has been staying home with his family because it is closer to his job which is 45 mins from me. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks, we text every single day but idk I just miss him a lot which I have told him a million times. He said his schedule would slow down after this week and now he is like "well everything constantly changes so idk". So today I kind of got tired of constantly stressing out and worrying and not seeing him so I sent him a long text about how I miss him and how I need him to just give me like 1 night a week like if he just comes home 1 night I would come to him and I would stay not long I just want to see him. I sent that at 5 today and as of now no response. I honestly can't see him just ending it by not saying anything but I am so scared. I am crying I went to sleep hoping that he would text me when I woke up. I just can't focus on anything, I have so much homework to get done and I just can't I don't want to eat or anything I just want to lay here until he texts me. I can't lose him and I feel so dumb, I shouldn't have texted him I should have just let it be. I am going to lose him and I literally am going to die. He and I connected so perfectly, I can't imagine connecting like that with someone else. I don't know what to do if he dumps me, like do I online date again? It is so exhausting, I know guys who I talked to before him who would probably date me idk he was perfect. I just hope he doesn't dump me. I cannot believe that my life is so unbelievably bad, like literally nothing goes right. I meet someone perfect and then it turns to ****, my life is beyond ****ty. I want to die, I'm not even kidding like I can't keep going through these major ups and downs in dating and it is the most important thing to me. I just don't know what to do. I am not texting him again so I guess I will just wait and see.

[fortyninethousand322]

1. Calm down.

2. Life will go on.

3. No one is perfect, despite feelings to the contrary.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe he is asleep....

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

1. Calm down.

2. Life will go on.

3. No one is perfect, despite feelings to the contrary.

 

No you don't get it he was perfect like he was nice and funny and we literally finished eachothers sentences. I hope he doesn't dump me. I am panicked so much right now

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Maybe he is asleep....

 

He is really sick but he said he was also driving back home so he wouldn't have to go far in the morning I'm sure he has seen it why can't he just say something

[amaysngrace]

No you don't get it he was perfect like he was nice and funny and we literally finished eachothers sentences. I hope he doesn't dump me. I am panicked so much right now

 

Deep breaths.

 

Why are you thinking the worst? You're speaking about him in the past tense.

[fortyninethousand322]

No you don't get it he was perfect like he was nice and funny and we literally finished eachothers sentences. I hope he doesn't dump me. I am panicked so much right now

 

If he's going to dump you, clearly he isn't perfect...

[TheFinalWord]

I hatehatehate my life, literally I feel like I am going to die.

I have posted before about the most amazing guy ever that I was with well here we are about 2-3 months in well he got a new job and works EVERY SINGLE DAY these insane hours like 4-6 then he goes home and crashes and does it again. Lately he has been staying home with his family because it is closer to his job which is 45 mins from me. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks, we text every single day but idk I just miss him a lot which I have told him a million times. He said his schedule would slow down after this week and now he is like "well everything constantly changes so idk". So today I kind of got tired of constantly stressing out and worrying and not seeing him so I sent him a long text about how I miss him and how I need him to just give me like 1 night a week like if he just comes home 1 night I would come to him and I would stay not long I just want to see him. I sent that at 5 today and as of now no response. I honestly can't see him just ending it by not saying anything but I am so scared. I am crying I went to sleep hoping that he would text me when I woke up. I just can't focus on anything, I have so much homework to get done and I just can't I don't want to eat or anything I just want to lay here until he texts me. I can't lose him and I feel so dumb, I shouldn't have texted him I should have just let it be. I am going to lose him and I literally am going to die. He and I connected so perfectly, I can't imagine connecting like that with someone else. I don't know what to do if he dumps me, like do I online date again? It is so exhausting, I know guys who I talked to before him who would probably date me idk he was perfect. I just hope he doesn't dump me. I cannot believe that my life is so unbelievably bad, like literally nothing goes right. I meet someone perfect and then it turns to ****, my life is beyond ****ty. I want to die, I'm not even kidding like I can't keep going through these major ups and downs in dating and it is the most important thing to me. I just don't know what to do. I am not texting him again so I guess I will just wait and see.

 

Hey Beauty,

 

I really think you have fallen way too fast for this guy. You do not know if this guy is perfect. You've dated 2-3 months? But haven't seen him in 3 weeks? Everyone can come across perfect at first. Typically it takes about 90 days of regular contact to really start to see how someone really is...That's about how long people can hide their true self (unless a guy is a major player in which he has mastered manipulation; more rare).

 

But beyond that, you also have to realize that you are smothering this guy. The fact is what spare time he does have, he probably looks at you as a source of stress, rather than fun (you are only 21! You need to be having fun, not taking dating a guy you barely know so seriously).

 

You are not a challenge for this guy. You are coming across as desperate and clingy; for a guy this is like a guy that comes across to a woman as stalker-ish or controlling. It repels a guy.

 

I mean it's Saturday night, you're 21, and waiting for a text. Your actions are not healthy! Go out and have fun.

[Poppy fields]

You are just upset right now. Rationally, you know that this guy is not the only guy on the planet that you would be compatible with. You need to calm down until you know what is really going on before you end up in the Bell Jar.

[TigerCub]

He is really sick but he said he was also driving back home so he wouldn't have to go far in the morning I'm sure he has seen it why can't he just say something

 

Because it must be exhausting for him. Not only is he exhausted from his long hours at work, but it's emotionally exhausting to get these messages from a needy girl that's acting like she wont survive a minute without him - that must make him feel like crap (that he is failing you) and that he's with someone that is so dependent and clingy that it's all on him to make her happy and give her life meaning. That has got to be so draining.

 

IB - you are panicking, but you need to calm down and you need to remind yourself that he's just a guy - you survived before him, you will survive after him.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Because it must be exhausting for him. Not only is he exhausted from his long hours at work, but it's emotionally exhausting to get these messages from a needy girl that's acting like she wont survive a minute without him - that must make him feel like crap (that he is failing you) and that he's with someone that is so dependent and clingy that it's all on him to make her happy and give her life meaning. That has got to be so draining.

 

IB - you are panicking, but you need to calm down and you need to remind yourself that he's just a guy - you survived before him, you will survive after him.

 

Remember all those pathetic posts I made before I met him about hooking up with random guys and just being pathetic I'm going to probably just be like that again. I don't want to but idk.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Hey Beauty,

 

I really think you have fallen way too fast for this guy. You do not know if this guy is perfect. You've dated 2-3 months? But haven't seen him in 3 weeks? Everyone can come across perfect at first. Typically it takes about 90 days of regular contact to really start to see how someone really is...That's about how long people can hide their true self (unless a guy is a major player in which he has mastered manipulation; more rare).

 

But beyond that, you also have to realize that you are smothering this guy. The fact is what spare time he does have, he probably looks at you as a source of stress, rather than fun (you are only 21! You need to be having fun, not taking dating a guy you barely know so seriously).

 

You are not a challenge for this guy. You are coming across as desperate and clingy; for a guy this is like a guy that comes across to a woman as stalker-ish or controlling. It repels a guy.

 

I mean it's Saturday night, you're 21, and waiting for a text. Your actions are not healthy! Go out and have fun.

 

My friends are out with their boyfriends I'm going to go back to being single friend having to listen to everyone else's good news. I hate my life

[KatZee]

Because it must be exhausting for him. Not only is he exhausted from his long hours at work, but it's emotionally exhausting to get these messages from a needy girl that's acting like she wont survive a minute without him - that must make him feel like crap (that he is failing you) and that he's with someone that is so dependent and clingy that it's all on him to make her happy and give her life meaning. That has got to be so draining.

 

IB - you are panicking, but you need to calm down and you need to remind yourself that he's just a guy - you survived before him, you will survive after him.

 

Agreed. You are acting like a crazy person right now.

 

Do you have anxiety? Have you ever been diagnosed with anxiety? Perhaps you need some sort of anti-anxiety medication to keep you a bit more grounded than you are now.

 

Also, this guy isn't perfect. You barely know him. This relationship isn't perfect, no matter how much you think it is. You guys as of right now aren't even compatible. His focus and his priority does not seem to be a relationship. It seems to be his career. You guys are in different places, and if he's not giving you what you need from a partner, then no. He's not the right one for you.

 

Your entire post is the whole reason people CAN NOT make their significant others, their entire life. Look at you right now! He's not your entire life and your entire world. Where are your friends? You haven't seen him in 3 weeks... what have you been doing?

 

I think you've pushed him very far away with your behavior, and since all of this is happening so soon into the relationship he could be questioning the relationship. No guy wants to date a woman who has no life outside of him. It's not attractive and needy/clingy women hold little value in a man's eyes.

 

You need to look around and prioritize your life, and focus on YOU... not this other person.

[KatZee]

Remember all those pathetic posts I made before I met him about hooking up with random guys and just being pathetic I'm going to probably just be like that again. I don't want to but idk.

 

If you acknowledge that behavior like that is pathetic, why would you go back to it? Are you truly that scared to be alone that you'd rather throw yourself at random people looking for a quick fix, or validation that you're an OK human being?

 

I think you'd greatly benefit from being single and truly being SINGLE. As in focusing on you and what your passions are and what YOU want and what YOU need out of this life. A partner, a boyfriend, these are not the only things in this world for you to explore.

 

You sound extremely co-dependent and that's going to be your downfall.

[zanzi]

sounds like he has other priorities and your freaking him out because you cling.

[TigerCub]

Remember all those pathetic posts I made before I met him about hooking up with random guys and just being pathetic I'm going to probably just be like that again. I don't want to but idk.

 

I admit that you had challenges dating, but that's normal, that's part of the journey for most people.

 

I bet that you would probably have less drama and even appeal to more people if you gained some confidence, some independence and developed more of a sense of self by finding activities and hobbies you enjoy(that would show that you are a well rounded person with many interests - that would make you more interesting to people).

 

If you made more friends and socialized then your life would be fuller and therefore you wouldn't be so lost if you SO is busy and can't see you - you would be just fine because you can keep yourself entertained and busy.

 

don't make someone the be all end all IB - that can never lead to anything good.

 

Even if you 2 don't break up, you need to push yourself to get out there and find some hobbies and make some friends and pursue some interests.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

It's your choice. You don't HAVE to do anything.

 

As I asked before, do you have a career? Friends? Hobbies? Interests?

 

If not, then get them. Things will go much better for you.

 

I am a student, I graduate in May so I need to start looking for a job but I can't really do that until closer to graduation. Friends.. I have them my one best friend has a boyfriend and they just started dating and she is obsessed with him they spend all their time together. My other bestfriend just started dating a guy and she is traveling with him, and my other bestfriend is in school about 45 mins away with her bf.. Hobbies, I don't know what I would like to do. I have been trying to figure out what I would d as a hobby and I don't know.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Agreed. You are acting like a crazy person right now.

 

Do you have anxiety? Have you ever been diagnosed with anxiety? Perhaps you need some sort of anti-anxiety medication to keep you a bit more grounded than you are now.

 

Also, this guy isn't perfect. You barely know him. This relationship isn't perfect, no matter how much you think it is. You guys as of right now aren't even compatible. His focus and his priority does not seem to be a relationship. It seems to be his career. You guys are in different places, and if he's not giving you what you need from a partner, then no. He's not the right one for you.

 

Your entire post is the whole reason people CAN NOT make their significant others, their entire life. Look at you right now! He's not your entire life and your entire world. Where are your friends? You haven't seen him in 3 weeks... what have you been doing?

 

I think you've pushed him very far away with your behavior, and since all of this is happening so soon into the relationship he could be questioning the relationship. No guy wants to date a woman who has no life outside of him. It's not attractive and needy/clingy women hold little value in a man's eyes.

 

You need to look around and prioritize your life, and focus on YOU... not this other person.

 

My therapist last year wanted to prescribe me anti anxiety meds and I didn't want them because I was afraid of being zombie like.

[amaysngrace]

Hobbies, I don't know what I would like to do. I have been trying to figure out what I would d as a hobby and I don't know.

 

Are you creative? If you are you should go to ac moore or michaels and look around for ideas on what you'd maybe enjoy creating.

[Noproblem]

Well, don't say your life is over. It's just right now, you feel like it's over.

He is not the answer to everything, ignore him and focus on things that will please you or try to be busy .....

[KatZee]

My therapist last year wanted to prescribe me anti anxiety meds and I didn't want them because I was afraid of being zombie like.

 

It doesn't make you zombie like. That's what an anti depressant would do. An anti anxiety med takes the edge off. I know loads of people on anti anxiety meds. You sound like you do desperately need it. Look into it.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

It doesn't make you zombie like. That's what an anti depressant would do. An anti anxiety med takes the edge off. I know loads of people on anti anxiety meds. You sound like you do desperately need it. Look into it.

 

Isn't that like xanax? Can't you not drink on it? I don't drink much but I mean I like to have a night out every now and then

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Are you creative? If you are you should go to ac moore or michaels and look around for ideas on what you'd maybe enjoy creating.

 

I did go to this place called Hobby Lobby yesterday and got a vision board, it is like this bulletin board type thing and I want to put all these inspirational quotes on it so I can like see it when I wake up everyday lol

[TheFinalWord]

My friends are out with their boyfriends I'm going to go back to being single friend having to listen to everyone else's good news. I hate my life

 

You don't have any single friends?

 

I really think you have to find something to do that is fun for you, and not make a boyfriend the center of your life. That should be your goal, even if you have a boyfriend. A boyfriend should complement your life, not be the middle of it so soon. Reason being is that you will have other things going on and you will be more challenging to a guy. You'll be a catch and someone to pursue. You'll also be perceived as more fun to hang out with. That is really the aura you want to give off. A guy wants to date a girl that is fun to hang out with (not mean putting out, just enjoying company, having genuine good times). A guy does not want to get into a relationship with someone that treats him like a god to be worshiped. No guy with a regular ego anyway. It sounds like you are just adding to his stress. When he sees your name pop up on his phone, does he think "Oh man, I can't wait to hang out with IB! We always have a great time" or "Oh man, IB is getting on my case again!" Avoid the latter, especially at the beginning phases. You may be head over heals, but chances are you are still making very first impressions on him.

 

Honestly, it would be better to be single until you find a real passion(s) for you life. Otherwise you risk sabotaging your relationships. Either that or just make your mind up to date for fun and not to worry about a boyfriend.

 

I also agree with the other poster that you should talk to a therapist. I mean, we all get depressed over a break up, but there are phases for healing. If you just get stuck in this mode, you can talk to someone. You don't have to heal alone

[KatZee]

Isn't that like xanax? Can't you not drink on it? I don't drink much but I mean I like to have a night out every now and then

 

People say it's never good to mix medication and alcohol but if you're drinking in moderation then there's no issue. The two people I know who take anti anxiety pills go out and party hard. Xanax is only one type of anti anxiety. I wouldn't recommend drinking alcohol with Xanax.

 

Other types are Klonopin, Ativan, Valium, etc.

 

You would have to discuss the types with your doctor and talk in depth about what foods/drinks you would need to avoid. I know grapefruit reacts with Xanax so if you chose that you wouldn't eat grapefruit.