Girlfriend is still "friends" with her ex.

[johnnycakes1986]

So I met this girl whilst playing the field pretty hard. We were in a none committed open relationship in the beginning and she had another "primary" partner at the time who I'll call Jim. Jim didn't treat her very well. He never had a job, really emotionally needy, he was financially dependent on her, spent more time and energy on other girls... etc... Well, we basically blew each other away and she soon decided to end it with Jim. During the period after she ended that relationship we were still open for several months but we had made it clear that we were only open sexually and that he would make me uncomfortable. During that time he was successful in persuading her to let him hit it at least once. She told me about it and it was a bit of a fight but she promised not to let it happen again. After that incident there was another incident where she was out with a bunch of friends and I was detained and ended up getting to the bar about an hour and a half late. She wasn't expecting me by that point and I walked in on them making out on the dance floor. When she saw me there she didn't immediately know what I had seen and she generally just seemed guilty as hell, like she just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She new it would upset me and only did it because she thought I wasn't going to be there. That was another fight, but we got through it too. Over the last six months we've gone from an open relationship to an exclusive, monogamous long term relationship with all the potential in the world. Everything is so beautiful between us save for one thing. She's still friends with Jim. She says she only sees him once a week or so for coffee etc, that she cares about him and connects with him but only as a friend, and they text and facebook each other a fare amount. I've tried adding him on facebook. He won't add me. I've tried inviting him out for drinks. He won't respond. I've never met this guy, really. I never hear about the time they spend together unless I ask. He's never at parties she and I are at together, and what I find most troubling is that she will hide her phone wile texting him if I come up behind her, and does the same thing wile chatting on facebook. I confronted her about it once, and she admitted it was Jim and I asked her not to be so secretive but she still does it. It's to the point now where I'm afraid to even talk about it. However politely and amicably I try to broach the subject she just immediately snaps at me and these arguments are killing the good thing we have going. What do I do?

[reaver]

Noncommitted relationship means she can do what she wants. She doesnt owe you anything.

Im sorry, but if you dont like a girl enough to make her your girlfriend why she should be expected to only sleep/date you?

Let go of your ego.

[johnnycakes1986]

Did you not read that? We were only open for a couple months. We've had a closed relationship for 6 months.

[KungFuJoe]

She's playing the field hard, bro. Just like you.

 

Deal with it.

[SmileFace]

So I met this girl whilst playing the field pretty hard. We were in a none committed open relationship in the beginning and she had another "primary" partner at the time who I'll call Jim. Jim didn't treat her very well. He never had a job, really emotionally needy, he was financially dependent on her, spent more time and energy on other girls... etc...

 

 

Well, we basically blew each other away and she soon decided to end it with Jim. During the period after she ended that relationship we were still open for several months but we had made it clear that we were only open sexually and that he would make me uncomfortable.

 

During that time he was successful in persuading her to let him hit it at least once. She told me about it and it was a bit of a fight but she promised not to let it happen again. After that incident there was another incident where she was out with a bunch of friends and I was detained and ended up getting to the bar about an hour and a half late. She wasn't expecting me by that point and I walked in on them making out on the dance floor.

 

When she saw me there she didn't immediately know what I had seen and she generally just seemed guilty as hell, like she just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She new it would upset me and only did it because she thought I wasn't going to be there. That was another fight, but we got through it too.

 

 

Over the last six months we've gone from an open relationship to an exclusive, monogamous long term relationship with all the potential in the world. Everything is so beautiful between us save for one thing. She's still friends with Jim. She says she only sees him once a week or so for coffee etc, that she cares about him and connects with him but only as a friend, and they text and facebook each other a fare amount.

 

I've tried adding him on facebook. He won't add me. I've tried inviting him out for drinks. He won't respond. I've never met this guy, really. I never hear about the time they spend together unless I ask. He's never at parties she and I are at together, and what I find most troubling is that she will hide her phone wile texting him if I come up behind her, and does the same thing wile chatting on facebook.

 

I confronted her about it once, and she admitted it was Jim and I asked her not to be so secretive but she still does it. It's to the point now where I'm afraid to even talk about it. However politely and amicably I try to broach the subject she just immediately snaps at me and these arguments are killing the good thing we have going. What do I do?

 

ffs...geez

 

 

Anywho...reread your own post.

 

What will you tell yourself if you weren't you?

[phineas]

Did you not read that? We were only open for a couple months. We've had a closed relationship for 6 months.

 

So first you went full retard & tried to set rules for an open relationship.

And you've gone full beta for a chick that isn't wife material & now your feelers are hurt?

 

The simple answer is to downgrade her to FWB without telling her then get out there & find your self-esteem,man-hood, balls & a new woman that isn't dishonest or disrespectful.

 

Because regardless of everything, she told you she would stop talking to her ex & didn't.

 

What more do you need to know?

[Minnie09]

She is being disrespectful. You can either 1) break it off for this very reason, or 2) play the same game she plays. Have other girls on the side and hide all communication you have with them from your gf. How would she like that? Then you tell her, IF she questions your actions, that they're just friends. If she doesn't care, she doesn't care about you. Just the way she doesn't seem to care about you right now. She's disrespecting your feelings, and obviously isn't complying with what you agreed on, which is "being exclusive". You could also 3) ask her to stop sneaking around with Jim, but that will just make her defensive and give her a reason to call you unreasonably jealous. In this early stage of a R there's really nothing to salvage and work for. Just turn your game around to teach her a lesson, do the sane to her that shes doing to you, or let her go and tell her exactly why.

[runningfar]

So first you went full retard & tried to set rules for an open relationship.

And you've gone full beta for a chick that isn't wife material & now your feelers are hurt?

 

The simple answer is to downgrade her to FWB without telling her then get out there & find your self-esteem,man-hood, balls & a new woman that isn't dishonest or disrespectful.

 

Because regardless of everything, she told you she would stop talking to her ex & didn't.

 

What more do you need to know?

 

 

Downgrade to Fwb without telling her... Disgusting

 

Using retard as a slur... Disgusting and lacks creativity

 

 

 

 

Op, I let my boyfriend be friends with exes. But she is behaving in an inappropriate way. That needs shut down. Also, he is behaving in an inappropriate way for that to be allowed.

 

I would tell her that with him being secretive, her being secretive, and the history, that the relationship is over without it stopping immediately. She knows she is behaving wrong; you have given her plenty of chance to be respectful without an ultimatum.

[phineas]

Downgrade to Fwb without telling her... Disgusting

 

Using retard as a slur... Disgusting and lacks creativity

 

 

LOL!

I havn't seen a PC police post in a while.

almost as funny as the spealling and gramere cops.

 

Thanks for the laugh.

[reaver]

My b. I thought you were still open. Anyway, she is dishonest so Id break up with her.

[carson22]

I've tried adding him on facebook. He won't add me. I've tried inviting him out for drinks. He won't respond. I've never met this guy, really. I never hear about the time they spend together unless I ask. He's never at parties she and I are at together, and what I find most troubling is that she will hide her phone wile texting him if I come up behind her, and does the same thing wile chatting on facebook. I confronted her about it once, and she admitted it was Jim and I asked her not to be so secretive but she still does it. It's to the point now where I'm afraid to even talk about it. However politely and amicably I try to broach the subject she just immediately snaps at me and these arguments are killing the good thing we have going. What do I do?

 

Read what you just wrote. Concentrate on the bolded parts. There is a reason behind why she is doing this. Just because he is an ex, doesn't mean that she needs to hide him from you. Since she is, there is a reason. Especially the texts and facebook. Now, when confronted with it, she spins the argument on you and either calls you jealous or controlling. Wouldn't be the first time that this has happened in our world.

 

You'd be better off single. don't waste any more time on her. The only thing you need to do now is tell her its over. Ex's are ex's for a reason.