PondJumper Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 So, I live in another country but when I fly overseas, I usually see this man. We have seen each other several times and it was AMAZING every time. When I flew in, he just had to see me that very night even though I was totally exhausted. When he was leaving the next morning, we both talked about when he would see each other again. He works ALOT and travels to other European countries for work. I would call him a work-a-holic. Anyway, we left tonight (thursday) as a possible option since he would be in the city. He never really promised 100 percent because he said his boss MIGHT have him fly to the UK. Well, I got a text from his yesterday (at least he didn't flake last minute) and it said he wouldn't be able to see me because his aunt was just diagnosed with cancer and he needs to see his cousin. Um all night? Me thinks something BETTER came up... and it's not his cousin. I don't know... I just felt my BS meter go off. I mean he COULD have used an excuse that he did indeed have to fly to the UK so MAYBE it's true but... ugh.. I don't know.. I responded with "oh so sorry to hear that"... "take care of yourself".. "I just might head home (back to my country) earlier than I had planned" No response.. NOTHING. If he really wanted to see me, wouldn't he have rescheduled? Responded? I really feel dissed here.... Should I give him another chance or just write him off? Part of me wanted to say "oh that's ok, I have to walk my unicorn anyway" Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Where did you get your unicorn? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PondJumper Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 LOL! Cute... Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I don't really have anything to add, I just wanted to let you know that 'a lot' is two words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PondJumper Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 I don't really have anything to add, I just wanted to let you know that 'a lot' is two words. Thanks Andy.. I actually know that but get lazy with it.... Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 You describe the meetup as an "option" and he had something else come up. It could be that is is truly detained by a family emergency and hasn't had time to even text you to fill you in. All you can do is wait and see. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 This is a sex arrangement, isn't it? The two of you are not in a relationship. I don't think he feels he owes you anything. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 He never really promised 100 percent So it was never a date in the first place, so it isn't "flaking". Link to post Share on other sites
Author PondJumper Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Agreed... I mean.. he said he would keep me posted and he did (kind of) but all that aside, I thought the excuse was rather lame and then not to respond kind of said it all. Oh well... next! Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Ummm, I could definitely see that as a good excuse. Do you know the status of his relationship with his cousin(s)/aunt? Maybe they're very close. A dx of cancer can mean a lot of things. Initially especially, they might be all in a state of SHOCK. He might not even want to deal with much right now, especially for a rendezvous sex with someone he isn't committed to. I think you're being completely irrational, you're just trying to justify your own hurt here and making him seem like the bad guy. THat's pretty much what I'm reading. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 we're talking family and cancer here. I wouldn't feel all sexy after talking to my cousin about how my aunt will most certainly die of a horrible death.. I understand you want to spend time and you sound like this is more than just sex to your already. So let this guy be for now, he seems to have a few things on his plate. If he likes you, he'll contact you pretty soon. For the moment, move on with your life and let him do the next move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PondJumper Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 we're talking family and cancer here. I wouldn't feel all sexy after talking to my cousin about how my aunt will most certainly die of a horrible death.. I understand you want to spend time and you sound like this is more than just sex to your already. So let this guy be for now, he seems to have a few things on his plate. If he likes you, he'll contact you pretty soon. For the moment, move on with your life and let him do the next move. I agree, ball is in his court now... I just kind of felt like it was a lie for some reason... like that little bell went off. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 he didn't do what you wanted him to do - it ruffled you feathers . it's not your little bell going off, it's your ego, I think. the only fault I am acknowledging is his not responding back to your last text. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 the only fault I am acknowledging is his not responding back to your last text. OP, isn't this just a sex arrangement? Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 A relative's life-threatening illness isn't a good enough excuse? Let's see, I guess he could get kidnapped by ninjas. Maybe need to rescue a wealthy oil sheik's daughter. Fix the international space station? Seeing your response maybe he just thinks you're a PITA. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 OP, isn't this just a sex arrangement? IMHO, sex arrangements don't exclude curtesy. A simple "thank you" response is acting polite, towards the OP text. If I were to engage in such a type of interaction with a person - just sex, I'd for sure send a text to check up on them, if they told me about their situation. We may not want be in a position to date, but we're not perfect strangers, either. Let's put it differently, if they weren't in a position to talk, the OP wouldn't have found out about the details of his canceling, he'd only say :"sorry, got business dinner plans". Who bothers with personal details, if they are only in it for the sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PondJumper Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 he didn't do what you wanted him to do - it ruffled you feathers . it's not your little bell going off, it's your ego, I think. the only fault I am acknowledging is his not responding back to your last text. Yeah, I agree with that... he usually doesn't respond to my texts for some reason... even if he asks me a question. So I wasn't all that surprised. Bottom line, I am not high on his list. I'm not saying it's NOT true.. I'm just saying I felt like it was kind of BS. It's the kind of excuse that is quite drastic. Better than the dog ate my homework I guess. I know he has made the earth move before to see me.. i.e. getting in late to the airport and showing up at midnight... so... maybe he does have to stay with his cousin all night.. I don't know.. but the more I think about it, the more I just want to move on. Really no point. Thanks everyone for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PondJumper Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) IMHO, sex arrangements don't exclude curtesy. A simple "thank you" response is acting polite, towards the OP text. If I were to engage in such a type of interaction with a person - just sex, I'd for sure send a text to check up on them, if they told me about their situation. We may not want be in a position to date, but we're not perfect strangers, either. Let's put it differently, if they weren't in a position to talk, the OP wouldn't have found out about the details of his canceling, he'd only say :"sorry, got business dinner plans". Who bothers with personal details, if they are only in it for the sex? candie... not sure what you are saying here..you are saying he should have responded when I said "oh I am so sorry"... so what you are saying is that he didn't need to elaborate on the details? We DO care for each other.. so yes.. but IMHO, I think there is someone he would rather see more... just a hunch.. he said he'd be in touch last week... then I talked to him on tues.. he said "oh its' crazy here at work, Ill keep you updated"... then nothing... then last night was the my aunt was diagnosed with cancer thing. I did tell him I might head home earlier than I thought from my trip and he didn't even respond to that so my thinking is... he doesn't give two you know what's Edited May 2, 2013 by PondJumper Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 IMHO, sex arrangements don't exclude curtesy. A simple "thank you" response is acting polite, towards the OP text. If I were to engage in such a type of interaction with a person - just sex, I'd for sure send a text to check up on them, if they told me about their situation. We may not want be in a position to date, but we're not perfect strangers, either. Let's put it differently, if they weren't in a position to talk, the OP wouldn't have found out about the details of his canceling, he'd only say :"sorry, got business dinner plans". Who bothers with personal details, if they are only in it for the sex? When something is about sex, consideration for the other person will decrease usually. If it's NSA, checking up on the other person is not part of the picture since it's not a relationship and guys especially will want to avoid misunderstandings. Someone that is met up for sex isn't usually treated the same way a girlfriend would be. It is very possible that the reason for the text was to just cancel. Perhaps the man felt that 'business dinner' would be an insult. It's not a relationship, the motivation of the other person will not be clear and he clearly doesn't feel he needs to be involved beyond a very basic civil point. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I also got the impression that there are some sort of feelings here, otherwise he would have canceled without giving you the personal details behind his cancelation. Even though you say it's current practice, I am bothered by people not answering my texts. Especially men I take an interest towards. I find those a bit rude - I am bit sensitive in that regard. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 When something is about sex, consideration for the other person will decrease usually. If it's NSA, checking up on the other person is not part of the picture since it's not a relationship and guys especially will want to avoid misunderstandings. Someone that is met up for sex isn't usually treated the same way a girlfriend would be. It is very possible that the reason for the text was to just cancel. Perhaps the man felt that 'business dinner' would be an insult. It's not a relationship, the motivation of the other person will not be clear and he clearly doesn't feel he needs to be involved beyond a very basic civil point. ok, I see - perhaps people set up their boundaries differently around the "sex territory". I do have very little experience in those type of relationships, and it does depend from one couple to the next how they interact and just how much of their daily life they share. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 and it does depend from one couple to the next how they interact and just how much of their daily life they share. Usually there is no 'couple' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HuffmanMontana Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 So, I live in another country but when I fly overseas, I usually see this man. We have seen each other several times and it was AMAZING every time. When I flew in, he just had to see me that very night even though I was totally exhausted. When he was leaving the next morning, we both talked about when he would see each other again. He works ALOT and travels to other European countries for work. I would call him a work-a-holic. Anyway, we left tonight (thursday) as a possible option since he would be in the city. He never really promised 100 percent because he said his boss MIGHT have him fly to the UK. Well, I got a text from his yesterday (at least he didn't flake last minute) and it said he wouldn't be able to see me because his aunt was just diagnosed with cancer and he needs to see his cousin. Um all night? Me thinks something BETTER came up... and it's not his cousin. I don't know... I just felt my BS meter go off. I mean he COULD have used an excuse that he did indeed have to fly to the UK so MAYBE it's true but... ugh.. I don't know.. I responded with "oh so sorry to hear that"... "take care of yourself".. "I just might head home (back to my country) earlier than I had planned" No response.. NOTHING. If he really wanted to see me, wouldn't he have rescheduled? Responded? I really feel dissed here.... Should I give him another chance or just write him off? Part of me wanted to say "oh that's ok, I have to walk my unicorn anyway" Let me get this straight. A guy tells you a family member has cancer and he needs to spend the time with family. You're initial thought is "all night?" Then you basically resort to childish games and say you might leave country sooner than expected. How selfish of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 So, I live in another country but when I fly overseas, I usually see this man. We have seen each other several times and it was AMAZING every time. When I flew in, he just had to see me that very night even though I was totally exhausted. I know this is odd, but this is the part that bothers me most. If I was exhausted, I would tell the guy no and MEAN IT. He doesn't get a say after that. I don't care what he feels he "has" to do. Sleep comes first, then booty call. It seems like that's all you are to him. An option for sex. No idea if his family story is true, but it doesn't really matter as you two aren't in a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Usually there is no 'couple' Lol, I got troubles naming the two.. like if they're copulating, they are in a couple ... of some sort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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