How can I prepare for my first hangout/date?

[Tk123]

Hey all. The past couple of days I've been hitting it off with this girl, and we're finally going to hangout sometime this weekend. Before I get to the reason why I started this thread, let me just give you guys some background on my situation!

 

So my family and I are moving, and I'm in the process of working on the new house we are moving to. One day on my way to work, me and my older brother pulled into our neighbors driveway to see if they had something we could borrow for a couple hours that we had forgot at home.

 

While we were there, this very attractive girl came outside who is a friend of the neighbors. My brother and my other family members have met this girl before, so I knew a little bit about her and I assumed they told her about me.

 

My brother introduced me to her and we exchanged bright smiles however, things did not go much further than a hello and goodbye. Something deep down told me though that I wanted to make a move on this girl.

 

The next day, I found her online through my neighbors and started chatting with her. I came across extremely confident and from there managed to get her number. A couple days of texting went by and I finally asked her if she wanted to hangout. She happily agreed, and we have plans to meet sometime this weekend.

 

I am excited but extremely nervous at the same time. I'm so into this girl and don't want to ruin it. I know this is my make or break opportunity to becoming good friends with her and even possibly starting a relationship with her.

 

Here is where my concern is: When I met her in person, and even in our online conversation she seems like a shy girl. This worries me, because I too am shy to begin with but even more shy when it comes to someone I haven't had much time to get to know. But like I said, when I want something I go for it.

 

My question is how can I prepare or what tips do you all have out there for me when it comes to hanging out with her? When making our plans, we both used the term "hanging out" so I'm not sure if this translates into a date or not.

 

When it comes to the hang out itself:

 

- Do I pay for both of us depending on what we end up doing?

 

- How do I end the time spent with her after? When we say goodbye, do I go for a hug, just let her go, or do something more?

 

- What does a woman look for in that first hang out/date? What do you ladies feel really makes you more attracted to him, especially when you spend time together for the first time?

 

- Lastly and most importantly: How do I keep the conversation rolling and how do I come across as confident to her!?

 

I know being yourself is part of it, but there has to be more than that! Just to clarify as I just realized now the title is misleading a little. This isn't my first time going on a date, I just feel different about this one because I am so into this girl. I would hate to blow my opportunity. And for those of you wondering our age; I'm 20 and she is 19.

 

I know this was a sort of long read, but I would greatly appreciate any help/input you all had for me to have a successful first date. This is something that's very important to me and I know the potential it has!

 

Thanks again!

[Tk123]

Bumping this up

[sillyanswer]

You're not going to like these answers:

 

- Do I pay for both of us depending on what we end up doing?

 

There's a huge consolidated thread somewhere in this forum on this topic. It's so huge because there's no single right answer.

 

- How do I end the time spent with her after? When we say goodbye, do I go for a hug, just let her go, or do something more?

 

It probably depends on how the date goes, and also on both your and her ideas about whether, for example, kissing on a first date is appropriate.

[Tk123]

TK, if you go dutch or allow her to pay half, it's not a date. It's buddies hanging out together. I just did that with my girlfriends on Saturday night for drinks and dinner - the 3 of us split the bill 3 ways. That was friends hanging out, not a date.

 

When I've gone on first dates with guys, they've always made it extremely clear that they were treating and that to me was a date, not friends hanging out.

 

You invited her out, so you pay.

 

Secondly, I think it's absolutely adorable that this girl has you so flustered. Being that the both of you are shy, you might want to find a venue that lends itself to you not having to keep a running conversation every second. If you sit on a bench by a lake, that's going to have to be pure conversation. But if you go to a theme restaurant (Buster and Dave's, is it called?) you can share in activities that will create conversation as you're doing them. Same with going to play pool or mini golf. The situation itself helps create the conversation.

 

Lastly, it doesn't hurt to stay abreast of current events - you can always rely on starting a conversation about something relevant going on in the world at the moment.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thanks for the response! I was thinking of seeing a movie or something and then maybe taking her out to dinner.

 

When I asked her out last night, I gave her benefit of the doubt and offered for her to choose what we do. She sort of dodged the question by saying "we'll figure something out :)".

 

Other girls that I've given the option to decide what we do have done the same thing, I don't know why they are so indecisive! Haha I just hate that feeling of not knowing what we're going to be doing.

 

You're not going to like these answers:

 

 

 

There's a huge consolidated thread somewhere in this forum on this topic. It's so huge because there's no single right answer.

 

 

 

It probably depends on how the date goes, and also on both your and her ideas about whether, for example, kissing on a first date is appropriate.

 

 

Thanks for the response, I didn't mind those answers and appreciate the help! As mentioned, I'm going to pay for the both of us and maybe that'll show her how interested I am in her.

 

In response to your second answer, I agree with you that I think I should make a judgement based on how the date goes. I'm more concerned with how I go about doing it (if I wanted to go for a hug or a kiss). I've read other threads about people going as far as sex after a first date and it just doesn't make sense to me how to determine how far to take something. I am by no means looking to go that far on the first date haha.

[Tk123]

I guess my biggest question directed probably more for the ladies would be this:

 

How important are the "little" things in terms of having a successful first date? By this I mean things like eye contact, looking and smelling good, etc.? Do girls look for stuff like this on their date? What are you ladies looking for in a guy you are getting to hang out with for the first time? What advice could you give a guy like me?

[Babolat]

Not a lady here; nix the movie, bad idea for a first date.

 

I have always found dates where you can walk, explore, talk, do something fun, go to a festival, a baseball game, a show, to be the best. Especially if you are both the shy type. Go somewhere where you are not in a "foced to talk" uncomfortable environment. Distractions are good, gives you something to talk about.

[KAOJ]

Not a lady here; nix the movie, bad idea for a first date.

 

I have always found dates where you can walk, explore, talk, do something fun, go to a festival, a baseball game, a show, to be the best. Especially if you are both the shy type. Go somewhere where you are not in a "foced to talk" uncomfortable environment. Distractions are good, gives you something to talk about.

 

I agree! These are great ideas! Maybe even a zoo or a museum.

 

And one more tiny (grooming) tip....always brush and floss your teeth

 

Have fun, be yourself and you will be fine.

[CC12]

I guess my biggest question directed probably more for the ladies would be this:

 

How important are the "little" things in terms of having a successful first date? By this I mean things like eye contact, looking and smelling good, etc.?

 

Those are pretty important things you listed, yes. Or rather, a lack of them would be a bad thing.

 

What are you ladies looking for in a guy you are getting to hang out with for the first time?

 

I would be looking for basic manners, a good conversation and hopefully some laughs. Bonus points if the guy seems interested in me. That's all. It's just a first date.

 

What advice could you give a guy like me?

 

I would advise you to stop thinking about it like this:

 

I know this is my make or break opportunity to becoming good friends with her and even possibly starting a relationship with her.

It's not a make or break opportunity. You're placing too much importance on this one little event. It's just hanging out with a new person and getting to know them, and letting them get to know you. Relax and have fun with it.

 

(Also, you don't want to make friends with her, so don't pretend to be a friend. You want to date her, so behave as though you're romantically interested, not just a pal to hang out with.)

[Tk123]

Those are pretty important things you listed, yes. Or rather, a lack of them would be a bad thing.

 

 

 

I would be looking for basic manners, a good conversation and hopefully some laughs. Bonus points if the guy seems interested in me. That's all. It's just a first date.

 

 

 

I would advise you to stop thinking about it like this:

 

It's not a make or break opportunity. You're placing too much importance on this one little event. It's just hanging out with a new person and getting to know them, and letting them get to know you. Relax and have fun with it.

 

(Also, you don't want to make friends with her, so don't pretend to be a friend. You want to date her, so behave as though you're romantically interested, not just a pal to hang out with.)

 

 

I agree with you, I'm putting too much importance on this I need to chill out.

 

I have a question about your last comment:

 

"(Also, you don't want to make friends with her, so don't pretend to be a friend. You want to date her, so behave as though you're romantically interested, not just a pal to hang out with.)"

 

How can I give her the impression that I want to be more than friends? How do I give off that romantic vibe?

[sillyanswer]

In response to your second answer, I agree with you that I think I should make a judgement based on how the date goes. I'm more concerned with how I go about doing it (if I wanted to go for a hug or a kiss).

 

Dates don't go like this:

nothing, nothing, nothing, surprise divebomb kiss attack.

 

Dates do (sometimes) go like this:

nothing, flirting, eye contact, light touching, moving closer, more touching, kissing. (not necessarily in that order)

 

What I mean is that, even if you 'wait' for the end of the date to go for a kiss, if there hasn't been any sort of build-up to it in which you've flirted with her and, hopefully, correctly identified positive body language then you'll be just as much in the dark about whether you'll get that kiss as you are now before the date even begins. A successful first kiss begins a while before your lips meet.

 

Not sure if that helps at all. Probably best not to worry about it and just enjoy the date.

[Tk123]

Dates don't go like this:

nothing, nothing, nothing, surprise divebomb kiss attack.

 

Dates do (sometimes) go like this:

nothing, flirting, eye contact, light touching, moving closer, more touching, kissing. (not necessarily in that order)

 

What I mean is that, even if you 'wait' for the end of the date to go for a kiss, if there hasn't been any sort of build-up to it in which you've flirted with her and, hopefully, correctly identified positive body language then you'll be just as much in the dark about whether you'll get that kiss as you are now before the date even begins. A successful first kiss begins a while before your lips meet.

 

Not sure if that helps at all. Probably best not to worry about it and just enjoy the date.

 

I agree with you, thanks for the response. How soon after the date should I contact her? Is that when I try to setup a second date or do I give it time before setting up a second date?

[jphcbpa]

I agree with you, thanks for the response. How soon after the date should I contact her? Is that when I try to setup a second date or do I give it time before setting up a second date?

 

just see how the date flows and feel it out. towards the end of the date, if it is going well for both you you and you see she is into you, you might ask, "when could I see you again?"

 

relax, have fun and be yourself.

[sillyanswer]

How soon after the date should I contact her?

 

Promptly. Any guff you hear about waiting is exactly that: guff.

 

If I go home by train after a date I might send a text before I get home, and/or I'll call the next day. And if I get through to voicemail I'll leave a message.

 

Is that when I try to setup a second date or do I give it time before setting up a second date?

 

If the first date is obviously going well then why not set up the next date before the first date ends? Or at least find out if she's interested or when she's available even if you haven't decided what to do. But, yes, when you next contact her would be a good time to discuss it if you haven't already.

 

If you want to see her again then why delay telling her (or asking her out)?