isisisweeping Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I turned off my profile because I was overwhelmed with amount of online messages and in-person approaches as I guess I started sending off the single-vibe or whatever led to the sudden upshift lately. I am keeping things pretty much down on casual conversation because I'm interested to seeing if things might work with a specific guy, who I got the impression in person is very interested. His profile is public, however, and I went there to show his profile to a friend of mine who asked when I mentioned it. She noticed that he had been online very recently (that day). Admittedly, I looked again today and it showed online this morning as well. Naturally, we are not exclusive, but just getting to know each other and it's of course perfectly acceptable for him to keep up dating however he sees fit. My getting overwhelmed due to my own personality puts no burden of responsibility upon him. My friend, however, thinks it suggests a low interest level and is an indication I should pick up the conversation pace with any of the other guys, and go on some other dates. Of course, she thought that before seeing that, too, so bias is quite possible. So, I'm asking specifically for guys here who do online dating: if you are very interested in a girl do you keep logging in frequently, or only if its just passing time? Thanks again!! Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 It really just depends. I wouldn't put too much stock into him being on the site. I don't care if ladies I am going on dates with are still active. Now this would all change if we're talking about being exclusive. At that point, I would hide my profile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Once I have established a second date (at the end of the first date), I decrease my visits dramatically. For him, he is likely thinking that having other options prior to exclusivity is a wise thing to do. I've had ladies tell me that they don't date multi-daters. This is somewhat reasonable if you've decided on a second date and agreed to see where "this" will all go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 How long have you been seeing this guy? I personally think it's healthy to multi-date in the early stages (e.g. before you talk about exclusivity). I wouldn't get too wrapped up over his activity on OLD if you guys have only been out a couple times. This is typical. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author isisisweeping Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 How long have you been seeing this guy? I personally think it's healthy to multi-date in the early stages (e.g. before you talk about exclusivity). I wouldn't get too wrapped up over his activity on OLD if you guys have only been out a couple times. This is typical. I expect that he would still be dating because we still don't really know each other. It was the frequency my friend commented on, and made me wonder. I know my personal tolerance for getting to know new people for this is lower than normal. My friends are getting to me with the concerns about guys online only out for sex with as many girls as possible and feigning interest, I think. I'm a little nervous I won't recognize signs and am overthinking it. I've not been single much in my life, but it surely can't be all that dramatic. Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 My friends are getting to me with the concerns about guys online only out for sex with as many girls as possible and feigning interest, I think. I'm a little nervous I won't recognize signs and am overthinking it. I've not been single much in my life, but it surely can't be all that dramatic. He may simply have a tab open to his profile.. you never know. I heard you on the stigma though. A lot is made of these guys who are "all out for sex" and are "dangerous" and whatever. Truth is, they're out there but there are a lot of good guys online too. I think some of the historical stigma attached to OLD accounts for some of these fears. The best way to run off a player on-line is the same as in real life: don't have sex with them too early, and make sure you get to know him well before getting too physically involved. Players (whether OLD or IRL) work themselves out of your dating pool if you lay down the right boundaries. And have fun! I met my SO through OLD... so I can tell you it works. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelia81 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 His profile is public, however, and I went there to show his profile to a friend of mine who asked when I mentioned it. She noticed that he had been online very recently (that day). Admittedly, I looked again today and it showed online this morning as well But you were online to know that he was online At this stage i really wouldn't worry about it, I know exactly how you feel though as I went on a first date Saturday, second one lined up, tonight checked some messages and he was online! But so was I! I have no interest in chatting to anyone else right now but I still read the incoming messages and I go on to show my friends who I went on a date with. I think after a few more dates you will get a good idea what he is looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isisisweeping Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 But you were online to know that he was online At this stage i really wouldn't worry about it, I know exactly how you feel though as I went on a first date Saturday, second one lined up, tonight checked some messages and he was online! But so was I! I have no interest in chatting to anyone else right now but I still read the incoming messages and I go on to show my friends who I went on a date with. I think after a few more dates you will get a good idea what he is looking for. I actually wasn't on the site, his profile is publicly viewable through google I went to it specifically to show my friend. Yep! Time will tell! There's definitely not a shortage of interested guys in the world and what will be will be! But, he sure is funny and smart! Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm a very experienced male online dater, so I would like to give my perspectives. When I was dating a woman that I was not serious about, I had my online profile up because I was trying to find someone whom I can develop a real relationship with. Even though I was sleeping with this woman, she and I were not serious enough to completely eliminate our online profiles. I noticed she stopped logging on, but I continued to log on. Later I met my current GF. After the 1st date with her, I decided that I have found someone I can really develop a relationship with, so I broke it off with the previous girl. After the 2nd date, and sleeping together, I knew I had found the one I want to date long term. So both she and I turned off our online profile. Bottom line: Men will keep their online profiles up until they know for sure about their new interest. Some men will keep their profile up indefinitely even when they are exclusive. These men are basically fishing for someone better....and there is always someone better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge_320 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I wouldn't read too much into it. Some online dating sites (I know match.com for sure) will flag your profile as Active if you open one of the daily emails that it sends you. You don't necessarily have to be logging into the website. Link to post Share on other sites
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