Chick talking monogamy and getting jealous after first date

[ktya]

So I meet this girl on OLD last wednesday. We bounce back and forth I get the phone number the next day. I am down with a cold and she wants to get together so I see how friday goes and Im doing good enough so we go out for drinks.

 

Shes going on about how she wont take her panties off until monogamy and despite having some seriously raunchy phone conversations and this is all before the first date, I brush it off. Whatever.

 

Before the first date I express my annoyance with a friend/non-paying-roomate who wont leave and has overstayed his welcome, and say I'd rather have the house to myself if I'm going out on a date tonight. She says oh he can just stay at your house because I'm not coming over to your house afterwards.

 

Ha. Fat chance. I have a decent game that puts a girl at ease and this girl neglected to show her big ass in her OLD pictures. Shes not huge or grotesque but I'm into average to thin body types and this would definitely qualify at the low end of "A few extra pounds". She comes back to my place, lands on my bed, an hour of makeout ensues and after an hour she leaves [me hanging].

 

Phone calls ensue, the conversation is witty and hilarious. I have her laughing so hard she cant breathe. She tells me a story about a noise complaint because of her getting laid in her apartment a few months back, says her neighbor recorded it and it was embarassing. The monogamy comes up again during super raunchy conversation (shes the initator most of the time), I ask her if the guy she was recorded with was a monogamous relationship. She says no. "We all have goals." I quip.

 

Planning to have her come over for a home cooked dinner (I'm a sous chef) I jokingly ask if for our next date I have to take her to a public place. Of course I want to escalate it (I'm 37 shes 35. This aint no teen dating scene in Kansas anymore).

 

She tells me yes I have to take her to a public place and says that I should take her out to dinner because that's what a gentleman does. I'm silently annoyed because I dont like a big ask like that. She bomb drops something later about, "Its ok I dont have to go out with you Friday I do have other things to do you know". A bit more annoyed. I hadnt asked her out on the second date yet and Friday had never come up. Plus I did a Friday drinks date with her and despite a heavy make out session I couldn't even get my hands under her shirt. Dont call me a creep yet ladies, this woman was licking my nipples and kissing me all over my chest.

 

She asks what I'm cooking for dinner during a later phone call and I tell her and she is like WOW. I suggest hey maybe you want to reconsider having me cook you dinner? You've already been in my bed, what are you afraid I'm going to turn into a creep?, I'm jokingly saying it.

 

Phone calls ensue and somehow gets to how there is a hot police officer here in my town that always remembers my birthdate (whenever you interact with the police here they always take your name and birthdate) I joke that maybe she has the hots for me.

 

The chick explodes. Threatens to take me into the friend zone, goes off about how she was in an abusive relationship and I show a bunch of the same traits. How she doesn't want to get her heart broken. Again, starts going off on the whole monogamy thing. I'm like, girl, we've been on one date - monogamy isnt something that you just flip a switch and bam. Thats why it's called dating. She flips off about how I seem like a visual person and maybe I just need to play the field.

 

Flabbergasted, I remind her again we only did one date and some phone calls, we havent had sex yet isnt she a bit over the top getting jealous like this of other girls I interact with and going off about monogamy?

 

Another blowout, this time about how she is just telling the truth and why if she tells the truth its over the top but me telling the truth about how one of my exes was porn star hot or how the waitress did a great job on dying her hair is not the truth.

 

Then she lets me go. Wanting to tone down the temperature I suggest she call me when she gets home. She says no I dont want to talk to you anymore tonight. Maybe tomorrow.

 

WTF. The least good looking girl I've dated since I became single becoming on par with the most dramatic and I've only been on a single date and no sex?? I love the witty banter and the conversations.

 

On the sex issue I like to try before I buy. I'm dating 4 other girls right now and no way on earth I'm going to deep six all that work just to get into one girl's pants to see what it's like when she's the least attractive one and practically demanding I take her out for dinner.

 

Chick has been single for a year. I can sort of see why. She obviously puts out outside of a relationship given the audiotape experience.

 

Cut her loose or keep grinding on it or accept the friendzone?

[CarrieT]

Cut her loose.

 

You don't need friends like this.

[thecrucible]

Well I don't like the sound of you. You sound sleazy i.e. "I like to try before I buy"

 

Just be nice and say you're not interested. You're making fun of her looks anyway. Why don't you let her go so she can find someone who appreciates her?

 

Although I do agree that the monogamy talking and accusing you of having abusive tendencies is over the top. You don't need that drama. Best go your separate ways.

[MidwestUSA]

Eh, she's been watching too much Patti Stanger, throwing the word monogamy around like that. Plus the whole 'gentlemen take you put to dinner in public' thing.

 

Problem is, she's conflicted with that advice. You could probably bang her, then you'd hear about it. 'Gentleman don't do that until there's a ring on the finger'!

 

 

Argh, love your writing style. This one sounds like a creeper, not a keeper.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I wouldn't waste any more money or time on this one. I would only humor her if I could get easy sex out of it (and this is assuming she's decent looking enough). She sounds crazy so sex could probably be pretty good. But forget any relationship or friendzone stuff. Oh, and I imagine if you did manage to lay her, she'll turn into some possessive stalker or something. Hmm, I guess it all depends on how hot she is. Because I'm a betting man

[thecrucible]

Eh, she's been watching too much Patti Stanger, throwing the word monogamy around like that. Plus the whole 'gentlemen take you put to dinner in public' thing.

 

haha

 

They broadcast that show in the UK too. She's about the most dramatic American ever. It's hilarious

[MidwestUSA]

haha

 

They broadcast that show in the UK too. She's about the most dramatic American ever. It's hilarious

 

I know, right? Do you think some of the creeps she has on there can be real? Do such people exist?

 

Sorry, OP, back to business.

[mammasita]

Try before you buy? um, ew...but hey if it works for you, have at it lol

 

Otherwise she sounds like a high maintenance crazy Bia. Ditch her.

[Yookie]

There are some people who prefer dating one person at a time. Perhaps that's what she meant by monogamy at this stage? No one should expect a commitment after one date.

 

That being said, she sounds very unstable, with her actions not lining up with her intentions, so you would be wise to stop seeing her. Its a good thing that you didn't sleep with her because then she would really be on the warpath!

[ktya]

On the try before I buy I'm sorry IMO I'm not about to get straight to the girlfriend/boyfriend stage until sex has occurred at least a few times and it looks like as a relationship it's going to work. I'm also not about to jump into the BF/GF stage until I've been dating someone at least a month and that would be moving quick. Every relationship I've jumped into too quick turned out bad.

 

Hello_is_it_me seems to be on my wavelength here.

 

I'm not sure whether to keep grinding on her to get her in the sack outside of this monogamy thing (she has admitted to breaking that rule before) or to just cut the chick right loose.

 

I could do the reverse technique and just tell her to friend zone me and keep grinding her until she cant resist anymore, girl sounds like a right horny chick and she thinks I'm super hot so she probably couldn't resist long.

 

But yeah bringing up the monogamy thing incessantly is totally getting annoying. I totally understand if a girl doesnt want to have sex with a guy who's banging a harem of girls but IMO that is the kind of conversation to have the morning after a night of hot (protected) sex, a sleepover, and maybe Sunday breakfast and morning coffee in bed.

 

The definition of "monogamy" in this context is interchangable with the common dating term "going exclusive". If asking a chick about going exclusive on the first date was part of my dating game, I highly doubt I'd be getting any girls including this one back in the sack on the first date like I have been.

 

-PS. Thanks for the comment on the writing style :-P Appreciated

[Heatemyheart89]

You both sound awful. Just cut her loose if she is really that unattractive and you are dating those other girls.

Edited April 9, 2014 by Heatemyheart89

[Phantom888]

You two don't even like each other. Dude you are close to my age, why are you playing games like this?

[ktya]

There are some people who prefer dating one person at a time. Perhaps that's what she meant by monogamy at this stage? No one should expect a commitment after one date.

 

That being said, she sounds very unstable, with her actions not lining up with her intentions, so you would be wise to stop seeing her. Its a good thing that you didn't sleep with her because then she would really be on the warpath!

 

Perhaps thats what she meant by monogamy, you might be right. Although each time it's come up and I've protested given that I've known her under a week she just says well yeah thats why its called dating, never clarified it that she just wants to only date someone who is dating other people.

 

In some of these raunchy conversations too I've suggested it might be nice for her to stay the night, because the GFE (Girlfriend Experience) is a nice way to get to know how someone is. She kept coming back that she wants to be the GF (girlfriend) and not do the GFE so it is a bit confusing as to whether her version of monogamy is just dating one person or being exclusive.

 

The part that I find unsettling is when the conversations get raunchy. She initiates raunchy talk, talking about everything from how she took a class on how to give great blow jobs to asking how trim I like her to be downstairs. Then when I reciprocate my end of the conversation in kind I get this monogamy crap thrown back at me. Its unsettling because I'm left wondering, this chick acts like she wants to get it on like NOW but on the other hand waves a pretty huge restriction in my face in the form of demanding exclusivity and monogamy so soon.

 

It seems to be a pattern. Ie. we were talking about bad dating experiences on the first date and I brought up one girl that was a total ****show. She asked me if she was hot and I told her, yeah, porn star hot, which is why I didnt just leave. Then later when she is melting down on the phone throws in my face how I said that the girl was porn star hot - she asked the question. Or the waitress at the first date. I commented on what a great job the girl did on her hair which was obviously artificially colored (that was my test to see if she had self esteem issues), she says the waitress is hot and I agree, then in the meltdown again throwing in how I thought the waitress was hot.

 

The conversations are funny hilarious and witty, I like them, but I'm seeing a pattern here that this woman is demanding to move directly into exclusivity and monogamy and she's got obvious self esteem issues. On the phone she talks like a raunchy whore (I like it dont get me wrong) but then on the dating side she wants me to act chivalrous wine and dine her like some princess.

 

Meh. I'll just wait and see if she texts me and leave her on ice. I have another date tomorrow for drinks and a GFE for Saturday night and a new girl to meet for the first time Saturday afternoon. There's always more fish in the sea. If she is marching around demanding monogamy before the first date, if she's down for something a bit more realistic, she'll be back. Maybe with less drama.

[MidwestUSA]

So how do you like her trimmed downstairs?

 

[ktya]

Shaved clean

 

:-P

[StanMusial]

Just tell her whatever you tell the other four. If she don't buy it, well, there's the other four still.

[whirl3daway]

is this thread for real?

[Hello_is_it_me]

You're a chef and she's already a little fat. It's a relationship that can only end in failure. Best to move on.

[ktya]

You're a chef and she's already a little fat. It's a relationship that can only end in failure. Best to move on.

 

ROFLMAO

 

And shes demanding I take her out to eat at a restaurant which is turning me off. My god my man you are probably bang on. What model crystal ball you have there?

 

The other girls I just tell them I'm dating 4 other girls right now. I held off telling this one because of all the monogamy talk in my face and I was hoping to get laid.

 

When she sends me a Dear John note demanding monogamy/exclusivity I think I'm just gonna let her know that I'm dating 4 other girls and 2 of them have way more seniority than she does, and I'm not deep sixing someone I've been dating casually for 3 months for someone I've known for 6 days. If she's not cool with that, c'est la vie.

[ExpatInItaly]

ROFLMAO

 

And shes demanding I take her out to eat at a restaurant which is turning me off. My god my man you are probably bang on. What model crystal ball you have there?

 

The other girls I just tell them I'm dating 4 other girls right now. I held off telling this one because of all the monogamy talk in my face and I was hoping to get laid.

 

When she sends me a Dear John note demanding monogamy/exclusivity I think I'm just gonna let her know that I'm dating 4 other girls and 2 of them have way more seniority than she does, and I'm not deep sixing someone I've been dating casually for 3 months for someone I've known for 6 days. If she's not cool with that, c'est la vie.

 

And you are both in your mid-late thirties? You're both dodging bullets here and wasting each other's time.

[GemmaUK]

This made me laugh..sorry OP!

 

I actually know a woman who did pretty much the exact same thing because the guy was being an idiot even before they met..she basically did almost the exact same, all deliberately to get her revenge.

A few of her female friends from the dating site had also been talking about the same guy rather a lot. He had a bit of a reputation.

I hope that isn't what has just happened to you...

 

 

 

Just carry on dating the other 4 you're dating and cross her off the list.

[spiderowl]

On the try before I buy I'm sorry IMO I'm not about to get straight to the girlfriend/boyfriend stage until sex has occurred at least a few times and it looks like as a relationship it's going to work. I'm also not about to jump into the BF/GF stage until I've been dating someone at least a month and that would be moving quick. Every relationship I've jumped into too quick turned out bad.

 

Hello_is_it_me seems to be on my wavelength here.

 

I'm not sure whether to keep grinding on her to get her in the sack outside of this monogamy thing (she has admitted to breaking that rule before) or to just cut the chick right loose.

 

I could do the reverse technique and just tell her to friend zone me and keep grinding her until she cant resist anymore, girl sounds like a right horny chick and she thinks I'm super hot so she probably couldn't resist long.

 

But yeah bringing up the monogamy thing incessantly is totally getting annoying. I totally understand if a girl doesnt want to have sex with a guy who's banging a harem of girls but IMO that is the kind of conversation to have the morning after a night of hot (protected) sex, a sleepover, and maybe Sunday breakfast and morning coffee in bed.

 

The definition of "monogamy" in this context is interchangable with the common dating term "going exclusive". If asking a chick about going exclusive on the first date was part of my dating game, I highly doubt I'd be getting any girls including this one back in the sack on the first date like I have been.

 

-PS. Thanks for the comment on the writing style :-P Appreciated

 

 

She sounds a bit unpredictable and has high expectations of first dates, but really, what girl would want to sleep with a guy who is 'banging other girls' too? She's got you sussed on that front. You seem to see her as a possible good night in the sack and not a person. You two are a mismatch.

 

Ironically, you'll probably end up getting married to her. Life is strange like that.

[atlg8r]

Yes, please cut her loose because any woman deserves better than you.

[JennHenn]

Obviously talking monogamy on a first date is too much. But how are you annoyed that she didn't put out on a first date? And that she didn't want to go to yours? Demanding anything is obviously not ok. Unless it's respect she's demanding. Maybe she's not putting it very well, but it sounds like she's just saying 'let's go somewhere that's not your house so we can get to know each other'. Maybe she is very sexual, but there's a difference between being sexual and being a slut. Who knows, maybe she was a slut but has decided she doesn't want that anymore.

 

The fact remains, she's told you she wants more than sex. If you don't (and assuming by the way you talk about her, you don't) then don't bother her anymore.

[ktya]

Yes, please cut her loose because any woman deserves better than you.

 

 

I love how when a woman wants to casually date she is exercising her sexual freedom but when a guy wants the same thing he's a pig.

 

This girl responded to an OLD profile that was clearly written that I wanted to keep things casual because I've spent 17 years in serious long term committed relationships.