joseb Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 (edited) OK, so it's 2015. The days of women not working are (thankfully) behind us. So why is it that there seems to be an expectation that men pay for everything on a first (and sometimes all) date(s)? Or is this the case. I ask because I see a fair few posts from guys saying things like "oh i couldn't meet her again for a week till I had enough money to pay for the date" etc. As a woman, if you meet a guy on a first date, do you consider paying (or paying your share) or do you assume he will pay? As a guy, do you just automatically assume you are paying? I don't want to come across sounding stingy, but it seems like a hangover from the 1950s to he honest. Edited April 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smg15 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 OK, so it's 2015. The days of women not working are (thankfully) behind us. So why is it that there seems to be an expectation that men pay for everything on a first (and sometimes all) date(s)? Or is this the case. I ask because I see a fair few posts from guys saying things like "oh i couldn't meet her again for a week till I had enough money to pay for the date" etc. As a woman, if you meet a guy on a first date, do you consider paying (or paying your share) or do you assume he will pay? As a guy, do you just automatically assume you are paying? I don't want to come across sounding stingy, but it seems like a hangover from the 1950s to he honest. From experience women usually offer to pay on the 3rd date Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Dude, it's all in the date planning. When I have a first date/meet with a woman, I'm spending $10 or less. Bums can make more than that in a week of pan handling. I also have a ton of fun/low key/creative dates I plan that don't cost that much. I can seriously spend less on 10 dates than other guys do on 3. Plus, it cracks me up when guys will complain in secret that their women never pay, yet they never say anything to her. From the get go say to her "You can get the next one". If you never speak up to her, why should she expect you have a problem paying everytime? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 There are a LOT of threads about this recently and a few of the guys said they would never ever pay for a date or even so much as a pencil and they still get dates, so I guess it's wide open!! Many of us women though said that they much appreciate being taken out and NOT because they're greedy!! It's just romantic! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I live in NC, and lots of the men here are hell-bent on being old fashioned. So for a first date most of them suggest dinner. I always offer to split but have never once had anyone accept. Same goes for any other dinner dates we have after that. The most I'm able to convince anyone to accept is coffee and maybe a lunch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 OK, so it's 2015. The days of women not working are (thankfully) behind us. So why is it that there seems to be an expectation that men pay for everything on a first (and sometimes all) date(s)? Or is this the case. I ask because I see a fair few posts from guys saying things like "oh i couldn't meet her again for a week till I had enough money to pay for the date" etc. As a woman, if you meet a guy on a first date, do you consider paying (or paying your share) or do you assume he will pay? As a guy, do you just automatically assume you are paying? I don't want to come across sounding stingy, but it seems like a hangover from the 1950s to he honest. The idea is that you pay for the date so that you can feel entitled to sex at the end of the evening. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smg15 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Dude, it's all in the date planning. When I have a first date/meet with a woman, I'm spending $10 or less. Bums can make more than that in a week of pan handling. I also have a ton of fun/low key/creative dates I plan that don't cost that much. I can seriously spend less on 10 dates than other guys do on 3. Plus, it cracks me up when guys will complain in secret that their women never pay, yet they never say anything to her. From the get go say to her "You can get the next one". If you never speak up to her, why should she expect you have a problem paying everytime? so what's a good 2nd date idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Author joseb Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 When I have a first date/meet with a woman, I'm spending $10 or less. Plus, it cracks me up when guys will complain in secret that their women never pay, yet they never say anything to her. From the get go say to her "You can get the next one". If you never speak up to her, why should she expect you have a problem paying everytime? Personally, that's exactly what I do - say something like "you can get the next one". I'm new to the dating scene after a few years, and a lot of friends who date say they pay all the time, so just checking for validation. There are a LOT of threads about this recently and a few of the guys said they would never ever pay for a date or even so much as a pencil and they still get dates, so I guess it's wide open! I didn't see those, so sorry for dragging up and old topic. Surprised to hear guys say that! The idea is that you pay for the date so that you can feel entitled to sex at the end of the evening. I suspect you are mostly kidding, but I think this may be a bit of an underlying issue. Actually, the whole Idea of men trying to "win" sex somehow also seems extremely out dated. Women are just as interested in sex as men. It's time we stopped pretending otherwise. I always offer to split but have never once had anyone accept. OK, so it sounds like my small sample of friends/colleges may just be too deep pocketed and/or dating women that see them as meal tickets. Thanks for replies so far. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 You either want to take someone on a date or you don't. If you are poor, then opt for cheap dates. A drink for example. Link to post Share on other sites
Pretywoman Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 whether woman or man pays it doesnt matter. However, my personal view is that man shouldnt be relying on woman to pay most of times.. That is so not gentleman of him. I have this particular male friend whom I ended go out with, pays for almost everything. Dinner, coffee and cinema ticket.. Both woman and man are working adult.. so lets just be fair.. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 This isn't Africa, where women run around with men they're not interested in just to eat. =/ Plenty of food here. Women get turned on by a guy paying on a primal level, and the more you turn them on the more they want to turn you on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 you ask me out, you pay. i ask you out, i pay. but a man who pays appears powerful,dominant and chicks dig that 4 Link to post Share on other sites
El Pallasso Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 You have to understand that most women only want "equality" in the parts that convenience them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 OK, so it's 2015. The days of women not working are (thankfully) behind us. So why is it that there seems to be an expectation that men pay for everything on a first (and sometimes all) date(s)? Or is this the case. I ask because I see a fair few posts from guys saying things like "oh i couldn't meet her again for a week till I had enough money to pay for the date" etc. As a woman, if you meet a guy on a first date, do you consider paying (or paying your share) or do you assume he will pay? As a guy, do you just automatically assume you are paying? I don't want to come across sounding stingy, but it seems like a hangover from the 1950s to he honest. I'm a male. Oh my brother, how I understand your frustration. Women have more opportunities than men on the dating/mating market, and it would be very expensive for most women to pay their own way on the initial dates. Yes, it is still expensive for men, but may be more so for women given how many suitors she has. If you're a player, then it can get real expensive, as you know (unless you can be creative and learn to date without money, which is possible!). Another way to look at it is that, at the most fundamental and evolutionary level, men give and women receive. Despite what social advances we've made, many men and women still want to play these roles of giver/receiver, chaser/pursuer, dominant/submissive. Not all, but many, at least in the initial attraction stage. My own way of handling these issues is that I like to pay for the first three dates. Even if she offers, I still pay, unless she physically stops me from doing so. After that, I'm willing to split checks. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 For the same reasons we keep on having these other stereotypes behavior when there are no reasons to. Why a woman sees a dirty pair of socks on the floor and you don't - why men still have a periphery vision when they don't need to hunt to feed themselves and family - why women are more nurturing when parenting is a 50-50 business - Why women are more attentive to details still when our jobs are the same as men and not limited to picking berries and tanning skins. Picking up the bill is just one of those things that indicates to a woman you would be a good provider for her and the 10s of offsprinds she'll give you. Back in the days you proved yourself by bringing a fat dead hog and nowadays you do it by picking up the bill. It's just residuals from the way we were wired hundreds of years ago. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I think a man should pay for the date because I think it's romantic and chivalrous. And I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good-natured form of sexism either, where the man's expectation is that his date will reimburse him with sex, for paying for her dinner or movie or whatever they do for their date. I think men are better than that, aren't they? Men pay for dates because they want to. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I think a man should pay for the date because I think it's romantic and chivalrous. And I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good-natured form of sexism either, where the man's expectation is that his date will reimburse him with sex, for paying for her dinner or movie or whatever they do for their date. I think men are better than that, aren't they? Men pay for dates because they want to. I see what you mean, a Woman paying my house-note would be extremely sexy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Picking up the bill is just one of those things that indicates to a woman you would be a good provider for her and the 10s of offsprinds she'll give you. Back in the days you proved yourself by bringing a fat dead hog and nowadays you do it by picking up the bill. It's just residuals from the way we were wired hundreds of years ago. Yes, and no matter how much equality is around, many women still need to see that at some level. Some man who is not willing to pick up the bill for a few drinks or a dinner is in her mind also going to struggle to buy nappies or to provide whilst she is looking after their kids, or to buy a house, etc. Women although most work and are well able to provide for themselves, can still see the man's role as provider and protector. Men who quibble about bills on dates, may always quibble about other money aspects, and as many marriages founder due to arguments about money, then that is not a great start. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I see what you mean, a Woman paying my house-note would be extremely sexy. Haha! Touché Hawaii51! Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Well as I said before, it's all in the date planning. If you put a little bit of thought into it, money isn't an issue. Plus, if you never communicate to a woman that you want her to chip in once and awhile, it's your own fault. But if I hear a woman say "Whoever plans should pay" one more time...I mean considering the fact that men plan 90% of the dates, it works out in their favor doesn't it? It's just a skewed logic they love using to justify being cheap. Don't get me wrong. I love planning and paying MOST of the time. But if a woman expects me to do all the work the entire time we're together, she won't be dating me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good indicator that he will be a good provider. Have to disagree with that belief. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good indicator that he will be a good provider. Have to disagree with that belief. Especially if he invites you to a drive through rendezvous at McD's. Haha 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good indicator that he will be a good provider. Have to disagree with that belief. It's all done on the unconscious level. Like a man never stops to ask directions when he's lost, he is not aware of his behavior and why he's doing it. He just knows he wants to do it on his own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Especially if he invites you to a drive through rendezvous at McD's. Haha Hahahaha! That's so true! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I don't think that a man paying for a date is a good indicator that he will be a good provider. Have to disagree with that belief. Oh yes, true. Once went out with a man who split every payment down the middle, but it did start to get a bit ridiculous when it got down to the last penny. Trying to find small change to pay my half, and getting small change back when I over paid, was a bit silly. He was in fact very mean with his money generally when I got to know him better. He wasn't poor, just mean. So whilst I was thinking "equality" and proud to pay my half, he was thinking of the pennies. Link to post Share on other sites
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