Male age and reproductive health

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm wondering what age range I should be considering for a potential mate, given that I'm 38 and want kids. In my previous thread about whether or not to date younger men, 32-37, someone posted a link to a study indicating that reproductive anomalies start to really ratchet up when male hits age 45 (birth defects, etc.) From a fertility standpoint, I'm no spring chicken myself, but since I want kids, I want to make sure I'm not being foolish when choosing a mate.

 

I ask because the latest wave of guys are 40-50, and in general, I'm finding that older men have figured out by now how to interact with a woman and are interesting to talk to. Many of them are clearly ready to settle down and give hints of having baby/family fever

 

I'm not sure how much of a factor health and fitness is. One of my current older prospects, mid-40s, runs a self-defense training school and appears to be a totally ripped badass! If I didn't know his age, I'd guess late 30s.

 

Another guy, a Scorpio running a really cool creative business revolving around many of my greatest loves (music, for one), seems totally awesome and is 50.

 

I don't care about older parent age. I've always thought older parents make better parents, in general, since they have more life experience and wisdom. I'm just wondering how much of a factor age should be in the equation?

[lana-banana]

Yes, there are substantial health risks with advanced age. Autism is especially prevalent when both parents are over forty, and with older men there's also a growing risk of schizophrenia and other birth defects. It seems your odds are best at <30, then your risk just increases from there, with most of the worst stuff coming after parents are forty, and any genetic disorders you have are more likely to be inherited.

 

Both my parents were 40 when they had me. I have several reproductive disorders, although they may be reparable. I know a girl whose father was 65 and mother was 25 when she was born, and she's physically very normal...mentally, on the other hand, she's a trip. But who can say what's due to nature versus nurture? The science is still pretty new.

 

I have no answers for you. I personally prioritize love over having children, but everyone has to make their own choices. Maybe suggest gene sequencing for your third date?

 

Sources:

Dad's Age Raises Down Syndrome Risk, Too

Paternal age: How does it affect a baby? - Mayo Clinic

When Are You Too Old To Be a Dad? | TIME.com

[elaine567]

Being ripped, appearing healthy and looking young, does not equate with any reduction in the risks that have now been found to be associated with increasing paternal age.

[Eternal Sunshine]

And since you age also carries risks, your are better off picking a guy in a younger age bracket.

[I_Give_Up67]

Ruby,

 

There's always the A.I. route, should you still want to settle down with one of the older guys or choose to remain a single mom.

[elaine567]

downhill at 30 now, lets not exaggerate and get carried away.

 

It is all about genetic mutations in the sperm, ageing increases the new mutations, and can cause problems in the children.

 

Every batch of sperm represents an opportunity for genetic typos—called de novo mutations—to be passed on. A 20-year-old man and woman will each pass on about 20 de novo mutations to a baby they conceive. By the time the couple is 40, a woman’s total has remained at 20, while a man’s has jumped to 65—and it keeps climbing from there.

[Weezy1973]

Pick the man that will make the best father and partner, regardless of age. There certainly are increased risks with age, but the damage of a bad parent is far greater than any increased biological risk caused by age.

 

If you do end up having a child with autism, having a loyal, dedicated partner to raise that child will be vital. Also, as an aside, although the risk does go up considerably with age, the chances of having a child with autism etc., remains quite low overall regardless of the man's age. Even if the risk is doubled or tripled, it remains quite low overall.

[carhill]

I'm wondering what age range I should be considering for a potential mate, given that I'm 38 and want kids. In my previous thread about whether or not to date younger men, 32-37,

 

All else being equal, I think that's a good age range if procreation is on your mind. Sufficiently mature to be established emotionally and professionally and still reproductively in a prime area, both with sexual potency and sperm health. Additionally, a younger man generally will have more energy for the increasingly shared responsibilities of everyday parenting.

[Ninjainpajamas]

For compatibility sake and settling down, I'd say the early to mid 40's would be most compatible given your age.

 

Guys younger than yourself, still have the diminishing option to dip down into the early 30's or even the mid 20's for a baby-momma and still might end up "wasting time" your time in the end.

 

Guy in his 40's, probably has been through that last hooray phase of the 30's where he actually might be SERIOUSLY considering settling down, rather than just telling women that because that's what they want to hear and the "noble" thing to do as an older guy...as women as they get older are generally looking to settle down into a serious relationship more often than not.

 

Older guys of course you will always have the option of, age itself is a disadvantage in the dating world comparatively speaking and generally speaking, so that's really your own choice.

 

I wouldn't so much be concerned with male age and reproductive health other than being more concerned about maybe someones general health and medical issues that could impede on making babies...you never know if you're going to have a healthy baby, you could be in your teens and still have a kid with problems.

 

But generally, I hear more challenges with women than with men in this area...generally it seems men can have healthy babies at any age without any medical issues, given it's with a younger woman...as the higher risk is with older women.

 

But I'm no expert, anyone I've ever dated/talked in the medical field has always stated the risk with women as they age...hence the "pressure" to create earlier rather than later. The issues concerned were primarily with women, but maybe that's just because it never spilled into the aging of men in that area, although I have a feeling women are in greater danger/risk than men in this particular area of reproduction.

[elaine567]

But I'm no expert.

NO.

With the recent advances in genetics and the exploration of the human genome, the role of the man in birth defects is now being researched, previously the "blame" was all on the woman.

Ageing DNA in sperm with the increased new mutation rate, is now found to be an issue, and studies have shown that older fathers are now not "low risk" as previously thought.

Older men also take longer to make women pregnant and the rate of miscarriage is also increased.

 

I agree with Carhill here, 32-37, rather than anyone older.

[Ninjainpajamas]

NO.

With the recent advances in genetics and the exploration of the human genome, the role of the man in birth defects is now being researched, previously the "blame" was all on the woman.

Ageing DNA in sperm with the increased new mutation rate, is now found to be an issue, and studies have shown that older fathers are now not "low risk" as previously thought.

Older men also take longer to make women pregnant and the rate of miscarriage is also increased.

 

I agree with Carhill here, 32-37, rather than anyone older.

 

I doubt you are much of an expert in this field either. But it's as of no surprise to me that you are on any bandwagon that shifts the blame to men and promotes the value of women.

[xxoo]

Two older individuals will have more risks than one older and one younger. You could theoretically reduce reproductive risks by having a younger mate.

 

But that is putting the cart before the horse somewhat. Date men you consider to be good husband/father material for you, and figure out the reproductive piece with the man you choose. Would you consider adoption?

[Gaeta]

You need to discuss this with your doctor, each case is different.

 

Last year at age of 48 I was having an ovary scan and the gynecologist told me she never saw a woman my age with a healthy fertile reproductive organs of a 20 year old. She said if I wanted a last baby she was giving me the go ahead. I started laughing and I said no thank you, but she was dead serious. On the other end I know women that have started menopause at 40. So it's a one case at a time.

 

As for men it's the same thing. My ex-husband had his daughter at 48 and she is the cutest little thing, she's healthy, and doing well in school. My colleague is in fertile clinic right now to have a baby, she is 45, he's 60. She doesn't let all those statistics scare her away, they're having all the test done to make sure they'll have a healthy baby. Technology is on your side so if having a child is your dream just concentrate on a man that will be a good husband and father and everything will be alright.

[Art_Critic]

Pick the man that will make the best father and partner, regardless of age. There certainly are increased risks with age, but the damage of a bad parent is far greater than any increased biological risk caused by age.

 

If you do end up having a child with autism, having a loyal, dedicated partner to raise that child will be vital. Also, as an aside, although the risk does go up considerably with age, the chances of having a child with autism etc., remains quite low overall regardless of the man's age. Even if the risk is doubled or tripled, it remains quite low overall.

 

 

I like this post.....

 

I also would add, I'm a Dad who was 44 when my son was conceived and my Wife was under 40 and close to the OP's age.. I've read all the links that show up on LS and while they may have scientific weight I noticed that most of them don't have weight in the real world.

 

I know at least 15 couples or more if I really counted who had children with the Dad being older and the women under 40 and all the children, and multiple too are fine except for 2 couples.. one has autism and the other some other has some form of genetic issue where the skull plate doesn't grow.

 

The Doctors run all kinds of tests today to insure that if a Down's baby is being formed or many other issues that they get caught early and allow the parents time to discuss termination if they wish.

 

I will say this though.. statistically as the age of the partners goes up the chances of a Downs baby goes way up, skyrockets.. that was a determining factor in my Wife and I not having anymore kids.. we could never terminate and the thought of having to care for a baby that will outlive us and also have to take care of a special needs baby as we reach retirement age was something we weren't up for.

[elaine567]

I doubt you are much of an expert in this field either. But it's as of no surprise to me that you are on any bandwagon that shifts the blame to men and promotes the value of women.

 

Forget the ad hominem attacks and just do your research.

[Els]

Ruby, the only significant difference between male and female reproductive ability is that women have a definite cut-off age (menopause) whereas men do not. Fertility declines and risk of genetic mutation increases with age for both men and women. Health and fitness has not been shown to decrease the chance of genetic mutation, though they do have other obvious benefits.

 

If you really, really want biological children then a man <40 yo would probably be your best bet. But how important are biological children to you? Would you consider it a dealbreaker if a man couldn't have biological children?

 

(I also agree with Weezy and xxoo re: weighing other traits)

[xxoo]

I do think that both women and men who are near or over 40 should consider that having a biological child is not a given at that age. It's not a given at any age, really, but especially at older ages, it seems unwise to me to focus on reproductive ability as a main factor in choosing a partner.

 

Marry someone you'd want to be with if you NEVER conceive (regardless of whose body is the issue).

[Mrlonelyone]

Right off the top. Being physically fit has little to do with genetics. For example people would assume that Angelina Jolie has good genetics. In fact she has a genetic disorder that has lead to her having radical double mastectomy and hysterectomy. Breast cancer test 'Angelina Jolie effect' found - BBC News )

 

That ripped guys age may not mean he is bad stock.

 

The thing to remember about studies such as the ones brought up earlier is that there is a difference between causation and correlation. For example.

 

Circumcision doubles autism risk, study claims - Telegraph

 

The study of over 340,000 boys born in Denmark between 1994 and 2003 concluded that circumcision raised the chance of developing autism spectrum disorder (ASD) before the age of 10 by 46 per cent. When circumcision was carried out before the age of five, the risk doubled.

 

There you have it.... just dont get your sons circumcised and that will negate the risk of autism from an older parent.

 

As the story points out further down, this is an example of confusing a correlation with causation.

 

Some funny examples. See some hilarious charts showing that correlation is not causation - LA Times

 

So why are older parents correlated with a greater risk of autism, schizophrenia, etc?

 

Autism is known to make it harder for people to get and maintain healthy relationships. An Autistic man will have trouble finding women, starting relationships, and getting married. The same for an autistic woman.

 

That leads to the autistic person not having children until latter than other people. If autism is genetic and an inheritable trait. Then it could be passed on to the children.

 

The way to not get a child with autism is to not marry someone with autism. That should be easy since if you aren't autistic you will likely not marry one, autistic people tend to marry other autistic people. (Just as bipolar people will marry bipolar people....birds of a feather.)

 

A link to some facts about Autism spectrum disorders.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm

 

One can even question are these things necessarily bad. Is difference from the herd always a bad thing? To people who are on the autism spectrum neurotypical folks seem odd. Autistic Pride Day | Autism Acceptance Month

 

Kids with autism often have parents with similar traits - Futurity

 

 

The bottom line:

Go ahead and marry a man over 40 if he is most compatible for you. Compatability, stability, maturity, life experience will better align at that age.

 

I am almost 35 myself yet look at me. I am still not tired of dating 20 somethings. I am not a typical male, but if anything a typical male will be more into 20 somethings and young 30 somethings.

 

A 40 something late 30 something partner will be more stable and have more of what you want, and will not want relationships with younger women. (Yes older men will have sex with a woman that age, 20 something, but they generally don't wife them.)

 

Autism risk increasing with age does not mean age causes autism. It is quite possibly a genetic trait no stranger than having blue eyes or curly hair.

Edited May 16, 2015 by Mrlonelyone

[regine_phalange]

My mum was your age when she gave birth to me. She was relatively fit and didn't have unhealthy habits (except loving chocolate). My dad was 44 and he wasn't fit. He also had some unhealthy habits. But I came out allright (I think! ) .

[callingyouuu]

It should be pointed out that the most recent literature suggests that the increase in risk of many of these fetal anomalies is on the order of 0.5%. So while optimizing your future child's well-being is obviously a priority, it's perfectly reasonable to select someone a few years older if you think he'd be the best father/life partner.

[MissBee]

Being ripped, appearing healthy and looking young, does not equate with any reduction in the risks that have now been found to be associated with increasing paternal age.

 

Yep.

 

Reproductive fitness cannot be determined by physical fitness whatsoever. You can be fit as a fiddle and still have low sperm count or other reproductive issues that cannot be seen by simply looking at you. Likewise women may be fit as a fiddle and also have fertility issues.

 

Funnily. yesterday we had an informal event with a few professors talking about motherhood and careers. One was saying she doesn't recommend it, but she had her first pregnancy at 41, by time you're that age apparently you have to see a specialist. They did a pre-natal genetic screening and found out the fetus had down syndrome, which is a risk in older pregnancy, so they terminated. The second time she got pregnant was at 43, the baby was born completely healthy. She tried to get pregnant again at 45 and her doctors were like no...but they did IVF and got a donor egg and so she had another baby who was also healthy.

 

I don't know how old her husband was, but I assume he is likely the same age or older than she is.

 

All that to say, I do not think there is any sure fire way necessarily to choose this. Even some younger men have fertility issues. Older couples aren't the only ones who sometimes have a hard time getting pregnant and often there is no way to know this until you actually try to get pregnant. So choose a man based on your values, wanting the same things, him being healthy and wanting kids and then take the journey to being parents from there. It may be uncomplicated or it may be challenging, but if you're both in it together you have options. But you can't possibly screen a man for if he will be able to have healthy kids, as you simply don't know, whether they are young or old.

[MissBee]

I doubt you are much of an expert in this field either. But it's as of no surprise to me that you are on any bandwagon that shifts the blame to men and promotes the value of women.

 

This is besides the point, but how would you know what she is an expert in? Do you know her offline?

 

This isn't a band wagon....for years women have been blamed for fertility issues and now as we understand more at the level of DNA we are realizing the various factors that come into play which reasonably aren't just on women.

 

How is this rocket science or even a deeply disturbing concept? The fact that even when faced with facts people will just say "Mmm...I don't believe it just cause...well I don't" is hysterical.

[PogoStick]

I've also read that older men take longer to impregnate the woman. If that's your end goal then younger is obviously a bonus. At your age, a slightly younger man should still be mature enough to be a good husband and father. 35-40 seems like your ideal range to me.

[lucy_in_disguise]

i hate to bring his up, but id be more worried about youw own fertility, and being able to find the right situation/partner while you still have the chance to have a kid, vs. potential dates' risk of birth defects.

 

Have u considered freezing some embryos now as an emergency measure? Freezing your eggs woild be ideal but most insurances dont covrr it and the process is very expensive.

 

I would date guys you click with and would want to be regardless of age. Otherwise you might as well be a single mother by choice. Speaking of which, thats another option to consider.

 

I understand how difficult this must be if you have alwqys known you want children. As a 30 year old woman, i feel like i am constantly having to evaluate my choices with my fertility in mind. I have high hopes for some of thr newer technologies to level the playing field, tho. I am hoping to freeze my eggs later this year to take off some of the pressure.

[xxoo]

I've also read that older men take longer to impregnate the woman. If that's your end goal then younger is obviously a bonus. At your age, a slightly younger man should still be mature enough to be a good husband and father. 35-40 seems like your ideal range to me.

 

The problem is, if a 35 year old man is in the same mindset (filtering for optimal fertility), he's going to go for a younger woman.

 

The mindset cuts both ways. She'd be looking for someone ready to settle down and wanting a family, yet overlooking her potential fertility challenges. Are you, ruby, willing to overlook a man's potential fertility problems?