What happened here?

[sa84]

So I get contacted at the end of April by a girl from HS on Face Book. I friend her and she has interest. We exchange telephone numbers. We talk she was divorced in 2013, and recently got out of a two year relationship. She said this guy was a playboy who juggled many women and wouldn't giver her a commitment. She agrees to go on a date with me. I tried numerous times to date her first two weeks of May. She was always busy on the weekend etc. Plus shes a mother so mother days weekend came and went.

 

I then get a text from her telling me she heard I talked with other girls from HS on Face Book. Which is true but I wasn't interested in dating them just responded to there PM's to me. In this text she indicated that she doesn't want to be part of a players club. Have a good life etc.

 

I called her back and told her what you are hearing was wrong. That I wasn't a player and was trying to pursue her. She then said its not you its me. She was still in love with the past boyfriend. I cut it short saying that I understood and feel free to call anytime. I was disappointed but didn't tell her that.

 

About 10 days later over Memorial weekend she sends me a message via FB. Now I hadn't tried to contact at all after our last phone call. In the message she says "Think that I am ready to meet. talk soon". So I'm thinking OK this is a good thing. I call her the Thursday after Memorial day Monday when I got back home after a holiday break.

 

She was excited to talk to me. I asked her out again on the weekend. She had a city event that weekend she says she was involved in and we agreed to a lunch date the following Tuesday. She then called me to talk Sunday. Another good constructive talk.

 

On Monday I sent her a text telling her I would be calling her later that night to confirm plans. About an hour later she sends me a text "just got a call have a meeting, so sorry". And that was it. No reschedule or anything else.

 

So here's the deal. I never responded to this text. I felt she was playing a game here. And if it was true she had a meeting that she could have met up with me later or offered a different day etc. And now here it is exactly 2 weeks later and I have been stone cold silent. And she as well. No texts phone calls nothing.

 

I put a lot into trying to ask her out. It never happened. I was really disappointed after she had cancelled. I truly do like the girl but shes not giving me a chance or playing a game here. I don't know what to do.

 

Did I do wrong for ignoring her expecting her to call and reschedule a date? Do I give in and call her? I feel like I'm entitled to an answer what this is all about. Especially after she contacted me the first time saying she was ready to meet. Do I forget about her. Is she waiting for my call or moved on herself? What if she contacts me or do you think she will even contact me?

 

Thank you for all responses.

Edited June 17, 2015 by sa84

[mongo]

she sounds like trouble. a cancellation with no counter offer is always bad. i wouldnt talk to her ever again.

[SomeDude16]

She has skeletons in the closet from her previous relationship. She's is lacking self confidence and trust in general. You were a confidence boost to her and she very well may have been or still is interested but her past experiences have lest a bad taste she hasn't gotten rid of. Stay positive and move on. She may very well attempt to contact you again, use your judgment. If you wanna risk it go for it...

[Versacehottie]

So I get contacted at the end of April by a girl from HS on Face Book. I friend her and she has interest. We exchange telephone numbers. We talk she was divorced in 2013, and recently got out of a two year relationship. She said this guy was a playboy who juggled many women and wouldn't giver her a commitment. She agrees to go on a date with me. I tried numerous times to date her first two weeks of May. She was always busy on the weekend etc. Plus shes a mother so mother days weekend came and went.

 

I then get a text from her telling me she heard I talked with other girls from HS on Face Book. Which is true but I wasn't interested in dating them just responded to there PM's to me. In this text she indicated that she doesn't want to be part of a players club. Have a good life etc.

 

I called her back and told her what you are hearing was wrong. That I wasn't a player and was trying to pursue her. She then said its not you its me. She was still in love with the past boyfriend. I cut it short saying that I understood and feel free to call anytime. I was disappointed but didn't tell her that.

 

About 10 days later over Memorial weekend she sends me a message via FB. Now I hadn't tried to contact at all after our last phone call. In the message she says "Think that I am ready to meet. talk soon". So I'm thinking OK this is a good thing. I call her the Thursday after Memorial day Monday when I got back home after a holiday break.

 

She was excited to talk to me. I asked her out again on the weekend. She had a city event that weekend she says she was involved in and we agreed to a lunch date the following Tuesday. She then called me to talk Sunday. Another good constructive talk.

 

On Monday I sent her a text telling her I would be calling her later that night to confirm plans. About an hour later she sends me a text "just got a call have a meeting, so sorry". And that was it. No reschedule or anything else.

 

So here's the deal. I never responded to this text. I felt she was playing a game here. And if it was true she had a meeting that she could have met up with me later or offered a different day etc. And now here it is exactly 2 weeks later and I have been stone cold silent. And she as well. No texts phone calls nothing.

 

I put a lot into trying to ask her out. It never happened. I was really disappointed after she had cancelled. I truly do like the girl but shes not giving me a chance or playing a game here. I don't know what to do.

 

Did I do wrong for ignoring her expecting her to call and reschedule a date? Do I give in and call her? I feel like I'm entitled to an answer what this is all about. Especially after she contacted me the first time saying she was ready to meet. Do I forget about her. Is she waiting for my call or moved on herself? What if she contacts me or do you think she will even contact me?

 

Thank you for all responses.

 

I don't like it. You should have at least answered and said something. That's the minor issue because it made you look like you were pissed and turned it into a standoff. No good comes of that. Then there's her. She doesn't sound all there. I don't like that she cancelled and didn't offer another alternative. Or if she deduced that you were pissed and she wasn't lying or overly sensitive, since she was the canceller she should have reached out and said "did you get my message, I'm sorry". You are sounding like her back up plan when she gets bored. Good news as the backup plan, you are probably still somewhat in the line-up. Bad news, you are still the back up plan!!! Back ups usually hear from the other person again. The next time she is bored!!! Do you really want that? I would definitely make her explain herself and make sure she is sounding sincere next time. Honestly, she is acting like this is not the right time for her to give you a fair chance. I'm sorry. Good luck. BTW, I think she was lying with her cancel reason

[sa84]

Hi I appreciate all three responses. And there all exactly what I was feeling. I do regret not responding to her text somewhat. But at the time I wasn't pissed but more disappointed then anything. I didn't want to write the wrong words. Plus it bothered me she texted me instead of calling.

 

Its like your pursuing someone then it stops. Then she is pursuing me we set up a date. Then nothing, she cancles. Its very frustrating. She must be really confused with this so called ex of hers. A couple of her friends no what is going on between us. They both have told me via FB PM that the guy is a tool. None of her friends like him. That he sleeps with many women. Throws it in her face but yet she cant let go but is close.

 

Is that really what a women wants? I dont think so. She is pretty and Ive know her for 25 years. She graduated a year ahead of me we are not kids, Im 42 and she is 43.

 

I like to think that we had great conversation by telephone. Maybe she needs space and her feelings are all screwed up. So space is what Im giving her. But I do miss talking with her and it sucks.

 

Thank You

[Gaeta]

She told you she was still in love with her ex than 10 days later she's not any longer? meh...My bet is she has someone else in her radar or she is not really like the pictures she put up on fb. She is a huge waste of your time. Shameful for a woman her age.

[cessna]

You've put in the effort and she hasn't. It's on her to reciprocate and to arrange a date now. I'm guessing she won't because she sounds like a flake so I would leave her be and be happy that you dodged a bullet.

[Versacehottie]

well I'm glad you realize what's going on. You just have to do your best to move past it. It's not that confusing when someone uses you as a backup plan. Basically they have bursts of hating the person they are still hung up on or dating and wanting themselves to move out of that cycle and that's when you get contacted. Or even if she is jilted and depressed about her ex, she will have a moment or burst of energy where she feels as if a new guy will solve her problem. And then she reconsiders and is not ready. Just be glad you are not further into it with her.

 

Basically you really need to see some concrete effort and actions on her part before you consider going out with her if it were to come up again. It may sound counter-productive but if she contacts you again, I would do a lot of phone calls (she would have to initiate a lot of them) before actually agreeing or being available to meet up. That way you will be able to see how invested and emotionally available she really is. In other words, if she can't keep up with 2-3 weeks of phone calls/texting with you then she will probably disappear after a date or two also. You can pretend to be too busy to meet up during this time period. Actually that will help you too because if she is treating you like back-up, not being too available will help you with your case. Good luck

[sa84]

So an update to this mess I'm in. Sure enough this girl contacts me again on FB June 18. She asks me why I didn't respond to her cancellation text. Also saying we could have rescheduled our date. I basically told her that her cancellation date made no offer of rescheduling. She once again befriends me on FB. She indicates she wants to see me.

 

And once again we start talking on the telephone. So we plan a dinner date the following week. Well that didn't work out either. She texts me asking if I can move up the dinner time one hour ahead. Saying she had problems with her daughter or something like that. So I say OK fine. Then a bit later she texts and says can we keep original time? Im like thinking to myself what is going on here.

 

I finally called her and said listen lets cancel things came up go do what you have to do. So we continue to talk by phone up until this past Sunday. We plan on seeing each other this week. I called her to make plans with her again this past Tuesday. She doesnt answer sends me a text saying she was to busy at work to talk. And this was at 7:30pm. Will call back when she can. I wait, send her a text at 11pm saying guess your not calling tonight.

 

Today she sends a text saying she has been working morning through night at this job site. She has her own company in Asbestos removal. And she is new in this field. This is a big project for her. Will call when she can.

 

So here is what I did. After two months of this I asked her on a voice mail. I said what are your intentions in this relationship. That we have been talking for over two months and nothing has happened. Every time I walk away from you, you come back on FB. I asked her do you want a friendship or are you romantically interested in me at all. Because you are frustrating the hell out of me.

 

Now I would never ask someone what their intentions were at all. But after two months of this and not one date with her. It was time to get to the point because she is wasting my time.

 

What do you all think of this. Should I once again stop talking to her? Should I un-friend her and maybe block her on FB. Now she hasn't called me back saying she is too busy. Well I see her liking posts on FB so she is not to busy to socialize with others.