Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Every time I have dated down, look wise, THEY ended up dumping me. I don't understand this phenomena. You do? I met this man a few weeks ago, I thought he was so-so. He was too tall, too thin, his teeth needed some work, he only wore running shoes etc, Anyway, I decided to give it a few dates and to my surprise he grew on me! Then HE dumps me!! lol Every single time I gave a shot to a man I felt 'I can do better' he ended up dumping me, what's up with that? Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 It's called the First Strike Rule. They don't want to get dumped, so they dump before they get dumped. Another one of those dating things that makes a lot of sense huh. Every time I have dated down, look wise, THEY ended up dumping me. I don't understand this phenomena. You do? I met this man a few weeks ago, I thought he was so-so. He was too tall, too thin, his teeth needed some work, he only wore running shoes etc, Anyway, I decided to give it a few dates and to my surprise he grew on me! Then HE dumps me!! lol Every single time I gave a shot to a man I felt 'I can do better' he ended up dumping me, what's up with that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Insecure people pull that crap. Some people do dumb stuff to save face. EGO. Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Every time I have dated down, look wise, THEY ended up dumping me. I don't understand this phenomena. You do? I met this man a few weeks ago, I thought he was so-so. He was too tall, too thin, his teeth needed some work, he only wore running shoes etc, Anyway, I decided to give it a few dates and to my surprise he grew on me! Then HE dumps me!! lol Every single time I gave a shot to a man I felt 'I can do better' he ended up dumping me, what's up with that? Don't date down. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 It's called the First Strike Rule. They don't want to get dumped, so they dump before they get dumped. Another one of those dating things that makes a lot of sense huh. hhmm I had not thought about it that way. Damn it sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 there's no such thing as dating down 14 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 there's no such thing as dating down If you smile at me and there is a missing tooth in your mouth, I am dating down. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Perhaps they didn't share your opinion that they were "inferior" or preferred not to date someone who believed that that they are. 23 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I found that men that were most critical of my looks for example were the ones where I thought I dated down looks wise. This one guy was very overweight in the past and has lost a lot of it but has soooo much loose skin around the middle. I liked him anyway but he would constantly make digs about how I need to work out more and eat less etc.. My current guy is very fit, even has a 6 pack and is in a better shape than me. He has never uttered one word of criticism about anything. Even when I mention that I need to work out more, he would just tell me that he loves the way my body looks right now. He constantly tells me that he finds everything about me so beautiful. Maybe a bit of sweet talking but I will take it 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 If you smile at me and there is a missing tooth in your mouth, I am dating down. LMFAO! If you smell like a swamp: I'm dating down. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I found that men that were most critical of my looks for example were the ones where I thought I dated down looks wise. This one guy was very overweight in the past and has lost a lot of it but has soooo much loose skin around the middle. I liked him anyway but he would constantly make digs about how I need to work out more and eat less etc.. My current guy is very fit, even has a 6 pack and is in a better shape than me. He has never uttered one word of criticism about anything. Even when I mention that I need to work out more, he would just tell me that he loves the way my body looks right now. He constantly tells me that he finds everything about me so beautiful. Maybe a bit of sweet talking but I will take it That's because men who know they're less attractive than you feel the need to "keep you in check." Just date the sexy ones: they're nicer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 If they have a comb-over or a mullet, Gaeta, you are probably dating down. G 7 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) It's called the First Strike Rule. They don't want to get dumped, so they dump before they get dumped. Another one of those dating things that makes a lot of sense huh. Makes no sense, not in this case. If he were that insecure, he never would have gotten involved with her in the first place... And note Gaeta said as time went on, he grew on her ..... meaning she started liking him MORE not less! So why would he think she was going to dump him? It kinda seems like when she was iffy about him, he was all gung ho....then when she starts responding and liking HIM more, HE turns off and dumps her! Maybe it's the old "I don't want to join a club who would accept me as a member" syndrome....but that's just a guess. Weird that it keeps happening though! Sorry Gaeta....: ( Edited July 18, 2015 by katiegrl 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 If they have a comb-over or a mullet, Gaeta, you are probably dating down. G If their favorite program falls in reality show genre: I'm dating down. (Exception to the rule: Cops. That show is hilarious. ) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I don't understand dating down but I have also never been dumped. If I date someone I see that man as equal to me. Stronger in certain ways, weaker in certain ways - we're a team. If I see a man as 'below me' then I don't date him. Maybe they get the impression that you feel you are dating down? 9 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Makes no sense, not in this case. If he were that insecure, he never would have gotten involved with her in the first place... And note Gaeta said as time went on, he grew on her ..... meaning she started liking him MORE not less! So why would he think she was going to dump him? It kinda seems like when she was iffy about him, he was all gung ho....then when she starts responding and liking HIM more, HE turns off and dumps her! You're right, when I started reading the thread I so much wanted to work in a Seinfeld-like reference to a preemptive breakup, but it doesn't quite fit. Maybe it's the old "I don't want to join a club who would accept me as a member" syndrome....but that's just a guess. Wouldn't this make more sense if she had been the one who was more interested from the get-go? If a guy felt he had to work for a woman's attraction and then actually got it, wouldn't he be motivated to keep the relationship going? If the plan in dating someone is to see if a relationship might form, the "dating down" term seems a little crass. I've only had one experience dating someone who seemed to be more into me than I was into her. We've been married for over 20 years. Go figure . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Probably just sensed that the love or excitement towards them wasn't there. Some people are more in tune and intuitive then we give credit for. That makes them feel not great and people don't want to feel not great in a new relationship. People want to feel desired. If it aint there they bail. Fairly understandable if you ask me. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Or they just weren't into you honey. It happens. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Every time I have dated down, look wise, THEY ended up dumping me. I don't understand this phenomena. You do? Your assumption is that looks play a part in making a successful relationship and they don't, looks are the outer packaging that provides the attraction to turn someones head, the personally and compatibility are what keeps the fire going after the initial coupling. One of the worst people I have known was at least a 9+ in looks.. hotter than hot and she was an awful person to get to know, once I learned who she was she turned out to be racist, a drunk and someone who talked about people behind their backs, she was mean to children and she worked with children, she was also a user, someone who took advantage of me financially too.. I dumped her after a few months when it became clear there were issues.. sooner wouldn't have been possible as she was a traveling nurse of sorts and our time was limited at times so it took a bit for all this to come out. On the whole though I would think you could sum it up as incompatibility, so count your lucky chickens that the guys dumped you as you weren't compatible. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) I don't understand dating down but I have also never been dumped. If I date someone I see that man as equal to me. Stronger in certain ways, weaker in certain ways - we're a team. If I see a man as 'below me' then I don't date him. Me sentiments (and experience) as well.... Don't understand ....you found all these things wrong with him from the get go .....why bother dating him in the first place? Never settle for someone you don't admire and are not 100% into **on all levels** from the get go. It will come back and bite you in the ass.... No man wants a woman to be with him because he *grew* on her. He may have sensed that on some level..... and that is why he dumped you. Again just a guess. Did he give you a reason? Edited July 18, 2015 by katiegrl 7 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) You're right, when I started reading the thread I so much wanted to work in a Seinfeld-like reference to a preemptive breakup, but it doesn't quite fit. Wouldn't this make more sense if she had been the one who was more interested from the get-go? If a guy felt he had to work for a woman's attraction and then actually got it, wouldn't he be motivated to keep the relationship going? . . Not if his self-esteem is so low ..... now that she has finally grown to like HIM and has "accepted" him, HE now thinks there is something wrong with HER for liking him! Low self-esteem will do that to a person. There MUST be something wrong with her since she likes me so much..... type of thing. I doubt that's the case here though since it keeps happening..... It is something else. A *vibe* Gaeta is giving off that is turning these guys off. This can't be dismissed anymore.....there are just too many guys this keeps happening with. Gaeta is the common denominator innall these scenarios.... Edited July 18, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Too much focus on looks. Looks just attract attention initially but have nothing to do with long term compatibility . Thus, no matter how hot you are versus how not hot they are (or vice versa), people don't stay with each other because the hot or not. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 It kinda seems like when she was iffy about him, he was all gung ho....then when she starts responding and liking HIM more, HE turns off and dumps her! ( That is exactly what happened. He was really into me, I even was not-so-nice with him at one point and he let it slide and kept asking me out. Then he told me he felt like he could not read me, had no clue if I was into him at all etc so I changed my tactic and started showing interest and POOF! gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 He could probably sense the superiority complex. This discussion is kind of arrogant, don't you think? I've always gotten more humble Vibes from your direction. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 That is exactly what happened. He was really into me, I even was not-so-nice with him at one point and he let it slide and kept asking me out. Then he told me he felt like he could not read me, had no clue if I was into him at all etc so I changed my tactic and started showing interest and POOF! gone. Well then .... perhaps it IS low self-esteem .... and now that you finally like him, he thinks there is something wrong with you! Was he really missing a tooth? Was it at least in the back and not that noticeable? I guess all you can do is chuckle about it.....ya just can't win with these guys no matter what you do! Link to post Share on other sites
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