Strongrunner Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. I'm 41 and he is 48. He gets on with my boys, he is supportive and will do anything for us. I know he loves me, even if he didn't tell me ever again I feel it. Basically we are happy together so I thought. I have never gone through his phone, or even thought about it, even though I have caught him a few times going through mine. For some reason it got me thinking if he needs to go through mine, maybe he is feeling a little guilty for some reason. So last night when he popped out to the shop (we don't live together) I checked his phone. And there it was texts to another woman. I was devastated. She knew he was in a relationship with me, and called me the other woman! He didn't say anything in his texts about loving her, anything sexual just the care was there. That he wished he was in Cornwall with her, that he didn't like her being so far away and she replied how do you think I feel you going away with another woman! We are supposed to be going on holiday with my boys tomorrow! Goodnight text messages, wishing she had met him before he met me etc. I confronted him straight away. He first of all went mad for me checking his phone. Then said he was sorry, he was just flattered and liked the attention, that it made him feel attractive! I was just so upset I booted him out of my house. He called me crying he was an idiot, and she was never a threat to the relationship it was purely the attention. I just don't get it, i'm devoted to him, I look after my appearance tell him I find him sexy (it's the truth) but yet he still needs the attention from this other woman. He swears he has never met up with her, they just got back in touch over text. She is not an an ex, but a nurse he met when he was in hospital, they got on but the timing wasn't right then apparently. She just text him out of the blue to see how he was, he has been texting her pretty much everyday for a month! The tone of the texts hurt and the duration behind my back. My bloke is caring and he makes time for most people. It just seemed different and what he said to her I just can't let it go. Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal a guy needing attention from other women? Or is it all just an excuse at the moment I just want to finish the relationship because I feel cheated on. Even though he says he hasn't slept with her, meeted up, he may as well of done! Link to post Share on other sites
stupidkittten Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I don't know if I'd be able to get over it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. I think the main thing that makes it different is if she was just complimenting him and he wasn't really responding to it, just deflecting it but talking to her platonically (not that, that's okay but it's not AS bad) but it sounds like he didn't do that, like he just flat out let her think there were feelings there. If you want to work it out, it's not going to be easy. My first thing would of course be making sure he not only cut contact but I would also make him tell her that he won't be contacting her anymore, that he's sorry for leading her on but that he just liked the attention and couldn't care less about her and that his heart belongs to you. Something like that. Idk maybe it's childish and bad advice but it would help my pride because I think that's what would be super damaged and then I would demand full access to his phone, social media, etc all the time until he proved himself. I think you can work through it, if it's worth it. It wouldn't be to me though Link to post Share on other sites
stupidkittten Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Another quick thing to think about, if he would seek attention from another woman while things are going good, how about later on when the relationship goes through a rough patch? I'd say he's a really high risk to have a full blown physical and emotional affair then. Since he's capable of having an emotional one during a time when nothing is wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Strongrunner Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 Thank you for your advice. He isn't on any social media sites, he is a little old fashioned that way. It took me ages to persuade him to text me now and again rather than call. Calling to say yes to a quick question I asked by text was silly! Anyway he said today he won't contact her again. He also said he was in turmoil and felt bad texting her like he did. But you have a good point, if we are happy And in the honeymoon phase and he does this, what happens when it gets tough for any reason. I just don't think I can forgive him, as he has disrespected our relationship. He says he hasn't cheated but emotionally he has! Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Look, the other woman even knows about you - of course he's cheated physically already. He's a "player", the bad sort. Get rid of him, you don't want a guy like him around your kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. I'm 41 and he is 48. He gets on with my boys, he is supportive and will do anything for us. I know he loves me, even if he didn't tell me ever again I feel it. Basically we are happy together so I thought. I have never gone through his phone, or even thought about it, even though I have caught him a few times going through mine. For some reason it got me thinking if he needs to go through mine, maybe he is feeling a little guilty for some reason. So last night when he popped out to the shop (we don't live together) I checked his phone. And there it was texts to another woman. I was devastated. She knew he was in a relationship with me, and called me the other woman! He didn't say anything in his texts about loving her, anything sexual just the care was there. That he wished he was in Cornwall with her, that he didn't like her being so far away and she replied how do you think I feel you going away with another woman! We are supposed to be going on holiday with my boys tomorrow! Goodnight text messages, wishing she had met him before he met me etc. I confronted him straight away. He first of all went mad for me checking his phone. Then said he was sorry, he was just flattered and liked the attention, that it made him feel attractive! I was just so upset I booted him out of my house. He called me crying he was an idiot, and she was never a threat to the relationship it was purely the attention. I just don't get it, i'm devoted to him, I look after my appearance tell him I find him sexy (it's the truth) but yet he still needs the attention from this other woman. He swears he has never met up with her, they just got back in touch over text. She is not an an ex, but a nurse he met when he was in hospital, they got on but the timing wasn't right then apparently. She just text him out of the blue to see how he was, he has been texting her pretty much everyday for a month! The tone of the texts hurt and the duration behind my back. My bloke is caring and he makes time for most people. It just seemed different and what he said to her I just can't let it go. Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal a guy needing attention from other women? Or is it all just an excuse at the moment I just want to finish the relationship because I feel cheated on. Even though he says he hasn't slept with her, meeted up, he may as well of done! This guy is such a lying sack. I don't believe for ONE SINGLE SECOND that he's never met up with her - she even said they were supposed to be going away together to Cornwall for the weekend and instead, he's with you. Would he honestly have you believe that he's been making plans to go away with her without even having met up for coffee or dinner and who all knows what else? He called me crying he was an idiot... He got THAT part right. You're absolutely right to be concerned that if he's pulling this crap while times are GOOD, can you imagine what he'd be doing if things weren't so good? He's too damned old to be acting like such a hormonal idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 He called me crying he was an idiot, and she was never a threat to the relationship it was purely the attention. Yeah, I've had this behavior before from an ex. He would cry and beg, making me think if he is shedding real tears he must mean it. Then the next week he would cheat again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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