treehugger101 Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 My Boyfriend and I had a long talk that turned into a fight of course, but the topic was about this concert happening tomorrow night. It ended up being in an area that was known for drive by shootings, muggings, robbery, etc. And my Boyfriend and parents, friends, all told me not to attend this concert, because one of these things may happen to me and my Boyfriend. My Boyfriend ended up telling me, can't you understand how I feel and how I am scared to go down to this area, if you were emphatic, sympathizing, and knew how I felt, perhaps I WOULD consider going to this concert. He at FIRST said NO WE ARE NOT GOING PERIOD. BUT then he says he would consider going if I understood his feelings about this area etc. He then went on to say that the show would end late around midnight, and he would have to drive home late at night. This is how it looks, him and I live about 40 miles a part, and the concert is 13 miles away from MY house. So he would have to drive from his house, to my house, then both of us drive to the concert, then he would have to drive back to my house and then return home. So he would be returning home to his place late probably 1-3AM. But here's another factor, he has told me, that he stays up late at night, playing video games, so he stays up until 5-6AM playing video games. So IF he can do that, why not go with my to a concert and have a good time, and arrive home around the same time, he would be playing video games? Why is he picking playing video games, and staying home because it's safer than instead going out and having a good time with me? IF I was the man in the relationship, I wouldn't care about returning home late at night, or how far the concert was, or whereabouts it was at, I would do it all for my girl. I really wanted to go to this concert but yet all of this ends up happening all because of him, not wanting to go to the area and worrying about driving home late. WHEN before HE WOULDN'T CARE OR MIND but NOW that's dead and gone. Here's another thing that gets to me, my ex-Boyfriend, wouldn't care where the show was, how far it took to get there, or what time he would get home, or even if he had to sleep on the street or even go to the event with a fever and felt sick as heck. He would go because like me we both loved the music and the concerts so much. But yet my current Boyfriend isn't this way and it hurts me. I don't know what to do, but now I have to cancel future concerts and events because he complains about the whereabouts, timing, etc. What to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Nemetona Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 So you want him to drive around an area known for drive by shootings in the early hours of the morning? How is this reasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 If you don't mind me asking... which neighborhood are we talking about? Is this somewhere " relatively safe" like downtown oakland or the tenderloin? or is this in a genuinely scary place like Liberia? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 OP, what area specifically are you talking about? What kind of venue, how many people will be there? Is there a parking lot? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 My Boyfriend and I had a long talk that turned into a fight of course, but the topic was about this concert happening tomorrow night. It ended up being in an area that was known for drive by shootings, muggings, robbery, etc. And my Boyfriend and parents, friends, all told me not to attend this concert, because one of these things may happen to me and my Boyfriend. My Boyfriend ended up telling me, can't you understand how I feel and how I am scared to go down to this area, if you were emphatic, sympathizing, and knew how I felt, perhaps I WOULD consider going to this concert. He at FIRST said NO WE ARE NOT GOING PERIOD. BUT then he says he would consider going if I understood his feelings about this area etc. He then went on to say that the show would end late around midnight, and he would have to drive home late at night. This is how it looks, him and I live about 40 miles a part, and the concert is 13 miles away from MY house. So he would have to drive from his house, to my house, then both of us drive to the concert, then he would have to drive back to my house and then return home. So he would be returning home to his place late probably 1-3AM. But here's another factor, he has told me, that he stays up late at night, playing video games, so he stays up until 5-6AM playing video games. So IF he can do that, why not go with my to a concert and have a good time, and arrive home around the same time, he would be playing video games? Why is he picking playing video games, and staying home because it's safer than instead going out and having a good time with me? IF I was the man in the relationship, I wouldn't care about returning home late at night, or how far the concert was, or whereabouts it was at, I would do it all for my girl. I really wanted to go to this concert but yet all of this ends up happening all because of him, not wanting to go to the area and worrying about driving home late. WHEN before HE WOULDN'T CARE OR MIND but NOW that's dead and gone. Here's another thing that gets to me, my ex-Boyfriend, wouldn't care where the show was, how far it took to get there, or what time he would get home, or even if he had to sleep on the street or even go to the event with a fever and felt sick as heck. He would go because like me we both loved the music and the concerts so much. But yet my current Boyfriend isn't this way and it hurts me. I don't know what to do, but now I have to cancel future concerts and events because he complains about the whereabouts, timing, etc. What to do? "If I were the man in this relationship". -- If you were the man in this relationship, I would tell you to break up with your girlfriend because she is petulent and spoiled and selfish. And, I would tell you to break up with her because she thinks her last boyfriend was better than you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 (edited) Why is he picking playing video games, and staying home because it's safer than instead going out and having a good time with me? So it's either going to the concert.... OR him staying home playing video games? Why does it have to be either/or? Why not ditch the concert, but still get together and do something else? Edited September 30, 2015 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
buck3200 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Way I see it....is he just a pussy and really scared to go to this concert....or is he not a pussy and just using that as an excuse to stay home and play games. You know the answer to that better than us.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 is there a reason you are not capable of attending alone? you seem to not have any fear of the area, and you would be 'the man' and do it if the situation was reversed, so... do it. go alone, and show him you didn't need his company and that you're brave. or, maybe you're really not brave, either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author treehugger101 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 This concert is in a tire shop in the parking lot, it's in South Central/South LA in Los Angeles, California, and while this area is known for a lot of these occurrences like drive bye shootings, robberys, etc. That happening at this event is a 1 to a million chance. He says he will go the concert with me afterall but is still scared of this area. Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 You mentioned your ex boyfriend….. Because if you did/do that around him at all, its likely why maybe he doesn't have interest in you. I spent 6 months listening to my girl talking about her ex… I put up with it coz I knew the relationship was fresh to her, I cared. But there comes a point where IF you do this, it will cause a guy to pull back. It seems to me that you have some other issues going on here, ones not being said in this post. Overall you do sound selfish to me, sorry to say. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 This concert is in a tire shop in the parking lot, it's in South Central/South LA in Los Angeles, California, and while this area is known for a lot of these occurrences like drive bye shootings, robberys, etc. That happening at this event is a 1 to a million chance. He says he will go the concert with me afterall but is still scared of this area. I'm not sure why you don't drive yourself to save him the extra drive time? Are you compromising in the R or is he the only one being a giver? Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I wouldn't take my girl to anywhere that could be dangerous. It's called being responsible. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jacob_Duluoz Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 The hood ain't that dangerous. Don't act like a fool and nothing bad will happen. The driving question is a separate issue. As an LA person who is fairly familiar with South LA, I think most people from the suburbs just don't know how to acclimate because they don't have the cultural capacity to relate to the residents of that esteemed area. That said, the hood does change at night and you need to be careful about where you leave your car. Street smarts, some people have them, many people don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Nah, the whole "dangerous neighborhood" thing is just an excuse because he doesn't want to go for whatever reason. I'm a pretty, white boy and I'll walk right through the ghetto in the middle of the night. Sure, I'll watch my back and I'm not going to let anyone get close to me, but there are ways of safely going to not-so-safe neighborhoods. He's just using that as an excuse. I will say that it doesn't look so good on you comparing him to your ex, but that's a different story. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 The hood ain't that dangerous. Don't act like a fool and nothing bad will happen. The driving question is a separate issue. As an LA person who is fairly familiar with South LA, I think most people from the suburbs just don't know how to acclimate because they don't have the cultural capacity to relate to the residents of that esteemed area. That said, the hood does change at night and you need to be careful about where you leave your car. Street smarts, some people have them, many people don't. Agreed. South LA is not the safest neighborhood, but I think a lot of people have an irrational fear of it. I mean, they're putting on a concert in a parking lot at night. How unsafe could it be? Plus, there will be other people around, it's not like it's deserted. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Agreed. South LA is not the safest neighborhood, but I think a lot of people have an irrational fear of it. I mean, they're putting on a concert in a parking lot at night. How unsafe could it be? Plus, there will be other people around, it's not like it's deserted. The area needs to be deserted for a drive by to happen? And, what better place for pick pocketing, drunken/drug fueled fights and unruliness than when people are around and in an area where its just commonplace? This is not jayZ coming to a local venue. It is local talent playing out of a garage. No security. Limited parking likely so they'd probsbly have to walk some on poorly lit streets or alley. They should do something else together. Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 "an area that was known for drive by shootings, muggings, robbery, etc." I think you should heed you boyfriends concerns and maybe stay in and play video games. In a video game you can lose 3 lives and you can start over. In REAL life there is only ONE chance and then its really GAME OVER! Stay in and stay safe. Why not? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 The area needs to be deserted for a drive by to happen? And, what better place for pick pocketing, drunken/drug fueled fights and unruliness than when people are around and in an area where its just commonplace? This is not jayZ coming to a local venue. It is local talent playing out of a garage. No security. Limited parking likely so they'd probsbly have to walk some on poorly lit streets or alley. They should do something else together. I didn't quite say that. I just feel like certain parts of L.A. are given a bad rap due to their history; that doesn't mean you're going to get gunned down by virtue of being there. Plus you could just as easily get pick pocketed in Hollywood or on Rodeo Drive. To me, "I don't want to go because eww, scary neighborhood" is a bit of an excuse is all. Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) Way I see it....is he just a pussy and really scared to go to this concert....or is he not a pussy and just using that as an excuse to stay home and play games. You know the answer to that better than us.... I think he's both, a pussy (wtf what kind of a guy says he's scared to go somewhere to his gf) and a nerdy homebody (who plays video games TILL 6am wtff. Just don't go and let the pussy nerd have this one. He got his family involved and there seems to be so much drama over a concert that'll only last a few hours and will probably suck anyways considering it's local talent. Edited October 1, 2015 by wb1988 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Stay in and stay safe. Why not? Why not just live in a rural area and never leave home. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Stay in and stay safe. Why not? Because that's no way to live a life! Living in fear is no way to live. OP, I think your boyfriend needs to get over thoughts of "what might happen" because thinking like that is so unhealthy. Go by yourself OP and have a blast. Maybe you'll meet someone else who's not afraid of "what might happen" Link to post Share on other sites
Author treehugger101 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 This is the concert from last night - Him and I did not go. He did come over and we talked things over but he still refused to go to this area period. He DID end up saying "I will go down there DURING THE DAY to see the area and then MAYBE we will go the concert". But yet he said before that HE WOULD NEVER GO to this area period. Does that make much sense to anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
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