seeingthisguy Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Hey all - So my ex and I are on amicable terms (we're friends - but we don't talk everyday), and his new girlfriend has gradually begun harassing me. Things came to a boiling point on NYE. I was out with a girlfriend of mine and we bumped into my ex and his girlfriend at a bar. He came over, politely said Happy New Year. We did a shot together, and just started small talk. About 2 minutes into the discussion, his girlfriend runs over, drags him outside. I thought the whole thing was super awkward, but alas - not my problem. 5 Minutes later, they come back in. He has his head in his hands, and she marches over to me (with 3 of her friends, might I add) and asks if she can speak with me (I've met this chick like twice); but I politely say okay. We go to a quiet corner, and she starts giving me the gears about what I'm wearing (apparently my ex liked my dress a little too much - I dress for myself and no one else, thank you very much), grilling me about my past with him and if something is still going on, she even gave me sh*t for "not accepting her Facebook friend request" (I feel stupid just typing that). I told her any issues she's having with him are none of my business; he's my friend, that's it. Leave me out of it. As I'm going back to my friends, one of the bartenders pulls me aside and says, "Hey just so you know, that guy's girlfriend pulled me aside about a half hour ago to ask about you," Everyone... I lost my mind. My ex looked over at me as I was leaving and he could tell I was furious. Couldn't even believe it. As I'm walking home and approaching my building, I see my ex (slightly inebriated), sitting in front of my buzzer. He kept trying to apologize, and say "can we talk?" But I was so fed up that I couldn't even have the conversation. I told him to go home. I'm more posting this to vent and get feedback; but wow this feels terrible. I don't even know what to do - where does this chick get off grilling me or the people around me about my personal life? SHE'S A STRANGER! I owe her nothing, and I've done nothing to her! Thoughts?? Link to post Share on other sites
avintagegirl Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I wouldn't call what she is doing harassment. That said, it is immature and insecure behavior. I would just stay cool about these events.She is only looking like child to everyone around her when she is asking about you. To be honest, I wouldn't have talked to your ex either. Obviously that is only going to make things worse. If it were me and I spoke with him again I would calmly let him know I didn't appreciate her behavior. I also would avoid contact with him while she is still in the picture. This girl is off her rocker. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 She shouldn't date someone in contact with an ex many of us cannot and its a deal breaker for us she just shouldn't of entered the relationship knowing this will bother her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Perhaps he is giving her reason to mistrust him. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 5 Minutes later, they come back in. He has his head in his hands, and she marches over to me (with 3 of her friends, might I add) and asks if she can speak with me (I've met this chick like twice); but I politely say okay. We go to a quiet corner, and she starts giving me the gears about what I'm wearing (apparently my ex liked my dress a little too much - I dress for myself and no one else, thank you very much), grilling me about my past with him and if something is still going on, she even gave me sh*t for "not accepting her Facebook friend request" (I feel stupid just typing that). I told her any issues she's having with him are none of my business; he's my friend, that's it. Leave me out of it. As I'm going back to my friends, one of the bartenders pulls me aside and says, "Hey just so you know, that guy's girlfriend pulled me aside about a half hour ago to ask about you," As I'm walking home and approaching my building, I see my ex (slightly inebriated), sitting in front of my buzzer. He kept trying to apologize, and say "can we talk?" But I was so fed up that I couldn't even have the conversation. I told him to go home. I'm more posting this to vent and get feedback; but wow this feels terrible. I don't even know what to do - where does this chick get off grilling me or the people around me about my personal life? SHE'S A STRANGER! I owe her nothing, and I've done nothing to her! Thoughts?? My thoughts are that you should cut both of them out. Cut them dead - move on. Both are a pain in the ass. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 drama over jealousy. The gf is insecure but... I understand why she got angry when you showed up. It shouldn't have been directed at you, but at the boyfriend for having a shot with you. Guy sounds like a tool. Inebriated in front of your building? "Can we talk" was hopes he could go upstairs and bang you. Baffling how these sh-theads have girlfriends to begin with... BTW, privately you liked how your ex still has eyes for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeingthisguy Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 drama over jealousy. The gf is insecure but... I understand why she got angry when you showed up. It shouldn't have been directed at you, but at the boyfriend for having a shot with you. Guy sounds like a tool. Inebriated in front of your building? "Can we talk" was hopes he could go upstairs and bang you. Baffling how these sh-theads have girlfriends to begin with... BTW, privately you liked how your ex still has eyes for you. Funny - a friend of mine said that too (that he showed up at my building because he likely wanted to sleep with me...ugh). When we broke up, he was a total a**hole, so yes, I admit - there is a part of me that feels good knowing that all it takes for him to regret his ****ty behaviour is seeing me in a dress. That said, I a) think the gf's anger is misdirected, but b) I don't think I'm obligated to be her friend by any stretch; ex aside, she's not my type of chick. Though I don't wish the situation from the other night on any girl. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Funny - a friend of mine said that too (that he showed up at my building because he likely wanted to sleep with me...ugh). When we broke up, he was a total a**hole, so yes, I admit - there is a part of me that feels good knowing that all it takes for him to regret his ****ty behaviour is seeing me in a dress. That said, I a) think the gf's anger is misdirected, but b) I don't think I'm obligated to be her friend by any stretch; ex aside, she's not my type of chick. Though I don't wish the situation from the other night on any girl. I like your honesty. Most would deny it. Yes and No about the misdirected anger. She is angry at your ex but also with you because she's jealous of your past with him. There is absolutely no obligation to be friends with this girl. You weren't friends with her before she dated your ex, right? What is the point to be friends with her now? Especially after her outburst. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeingthisguy Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 I like your honesty. Most would deny it. Yes and No about the misdirected anger. She is angry at your ex but also with you because she's jealous of your past with him. There is absolutely no obligation to be friends with this girl. You weren't friends with her before she dated your ex, right? What is the point to be friends with her now? Especially after her outburst. EXACTLY. My problem is I haven't done anything wrong in this situation - and I've got her and her friends all throwing me the side eye, and in turn, my own friends asking me why she's pulling them aside to grill them about me. It's wildly uncomfortable Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 EXACTLY. My problem is I haven't done anything wrong in this situation - and I've got her and her friends all throwing me the side eye, and in turn, my own friends asking me why she's pulling them aside to grill them about me. It's wildly uncomfortable You can either let this ride out by ignoring them or you can confront her. BTW, this is inappropriate but you must look great in a dress if your ex is bailing on his current girl to come have a shot with you. Where you live? I'll buy you a drink Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 EXACTLY. My problem is I haven't done anything wrong in this situation - and I've got her and her friends all throwing me the side eye, and in turn, my own friends asking me why she's pulling them aside to grill them about me. It's wildly uncomfortable Sounds like a horrible position to be in, I am sure you would rather not have the drama. She's clearly trying her best to intimidate you so much that you willingly stop contact with your ex of your own accord, because she's jealous and insecure. She sounds like a nut. It is quite serious behaviour, because it's so unhinged, who knows where she'll stop? Someone who's capable of acting like that might be capable of more. If I were you, next time you hear from her, tell her categorically you do not wish to hear from her again and if you do, you'll be passing her messages onto the police. Contact them, let them know you feel she's harassing you and ask their advice. It's possible they may give her a restraining order against you. Some may say that's over the top but personally if someone tried to pull this crap on me, in my nice ordinary life where I'm just trying to get on with my stuff and don't appreciate drama and hassle being brought to my door, I would take it seriously and assert myself in that manner. If she's causing you distress and you've done nothing wrong to warrant it, then that is not cool. Especially as she isn't just coming to you, she's engaging people around you too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 If i was you i would have relaxed enjoying life. it's so beautiful, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeingthisguy Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 Sounds like a horrible position to be in, I am sure you would rather not have the drama. She's clearly trying her best to intimidate you so much that you willingly stop contact with your ex of your own accord, because she's jealous and insecure. She sounds like a nut. It is quite serious behaviour, because it's so unhinged, who knows where she'll stop? Someone who's capable of acting like that might be capable of more. If I were you, next time you hear from her, tell her categorically you do not wish to hear from her again and if you do, you'll be passing her messages onto the police. Contact them, let them know you feel she's harassing you and ask their advice. It's possible they may give her a restraining order against you. Some may say that's over the top but personally if someone tried to pull this crap on me, in my nice ordinary life where I'm just trying to get on with my stuff and don't appreciate drama and hassle being brought to my door, I would take it seriously and assert myself in that manner. If she's causing you distress and you've done nothing wrong to warrant it, then that is not cool. Especially as she isn't just coming to you, she's engaging people around you too. My problem exactly. Being insecure and dragging me into it is awful, but dragging my friends and acquaintances into the mix? Bulls***. TBH I'm more shocked that I was as polite to her as I was - I should've ripped her a new one lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeingthisguy Posted January 11, 2016 Author Share Posted January 11, 2016 You can either let this ride out by ignoring them or you can confront her. BTW, this is inappropriate but you must look great in a dress if your ex is bailing on his current girl to come have a shot with you. Where you live? I'll buy you a drink LOL. I clean up alright Link to post Share on other sites
avintagegirl Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 My problem exactly. Being insecure and dragging me into it is awful, but dragging my friends and acquaintances into the mix? Bulls***. TBH I'm more shocked that I was as polite to her as I was - I should've ripped her a new one lol. This bit I disagree with. I think you handled this really well and like a grownup. Ripping her a new one would have been a step down to her level of drama. Clearly you are better than that. P.S. High fives for rocking the dress! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author seeingthisguy Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 This bit I disagree with. I think you handled this really well and like a grownup. Ripping her a new one would have been a step down to her level of drama. Clearly you are better than that. P.S. High fives for rocking the dress! Aww, thank you :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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