Moving with his best friend

[Nightbreeze]

Hi everybody, i'm new in this forum and i'm not from the us, so please be patient with my english

I've been in a relationship with a guy since april 2015, and things are going well.

He lives about an hour by train from my place, about 45 minutes by car (he has a car, i don't). I'm 24 and live by myself, he's 26 and still lives with his parents.

 

During the course of last year he hinted several times he wanted to look for a job in my city, which is pretty big thus has more opportunities then his area, so that he could spend more time with me.

We didnt really talk about it that much, he just kept hinting at it.

 

2 months ago he told me he was probably going to mov in with his best friend, in a small village near his place. After a few days i gained the courage and told him i was hurting because he didnt even took the time to tell me he wasnt thinking to move in with me anymore. He told me he didnt fell ready to take that step with me.

 

In my country moving in together with someone has great meaning, its almost as gettjng married. Thats why i was so hurting. Then i just got it over with, but i still think it wont be a good idea for him.

He bareky earns 350 euros per month, and his job will end by september, the same month hell be moving. So he wont have any job, and will spend 250 euros a month of rent, plus all the food exc..and we wont be sble to see each other that much anymore.

 

What do you guys think about it?

Im certainly not angry eith him, im just still hurting a Little bit, he could have chosen a place nearer my place, and dtill think thats a bad decision..

Thanks

Edited June 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[pteromom]

If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. It's very smart of him not to move in with you if he isn't ready to take that step.

 

Of course, you have the right to discuss it with him. Find out where his head is. What his goal with you is. What his timeline is.

 

And you have the right to walk away if what he wants isn't compatible with what you want.

[Nightbreeze]

i've never intended to force into moving with me, i myself have never suggested it because i didn't think we were ready!

i just don't feel he's looking at our future enough..

sometimes he says he imagine where we'll be in a few years, or that it would be a dream to get old together.. but when it comes to concrete things, he gets nervous.

especially when i talk about how difficult will be seeing each other the next year..

[Emilia]

I think if you want family and kids, this guy probably isn't for you. I don't know how hard it is to get financially independent in your country but 26 and living at home still? Then a crappy salary and most of it going on rent? Does he have plans beyond that?

 

The fact that he didn't talk to you about it is very bad. He should have told you what his plans were.

 

He just doesn't seem to be much of a grown man to me.

[Nightbreeze]

it's hard, i don't know much people of my age living alone with their own salary.

the point is that having such a low income it would go all in the rent, and he doens't have much money left, only 300 euros. that's why it doesn't seem to me that he's making any plans! even if he wants to move in together in a year or two, or 3 or whatever, he'll have to have some money..he can't just spend it all as he earns it. that's if he wants a family or some sort of life together..

[Emilia]

it's hard, i don't know much people of my age living alone with their own salary.

the point is that having such a low income it would go all in the rent, and he doens't have much money left, only 300 euros. that's why it doesn't seem to me that he's making any plans! even if he wants to move in together in a year or two, or 3 or whatever, he'll have to have some money..he can't just spend it all as he earns it. that's if he wants a family or some sort of life together..

Well, he is moving to a small village, he won't have a job soon, he doesn't seem to be very good at making plans or being ambitious... do you love him much?