Does he want sex or a relationship?

[vanilatwilight]

Some people may recognise me from my other 2 posts about 2 other guys who are both failed relationships but now ive met someone else and I'm hoping to get some advice so thank you to anyone who takes time to read this

 

While at work I met this guy (ive knew who he is since August and the way he looked has always caught my eye he isn't attractive as such he is just cute but cool at the same time it's a weird combination) so one day a few weeks ago I ended up chatting to him and I think I realised that I kinda liked him so I messaged my old friend and said I'd found someone at work who I kinda liked funny story because he turned out to be her brother and she just told him straight up that I liked him, how awkward lol. That day he added me on facebook and started talking to me and a few days later after chatting on that and at work. through text he asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him so I could get to know him and I said yes

 

A few weekends past since we chatted and he had been drunk both weekends (from experience the other guys who get drunk who I speak to never reply to me when drunk) he kept messaging me after drinking and during actually to tell me he is really glad we met, he doesn't want to ever stop talking to me he said I was really pretty and he's said stuff like he wanted to ask me out before but didn't want rejected. He has also asked me if I am a virgin and he has told me that he's a virgin too and he seems like he wants to just have sex to get over it but he's also said he wants to wait on someone special so my problem is I don't know if he wants to have sex or if he wants to have a relationship with me and eventually he would be willing to have sex with me?

 

We went on the date and it all went well and we have spoke ever since he's said he can't wait to see me again and that he really does like me but I have learned that in person he is actually quite shy and so am I so it will take some work but I do like him, his sister has told me as well that he does like me as she told him and his parents about me and he's told his friends at work

 

I don't feel as if he ever ignores my messages but I feel like things are progressing too fast like he's said his friends all have girlfriends and he feels left out, just stuff like that so I'm not sure if he actually likes me or if he just wants a relationship just because his friends?

It isn't like other guys because I don't need to question if he likes me or not cause it's like i know he does by the things he says but I just don't know If he's just saying those things or if he's being serious

[TheTraveler]

He's probably so excited someone finally likes him.

 

He probably has thoughts of I'm not going to be a virgin anymore! girlfriend! relationship!

 

This isn't going to end well...

 

[Satu]

If it feels like it's moving too fast for you, it is moving too fast.

 

Don't let that continue.

 

If you want to continue seeing him, make sure that he knows you feel it's moving too fast.

 

 

Take care.

[vanilatwilight]

If it feels like it's moving too fast for you, it is moving too fast.

 

Don't let that continue.

 

If you want to continue seeing him, make sure that he knows you feel it's moving too fast.

 

 

Take care.

 

I don't necessarily care if it moves quickly or not I just worry that he will

Lose interest in me when I begin to really have feelings for him

[Satu]

I don't necessarily care if it moves quickly or not I just worry that he will

Lose interest in me when I begin to really have feelings for him

 

Thats a very basic human fear that touches everyone at some point in their life.

 

It's a tiger that needs to be tamed.

 

 

Take care.

[Arieswoman]

VT,

My question is - why are you bothering chatting to guys who are drunk? Aren't there any sober ones out there?

[vanilatwilight]

Thats a very basic human fear that touches everyone at some point in their life.

 

It's a tiger that needs to be tamed.

 

 

Take care.

 

 

Thank you

[vanilatwilight]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/605948-progressing-too-fast#post7157316

 

This is my previous post about the same guy ^

 

We met at work and went on a date ever since things have been great and we had planned to go out again but not on a specific day so I told him I was off work for almost 2 weeks and he said he would love to go out again, but last night he was messaging me and he said to me we should go shopping and then for a meal in the city and then stay over In a hotel and I knew exactly what he meant so I asked about it and he confirmed but he said nah it's okay Il wait for you I was a bit concerned that he even wanted to it so quickly, if he had even hinted to me that he wanted a relationship with me then I would happily do it

 

He said to me he wants to wait for the right person but at the same time he just doesn't want to be a virgin anymore and he said he feels like I could be the right person because we get along but if I'm not then It doesn't matter, see i found this to be a bit shady because previous when I told him I was off Wednesday he didn't seem keen to meet up with me only for the hotel thing..

 

I basically told him that I always wanted to wait because I am a virgin also until I found the right guy and I said I liked him so didn't want to just have sex then that would be it basically and he was like 'it's not like we wasted anything' and I said I don't want to do it with someone who I feel is the right person for them to say I am not the right person, I really don't know if he genuinely feels like he likes me and that's why he wants to do it with me or if he's just found someone who likes him and he's using that to his advantage? He has said he would wait for me but I feel like if I don't do it he might lose interest in me however I don't want him to lose interest in me if I don't do it because I want to do it I just don't want to be ditched. If he wanted to do it with just anyone surely he would meet someone from a night out as he is always out on a Saturday night that makes me think that he sees me as being special to him but I'm really not sure

 

This has seriously hurt my feelings I did not expect this from him he really didn't seem the type I think I should just give up with guys I seem to have no luck whatsoever lol

[salparadise]

I basically told him that I always wanted to wait because I am a virgin also until I found the right guy and I said I liked him so didn't want to just have sex then that would be it basically and he was like 'it's not like we wasted anything' and I said I don't want to do it with someone who I feel is the right person for them to say I am not the right person, I really don't know if he genuinely feels like he likes me and that's why he wants to do it with me or if he's just found someone who likes him and he's using that to his advantage? He has said he would wait for me but I feel like if I don't do it he might lose interest in me however I don't want him to lose interest in me if I don't do it because I want to do it I just don't want to be ditched.

 

Unh huh. I see...

 

So you're down for sex, but you want a guarantee. You're afraid he'll ghost if you do, you're afraid he'll ghost if you don't? Is that about right? So, the new thread to learn how to obtain said guarantee, correct?

 

Well, I hate to break the bad news, but guarantees are really expensive, and at the same time they're not worth much. It's kinda like learning to play poker... it's probably going to cost something to learn the game.

[Gloria25]

I don't necessarily care if it moves quickly or not I just worry that he will

Lose interest in me when I begin to really have feelings for him

 

Well, I feel ya, but in love and/or relationships we have to risk and put ourselves out there and exposed to risk of rejection - in order to move forward.

 

My thing is, don't invest too much or give up too much so that if you're rejected - you didn't/don't have much invested. Lemme see if I clarify more....You're a virgin, so, if you have sex with him early in hopes to keep him interested and he breaks up with you for something that didn't have to do with him finally getting sex (i.e. he doesn't like your cooking), then you just wasted your virginity on some guy who didn't even know you enough to know that he didn't like your cooking.

 

So, unfortunately, yes, the day you start caring for him he may lose interest - but, if you don't give too much (i.e. your virginity) to something/someone you're not sure of, hopefully when/if you two break up - at least you didn't waste your time.

 

And you know another reason for not sleeping with him too soon is good for? To weed out the people who really aren't into you. In other words, if he's so fickle to lose interest in you quickly and especially if you don't have sex with him ASAP, then be glad that he lost interest in you and moved on.

 

Well wishes

[Gloria25]

Unh huh. I see...

 

So you're down for sex, but you want a guarantee. You're afraid he'll ghost if you do, you're afraid he'll ghost if you don't? Is that about right? So, the new thread to learn how to obtain said guarantee, correct?

 

Well, I hate to break the bad news, but guarantees are really expensive, and at the same time they're not worth much. It's kinda like learning to play poker... it's probably going to cost something to learn the game.

 

Hi there OP. I kinda touched on this ^^ topic in my response to your other thread.

 

So, all I have to add is that don't feel down. In dating we have to take a lot of punches. I'm really down right now too, cuz I'm still blindsided on someone hurting me so bad when all I did was show kindness and interest - and, they did a 180 on me and is treating me as if I was a villain or something. Makes you scared to trust people ever. But, now that I look back, I think I ignored some red flags about him.

 

So, trust your gut/instinct - if someone is doing things that raise red flags, then unfortunately when we're dating we have to go weed out some bad people to get to the good people. Don't feel down. See this as a learning lesson to prepare you on the path to meeting Mr. Right. Some of us gotta kiss a lot of frogs to meet a prince

[smackie9]

Obviously he has no experience and is excited to have this experience with you. The best thing you can do is communicate with him your thoughts on what is going on, and your concerns about being used. You do have valid reasons to bring this up with him. It will help to keep you both on the same page and things balanced

[Gloria25]

Obviously he has no experience and is excited to have this experience with you. The best thing you can do is communicate with him your thoughts on what is going on, and your concerns about being used. You do have valid reasons to bring this up with him. It will help to keep you both on the same page and things balanced

 

THANK YOU!!! ^^

 

People need to COMMUNICATE with each other. You sit around and stay quiet and make assumptions and crap and it all goes wrong.

[spiderowl]

My feeling is that if you end up having a lot of discussion about whether you feel ready to have sex with him or not, then that is what this is all about for him. A relationship should mean conversations are about all sorts of topics. It sounds to me like he is putting pressure on and you are reacting and both of you are in a tense situation. Trust your instincts.

[basil67]

This is a really good topic of conversation to have with him. As posters said in your previous post, you need to communicate.

[Dark Horse]

Hope you find someone op

Edited December 19, 2016 by Dark Horse

[Dark Horse]

I can imagine what's going through his mind right now,

 

 

HOLY ****, I ACTUALLY HAVE A GIRL WHO LIKES ME! THIS IS FRIGGIN AWESOME BRO!

 

OH MY GAWD THIS IS IT, IM FINALLY GONNA HAVE SEX THEN GET A GF, AWESOME BRO! I'M GONNA POST ON FORUMS AND THEN LISTEN TO THE SONG I JUST HAD SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!

[vanilatwilight]

Hi there OP. I kinda touched on this ^^ topic in my response to your other thread.

 

So, all I have to add is that don't feel down. In dating we have to take a lot of punches. I'm really down right now too, cuz I'm still blindsided on someone hurting me so bad when all I did was show kindness and interest - and, they did a 180 on me and is treating me as if I was a villain or something. Makes you scared to trust people ever. But, now that I look back, I think I ignored some red flags about him.

 

So, trust your gut/instinct - if someone is doing things that raise red flags, then unfortunately when we're dating we have to go weed out some bad people to get to the good people. Don't feel down. See this as a learning lesson to prepare you on the path to meeting Mr. Right. Some of us gotta kiss a lot of frogs to meet a prince

 

 

I find it hard to understand why he acted so commited at first that's why I had my doubts about it going too quickly and I had every right to have my doubts as now it has turned into this, so uncool his sibling is my best friend and they promised me he was a decent boy. Thank you for your help

[vanilatwilight]

My feeling is that if you end up having a lot of discussion about whether you feel ready to have sex with him or not, then that is what this is all about for him. A relationship should mean conversations are about all sorts of topics. It sounds to me like he is putting pressure on and you are reacting and both of you are in a tense situation. Trust your instincts.

 

We previously did talk about everything but now ever since ive told him I would prefer to wait until I am in a serious relationship he seems to have went a bit quiet on me but I dunno if this was a phase or not because now he is rather chatty again but I've hinted that I have a lot of free time In the coming weeks and he did say a week ago he really wanted to go out again but ever since we had this conversation about sex he hasn't ever bothered to plan anything

- thanks for the advice it helps a lot x

[vanilatwilight]

This is a really good topic of conversation to have with him. As posters said in your previous post, you need to communicate.

 

I have attempted to communicate with him about this but I keep getting mixed signals