Smoke0 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 I asked out a girl from university in may. We went to a three dates and talked a lot in first two months. I can tell she was super interested. Then she started to distance herself so I confronted her about this and she confessed that other guy asked her out at the same time and she had to make up her mind to choose me. A little later she said I'm pushing too hard and that I must understand that it takes time for her to develop a connection with anyone. We met once in august because I was really busy and I can tell it pissed her off, but date itself went fine. Then I can tell I ruined all of it because I tried to "force" her to open up more and then acted kinda clingy and desperate when I tried to ask her out more than once later, but she always avoided to decline me directly. I could tell she was getting distand over last two months and stupidly I kept bringing it up. At the beginning she said again that it takes time, later that she tried to see as a couple but is unsure and in the end that she doesn't feel anything special even though I'm great guy. She also mentioned that there was enough time for her to make up her mind, and if nothing happened by now it is not going to change what suprised me as before she said something opposite to take things slow... I know I ruined it with my behaviour, I'm just unsure if it is how she felt all along or I forced her to say something like this with my repetitive questions? It is probably naive but I still hope that maybe if I give her some time (and myself) she will change her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 The timing isn't working for me. You met in May and went out three times in two months? So that would be through June? Then again a date in August, in which she has been distant and apparently seeing another guy (or more), and here we are in October. I think this girl isn't interested in you. She wants you to disappear rather than breaking it off, or maybe she likes keeping you around in case her other plans fail. She has told you straight up the feelings aren't there. The writing is on the wall. I don't know if I can say you ruined anything. You have wanted her to choose you, and you naturally want to see her spending more time with you and not dating other guys, and you're naturally upset, and you've brought it up. Unless you're ranting and coming at her in anger, I don't see how any of this is wrong. BUT, you're trying to force her to like you, and she doesn't. It's time to move on. We're talking about five months, and you've gone out how many times? It's not working out. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 You have already asked her out again since the date in August but she declined or avoided the Q. She's not interested. Leave her be. University is filled with people. Find a different coed & be more chill. The first few dates are new & fragile. A time to get to know somebody gradually. The connection you feel with somebody after a few dates or even a few months is not the same in-depth connection you have with a LTR that has stood the test of time & lasted more than a year so back off & let things develop naturally & gradually. Don't spill all your secrets at once or expect to be trusted with theirs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoke0 Posted October 3, 2017 Author Share Posted October 3, 2017 It wasn't this bad, we met by the end of may so it was more like 3 dates in a month. We couldn't also meet that much during vacation cause I was away for most of the time. I really have feeling that I acted badly over texts after our date in august that's why she refused to go to another. Now I feel bad about all of this. Last week after she said that there is no chance for anything we stopped talking to eachother. Today, after a week, she texted me asking how were my first days at university. I know we both agreed to not cut the contact entirely but now I'm confused she actually didn't. I also feel that everytime she reaches out I will hope that there is maybe a chance for something. Link to post Share on other sites
The Urbanyst Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 There is no "blowing it" there is just not being compatible. You should not have to change who you are to be with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 She may just want to be friends. Don't assume she wants more just because she asked about your first few days at school. I agree with the Urbanyst. You didn't blow it but you two may just not work. It's not a fault based zero sum equation. Simply seek out a different person with whom you are more compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 A little later she said I'm pushing too hard and that I must understand that it takes time for her to develop a connection with anyone. Sounds like B. She's more interested in the other guy. Don't let her manipulate you into believing you are 'clingy' for showing interest. Where's Fred123 with his 'Brad Pitt Theory'. 9/10 if she was feeling you, she would never say you were pushing too hard. She'd be awwwwwwwing at all your clinginess (In saying this, I'm assuming you're not regularly hiding in her bushes,reciting sonnets outside her window, or carving your initials with a heart in takeout boxes)Just move on. She's not interested and not worth your time 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 carving your initials with a heart in takeout boxes Oh I remember that story of Dis :lmao: Sounds like B. She's more interested in the other guy. Don't let her manipulate you into believing you are 'clingy' for showing interest. Where's Fred123 with his 'Brad Pitt Theory'. 9/10 if she was feeling you, she would never say you were pushing too hard. She'd be awwwwwwwing at all your clinginess (In saying this, I'm assuming you're not regularly hiding in her bushes,reciting sonnets outside her window, or carving your initials with a heart in takeout boxes)Just move on. She's not interested and not worth your time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoke0 Posted November 6, 2017 Author Share Posted November 6, 2017 So I'm not going to post new thread since this is update of the situation with the same girl. We started texting again like two weeks ago with increasing frequency. She was rather hesitant at first but as I kept it causal (even though I still do have feelings for her) and focused on having fun between us she opened up a lot. For the past couple of days we started leaning to more intimate topics and today she said that she had a dream of having sex with me, and that she has a lot of fun from our conversations. I jokingly said that I'm sorry she couldn't get a got sleep because of me and that I'm going to have stings of remorse now. Her reply to this was something like 'I'm sure you're going make it up for me' and when we were saying good bye to each other she asked where's the goodnight gif which I was always sending when we were still pursuing relationship and when I asked where's the gif for me she just joked that it may come when I decide what to do. I mean if we were starting things between us it would be obvious she wants me to take it a step forward. But last month we ended things pretty badly with her saying she doesn't want to meet anymore and that she already made up her mind. I'm not sure if I should casually ask her to meet up like nothing happened, bring it up and ask straight that I'm not sure whether she changed her mind or just keep it the way it is as a friends (which I really enjoy, but still wants more) and wait if she brings the topic up since she is the one who ended things between us last time? Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 It sounds like it didn't work out with the other guy so now she's wondering about you, the backup, again. Proceed with caution. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbyb82 Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 Let her bring up meeting in person. Just keep it chill. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 (edited) More B. She's has you as a back-up and it didn't work with someone she likes probably so she came back to her sure bet. She has you as an orbiter and she's flirting and future faking "had a dream about sex" to keep you in her orbit to serve whatever purpose she needs until the right guy comes along. Harsh, but that is my assessment. When she meets a guy she's into she would never pull this. I'd never let a guy pull this B with me. Edited November 7, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
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