I’m guessing this was a rejection? Feels like one

[amazonrambo]

We’ve had two great dates so far, won’t really get into detail..

 

After the first date when I asked when she was next free she told me “I’m free whenever you are ” so we arranged the second date.

 

After the second date today I asked when is she next free to get together and she replied “Don't get too drunk! Haha, I'm not sure maybe when I have some money ? x” so I replied “We don’t have to spend money, but I’d like to see you again. Maybe some other time, let me know when you’re free x”

 

I’ve left it at that. I know she’s tight on money at the moment as she told me she hardly has anything since investing in a laptop and she wanted to go halves with me on our meal but I said it was okay.

 

Was this a sign of her not wanting to see me again?

[Cookiesandough]

.. "maybe when I have some money" might have been some thinly veiled passive aggressiveness for you not insisting on paying on the dates even though she offered. xD Can't win that game

Edited November 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[amazonrambo]

.. "maybe when I have some money" might have been some thinly veiled passive aggressiveness for you not insisting on paying on the dates even though she offered. xD

 

I paid for both dates, she offered to split the bill but I said it was fine and I paid it.

[Cookiesandough]

Oh I'm sorry. I misunderstood. What she said makes 0 sense in that case...I would just look elsewhere. Seems like you acted completely appropriately.

Edited November 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[KBob]

After the second date today I asked when is she next free to get together and she replied “Don't get too drunk! Haha, I'm not sure maybe when I have some money ? x” so I replied “We don’t have to spend money, but I’d like to see you again. Maybe some other time, let me know when you’re free x”

 

Why did she tell you not to get too drunk? Did you get too drunk on your second date? That could be the reason.

[alphamale]

ahh I don't know...I would hold off contacting her and see if she texts you first. she also may not like your drinking.

[amazonrambo]

Why did she tell you not to get too drunk? Did you get too drunk on your second date? That could be the reason.

 

No it was in response to my previous text. In the morning she said she hopes I enjoy drinks with my mates later. I told her I’d be going in the evening after getting things done during the day and she then joked saying don’t get too drunk. I didn’t make that clear in my main post, apologies.

[amazonrambo]

I posted a facebook status regarding my productive day which said “Feeling determined. As one door closes, another one opens ”.

 

Soon after she text me “Okay ? what's your status about? X”. I replied “Just career stuff, got a lot done today with applications and that ? x”

 

A few minutes after she sent her text she also tagged me in a post of a picture of a coin broken in half, with a tagline of “this is how broke I am”. It was supposed to be humoress, it did make me laugh.

 

But I’m just confused regarding setting a date to meet up again. We don’t have to spend money to be with each other in person, I just feel like it’s an excuse because if you were interested in someone you’d see them surely?

[amazonrambo]

Other advice I'm getting elsewhere seems to suggest things might be going too quickly and she's possibly putting the brakes on.

 

We've had a date last Sunday, one Wednesday and I was asking for a third. Some are saying even two in one week is too much.

 

Any thoughts whether I've ruined my chances because of this?

 

My plan was to let her bring up the date idea seeing as I told her to let me know when she's free. But then what if all we do is talk and she doesn't? Another idea was to wait until Sunday and suggest arranging something for the following week and be direct with what I want.

[IzabelaIsabelle]

She sounds complicated for no reason. I'd move on.

 

ETA: Is there a significant age difference? It seems a bit unusual for a woman to be so open about money issues unless she is looking for a sugar daddy.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Do you talk about money a lot? Are you very money-career-success focused?

[amazonrambo]

Do you talk about money a lot? Are you very money-career-success focused?

 

Is there a significant age difference? It seems a bit unusual for a woman to be so open about money issues unless she is looking for a sugar daddy.

 

I'm 25 and she is 23. She lives in her own flat and mentioned the cost of her rent and bills, it seemed a lot.

 

Money is hardly a topic we talk about. It first started on the day of our second date, on Wednesday, when she asked how much is the place we're going to going to cost? I told her the price and she said she wouldn't be able to afford that because of the new laptop she's bought for work (I knew she was purchasing one as this came up on our first date). I told her it was okay and I had it already booked/paid for.

 

All of her money is sucked into her laptop right now it seems.

 

When we went out to eat she said she wanted my details to transfer money across when she gets paid, but I told her not to worry. She mentioned she only had about £8 in her account and she joked about it.

 

After she text me tonight, she tagged me in this picture on facebook

 

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/23319304_1843625949078836_4489135394653591424_n.jpg?oh=86e297dbbf0b3872966affb80130d1d4&oe=5A98467D

 

I've noticed the texting has died down a little but I'll be direct and message her on Sunday to see when she's free the following week and say it's my treat. If I get some other excuse or anything other than yes, I'll either tell her that it's been great getting to know her but best I take the hint and leave things here wishing her good luck for the future, or I don't reply and just remove her from Facebook and move on.

 

I'd rather someone be honest with me if they weren't feeling it, than excuses.. But the "lack of money" and "buying a laptop for work" did crop up in both of our dates so it wasn't just made up tonight.

[Cookiesandough]

its too many dates in a row too close together for me. I don't know how much time the average woman likes to spend when first meeting a guy but that's too much for me personally

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well, she seems very obsessed with her lack of money. She's only 23 so I'd hardly expect her to be wealthy. I don't know what to say, except maybe be leery that she's building you up to pay for everything if you continue to date her?? This is an odd one.

[1fish2fish]

Instead of asking when she's free, maybe be more specific and suggest a day, time, and activity.

 

Her response and if she suggests an alternate day (if she's not free on the day you suggest) will tell you if she's interested.

[amazonrambo]

its too many dates in a row too close together for me. I don't know how much time the average woman likes to spend when first meeting a guy but that's too much for me personally

 

Yeah that's what someone else said elsewhere. Couldn't she have arranged something for next week though? I did ask when she was free. She thought my facebook status was about her too so she seemed worried enough to ask me about it, then she tagged me in a picture. Meh, I'll reply to her texts 1:1 when she does and just give her space. On Sunday I'll give it one last chance then I'll just take the hint and move on. Rather not blow my money on someone who doesn't want to spend time with me Starting to feel like she'd prefer the attention off guys than effort of dating someone.

[amazonrambo]

Well, she seems very obsessed with her lack of money. She's only 23 so I'd hardly expect her to be wealthy. I don't know what to say, except maybe be leery that she's building you up to pay for everything if you continue to date her?? This is an odd one.

 

She was insistent in going half on the food and felt guilty about it. I appreciated her offering but said I'm fine with paying. I'll get my answer on Sunday.

 

I'll continue replying to her texts for now, same old jokey self like I've been doing before with her, I won't change my tone and just keep it positive. Sunday is the deadline though, then I'm moving on.

[amazonrambo]

Instead of asking when she's free, maybe be more specific and suggest a day, time, and activity.

 

Her response and if she suggests an alternate day (if she's not free on the day you suggest) will tell you if she's interested.

 

I've always found it easier to ask a girl what days she is free so she can give me a couple and I can compare it to when I'm free.

 

I'll try this on Sunday though, so at least I've covered both bases and I'll move on if I get another excuse.

[rushed]

She could just be really embarrassed that she doesn't have enough money at the moment to pay her own way. I would just try a "Hey, I got two tickets to (insert movie/concert/show name) Friday night. Wanna come with?" That takes the pressure off her as it implies you've already bought tickets, and it also suggests a day.

[amazonrambo]

She could just be really embarrassed that she doesn't have enough money at the moment to pay her own way. I would just try a "Hey, I got two tickets to (insert movie/concert/show name) Friday night. Wanna come with?" That takes the pressure off her as it implies you've already bought tickets, and it also suggests a day.

 

There's a comedy club I mentioned near where she works, it's right around the corner. She visited me straight after work on Wednesday so I know that could work. Yeah, sure.. I like this idea. Takes the pressure off. If she gives me an excuse then I'll move on. If she gives me a "maybe" I'll ask what other day works for her then if not, maybe some other time.

 

If she's interested in seeing me, she'll make time, so it's her last chance. Another reason why I'm leaving it for Sunday is because we've been on two dates this week and maybe she thinks it's going too fast if we had a third.

 

When we first started talking, on the day of the first date, she cancelled and gave me an excuse about "family problems" and asked if I was free the following weekend. I kept my cool, like I've done today and she then went on to say she was really sorry and wanted to meet me but we could get to know each other more over text in the week leading up to the date. This lead me to think there wasn't family problems, she just wanted to get comfortable talking more over text first..

 

This feels similar to today's situation. Even though she is short on cash, I don't think lack of money is the real reason.. I think it's because there's too many dates TOO soon and she's trying to hint for me to slow down. I mean there was no reason for her to waste effort replying to my text or tagging me in a picture, would have been easier to ghost from that moment really

[KBob]

I think she's just playing a little hard to get. People on here telling you the frequency of your dates being too soon or too little is purely their opinion; there's no set rules to this, you play it how you choose. If you think she's puling away because of too much too soon, then ask her if she's ok with the frequency of communication. Only you two will decide how much you want to see each other.

 

But she's definitely into you. She got a little jealous from your Facebook status and wanted to find out if it was about her, so that's a good sign, it means she was worried you were done with her. Just keep doing what you're doing. If she pulls away with no explanation or answers, do the same. If she comes back and contacts you, everything is still cool.

[amazonrambo]

I think she's just playing a little hard to get. People on here telling you the frequency of your dates being too soon or too little is purely their opinion; there's no set rules to this, you play it how you choose. If you think she's puling away because of too much too soon, then ask her if she's ok with the frequency of communication. Only you two will decide how much you want to see each other.

 

But she's definitely into you. She got a little jealous from your Facebook status and wanted to find out if it was about her, so that's a good sign, it means she was worried you were done with her. Just keep doing what you're doing. If she pulls away with no explanation or answers, do the same. If she comes back and contacts you, everything is still cool.

 

Yeah, it's why I'm confused. By no means was I trying to "play games" by writing that status, I just wanted to put something positive about what I had done that day, only to notice when she called me out about it I realised.

 

I'm only replying 1:1. I won't send a text until mine is answered, even if it requires no answer. I did feel like it was unessessary effort to ask about my facebook status and to tag me in a picture moments later. I know for certain that if a girl I wasn't into was making the same statuses, I wouldn't bother asking why unless I was into them (as I'd be worried it was about me, which has actually happened to me in the past and I've asked on the basis of being worried).

 

I know women test a lot, whether they do it purposely or without knowing. I think her first test was to cancel our first date last minute to see how I'd react, I acted cool so she ended up seeing me. She could be doing the same to see if it wasn't all an act, to see if I'm actually some psycho because we won't know each other well, it's only been two dates.

 

I'll focus on other things. I'll keep you guys updated, but I'm very pessimistic about this.. Thanks for your help so far.

Edited November 10, 2017 by amazonrambo

[amazonrambo]

1pm the next day and noticed there's been no text from her. My reply (which was brief) was explaining what my facebook status meant and didn't warrant a reply, but she usually does to keep the conversation going, usually before 9am before she starts work. I've noticed the texting has tapered off a lot, we were texting each other a lot during the day (a text every hour or two) and now we're not. Is this normal once you get comfortable with someone? I understood all the texting before a first date, because she'll have wanted to get to know me being a stranger, etc, but now it's gone down significantly. I'd have thought you'd be texting more if you liked someone.

 

My gut feeling is she doesn't feel it and is too nice to say or she just prefers someone else, that's fine but I wish that could be said so I could move on. I'll just keep backing off until Sunday and see if she accepts my date invite. It's all about actions over words really.

[kassy]

I think give it one more shot.

 

For the texting it could be lack of interest. It could also be she wants to get to know you in person now that you've met, and doesn't yet know you well enough to chit chat about daily stuff. I find that stage awkward texting but that could be just me.

[amazonrambo]

I think give it one more shot.

 

For the texting it could be lack of interest. It could also be she wants to get to know you in person now that you've met, and doesn't yet know you well enough to chit chat about daily stuff. I find that stage awkward texting but that could be just me.

 

Before the first date we were talking about daily stuff, our texts were very detailed. If she wanted to get to know me in person she'd have accepted the date though surely.

 

When we were waiting for a bus she was showing me pictures on her phone and I noticed she had a picture of me, she told me she was showing her friend who I was. I did also noticed a picture of another guy further up, but I don't think she noticed it was there. When we were on the bus, she was checking her phone and replying to her friend. I did notice she got a different text notification where someone sent her a smiley face, but instead of clicking on it to reply, she swiped it away. Led me to think it was another guy.

 

This is why I think she isn't texting me as much, probably prefers another guy but it's her loss anyway. I'll probably tell her that I had fun getting to know her but I think this has run it's course and I'll take the hint and she has my number if she changes her mind. Then I'll just delete her number and probably just deactivate my facebook as I rarely use it anyway. I'd just be cutting myself completely from her, easiest way to move on. Might seem a little butthurt, but if she isn't interested now then she isn't going to be down the line so no matter what I do it won't change anything