I think I made a mistake.

[LadybugLucy]

If y’all read my prior post earlier this month, I wasn’t sure if I should distance myself from a guy or not. I found out through social media that he lied about stuff. Then when I asked if a picture was of his house, he hid all Facebook messages from me.

 

I ended up unfriending him on Facebook after I found out he blocked me from seeing his posts, and i unfollowed him on Instagram. I messaged him and told him that I found out he was not truthful, and all of the times he lead me on only to find out he was joking really hurt me. He said he didn’t understand how he could have hurt me, and he didn’t understand my message. Basically he never admitted or denied the trips with another woman. As for leading me on, he continually told me how much he liked me and wanted to be with me (we live 3 hours apart). He said things that lead me to believe he wanted a relationship with me.

 

He was a good friend and someone whom I enjoyed talking to, laughing with, and even getting advice from. I feel like I over-reacted. I was hurt and jealous by seeing another woman in his pictures. We never officially defined a relationship. I read a lot into his actions and words. He didn’t owe me an explanation if he was involved with someone else - I just wish he wouldn’t have lied about it. I also must have misinterpreted his comments. I told him I’m not going to have sex again unless there is mutual love and in a relationship. He said he agreed with doing the same, so I was confused when he would continue to tell me how much he wish he were closer so we could be together.

 

I have really been missing him. I sent him a text yesterday and told him I missed him and the conversations we would have. I mentioned that I’m sure I sounded stupid by reaching out. He replied telling me I didn’t sound stupid. I want to reach out and apologize for accusing him of hurting me when it was my fault for over thinking and believing we were more than what he thought we were. Would it be bad for me to reach out again?

[Highndry]

Read your first post here and then ask yourself what you are doing.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/641649-so-actions

 

Seriously, you're apologizing?

[LadybugLucy]

I wanted to apologize because I felt like it was my fault. I’m honestly missing him terribly. I miss having someone to ask me about my day and ask how I’m doing. I also get lonely around the holidays.

[mortensorchid]

We've all been there, hon. Loneliness propels us to do things we wouldn't otherwise. DOn't be so eager to have someone in your life that you deny or refuse to see things about this person that you would otherwise.

 

I'm feeling lonely these days because I was remembering last year I had someone. Long story short he was certainly interested but he was a loser. I found out by accident about his sordid past and kicked him out. I did the right thing. He's sent me texts saying he misses me but I refuse to see him. I won't go back there.

 

Move on. You'll be okay. You're lonely now but you'll be okay eventually.

[Highndry]

I wanted to apologize because I felt like it was my fault. I’m honestly missing him terribly. I miss having someone to ask me about my day and ask how I’m doing. I also get lonely around the holidays.

 

Loneliness is no excuse for lowering your standards and inviting disrespectful behavior into your life, or putting up with it.

[smackie9]

U got played...have some self worth and move on. The guy is a jackass.

 

You are being a doormat....if you don't stop this crap guys will continue to wipe their feet on you.

Edited November 20, 2017 by smackie9

[Highndry]

U got played...have some self worth and move on. The guy is a jackass.

 

And imagine from the guy's perspective - he's playing her and lying, etc., and she's apologizing to him. Whatever respect for her he may have had, which obviously isn't a lot given his behaviors, is completely eviscerated by her crawling back and apologizing. It sets a horrible precedent. She has made a critical mistake.

[LadybugLucy]

Ouch. I wasn’t looking at it from a respect perspective.

I was only trying to see it from his point of view. Thanks for pointing out the respect thing.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

You asked him point blank if he was seeing someone else, and he lied.

 

It sounds like he was just trying to have a few women on the go at once, and got caught out (by you at least).

 

Why do you think he blocked you? Was it just to avoid hurt feelings, or was it to protect his own ass so his other girlfriend wouldn't get suspicious about you? Either way, it looks pretty dodgy.

 

Even if he "forgives you" there is no going back to the way things were in the beginning because all he wants to talk about is sex now, and you'll know that anything else will be fake because he is clearly with someone else now. He blew it.

 

No matter what way I look at it, he seems like bad news. Hopefully, once you adjust to not talking to him everyday, you will start to realize he wasn't the great guy you thought he was.

[LadybugLucy]

You guys offer such great advice. This same guy reached out a couple of months ago. He called with a long, emotional apology. ((Again))

 

I started communicating with him again, but I was cautious. We weren’t communicating daily, but it was several times a week.

 

I asked again if he was dating anyone. He said “not really.” I told him that’s evasive, and I wanted to know. He told me no he is single. He mentioned that he’s actually wanting to leave the town where he lives. So he’s job hunting elsewhere. He’s been unemployed 10 months and cannot find a job (or so he says). He found temp job, but he said it doesn’t pay what he’s worth and he’s underemployed. That made me see that when he told me he had been humbled by losing his job, he really hadn’t been. He also has a very strong opinion about politics and church, his “housemate” has polar opposite views. Yet, he says he could never be with anyone who doesn’t believe in God or hold similar ideological views from a political standpoint.

 

All of this made the think he is still selfish, but maybe the lady he lives with is just a roommate because of their opposing political and religious views. Then I saw a mutual friend like a post on Instagram where he was tagged. He sent the roommate flowers with “I Love You” and signed it. The roommate commented on the post that her boyfriend is a keeper. So clearly shebis more than a roommate, and he continued to lie again. At this point, I don’t even know if he knows how to speak truth. What a poor, pitiful soul.

 

But Wow!!! Going back and reading all of my posts about him on this site, and all of the advice really makes me appreciate the comments so many had given (even if they stung, they were honest). I blocked a liar/cheater last month and have not missed him. And now I’ve permanently blocked/deleted this guy. I also see that his long, emotional apology was all a lie. He’s truly a narcissistic, pathological liar who is void of emotion for anyone but himself. I almost sent his gf copies of the texts where he was recently (within last 1- 3 months) wanting to come see me, stay with me, told me he’s single, etc. I didn’t because it will not help me to do that. So I’m venting today but really not looking back. What a jerk.

Edited July 16, 2018 by LadybugLucy

[stillafool]

Ouch. I wasn’t looking at it from a respect perspective.

I was only trying to see it from his point of view. Thanks for pointing out the respect thing.

 

The point of view from a liar? If you are lonely call up some girlfriends and go out, meet new people and have some fun. Naturally when you stay home alone you are going to be lonely so get up and get out.