Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 My girlfriend sent me this today and I know she has been dealing with family issues relating to her grandmother is very sick of cancer and may pass away anytime and I gave her nothing but support and love I don’t understand I told her I’m not leaving her side and this is not the right Choice. We’re in a long distance relationship and she was supposed to Come or Christmas but her family needed her due to this. I can tell she’s extremely stressed and confused but I don’t know what to do I don’t want to leave her and I’m confused why she wants to leave me... I know she is going through a lot of emotions and we had this talk last week she brought up “friends” I said no we need to get through this together and I thought we were okay and now this: I even offered to go there to be with her and she said No, Some things I need to deal alone.. “I need to be there for my family right now and I can’t do both. I have been snappy at you and everyone else and It’s not fair on you and it’s not fair on me or them. We’ve barely spoken in the last few days. And you will always mean the world to me. I just can’t do this right now. I’ll always be here for you and you are the most amazing person who deserves someone who can give you all the time and attention you deserve and that person can’t be me. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and I’ve had the most amazing times with you, but I need to work on myself and my family’s happiness right now before I can make anyone else happy. It’s making us both stressed and anxious and it’s not good and I think deep down you know it.” Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 LDRs are stressful in & of themselves. This woman has a lot on her plate & she doesn't want to continue putting forth the effort to sustain an LDR. She is also setting you free to find an easier, more local relationship with somebody who can be there for you in physical & emotional ways she can't. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 In essence you got dumped in the nicest way she knew. If you're smart you'll let this go. Doing the needy, clingy pestering with texts and calls will get you nothing here. Good luck on your new journey 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 LDRs are stressful in & of themselves. This woman has a lot on her plate & she doesn't want to continue putting forth the effort to sustain an LDR. She is also setting you free to find an easier, more local relationship with somebody who can be there for you in physical & emotional ways she can't. yes she does have a lot on her plate but that’s not s reason to give it up. I was ready to do anything for her and she knows it. I Told her I would not leave her side I don’t care.. she didn’t wish me happy new year today, but this is a petty breakup I feel she will come back because I honestly can’t picture being with anyone else I Love her more than anything I told her that.... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I get that you love her. But since she's the one who initiated the break up the fact that you love her doesn't matter. Let me ask you some Qs: 1. How did you meet? 2. Have you ever dated conventionally, in the same place? 3. How far apart are you? How long will it take you to travel to her & by car or plane? 4. What was the plan to close the distance gap & in what time frame? If you are very far apart & there is no plan to close the gap, she may be telling you that there is someone closer who she is leaning on now for support. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 yes she does have a lot on her plate but that’s not s reason to give it up. I was ready to do anything for her and she knows it. I Told her I would not leave her side I don’t care.. she didn’t wish me happy new year today, but this is a petty breakup I feel she will come back because I honestly can’t picture being with anyone else I Love her more than anything I told her that.... You are projecting your feelings onto her. It's very obvious she doesn't feel that way about you. Hence the breakup. Cut any contact. If you chase they move farther away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 yes she does have a lot on her plate but that’s not s reason to give it up. I was ready to do anything for her and she knows it. I Told her I would not leave her side I don’t care.. she didn’t wish me happy new year today, but this is a petty breakup I feel she will come back because I honestly can’t picture being with anyone else I Love her more than anything I told her that.... It's a good enough reason for her, though. You don't have to agree. She doesn't want the added pressure of having to meet someone else's needs right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 I get that you love her. But since she's the one who initiated the break up the fact that you love her doesn't matter. Let me ask you some Qs: 1. How did you meet? We Met on Vaction, it was an instant connection. 2. Have you ever dated conventionally, in the same place? Yes 3. How far apart are you? How long will it take you to travel to her & by car or plane? I Live in Toronto Canada and she’s in the UK so 6.5 Hour Flight 4. What was the plan to close the distance gap & in what time frame? The plan was she needed to finish school next year and for the time being she was supposed to come for Christmas, then I was going in February and then she would come for Easter and then stay and work here all summer and restart the cycle till she finishes school there and then she wanted to come here for school . So everything was planned that’s what she wanted to do... If you are very far apart & there is no plan to close the gap, she may be telling you that there is someone closer who she is leaning on now for support. And I Hope there isn’t anyone else she knows how much I love her and she’s been here a few times she met my family and friends already too.. so I don’t understand... I even offered to fly there to offer my physical support.. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 And I Hope there isn’t anyone else she knows how much I love her and she’s been here a few times she met my family and friends already too.. so I don’t understand... I even offered to fly there to offer my physical support.. Why didn't you answer any of donnivain's questions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 It's a good enough reason for her, though. You don't have to agree. She doesn't want the added pressure of having to meet someone else's needs right now. Yes but that’s not a real relationship or Love like she said to me always. “ I Love you more” I told her these are the times you need support the most not just throw it away... Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 And I Hope there isn’t anyone else she knows how much I love her and she’s been here a few times she met my family and friends already too.. so I don’t understand... I even offered to fly there to offer my physical support.. Your love for her has you blinded at this time. You're in total denial of where she's at. She's told you and shown you it's over but you refuse to believe her? That is going yo be your problem at this time Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Why didn't you answer any of donnivain's questions? I did answer them Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 And I Hope there isn’t anyone else she knows how much I love her and she’s been here a few times she met my family and friends already too.. so I don’t understand... I even offered to fly there to offer my physical support.. You offering to fly there was sweet but don't you get it ? It's not enough. You can't very well stay there indefinitely while her grandmother is dying. If you can relocate now to where she is, I suppose on that basis you could try to get her to change her mind but you shouldn't move on the chance that she will say yes. At this point you are sad & you feel blindsided. You are lost & casting about for any hope. Problem is, that hope is just not there. She wants out. It doesn't matter how much you love her. She's done The best thing you can do for yourself is accept that so you can start your grieving process that will eventually lead to healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I did answer them Oh sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Yes but that’s not a real relationship or Love like she said to me always. “ I Love you more” I told her these are the times you need support the most not just throw it away... You told her. What is she telling you? She doesn't want this right now. It's too much pressure. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Please don't write her a long letter pouring your heart out. Every dumpee that comes here wastes their time on that thinking it'll fix everything. Doesn't work and ends up making you look weak and needy. Go your own way and give her what does asked you for. Don't answer any breadcrumbs. If in the future if she would want you back (very unlikely) you'll know it. Living on hope will just keep you in limbo longer. There is no magic fix. Just no contact and time. Shes no special snowflake as you'll find out soon enough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 You offering to fly there was sweet but don't you get it ? It's not enough. You can't very well stay there indefinitely while her grandmother is dying. If you can relocate now to where she is, I suppose on that basis you could try to get her to change her mind but you shouldn't move on the chance that she will say yes. At this point you are sad & you feel blindsided. You are lost & casting about for any hope. Problem is, that hope is just not there. She wants out. It doesn't matter how much you love her. She's done The best thing you can do for yourself is accept that so you can start your grieving process that will eventually lead to healing. Well I may be blindsided but my gut tells me she’s making a mistake and I will realize how much I actually helped her and loved her. I feel she will be back..... Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Well I may be blindsided but my gut tells me she’s making a mistake and I will realize how much I actually helped her and loved her. I feel she will be back..... It's her mistake to make and you can't change that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Please don't write her a long letter pouring your heart out. Every dumpee that comes here wastes their time on that thinking it'll fix everything. Doesn't work and ends up making you look weak and needy. Go your own way and give her what does asked you for. Don't answer any breadcrumbs. If in the future if she would want you back (very unlikely) you'll know it. Living on hope will just keep you in limbo longer. There is no magic fix. Just no contact and time. Shes no special snowflake as you'll find out soon enough Im not going to write anything I won’t contact but I feel she will be back the reason I say that is because I feel her feelings and she is confused with everything that is going on.... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Hockey52 You actually did not answer my Qs but I found some of the answers in reading other threads you posted on this same subject. Your EX GF is away at college. That is why you are long distance It is also why she'd ending the relationship. She wants to be free to enjoy college. For her the relationship is over. She has been pulling away for a while. You have been frustrated by her behavior. You have been reaching out trying to fix what's wrong but you are failing to acknowledge that what's wrong is she wants OUT. It's not you. It is her. She's just done & there isn't anything you can do about it. She's not confused. She's done. Leave her alone. Don't fly out there. Stop pestering her. Focus on yourself & your healing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Im not going to write anything I won’t contact but I feel she will be back the reason I say that is because I feel her feelings and she is confused with everything that is going on.... For your sake, I hope so. It is possible after her grandmother passes her emotions will be freed up some so she feels like she has more to "give." I do know someone this happened to and now they are happily married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 I understand... but all of this doesn’t make sense she threw away someone who would love and support her anyway possible ... I can’t wrap my head around it. I don’t think it’s abot being “free” she did tell me earlier last week “all I feel is sad right now and I can’t make myself happy or you right now” there is definitely something going on with herself and the family I feel.. but it isn’t right to leave me because of this. I absolutely did nothing wrong. She knows I’m the best for her.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 For your sake, I hope so. It is possible after her grandmother passes her emotions will be freed up some so she feels like she has more to "give." I do know someone this happened to and now they are happily married. Well I Hope so because this situation is very weird. I absolutely did nothing wrong but offer my support and I love to her. I truely believe if your set free and they come back it’s meant to be.. I know her feelings are playing a big part here and I perfectly understand she is WAY overwhelmed but leaving me and the things she said to me is not right... I’m not hanging on hope but her social media accounts shows the same thing barely any activity... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hockey52 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 For your sake, I hope so. It is possible after her grandmother passes her emotions will be freed up some so she feels like she has more to "give." I do know someone this happened to and now they are happily married. I also have a flight already planned for February 21... I don’t know now what to do with it.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Cancel the flight. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
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