Citizen-d Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Hi, My girlfriend of 5 months went to visit some old friends at UNI who happened to all be men. She asked before she went how I would feel if she slept in one of there beds and I asked how she would feel if I slept with another girl and that I'm sure she would make the right decision and that I trusted her. She then said that she was staying at a girls house half way back home so it was sorted. The weekend came and she went up and sent a text saying she was delayed and that she was going to stay the night but in a free bed as one of the boys was staying at his girlfriends. She went out got really drunk and slept in the friends bed but with the friend!! She said nothing happened but on holiday this week I went into her phone and read her texts and saw she had called him a naughty monkey and said she loved cuddling him. I woke her up and she cried and said he tried it on as he was drunk but nothing happened and she was in love with me! I said it was not acceptable but forgave her. The problem is I have returned and I feel she has disrespected the relationship and if I let it go she will do it again? She is 23 and I'm 30 I don't want to lose her so what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 I don't want to lose her so what should I do? Find someone closer to your own age; a girl of 23 has a lot of these types of experiences left in her... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Why do so many people get caught via text message? Seriously are people THIS stupid? Yeah OT I know but still makes me smh every freakin time I hear about it. Link to post Share on other sites
TG1 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Break up with her right now, the sooner the better and you can move on with a new girl, especially a new girl who wouldn't do something like this Link to post Share on other sites
Amiet999 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 same thing here but at least your GF cried, when i caught her with other guy then she said i am just enjoying my time.... leave her if she care about you and care about your relation she will never ever think of doing this, she know that when you will find out it's gonna hurt you but still she choose to cheat on you... you seems nice guy you deserve better ... good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 You're an idiot if you stick with this woman. It's obvious a lot more than "cuddling" happened. You know what they say, "Spooning always leads to forking" You teach people how to treat you and by taking her back and forgiving her you are teaching her that this kind of behaviour is ok. She has lost respect for you and will do it and worse again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 This is what happens when you date girls in their early 20s. If you want a relationship with a better chance of fidelity and healthy boundaries, it's like CarrieT said -- date someone closer to your own age. If you want drama and wondering whose bed your GF is sleeping in, then yeah, stick to girls under the age of 25. Not all girls under 25 will be that way, but you're playing a game of losing odds at that age. Especially if they're into going out and drinking heavily with male friends while you're not around. Dang, she even asked you in advance if you'd mind -- I bet she didn't try too hard to not end up in bed with that guy! So yeah, she disrespected the relationship, and she'll probably do it again, although maybe in a different way. Question is, why are you so afraid of losing someone who doesn't care about the relationship enough to not sleep with another man? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TG1 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 This is what happens when you date girls in their early 20s. If you want a relationship with a better chance of fidelity and healthy boundaries, it's like CarrieT said -- date someone closer to your own age. If you want drama and wondering whose bed your GF is sleeping in, then yeah, stick to girls under the age of 25. Not all girls under 25 will be that way, but you're playing a game of losing odds at that age. Especially if they're into going out and drinking heavily with male friends while you're not around. Dang, she even asked you in advance if you'd mind -- I bet she didn't try too hard to not end up in bed with that guy! So yeah, she disrespected the relationship, and she'll probably do it again, although maybe in a different way. Question is, why are you so afraid of losing someone who doesn't care about the relationship enough to not sleep with another man? I agree with everything that is being said here, took the words right out of my mouth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 what did she suffer for her actions? NOTHING!!! it's going to happen again,cause now she sees you as a wimp, and she can do anything and you'll take her back.. Link to post Share on other sites
TG1 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 what did she suffer for her actions? NOTHING!!! it's going to happen again,cause now she sees you as a wimp, and she can do anything and you'll take her back.. That is why you need to break up with her Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Regardless if nothing happened, she still lied to you. She still hid things from you. That's not what I call a trusting relationship. If she went ahead and lied to you about sleeping in the same bed with another guy and found it EASY to to hide it from you, then why would you have any reason to believe that nothing happened. Lets look at this logically. She sent him a text and affectionately called him a "naughty monkey". This tells me that she wasn't offended by what he did to her. If he put the moves on her, she would have gotten out of the bed and left; never talking to this guy again because she had a boyfriend and he didn't respect her boundries. Did she do this? NOPE!! Because she didn't mind it. So, why would you believe that nothing happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Hi, My girlfriend of 5 months went to visit some old friends at UNI who happened to all be men. She asked before she went how I would feel if she slept in one of there beds and I asked how she would feel if I slept with another girl and that I'm sure she would make the right decision and that I trusted her. She then said that she was staying at a girls house half way back home so it was sorted. The weekend came and she went up and sent a text saying she was delayed and that she was going to stay the night but in a free bed as one of the boys was staying at his girlfriends. She went out got really drunk and slept in the friends bed but with the friend!! She said nothing happened but on holiday this week I went into her phone and read her texts and saw she had called him a naughty monkey and said she loved cuddling him. I woke her up and she cried and said he tried it on as he was drunk but nothing happened and she was in love with me! I said it was not acceptable but forgave her. The problem is I have returned and I feel she has disrespected the relationship and if I let it go she will do it again? She is 23 and I'm 30 I don't want to lose her so what should I do? Its game over...find someone your age with experience and maturity if you're looking for a serious relationship...chances are the age difference is just going to place you in different points in your life and she doesn't seem like the type that's ready to be that serious/committed/settled down. I can tell you that she doesn't respect you and the way you handled things is like a complete pushover, you're just a safer older guy...you sound more like her dad from this post than her BF. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 he tried it on Well c'mon, how much did he like it ??? Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 She spent the whole time away from you acting like she was single and ended up in the bed of another man.... uhm yeah... "C U Next Time, you're outa here". Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 -She asked you how you'd feel about her sleeping with other guys guys before she left, that shows she had INTENT and a plan in place. -you said you wouldn't like it and weren't OK with it and she did it anyway, that shows disrespect and lack of compassion for your feelings and your comfort. It also shows a willingness to jepordize your feelings for her and her relationship with you to get a little extra action. - she tried to appease you by saying she was going to stay at a girlfriends house but ended up sticking to the original plan, That shows not only intent but also a willingness to lie, manipulate and decieve you. - she didn't come clean afterwards of her own free will but was "caught" after the fact instead. and then she tried to smooth you over by playing the crying card and saying that she loves you. This again shows disrespect, manipulation and misdirection. - way deep down in your gut do you really believe they just cuddled and her legs weren't over his shoulders getting her @$$ slapped by his nu++sack? ADD ALL THIS UP AND WHAT DOES IT SPELL? To me it spells that she isn't "the one." She may cute and sexy and make your d!ck really hard and she may even be a fairly good person but is someone who acts like this and who treats you like this the kind of person that you want to share your credit rating with and a 30 yr mortgage with and to be the mother of your children? Look at it this way, you guys are dating. Dating is an interview and screening process to get to know each other and evaluate each other to determine if this is the person you want to be legally, socially and morally joined with for the purpose of having children together with. Based on this interview and evaluation, is she the best candidate that's out there for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Find someone closer to your own age; a girl of 23 has a lot of these types of experiences left in her... And this is true as well. She's young and at the height of her attractiveness and desirability and has a whole world of opportunities out there. If you two do not have a binding exclusivity agreement she has a right to play the field and sample what's out there for her. If you do have an exclusivity agreement then she wasn't able to live up to her end of the agreement. She either consciously chose to disregard the agreement and put herself in that situation tore off some extra poontang anyway. or she hasn't yet developed the maturity and strength to resist tempting opportunities when they come along. At her age and stage in her life she is going to have a lot of opportunities so at this point does it really matter if it was a conscious choice or an inability to control herself? Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I don't want to lose her so what should I do? To "lose" her would be to imply that she is some sort of prize. Unfaithful, or untrustworthy people are far from a prize to be had. Unless you forbid her to ever go be with friends overnight somewhere again, expect more of the same, and more than likely, worse that what happened to happen in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts