Complications..

[s0medude]

Hi everyone...guess the reason I'm posting this is just to get another perspective on my situation ( make sure I ain't just crazy).Warning, wall of text ahead.

 

Me and my girlfriend have been together awhile now, and well we were friends for a long time prior to that. Seven years to be exact! It was one of those odd relationships were we both knew we were interested but the right time just never came up. Like I'd be single, she'd be dating, I'd be dating she'd be single. That kind of thing. This year time finally came and we both decided to give it a go, which seemed great at first....till I started noticing some problems. For the past year and a half shes been single, apparently held off because her last ex wanted a break...a break that just never ended. To me that was kind of my first red flag, though from what she told me then they'd both come to an understanding that the break was now a "break up" ( though in my mind they're both kind of the same thing anyways :S). So, I guess I was fine with them being friends....right until I met the dude.

 

He came by her apartment one day to go to use the pool at her complex, moment she heard that he was coming around she was rushing round the apartment getting changed into hotpants, making herself look "pretty" and I kind of face palmed. When he came in, she took off with him to the pool, didn't give me a second thought, though they both came back, pool was closed...and went into her bedroom. Ater about 5 minutes I got a bit suspicious and wandered in there, they were both sat on the bed talking and I kind of felt I'd walked in on some big conversation. Got the idea she was probably telling him about us, he left a bit later and she walked him to the car. Rest of the day she was in a mood, I spoke to her about how she was acting around him and she admitted she still had some residual feelings for him but it was nothing that would get in the way of us. So..I trusted her and let it go. Next day she calls me and tells me that her ex has been sending her abusive texts about what happened the day before, apparently he was pissed she was seeing someone and wanted to trade apartment keys (< this will come up again later) and cut off contact. I went to her work to talk, she was visably upset by this and then began to get angry at me told me that I couldn't leave her and such. I got the idea that she was saying this, and she was angry because she'd waited this long for her ex to show interest in her again and now that he was she was with me. But..I was kinda happy that her ex was deciding to do the right thing and cut it off, but..well doesn't end there.

 

The two patched things up, agreed to be buddies again. I wasn't really gonna argue, wasn't happy about it but again I trusted her. About a week later I had to leave the area for awhile for work...and well that's when **** sorta hit the fan. She told me one day that she was going to meet with her ex to give him stuff he had lying in the apartment ( yeah, I know broke up a year and half and the dudes stuff is still lying around) I reminded her to get her apartment key back and give him his, she agreed and told me she wouldn't be too long. So in comes the 6 hour silence, which I considered weird since the woman is practically glued to her phone. Then at 11pm I get a phone call from her, weeping over the phone and telling me that she doesn't want me to leave her. I feared the worst, but said nothing just kinda comforted her. Next day we talk about what happened, she just said they watched a movie..I asked if she got her key back...answer...no. And...I kinda blew up. From my perspective, the silence and the weeping phone call was bad enough...then came the fact she refused to swap keys. I told her, that it seemed like she was holding onto that as the last remnant of their relationship, she told me it wasn't like that and she just liked someone to have a key just in case something happened. I asked why she couldn't just give it to one of her other friends, she didn't really have an answer.

 

So, a couple months pass. I return and we have a heartwarming reunion...and its good. But the ex is still in the picture, I caught a glimpse of a text she sends to him about him coming over. She replied with " I think thats inappropriate as X is back in town". Which, was interesting..but suspicious. So...yeah, I got a bit paranoid and decided to have a browse through her text messages to the guy. Read right back to the day I left, and turns out...shes been telling him the ENTIRE time that she isn't seeing me. On top of that there are text messages of them saying " I love you".Not only that though, but I found out that money she had borrowed from me while I was away, was given to the ex to get his water turned back on! Quite rightfully, I was pissed off. And the only excuse she had was that since she was in college and not from that state , she was using him as a walking area resource. I found it to be a bull**** excuse, she told me that it didn't matter..that she had told everyone else we were dating just not him and that he wasn't important. Though I didn't quite see the logic in that, if he wasn't important, why didn't she tell him? I'm a patient guy though, so I tell her shes got a second chance to earn my trust back, but she HAS to get her key back by the end of the month.

 

We get back on the road to recovery and she takes me to meet her parents ( good sign I guess considering we had to road trip 19 hours to Texas). Things were fine, but moment we came back I reminded her about the key. Days kept passing and it seemed like she kept putting it off. Caused an untold number of arguments till eventually after we go to dinner one day, she goes and grabs the key while I wait in the car. I suspect shes wanted me to stay away from her ex ever since in case he lets spill that she cheated, which I've more or less resigned myself to at this point. On the way home she gets all annoyed about how I'm not "congratulating" her on getting the key, I kinda spitefully told her that there was no point congratulating a person on completing a task months late. She and her ex are still "friends" however, and every time he calls or texts, it reminds me of her lies, and possibly her unfaithfulness.I don't say anything, but she picks up on it and one day we had a blow out about it. I basically told her that until we move to Texas after she finishes school, and is away from her ex it isn't going to change. Basically, shes treated the wound but the knife hasn't been pulled out yet.

 

About a month goes on, no major arguments. Yesterday she turns to me and says " How do you feel about us staying here after I graduate?". I gave her a straight up no, that I wasn't staying here regardless of what she did. She kinda looked sad, but day went by after that without a hitch.

 

So to sum up. Am I crazy/paranoid about her and her ex? Do I have a right to be pissed? And finally, opinions on how to proceed? I don't want to be in a relationship where I can't really trust my partner, I already know if she decides to stay I'll break it off. But I'm just kind of at a cross roads atm. I do love the girl, but I'm finding it hard to ignore the logic of just how this is going to end.

[StarsOnFire]

Um, yeah I don't normally say go this route, but I'd say get out of this relationship. Give her time to get over her ex. Not to be rude, but don't you feel like you're second best? You deserve someone who wants to be with YOU, not someone hung-up on their ex....

 

She's obviously still into him, and even if you both move together, that's not going to change her feelings, you said yourself she has her phone glued to her. She will still most likely be in contact with him, how will you feel if she just cannot let him go? I think she needs to show you she's over him BEFORE you guys make the moving commitment, and honestly from what you've written I don't think she's at the point where she wants to move past him.