Darwin14 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 My girlfriend lied to me and cheated on me with an EX boyfriend, she had gotten into an argument with me told me she needed space and then she went out with her friends, the worst part about it is I found out by her EX who my girlfriend had lied to as well and told him she was single, he showed me pictures of them having a good time in vegas and I asked him if they had sex he didn't want to answer but then told me they did. So I called my girlfriend after finding out the truth and she's still denying after I saw pictures and her EX told me everything he told me he had nothing to gain from this because he doesn't want a girl that lies and cheats on her boyfriend and because it's the right thing to do. Now that she got caught, she wants to talk this out and is now apologizing but I don't want to hear what she has to say because now everything she says is like a lie to me, everytime she said she loved me and was happy now was all a lie. Has anyone been through and whats the best thing to do? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
J2911 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Sadly I have been through this. In my own opinion I do not believe that people change. I believe that if you are capable of deceiving once by cheating then you are always going to do so in the future with another. That is my own belief on that. I always give the advice to run away from that person and don't re enter into another relationship with the one who cheated on you for the trust is broken and it will only lead you in constant stress of is he or she going to do this again. You don't need that added stress daily. I wouldn't care how much she begged for another chance , stay strong and say NO . If she really loved you then she surely wouldn't have betrayed you . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Definitely went thru that my good man. What you do is entertain the fact that she wants to talk it out. Let her do all of the talking...let her explain what happened, why it happened, and how you guys can fix things. When she is finished talking and ultimately asks why you are so quiet, tell her that you were just looking for the kindest way to tell her to get out. The relationship is irreparable, she screwed up! No way to fix a cheater and a liar. Kick her to the curb and don't accept apologies for that crap, no matter how the tears flow at that point. She is out, point...blank...period. It will be tough but the cord must be cut. If you clam up and accept her behavior, she will continue to treat you and the relationship with disrespect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wisecrack Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Don't hear her out. Don't even contact her or succumb to her persistence. You move on. Call up friends and go out. No contact. By doing this you move on and you also don't give her the feeling of closure although the latter you should not be worried about. Why waste any more of your time to 'talk' about the end when you can use that time to better use. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 How certain are you that the pictures he showed you were recent? What leads you to believe he was honest? I doubt he was lying. But you don't know this guys motives.. So make sure what he is telling you alligns with what facts you do have. If it all does then... I will only give a cheater a second chance if.. They are the ones to come clean and even still it is hard to do. When they do come clean if there is any remote justification I'm done. She's not owning up to it even though she knows she has been busted. She is not honest, she is not loyal, she is going to do what makes HER feel good and happy with out any regaurd to others. It will happen again. I literally just got out of a relationship with a woman that was cheating on me via sexting. It happened twice then I gave her one more chance and it happened again! Not only that she was actively pursuing at least 3 other men!! I got HSV-2 9 weeks into my relationship with her. I have no doubt she is knowingly spreading it. When I found out I informed the other "men" with the hopes I could spare them contracting HSV-2 and the heart ache I went through. Move on man she is not worth it. It is nothing but heartache. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) Sadly I have been through this. In my own opinion I do not believe that people change. I believe that if you are capable of deceiving once by cheating then you are always going to do so in the future with another. That is my own belief on that. I always give the advice to run away from that person and don't re enter into another relationship with the one who cheated on you for the trust is broken and it will only lead you in constant stress of is he or she going to do this again. You don't need that added stress daily. I wouldn't care how much she begged for another chance , stay strong and say NO . If she really loved you then she surely wouldn't have betrayed you . You're partially right and partially wrong. The cheater may indeed find somebody he/she would never cheat on... some of that depends on maturity and some of that depends on the person. But you can be sure of one thing. If they cheated on you once, they will not hesitate to do it again if you let them back in your life. I literally just got out of a relationship with a woman that was cheating on me via sexting. It happened twice then I gave her one more chance and it happened again! See what I mean? Edited September 4, 2014 by mightycpa Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darwin14 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 He knew me and my girlfriend had argued before they left together all the things that happened prior to her cheating on me like us arguing and what we argued about he knew and also she came back with a ring he gave her and she told me she bought it, also he had clothes of hers she had recently wore that day we argued and her drivers license. All the stuff he told me only she and I knew prior to her leaving to vegas like what we argued about and even what I was doing that Friday. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Obviously you know you have to break up. Even spending time alone with an ex is grounds for you to seriously question whether you should be with her, and if she's fooled around with him too then you can be 100% sure there is a better girl out there for you. Vengeance and anger gets you nowhere though... I still would hear her out. Let her do all the apologising she wants, but break up with her anyway. Calmly explain that she simply cannot be trusted, that all choices have consequences and some mistakes can't be made up for. Perhaps she'll learn something. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 The chaps above have already told you what you need to hear. Just keep calm and stand by your guns. This woman is not going to show you respect at all if she can behave like this. So whatever she says is not worth worrying about. The only thing to do now is to behave with a bit of dignity and keep calm, rational and say good bye. People cheat for a number of reasons and sometimes a relationship can become stronger after that but this is not one of those occasions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darwin14 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 Ok let's just say I decide to forgive her and keep going with the relationship will things be the same or not if anyone has ever forgiven a cheater whats your experience? Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Ok let's just say I decide to forgive her and keep going with the relationship will things be the same or not if anyone has ever forgiven a cheater whats your experience? You will only drive yourself insane if you give her a second chance. Every moment she is away or whenever she disappears for an evening or whatever, you will wonder if she is having sex with someone. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 My girlfriend lied to me and cheated on me with an EX boyfriend, she had gotten into an argument with me told me she needed space and then she went out with her friends, the worst part about it is I found out by her EX who my girlfriend had lied to as well and told him she was single, he showed me pictures of them having a good time in vegas and I asked him if they had sex he didn't want to answer but then told me they did. So I called my girlfriend after finding out the truth and she's still denying after I saw pictures and her EX told me everything he told me he had nothing to gain from this because he doesn't want a girl that lies and cheats on her boyfriend and because it's the right thing to do. Now that she got caught, she wants to talk this out and is now apologizing but I don't want to hear what she has to say because now everything she says is like a lie to me, everytime she said she loved me and was happy now was all a lie. Has anyone been through and whats the best thing to do? I think I'd dump her on the grounds of being with her ex alone, never mind if they had sex or not. The fact she ran off to her ex when both of you had trouble says a lot about the woman. I was married for a few years, caught her cheating via a keylogger and she still denied it. I mean I had pictures and messages, emails etc. A treasure trove of incriminating evidence and she still denied it until she finally broke. Some people just can't be honest and it's best not to waste time on them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Ok let's just say I decide to forgive her and keep going with the relationship will things be the same or not if anyone has ever forgiven a cheater whats your experience? I forgave my ex a year after I divorced her. I then deleted her number out of my phone and removed her email address too. I never spoke/seen her again after that. Once that kind of trust is gone there's no getting it back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 My girlfriend lied to me and cheated on me with an EX boyfriend, she had gotten into an argument with me told me she needed space and then she went out with her friends, the worst part about it is I found out by her EX who my girlfriend had lied to as well and told him she was single, he showed me pictures of them having a good time in vegas and I asked him if they had sex he didn't want to answer but then told me they did. So I called my girlfriend after finding out the truth and she's still denying after I saw pictures and her EX told me everything he told me he had nothing to gain from this because he doesn't want a girl that lies and cheats on her boyfriend and because it's the right thing to do. Now that she got caught, she wants to talk this out and is now apologizing but I don't want to hear what she has to say because now everything she says is like a lie to me, everytime she said she loved me and was happy now was all a lie. Has anyone been through and whats the best thing to do? What did "space" mean? Did it mean a "break" (where it wasn't cheating, just immature) or did it mean that you were just taking some time to cool off (Still, where she ran away to Vegas? ). Either way, it seems like you're rightly disgusted with her behaviour and are questioning whether it's still worth it with her. And it seems like you've answered your own question. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 OP....if you haven't dumped her yet...do it! Cheaters never change, and if you don't yield this advice, you only have yourself to blame when it happens again You are being cuckhold...unless of course you like that, do you? Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 You're wrong that the ex "has nothing to gain from this." He spent the weekend with her, slept with her, gave her a ring(??), and now is disrupting her current relationship with you. His end game could very well be to win her back, after he makes sure that her relationship with you in torched. I'm just saying, you may not want to treat this guy as a totally credible, trustable source. Does your GF know about all the evidence you have against her, and that her ex supplied it? If so, what does she have to say about all that? Or if you haven't yet told her how you know that she's cheating, what's stopping you? It's not like you were snooping. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 You mean, your "ex-girlfriend", right? RIGHT? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darwin14 Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 (edited) Yes her EX gave me all the evidence he gave me pictures showed me text even clothes she was wearing the last time I seen her before she left, her drivers license. I called her and asked her if she had been hiding anything after I had all the evidence she denied it still. I don't know I mean I invested too much time on this girl and I guess I'm still in denial about the whole thing. I do love her and would like to work this out but Im stuck. She's 26 I'm 22 years old, another thing is that they have a 6 year old son together. So I understand that he'll always be around. He said even though they have a child together he doesn't want to be with someone that lies and cheats. He said that she had told him she was single. Edited September 5, 2014 by Darwin14 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 MAAAAAAANNN, what's her number I'll dump her for you!! What do you want to work out?...there is no mathematical equation for when she will cheat again. Wake up man!! Right now you're in a fog of unrequited love. SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU OR SHE WOULD NOT CHEAT! YOU ARE NOT STUCK! Being stuck would be having a 6 year child with a woman like this...that's a life sentence. You are young and have tons more to experience in life. Why waste time with a woman who is immature, already has a child, and is out trying to make another child for you to help with that isn't yours? Do you want to be the official doormat and babysitter for the rest of your life? I wish someone would have told me this when my ex cheated on me. THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER LIKE THAT SHOW "LOST"...if you stay you'll only be watching reruns (and still be confused). 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Yes her EX gave me all the evidence he gave me pictures showed me text even clothes she was wearing the last time I seen her before she left, her drivers license. I called her and asked her if she had been hiding anything after I had all the evidence she denied it still. I don't know I mean I invested too much time on this girl and I guess I'm still in denial about the whole thing. I do love her and would like to work this out but Im stuck. She's 26 I'm 22 years old, another thing is that they have a 6 year old son together. So I understand that he'll always be around. He said even though they have a child together he doesn't want to be with someone that lies and cheats. He said that she had told him she was single. But what I'm not clear on is: Have you called out your girlfriend specifically on all this info you have, and have you told her her ex supplied that info? And if so, what is her response? Link to post Share on other sites
Thicke2013 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 My two cents worth: If the two of you had a heated argument and she ran off to a bar with some friends to "cool" off for a bit and "ran" into an ex and something happened, that might be somewhat excusable. The fact that she ran off to Vegas, another city?! That required some thought. The difference for me would be this. The former, I could see how it wouldn't require much thought and someone could be tempted especially when inebriated. The later, which appears to be what you are dealing with, required premeditated and deliberate thought and action! She didn't do something that ended up hurting you. She thought it out about how she was going to get back at you. That I could never forgive. What will happen the next time you two have an argument? Will she try to screw your best friend this time? She sought revenge because of a disagreement. That's not a character trait I would want my SO to have. I would have no trouble walking away from this one knowing I am saving myself from almost certain heartbreak down the road. Good luck OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Folks, Benny Lopes and Darwin14 have the SAME EXACT story. You're chasing bunnies, folks! Don't go down the rabbit hole. :bunny: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darwin14 Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 I just seen his post he must've copied my thread or something but I don't know how to report it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 You need to make sure you are done with this relationship. If you're not and you take her back it's going to lead to a horrible break up that is on and off for months. That said you need to do it peacefully. You need to be the bigger person. Just tell her you no longer see this relationship going any place. She will likely ask why and hound you. She will likely get angry and blame you. The simple truth is it is ALL her fault. she is not angry at you she is angry at herself. Just make a clean break, block her number, delete her on facebook and block her on facebook. She is likely going to try and get you back. You'll likely cave in. It's hard I know. I'm going through it right now. You did not want the relationship to end. You were not ready for it to end. You'll miss her. You'll still care. But you need to tell yourself you'll find someone who was everything she was and more. You'll find someone who wont hurt you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I just seen his post he must've copied my thread or something but I don't know how to report it. Ummm, dude? He created his thread 3 hours BEFORE this thread was created. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
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