My fiancess affair with my FATHER ??

[Begottenson82]

[]

 

I always knew they got on well, they bonded over many shared interests, but I never saw this coming.

Me ( Jason) and my Fiancee (Sophi´a) have been together for 8 years engaged for a year, ( living with me and my Dad (Steve) for 6.

 

She sat me down on Sunday out of the blue while I was watching TV (dad gone) muted the TV and confessed that she and my father have been having sex since 2015. I didnt believe her until She showed me over a 1000 texts/pictures between them on her current and 3 older phones.

 

She goes to say that shes sorry for hurting me and she never had feelings for him and it was just casual convinent sex and it just happened and shes sorry for not stopping it years ago. She says it was nothing I did wrong at all in any way. She said she cant explain how it happened except that just her or him not having any of their own friends eventually got used to being at home all day that over time they got used to being around each other all day for hours on end in house clothes and it went south. But instead of stopping it she said they just kept doing it ( A LOT ). She said she NEVER intended for it to happen because it was out of her normal persona and she's never cheated on me until this. Especially cheating ( and let alone with a 60 year old man )when she first moved in with us and it was not planned prior.

 

I managed to inhale a breath and asked her LIKE A DUMBASS for times when it happened.

 

She held her head down for about 30 seconds took a deep breath and basically said" like usually at night when youd be sleep I would go in his room" "and like when you would leave for work in the mornings babe" When I slowly asked how often She said that the days it wasn't intercourse it was maybe oral or just fondling inclusing things she NEVER let me do ( up to and including anal and choking her slapping her face and swallowing ) not in the beginning but as the 4 years went on.

 

I work from 5 am to 330 pm M-F (now I can understand how they could oull this off )

 

I feel completely sick. Cant sleep and I haven't eaten hardly anything since she told me. I haven't officially broken up with her yet, but it is obvious as I haven't responded to any of the texts/calls she's sent. When she first told me and after it had sank in, I left and haven't said a word to anyone outside of work since.

 

 

My dad and I are very close. For my whole life I have looked up to him. I want to forgive my dad. But if my fiancee would have cheated on me with another person, I would easily cut them both off. And in a weird way my dad has hurt me so much more by doing this than she has. I could get over a cheating fiancee. But my relationship with my father, a relationship I cherished, is destroyed. And it's his fault.

Edited November 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[doyathinkso]

Wake up!!!

 

You and your 'father' are not close.

 

You and your 'fiance' are not close.

 

In truth you do not HAVE either a 'father' or 'fiance'. What you do have is a massive double betrayal.

 

Get the hell out of Dodge!!! Leave and never look back!

 

Life can still be good but only by never having either of these two people in it ever again.

[Simple Logic]

I would love to here what you father has to say about this.

[BaileyB]

 

I feel completely sick. Cant sleep and I haven't eaten hardly anything since she told me. I haven't officially broken up with her yet, but it is obvious as I haven't responded to any of the texts/calls she's sent. When she first told me and after it had sank in, I left and haven't said a word to anyone outside of work since.

 

My dad and I are very close. For my whole life I have looked up to him. I want to forgive my dad. But if my fiancee would have cheated on me with another person, I would easily cut them both off. And in a weird way my dad has hurt me so much more by doing this than she has. I could get over a cheating fiancee. But my relationship with my father, a relationship I cherished, is destroyed. And it's his fault.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

 

I hope, you are going to officially break up with this woman tonight.

 

As for your father, this betrayal is so deep that it is hard to imagine how a father could do this to a son. I honestly don't know how you get past this. A loving father would never do this to his son. I'm so sorry.

[Orokotikki]

This is disgusting friend, remove them both immediately and permanently from you life and seek a therapist experienced with dealing with trauma. Expose her affair to your family, hers, and her friends.

 

Get safe fast.

[David33]

Jeez man that's sick. Get away from them asap. What a twisted environment that must be. Seriously, grab all your stuff and move. And don't ever talk to either of them again. You deserve better and you will have better. You have to let them go first and never look back.

[cupcake888]

Hey, Wanted to check in to see how things are going? I can relate to this first hand. When I was in my mid 20's I lived in an upstairs unit of my moms duplex. I had been dating a guy for 4 yrs who was over almost every night. One morning my bf woke up to go to work and I was awakened to a screaming orgasm, and then the sound of a car. Looked out the window and it was his red honda driving off. he called an hour later to test out what I knew. He said he was leaving and my mom came into the foyer in a robe, crying and asked for a hug and it was uncomfortable. Honestly I was so freaked out and traumatized I pushed that away. My mom and I got less close over the years. She was always very beautiful and looked younger than her age, but she was highly narcissistic and emotionally abusive. Neither one of them has ever admitted this. I flat out asked them both years later. My mom even went so far to throw a tantrum, bawl her eyes out and project it onto me i.e. you think I am that horrible of a mom. etc... typical. So, that prob should be its own post but I'm sharing bc I want to let you know similar has happened to others, you arent alone, and it SUCKS balls. It is the ultimate betrayal and it is abuse and traumatizing. Honestly if you are open to it, I'd suggest seeing a therapist to help you navigate through these emotions and general disgust around the whole thing. I waited 10 yrs to see one and wish I had sooner.

[Begottenson82]

Yes she and he are out of the house finally

[Begottenson82]

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

 

I hope, you are going to officially break up with this woman tonight.

 

As for your father, this betrayal is so deep that it is hard to imagine how a father could do this to a son. I honestly don't know how you get past this. A loving father would never do this to his son. I'm so sorry.

 

I just mean if he had been absent from my life and in out of prison with a drinking problem then this whole thing would be easier. But he's been a normal dad my whole life and has really helped me with my education by paying for so much. He is a professor at the school I went to so the discount on top of him helping has left me debt free.

[Begottenson82]

Hey, Wanted to check in to see how things are going? I can relate to this first hand. When I was in my mid 20's I lived in an upstairs unit of my moms duplex. I had been dating a guy for 4 yrs who was over almost every night. One morning my bf woke up to go to work and I was awakened to a screaming orgasm, and then the sound of a car. Looked out the window and it was his red honda driving off. he called an hour later to test out what I knew. He said he was leaving and my mom came into the foyer in a robe, crying and asked for a hug and it was uncomfortable. Honestly I was so freaked out and traumatized I pushed that away. My mom and I got less close over the years. She was always very beautiful and looked younger than her age, but she was highly narcissistic and emotionally abusive. Neither one of them has ever admitted this. I flat out asked them both years later. My mom even went so far to throw a tantrum, bawl her eyes out and project it onto me i.e. you think I am that horrible of a mom. etc... typical. So, that prob should be its own post but I'm sharing bc I want to let you know similar has happened to others, you arent alone, and it SUCKS balls. It is the ultimate betrayal and it is abuse and traumatizing. Honestly if you are open to it, I'd suggest seeing a therapist to help you navigate through these emotions and general disgust around the whole thing. I waited 10 yrs to see one and wish I had sooner.

 

 

i texted her after reading some of these replies. It is fair I guess to let her know so she can move on herself. She didn't accept it and has been calling me nonstop but at least no one can hold that against me.

[Simple Logic]

Hey, Wanted to check in to see how things are going? I can relate to this first hand. When I was in my mid 20's I lived in an upstairs unit of my moms duplex. I had been dating a guy for 4 yrs who was over almost every night. One morning my bf woke up to go to work and I was awakened to a screaming orgasm, and then the sound of a car. Looked out the window and it was his red honda driving off. he called an hour later to test out what I knew. He said he was leaving and my mom came into the foyer in a robe, crying and asked for a hug and it was uncomfortable. Honestly I was so freaked out and traumatized I pushed that away. My mom and I got less close over the years. She was always very beautiful and looked younger than her age, but she was highly narcissistic and emotionally abusive. Neither one of them has ever admitted this. I flat out asked them both years later. My mom even went so far to throw a tantrum, bawl her eyes out and project it onto me i.e. you think I am that horrible of a mom. etc... typical. So, that prob should be its own post but I'm sharing bc I want to let you know similar has happened to others, you arent alone, and it SUCKS balls. It is the ultimate betrayal and it is abuse and traumatizing. Honestly if you are open to it, I'd suggest seeing a therapist to help you navigate through these emotions and general disgust around the whole thing. I waited 10 yrs to see one and wish I had sooner.

 

You asked your BF about this years later? You were still on speaking terms?

[Begottenson82]

Since finding out I dumped my ex. She been calling and texting me a lot. The gist was basically she loved me and I should forgive her because she made a mistake but hates herself for it. She told me it was just sex and that she wanted to fulfill her fantasy of having sex with an older male before we got married. I didn’t respond to any of these messages or return her calls.

[doyathinkso]

A Three Year Long Mistake??

 

Oh yeah. Sure. Of course. How silly of you not to understand.

 

Block her phone. Block everything.

[Begottenson82]

A Three Year Long Mistake??

 

Oh yeah. Sure. Of course. How silly of you not to understand.

 

Block her phone. Block everything.

 

Just thinking about them just casually screwing all day while I worked

[BaileyB]

Since finding out I dumped my ex. She been calling and texting me a lot. The gist was basically she loved me and I should forgive her because she made a mistake but hates herself for it. She told me it was just sex and that she wanted to fulfill her fantasy of having sex with an older male before we got married. I didn’t respond to any of these messages or return her calls.

 

No, it was not just sex and you should not forgive her. That is ridiculous.

 

If this woman doesn’t have the good judgment to set an appropriate boundary and NOT have sex with your FATHER, I can only imagine what she will do when you are married. Save yourself a world of trouble and block her calls, hang up the phone, never talk to her again...

Edited November 2, 2018 by BaileyB

[David33]

...t is the ultimate betrayal and it is abuse and traumatizing. Honestly if you are open to it, I'd suggest seeing a therapist to help you navigate through these emotions and general disgust around the whole thing. I waited 10 yrs to see one and wish I had sooner.

 

Agreed. OP, get therapy. GL

[Begottenson82]

No, it was not just sex and you should not forgive her. That is ridiculous.

 

If this woman doesn’t have the good judgment to set an appropriate boundary and NOT have sex with your FATHER, I can only imagine what she will do when you are married. Save yourself a world of trouble and block her calls, hang up the phone, never talk to her again...

 

You dont think it was just sex?

Then what else I mean hes old enough to he her dad

[stillafool]

It doesn't matter that he's old. He's also very experienced sexually because of his age. Professors get so much p from young girls it's ridiculous. I'm sorry this happened to you.

[BaileyB]

You dont think it was just sex?

 

Let’s put it this way... Most women, when they meet your father, would say “Not going to go there. He is my boyfriends father.” Doesn’t matter if he is old or young, rich or poor, interested or not - it’s not an option.

 

This woman didn’t say that. She didn’t have that voice, or she chose not to listen to that little voice in her head that said, “I can’t do this. This isn’t right. This is going to be hurtful to the man I love, so I’m not going to do it...”

 

Instead, she had sex with your father and now she is trying to sell you a bill of goods by claiming - “It was just sex...” “it didn’t mean anything” and “I just wanted to experience my fantasy.”

 

This woman got out of bed with you, to go **** your father, and then came back to bed with you. That is not ok. And - if she will do this with your father, she will do it with anyone.

 

What she is trying to sell you, let’s just say that I am not buying... and I hope you don’t either.

[Begottenson82]

Let’s put it this way... Most women, when they meet your father, would say “Not going to go there. He is my boyfriends father.” Doesn’t matter if he is old or young, rich or poor, interested or not - it’s not an option.

 

This woman didn’t say that. She didn’t have that voice, or she chose not to listen to that little voice in her head that said, “I can’t do this. This isn’t right. This is going to be hurtful to the man I love, so I’m not going to do it...”

 

I cant help but wonder if theyre still together

Instead, she had sex with your father and now she is trying to sell you a bill of goods by claiming - “It was just sex...” “it didn’t mean anything” and “I just wanted to experience my fantasy.”

 

This woman got out of bed with you, to go **** your father, and then came back to bed with you. That is not ok. And - if she will do this with your father, she will do it with anyone.

 

What she is trying to sell you, let’s just say that I am not buying... and I hope you don’t either.

 

 

I wondwr if theyre still together

[aliveagain]

I wondwr if theyre still together

 

 

Who cares who she's with, just never ever call her mom? You were with her 8 years, for half of that time she was banging your dad. There's no forgiving that because there is no way for you to ever forget what the two of them did to you. They conspired against you for 4 years. This was no mistake, everything they did was well planned and executed, you had no clue this was going on behind your back all those years. Imagine the bedtime conversations they had about you while you were sleeping only a few feet away, creepy, creepy, creepy. She is very dysfunctional if she thinks your going to forgive her and go ahead with the wedding. How horrible, your father took away your chance at happiness for his own selfish greedy needs. The nerve of her to accept your marriage proposal and then continue banging your father, that is sick. Just what did the two of them expect would happen once you found out? The more you stay no contact the sooner you will heal from this nightmare. Change your contact info.

[Jamess1]

Glad you broke up with her, the real question is why were not able to see that she was screwing your dad? If she hadn't told you, you would have never had known and you would have married her. I could have easily seen it. You fall in a majority group of 95% of the men, you are clueless about the true female nature, you are the people who block my comments her about women and accuse me of hating women , yet I am a womanizer.

 

(Simplified) Women's attraction has to categories, alpha and beta. Alpha type is the guys she screws in college and in this your case your dad and beta is the guy she marries, in this case you. She genuinely enjoys sex with an alpha, she will cheat with an alpha, sneak out of bed to screw an alpha, she only respects an alpha...you were a beta to her, you are dependable,loyal,secure, can make a good father, but you are not attractive or arousing, sex with you is transsexual, enough to keep you from complaining to much, because she don't get her wet anymore..just the ordinary positions but with the alpha she becomes a 'biitch' for him, she is so aroused she does all those poorn rated positions she will never do with you.

 

We advice men to marry women who perceive them as alphas not betas - if a woman refuses to do something sexually with you, she has done with another man before, dump her immediately.

 

Betas lack masculine awareness and consciousness, they usually have no idea when a woman is cheating- they don't even know when a woman is lying to them or is using them, they don't even notice women's sexual signals etc...

 

You can be alpha to one woman and be a beta to another, just know the difference. You have no idea of the power that you have over women as a man..reclaim your masculinity.

[Begottenson82]

Who cares who she's with, just never ever call her mom? You were with her 8 years, for half of that time she was banging your dad. There's no forgiving that because there is no way for you to ever forget what the two of them did to you. They conspired against you for 4 years. This was no mistake, everything they did was well planned and executed, you had no clue this was going on behind your back all those years. Imagine the bedtime conversations they had about you while you were sleeping only a few feet away, creepy, creepy, creepy. She is very dysfunctional if she thinks your going to forgive her and go ahead with the wedding. How horrible, your father took away your chance at happiness for his own selfish greedy needs. The nerve of her to accept your marriage proposal and then continue banging your father, that is sick. Just what did the two of them expect would happen once you found out? The more you stay no contact the sooner you will heal from this nightmare. Change your contact info.

 

True but is it possible that what she said is the tip of the iceberg could there be more details ??

Edited November 3, 2018 by Begottenson82

[Begottenson82]

Glad you broke up with her, the real question is why were not able to see that she was screwing your dad? <SNIP>

 

It shouldn't matter if he was alpha he was my dad not some random guy

Edited November 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[aliveagain]

True but is it possible that what she said is the tip of the iceberg could there be more details ??

 

Does it matter if there is? Once is enough to call off the wedding, 4 years in your own home is unforgivable. There is something seriously wrong with her, choosing to fulfill her fantasy of being with an older man before she married you with your father. Fantasy's don't go on for 4 years. Your father is an invalid, she is the one that had to sneak into his room after you feel asleep then made sure she was back in your bed before you woke up. Imagine how many times you and your father had sex with her on the same day, sperm can live for up to 5 days in a warm environment, sick. Imagine if she got pregnant, would she be having a son/daughter or a brother/sister for you? Sell the house because you'll never get rid of the triggers living there. Start over somewhere far away from all their drama.

Edited November 3, 2018 by aliveagain