BreakOnThrough Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) This is my first time post, but have been reading on the site for a fewweeks. First off, I have been married for 10 years, known my wife for 15 years.I am 35, have a comfortable living, 2 wonderful kids and the best wife ahusband could ever ask for (I believe we are soul mates). Well, my issue is abit strange, but is causing a lot of grief for me. I work in an everyday officeenvironment, people are hired and leave quite often and new workers are notuncommon. A new woman started, she is in her early 20s, smart, good worker. Theissue for me is, she LOOKS and ACTS exactly the same as my wife did when Ifirst met her. The resemblance and mannerisms are REALLY eerie, so much so, Ihave a really hard time interacting with her. Honestly, it is like I have goneback in a time machine and have met my wife again. I told my wife about allthis and she seemed more intrigued than worried. What's strange is, I get someof the same feelings I originally had with my wife with this person when I seeher, like I am reliving my past, but I know the only reason is because her resemblanceand mannerisms are drumming up old feelings. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I shouldhandle this? It makes my workday more stressful and consumes my thoughts at times Edited September 27, 2012 by BreakOnThrough Link to post Share on other sites
aiyam Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Remind yourself that the one you love is already home with you. Mind over matter 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 It is kinda cool that you can relive falling in love with your wife all over again. And just remind yourself that it is your WIFE that you are getting the hots for and this woman is just rekindling what is inside you for the woman you married. You are not fantasizing about the new woman, but the woman you first fell in love with that you have history with. Redirect your passions and energies and see that young woman in your wife and you'll be fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 This is my first time post, but have been reading on the site for a fewweeks. First off, I have been married for 10 years, known my wife for 15 years.I am 35, have a comfortable living, 2 wonderful kids and the best wife ahusband could ever ask for (I believe we are soul mates). Well, my issue is abit strange, but is causing a lot of grief for me. I work in an everyday officeenvironment, people are hired and leave quite often and new workers are notuncommon. A new woman started, she is in her early 20s, smart, good worker. Theissue for me is, she LOOKS and ACTS exactly the same as my wife did when Ifirst met her. The resemblance and mannerisms are REALLY eerie, so much so, Ihave a really hard time interacting with her. Honestly, it is like I have goneback in a time machine and have met my wife again. I told my wife about allthis and she seemed more intrigued than worried. What's strange is, I get someof the same feelings I originally had with my wife with this person when I seeher, like I am reliving my past, but I know the only reason is because her resemblanceand mannerisms are drumming up old feelings. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I shouldhandle this? It makes my workday more stressful and consumes my thoughts at times That reminds me of one day seeing a man who looks eerily like my husband at the gym. I was so confused I almost went up right to him but he had different clothes on lol... that's how I realized... Wait! That's not my husband! Then I noticed the other differences too. Since you and your wife are soulmates, I think the best thing to do is make an effort throughout the day to connect with her, so that the young lookalike doesn't distract you. When I was confused at the gym, I immediately searched for and found my husband and gave him a big kiss right there in the gym. I think focusing on the one you love is better than allowing one's mind to be fascinated by the one who is the lookalike. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BreakOnThrough Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks a lot for the quick replies. I do remind myself everyday, and know I am the luckiest Guy in the world, my wife knows me better than anyone and when I see this coworker, I know that is not the case with her. The first time I met the coworker, she must have thought I was really strange because when I saw her and started interacting with her, I found it incredibly difficult to string sentenses together. I told her that she reminded me of someone I knew very much, and just like my wife, she retored with some sarcastic quip, "I bet that person is really great!!" Ha Ha. I had to walk away because it was so strange. It so happens, I will have to be working with this person on a project soon. I really don't want the interaction to be awkward, but do you think it would be a good idea to have me replaced? I really don't feel comfortable telling her the truth and want to be as professional as possible about the whole thing... It really is hard for me though... Thanks, Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I really don't want the interaction to be awkward, but do you think it would be a good idea to have me replaced? I really don't feel comfortable telling her the truth and want to be as professional as possible about the whole thing... It really is hard for me though... I would be open and honest with her. Have your wife come into your office one day so all three of you can joke about it. The more you can be frank about the comparison, the easier your working relationship will be. Then go home and bang your wife like a mad man! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) Wow, that's unusual. It's like time travel for you. Get out of the project together, and I suggest the three of you have lunch. You'll see that if you bring it in the open, it won't torment you as much. So keep the wife in the loop, and your distance to the coworker. Edited September 27, 2012 by cutedragon 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BreakOnThrough Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks a lot for the suggestions, I think I may have my wife come by the office tomorrow, and let her know beforehand, that I will be introducing her to her. The thing is, I don't know the coworker entirely that well, but I guess just a casual introduction may be harmless and not seem odd. My wife is incredibly open minded, so if I say that she is quite similar to my coworker, she will either agree, or laugh it off if that's not the case. Perhaps her reaction may help me put the whole thing in a better perspective and quell some of the awkwardness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I would avoid the new girl. I think close proximity is going to make the attraction grow, then you will become more and more familiar with her, which could lead to temptation. That's when your self control will have to kick in. If you are the type of person that has the ability to control your emotions and know you will never, ever cheat on your wife no matter what, maybe you can handle it. If you are the type of person that is impulsive, that lives in the moment, craves excitement, etc., then I would not put yourself in that position. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BreakOnThrough Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 I would avoid the new girl. I think close proximity is going to make the attraction grow, then you will become more and more familiar with her, which could lead to temptation. That's when your self control will have to kick in. If you are the type of person that has the ability to control your emotions and know you will never, ever cheat on your wife no matter what, maybe you can handle it. If you are the type of person that is impulsive, that lives in the moment, craves excitement, etc., then I would not put yourself in that position. Yeah, I can't say that has not crept into my mind, but I love my wife dearly, would NEVER go behind her back and betray her, but someone that acts and looks like my wife drumming up feelings in me is really hard to ignore, especially if I will have to be working with this person closer. The main issue, though, with me is the awkwardness, I certaintly don't want to make the coworker feel uncomfortable at any point, so that is where I am at currently... Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Most people who cheat thought they would never ever do so. I think we all have to recognize our vulnerabilities and set appropriate boundaries. This is a case where I think you could be highly vulnerable. I would definitely try to not be put on that project. I'd be afraid to be alone with someone like that. I also agree with the honesty factor. It's good that you already told your wife about her. The meeting thing is probably good too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 What bounderies do you have in place for yourself? If none, then make some and stick to them. It sounds like you r honest w/your wife. Keep it that way. If you begin to feel like you have to keep something from your wife then you should probably revisit your boundaries and tell your wife. Funny though, I started playing tennis again a few years back. The pro I was paired w/had my husband's appearance and mannerisms in the most peculiar way. So, after the third time playing, I explained to the pro how great it was hitting w/him then politely told him I did not NEED to play w/him anymore & wished to be partnered w/females. He asked me why and I told him that his charm was catching and even though I was flattered, I was also uncomfortable w/his friendliness. He didn't talk to me for a year but is now friendly w/out the charm & professional. In the meantime, I brought my husband out to the courts and put him in his rightful position. We have the best time! And that tingle of whatever it was for look-a-like boy returned where it belonged** Boundaries..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 The simple solution is to set the alarm for fifteen minutes earlier and have some morning sex with your wife. Only fifteen minutes??? Sheeesh, you are quick one - aren't you?.... :rolleyes: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Most people who cheat thought they would never ever do so. I think we all have to recognize our vulnerabilities and set appropriate boundaries. This is a case where I think you could be highly vulnerable. I would definitely try to not be put on that project. I'd be afraid to be alone with someone like that. I also agree with the honesty factor. It's good that you already told your wife about her. The meeting thing is probably good too. This. It is a very good idea that your wife meet this woman, and let's hope they hit it off. But my guess is that the more you get to know this girl, the more you will differences that make her seem less appealing when compared to your wife. And if you have a big argument with your wife, don't go to this girl for help. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 This is the make it or break it decision point in your life. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if you do end up cheating, if the opportunity should present itself with this girl. You sound like a man who's waiting for that opportunity. I hope you prove me wrong, not for your sake but for the sake of the wife and children you won't have cheated on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Before you bring the 2 of them together... I'd like to encourage you to make sure your wife is going to be flattered by this comparison. Maybe check with someone who's known you for years to see if they see it too. (just a suggestion) That and make sure that you can string together words properly and not act all giddy and crush like. Trust me, your wife will pick up on it. Please, just don't open that door to flirtation and allow yourself to get close or too friendly with this look-alike younger version of your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 This. It is a very good idea that your wife meet this woman, and let's hope they hit it off. But my guess is that the more you get to know this girl, the more you will differences that make her seem less appealing when compared to your wife. And if you have a big argument with your wife, don't go to this girl for help. That's a biggie!!! You don't need her as a confident or a friend. Keep it light and professional. no detailed personal talk. Don't ask her about her life. And, stop letting yourself 'think' of her..Just make your mind stop and focus on your work. Oh and please don't tell this look-alike that you are attracted to her. That just opens pandora's box a crack. Remember who your soulmate is. Who you said vows to, slept next to for so many years, who carried your children and gave birth to them. DO NOT mistake the eerie resembelence as this younger version of your wife as another possible 'soulmate'! Just don't ever go there or you are in big trouble!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BreakOnThrough Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 (edited) Well, my wife came in the morning and met my coworker. I told her last night that I wanted her to meet the person I thought was eerily familiar to her because I will be working on a project with her soon and would feel more comfortable if she met theperson first. She knows that I am a bit freaked out about it and was very interested to say the least. To my surprise, she was a bittaken-a-back. After she met her, she said,wow, I know what you mean, she looks and acts very similar to how I used to act, similar mannerisms and everything. My wife has a sister that is also very similar to her, she said that this person could pass more closely than her. They talked for a bit and it turns out they shop at the same place, both are the youngest in their families, and they have the same purse (this was just in a couple of minutes). I told her, now you see why I am freaked out? She said yeah…with kind of a glazed look on her face… and then she left. She was really more stunned than anything I think, so I will talk to her more about it later. At the very least, I am just glad that this was not all in my head. Edited September 28, 2012 by BreakOnThrough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 This is my first time post, but have been reading on the site for a fewweeks. First off, I have been married for 10 years, known my wife for 15 years.I am 35, have a comfortable living, 2 wonderful kids and the best wife ahusband could ever ask for (I believe we are soul mates). Well, my issue is abit strange, but is causing a lot of grief for me. I work in an everyday officeenvironment, people are hired and leave quite often and new workers are notuncommon. A new woman started, she is in her early 20s, smart, good worker. Theissue for me is, she LOOKS and ACTS exactly the same as my wife did when Ifirst met her. The resemblance and mannerisms are REALLY eerie, so much so, Ihave a really hard time interacting with her. Honestly, it is like I have goneback in a time machine and have met my wife again. I told my wife about allthis and she seemed more intrigued than worried. What's strange is, I get someof the same feelings I originally had with my wife with this person when I seeher, like I am reliving my past, but I know the only reason is because her resemblanceand mannerisms are drumming up old feelings. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I shouldhandle this? It makes my workday more stressful and consumes my thoughts at times DO NOT interact with this woman unless you have too. Make sure that you keep your guard up. She might look and act like your wife at a younger age, but she does not know you like your wife does. BOUNDARIES. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Okay, so your not nuts that's a good sign* What IS in your head then? You've already stated some red flag stuff for me at least. Ie; '" younger version, how wife "used" to act when you fell for her, attraction or spark, and you are HERE posting... Have you come up w/boundaries to put in place? Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Well, my wife came in the morning and met my coworker. I told her last night that I wanted her to meet the person I thought was eerily familiar to her because I will be working on a project with her soon and would feel more comfortable if she met theperson first. She knows that I am a bit freaked out about it and was very interested to say the least. To my surprise, she was a bittaken-a-back. After she met her, she said,wow, I know what you mean, she looks and acts very similar to how I used to act, similar mannerisms and everything. My wife has a sister that is also very similar to her, she said that this person could pass more closely than her. They talked for a bit and it turns out they shop at the same place, both are the youngest in their families, and they have the same purse (this was just in a couple of minutes). I told her, now you see why I am freaked out? She said yeah…with kind of a glazed look on her face… and then she left. She was really more stunned than anything I think, so I will talk to her more about it later. At the very least, I am just glad that this was not all in my head. I think this guy should be applauded for his honesty and responsible actions in this situation so far. He's here posting about it seeking advice, he told his wife...she knows he's freaked out. He even introduced them to each other. Good job man. I think you are rightfully scared enough that you are doing the right thing. My father once told me that because I was scared I was less likely to have an accident (I forget what I was scared of) that I would be more careful than most people. Don't lose that fear though, it's what keeps you safe, it has a purpose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Now the question is...is your wife concerned about you and this woman who resembles her, or is she not? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 You say how your wife used to act and look.... Has your wife changed? Can she get back some of that stuff you are nostalgic for? I'm older than you, married longer, so I understand that there are things we each "used to" do.....but we kept the good stuff for the most part. I wonder why you don't say she reminds you of how your wife looks and acts, rather than "used to"? It isn't like you two are old. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BreakOnThrough Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 Okay, so your not nuts that's a good sign* What IS in your head then? You've already stated some red flag stuff for me at least. Ie; '" younger version, how wife "used" to act when you fell for her, attraction or spark, and you are HERE posting... Have you come up w/boundaries to put in place? Well, I have NEVER confronted a situation like this in my life, perhaps I am afraid that I will become comfortable with this person and have feelings for them down the line. I understand feelings can't be controlled, but actions can, so remaining on a professional level will be what's critically important to me, but I know a lot of awkwardness will exist on my side, because there are A LOT of similaraties between the two. I love my wife dearly and love everything that we have built, but if you happen across someone that reminds you of that "newness" that originally occured between eachother, the experience is REALLY jarring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BreakOnThrough Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 I think this guy should be applauded for his honesty and responsible actions in this situation so far. He's here posting about it seeking advice, he told his wife...she knows he's freaked out. He even introduced them to each other. Good job man. I think you are rightfully scared enough that you are doing the right thing. My father once told me that because I was scared I was less likely to have an accident (I forget what I was scared of) that I would be more careful than most people. Don't lose that fear though, it's what keeps you safe, it has a purpose. Thanks for that... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts