How do I tell wife had 30 Prostitutes in past

[LoveFiend]

I been 100% loyal to wife. My wife wanted me be honest about my past. So when I was drunk admitted to her had sex before I met her with 30 Prostitutes and was a regular at strip clubs. Had extras with 20 girls and had sex with 5 strippers in hotel rooms. Been to over 50 different strip clubs inlifetime.

 

When I was sober I told her I lied about it all just because she seemed so upset by what said. I was single then and though at that time was my only option never thought any women would want to marry me.

 

Was biggest blessing when my wife married me. Way better than strippers and hookers a wife is priceless.

 

She gets upset when drunk I admitted had visited strip clubs during marriage and told her would give stripper dollar on stage to rub her breasts in my face. She gets defensive calls it cheating and tell her not having sex with them.

 

I retell her over and over again she is only woman having sex with now. I got is both tested for stds we both are 100 % clean of everything including herpes.

 

I tell her she is way more valuable and more precious to me than any hooker or stripper. For years that was lifestyle I lived because I thought I was too ugly for any women to want me. I suffer from dwarfism and I am disabled I have back problems all kinds of back surgeries.

 

How do I tell her all this sober being honest not going back on what I said.

[alphamale]

dude you never reveal this sort of stuff to your wife or gf...these thoughts and experience must go to the grave with you

[Happy Lemming]

dude you never reveal this sort of stuff to your wife or gf...these thoughts and experience must go to the grave with you

 

 

I'll second this post... You take that secret to your grave!!

[preraph]

Look, you already told her. Then you told her it wasn't true. I am PRETTY sure she knows it's true. I mean, who would just make that up? I think if she has glossed over it, it's because she wants to gloss over it because she loves you.

 

You've given her assurances. If you haven't told her the part about it was hard for you to date because of your dwarfism, which I imagine she is smart enough to figure out, then by all means, tell her that's why. It was before you met her, so she can disapprove, but it isn't cheating.

 

I think she will surely get past this as long as she is positive you have no interest in ever going to a strip club or seeing a prostitute again, which of course you don't because she is the most beautiful woman in your eyes, so why would you?

 

It'll be okay.

[SevenCity]

I'll second this post... You take that secret to your grave!!

 

Third. As a man you have to look at risk/reward.

 

Is there anything about this from which you can benefit? No? Then keep your mouth shut.

[SevenCity]

Look, you already told her. Then you told her it wasn't true. I am PRETTY sure she knows it's true. I mean, who would just make that up? I think if she has glossed over it, it's because she wants to gloss over it because she loves you.

 

You've given her assurances. If you haven't told her the part about it was hard for you to date because of your dwarfism, which I imagine she is smart enough to figure out, then by all means, tell her that's why. It was before you met her, so she can disapprove, but it isn't cheating.

 

I think she will surely get past this as long as she is positive you have no interest in ever going to a strip club or seeing a prostitute again, which of course you don't because she is the most beautiful woman in your eyes, so why would you?

 

It'll be okay.

 

Don’t bet on that. My ex never got over the women I slept with in the past (no hookers or strippers) and projected it to our present.

 

Women with low self esteem who are also insecure will let this type of stuff kill a relationship.

[BaileyB]

She gets upset when drunk I admitted had visited strip clubs during marriage and told her would give stripper dollar on stage to rub her breasts in my face. She gets defensive calls it cheating and tell her not having sex with them.

 

I tell her she is way more valuable and more precious to me than any hooker or stripper.

 

I most definitely don't call this cheating... However, if it was really true that your wife is the most valuable and precious thing to you... You wouldn't be allowing yourself to be in a position where a stripper is rubbing her breasts in your face while you slip her dollar bills.

 

A man who truly loves and respects his wife doesn't do that. No doubt, your wife knows this and it's a big part of why she is unhappy with you.

[Springsummer]

Don’t bet on that. My ex never got over the women I slept with in the past (no hookers or strippers) and projected it to our present.

 

Women with low self esteem who are also insecure will let this type of stuff kill a relationship.

 

I can never get over this sort of thing either. that's one huge reason I can't even find one person to date.

 

once a male 'friend' said he slept with over 2 digits, I had problem imagine dating him.

[preraph]

Don’t bet on that. My ex never got over the women I slept with in the past (no hookers or strippers) and projected it to our present.

 

Women with low self esteem who are also insecure will let this type of stuff kill a relationship.

 

Yeah, but he's already told her. She knows IF she wants to know. He's got to swear off strip clubs though and convince her he won't ever do that again.

[Springsummer]

 

Women with low self esteem who are also insecure will let this type of stuff kill a relationship.

 

but why is that has anything to do with women's self esteem? isn't it about men like you who slept around? what's that have anything to do with the woman? If anything, it means the woman is self respecting because she isn't sleeping around.

[BaileyB]

Women with low self esteem who are also insecure will let this type of stuff kill a relationship.

 

I have very healthy self esteem. If my partner wanted to go to a strip club with the boys one night, I would tell him to go and have a good time!

 

If, I learned that he had slept with thirty prostitutes (behavior that I personally find abhorrent), continued to visit strip clubs and had crossed boundaries at the strip club by asking a woman to rub her breasts in his face... Well, he would probably find himself single and available to engage in these types of activities at his convenience.

 

I would make that decision, not because I had low self esteem or was insecure, but because I have self respect. There is a BIG difference.

[LoveFiend]

continued to visit strip clubs and had crossed boundaries at the strip club by asking a woman to rub her breasts in his face...

 

 

Unfortunately I think many women don't realize what goes on in a strip club and what is the norm. When a guy goes up to the stage to tip the dancer it is very normal for her to grab him and rub her breasts in his face. This is not crossing the boundary but very normal and out of the 50 or so strip clubs visited in my lifetime this was very common in almost all the clubs I was at.

 

Crossing the boundary at a strip club would be getting sexual favors from the dancer during lap dances, this happens all the time. Some clubs allow it, others fire dancers who they catch doing it.

 

This is what I tried to explain to my wife.

[elaine567]

She gets upset when drunk I admitted had visited strip clubs during marriage and told her would give stripper dollar on stage to rub her breasts in my face. She gets defensive calls it cheating and tell her not having sex with them.

Unfortunately I think many women don't realize what goes on in a strip club and what is the norm. When a guy goes up to the stage to tip the dancer it is very normal for her to grab him and rub her breasts in his face. This is not crossing the boundary but very normal and out of the 50 or so strip clubs visited in my lifetime this was very common in almost all the clubs I was at.

 

You just don't get it do you...

YOU have ruined your marriage and continue to do so.

Good luck.

[pepperbird]

Unfortunately I think many women don't realize what goes on in a strip club and what is the norm. When a guy goes up to the stage to tip the dancer it is very normal for her to grab him and rub her breasts in his face. This is not crossing the boundary but very normal and out of the 50 or so strip clubs visited in my lifetime this was very common in almost all the clubs I was at.

 

Crossing the boundary at a strip club would be getting sexual favors from the dancer during lap dances, this happens all the time. Some clubs allow it, others fire dancers who they catch doing it.

 

This is what I tried to explain to my wife.

 

 

So that is your boundary when it comes to cheating. Paying to have a woman rub her breasts in your face isn't cheating. Not everyone will have that same boundary.

To me, that would be chaining, and just as bad, I feel it's degrading to the woman. Those are my boundaries. What are your wife's?

[guest569]

I personally wouldn't be bothered by the facts but more so the level of graphic details you felt the need to provide. I couldn't put that out of my mind. I'm not sure what you can do to fix this. You've told her. You tried to take it back. You can't take it back.

 

So that is your boundary when it comes to cheating. Paying to have a woman rub her breasts in your face isn't cheating. Not everyone will have that same boundary.

To me, that would be chaining, and just as bad, I feel it's degrading to the woman. Those are my boundaries. What are your wife's?

 

Wow.. Sorry I just realised this is during the marriage. That is 100% cheating. No excuses.

Edited September 27, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[BaileyB]

Unfortunately I think many women don't realize what goes on in a strip club and what is the norm. When a guy goes up to the stage to tip the dancer it is very normal for her to grab him and rub her breasts in his face. This is not crossing the boundary but very normal and out of the 50 or so strip clubs visited in my lifetime this was very common in almost all the clubs I was at.

 

Crossing the boundary at a strip club would be getting sexual favors from the dancer during lap dances, this happens all the time. Some clubs allow it, others fire dancers who they catch doing it.

 

This is what I tried to explain to my wife.

 

And I'm sure that she didn't buy your argument, just as the women on this site aren't buying it either.

 

Men certainly have the option of going to a strip club to watch the dancers, without tipping or having the dancer rub her breasts in his face.

 

How often do you go to the strip clubs exactly?

Edited September 27, 2018 by BaileyB

[carhill]

Seen a lot of this. Infidelity and prostitutes and strip clubs were/are common in my generation. Some guys still partake and they couldn't get it up with crane (old/ill). Brain still works though.

 

The key is being successful and popular. Well-liked by many. Spend at least as much on your wife on date nights as you do at the strip club, double is better. She'll overlook a lot if she gets the right lubrication and sees you as a man of social status. Yes, she'll grumble and complain and perhaps call you a micropenis and other derogatory remarks to her girlfriends but women do that anyway depending on how they feel.

 

I don't like strip clubs or prostitution and saw the latter up close when younger but am also accepting of reality of how life works. You won't win a logical argument on this because it's not logical so don't bother. Do what you want to do and treat your wife the way you want to treat her. The results will occur.

 

If you've disclosed your activities to your wife, there's no way you can be cheating since there's no deception. If she believes them inappropriate, that's her right and privilege. The rest is marital resolution.

[Crazelnut]

I'm a woman, not a prude, blah blah, but if you were my husband and I found out you'd been motor boating with a stripper during our marriage, I'd be pretty pissed. That IS crossing boundaries, no matter how much you try to rationalize it away as being harmless.

 

I wouldn't be crazy about you doing a bunch of hookers, but it was before the marriage. Out of scope for me. I wouldn't be too upset over that.

[LoveFiend]

I'm a woman, not a prude, blah blah, but if you were my husband and I found out you'd been motor boating with a stripper during our marriage, I'd be pretty pissed. That IS crossing boundaries, no matter how much you try to rationalize it away as being harmless.

 

I wouldn't be crazy about you doing a bunch of hookers, but it was before the marriage. Out of scope for me. I wouldn't be too upset over that.

 

But I know a lot of married men go to strip clubs and get dollar dances on stage where the dancer rubs her breasts in his face and goes and gets lap dances.

 

Maybe a lap dance she would have less objection to. I get those too. Basically the stripper will rub her butt in the guys lap till he gets hard down there and gives him a little satisfaction, if he gets more than one dance he might get a little wet in the pants.

 

But he is not having sex with the strippers so thats not cheating. nothing sexual going on.

 

The wives have no problem with the guys i know going to strip clubs... now there is a good chance they don't know maybe about the tipping on stage and boobs getting rubbed in face and what goes on during a lap dance. But if other wives are ok with their husband's going to strip clubs I think mine should too. I think she is just making a fuss over nothing.

 

I tell her she doesn't understand these are fantasy women men can't get in real life. Huge boobs, young 18-21 years old, knockout looks. Its just a fantasy. She gets upset and says she wants to get implants like the strippers. She says she makes this feel like her boobs aren't big enough for me and she isn't good enough.

 

I tell her I am very happy with her she gives me sex every night, I just like to gaze at some young 18-21 eye candy once in a while thats all. It's not cheating.

 

I mean in a way she should be proud of me, it's a lot better than what I use to do ... seeing prostitutes. Been 100% loyal to her no prostitutes. I tell her this that she should be at least grateful been faithful to her by not visiting prostitutes. You would think strip clubs instead is a big improvement, but she doesn't get it

Edited September 27, 2018 by LoveFiend

[SevenCity]

But I know a lot of married men go to strip clubs and get dollar dances on stage where the dancer rubs her breasts in his face and goes and gets lap dances.

 

Maybe a lap dance she would have less objection to. I get those too. Basically the stripper will rub her butt in the guys lap till he gets hard down there and gives him a little satisfaction, if he gets more than one dance he might get a little wet in the pants.

 

But he is not having sex with the strippers so thats not cheating. nothing sexual going on.

 

The wives have no problem with the guys i know going to strip clubs... now there is a good chance they don't know maybe about the tipping on stage and boobs getting rubbed in face and what goes on during a lap dance. But if other wives are ok with their husband's going to strip clubs I think mine should too. I think she is just making a fuss over nothing.

 

I tell her she doesn't understand these are fantasy women men can't get in real life. Huge boobs, young 18-21 years old, knockout looks. Its just a fantasy. She gets upset and says she wants to get implants like the strippers. She says she makes this feel like her boobs aren't big enough for me and she isn't good enough.

 

I tell her I am very happy with her she gives me sex every night, I just like to gaze at some young 18-21 eye candy once in a while thats all. It's not cheating.

 

I mean in a way she should be proud of me, it's a lot better than what I use to do ... seeing prostitutes. Been 100% loyal to her no prostitutes. I tell her this that she should be at least grateful been faithful to her by not visiting prostitutes. You would think strip clubs instead is a big improvement, but she doesn't get it

 

The mistake you’re making is you are comparing how your wife should be to how she is.

 

It sounds like she has low self esteem and you are exasperating the issue. Just because you think she should be ok does not make it so.

 

Therefore, you can either 1) Keep your mouth shut or 2) stop going to strip clubs.

 

I’ll also say you have self esteem issues and are looking for validation from young hot chicks (forgetting it’s a monetary transaction). This goes beyond checking out some fresh tail.

 

Remember how you felt before you found your wife. You still consider yourself lucky to be with her. Don’t push her away over some misguided moral sense of over sharing.

[bathtub-row]

Unfortunately I think many women don't realize what goes on in a strip club and what is the norm. When a guy goes up to the stage to tip the dancer it is very normal for her to grab him and rub her breasts in his face. This is not crossing the boundary but very normal and out of the 50 or so strip clubs visited in my lifetime this was very common in almost all the clubs I was at.

 

Crossing the boundary at a strip club would be getting sexual favors from the dancer during lap dances, this happens all the time. Some clubs allow it, others fire dancers who they catch doing it.

 

This is what I tried to explain to my wife.

 

Dude, your moral compass is so far off, I don’t even know where to begin. If I were your wife, I would be more concerned about your ignorance on this topic than your lack of morals — although they’re neck and neck with one another.

[LoveFiend]

 

Therefore, you can either 1) Keep your mouth shut or 2) stop going to strip clubs.

 

Yeah thinking best option is keep mouth shut. Probably best not to tell her I prefer the all nude clubs where the dancer gets completely nude onstage and is completely nude during alliances.

 

I see it as harmless not having sex with strippers so it can't be cheating.

[carhill]

If your spouse decides the sexually oriented behavior is inappropriate in your marriage and you continue to engage and lie to her about it, yup that's cheating. Doesn't have to be PIV sex or blow jobs or diddling. It's sexually-oriented behavior. She decides, as you decide for her. You don't have to agree, but then, in most cases, the marriage is over, eventually, even if it doesn't end. Seen that many times too. Spouses do their own thing, have mutual affairs, MINO.

[WMGuy]

Going to a strip club isn’t cheating, but it does go into a personal morales catagory for each person. Whether or not a wife has an issue with her husband going does not always have to have anything to do with the woman’s confidence. Just because your friend’s wives allow them to go doesn’t mean your wife should allow you too.

 

In my opinion, touching a stripper’s breasts even if she shoves them there enters into a scale of cheating. I guess it could be similar to kissing another woman. Paying a stripper to grind on your lap until you get wet in your pants moves you up the scale of cheating. That is pretty similar to getting a hand job. With most traditional marriages, we are very limited to very specific touching of the opposite sex. Nothing that you describe falls into that catagory.

 

You say that you love your wife, respect her wishes and stop going to strip clubs. If you want to look at young pretty girls, use your smartphone and don’t let your wife find out you look at porn.

 

You will most likely have to choose between having very regular sex with a very giving woman that you love or going back to strippers and prostitutes. The later is very expensive and lonely.

[d0nnivain]

Yeah thinking best option is keep mouth shut. Probably best not to tell her I prefer the all nude clubs where the dancer gets completely nude onstage and is completely nude during alliances.

 

I see it as harmless not having sex with strippers so it can't be cheating.

 

And therein lies your problem.

 

Your wife does not give a flying fig about what's "normal" in a strip club. She is pissed as hell that you so much as set foot in one. To her you looking at live scantily clad women, nude women & these dancers IS cheating. She wants to be the only woman that turns you on. The fact that you have in the past actually had sex with these women further lowers her trust in you that your presence in these establishments now is innocent & you look but don't touch. Frankly she doesn't believe you. In her shoes neither would I. The disclosures about your past should have been made before you two walked down the aisle. Now she's stuck because she took vows & she has to work with what she has. But for you to keep going to these places is a slap in the face to her every time you go.

 

If you really love your wife as much as you claim to, in order to keep her you are going to have to completely give up going to these places. She is never going to be OK with it. It's not even a matter of you telling her you are going, even for say a bachelor party. To her it's not acceptable.

 

You can't change your past, but if you hope to have a future with her you have to make a choice: her or the clubs. Pick one because you can't have both.