FightClub Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) After almost a year and a half of NC, going through the different stages of learning and literally hundreds of threads and amazing people on LS, I finally feel as though everything has passed internally and I am feeling amazing. I couldn't understand why I was angry a few months ago, why subconsciousness and dreams lingered on xMW and then it hit when I woke up the other day, I have finally accepted the end of everything and I am ecstatic about the future. It's strange, it's like I said a final goodbye in one of my dreams in which I saw her again but this time, it's as though we met up and suddenly I didn't feel anything, that all the things that haunted me for so long were gone and the person that was in front of me was absent and in her place was a ghost of her former self. It was like I felt in some weird way that the connection I felt was finally broken, as though whatever was there is now gone. So the last few days, I came to re-examine my life again, where I stand and where I'm going. Deleted a majority of my social networking sites, registering for summer college classes and working through a few different certifications for my career. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this only because I was almost unsure if I really felt this way or if it was just a passing feeling but it really is over inside and I have to thank everyone here who has provided me with so much perspective and hope for the future. I think the days ahead are brighter, I made poor choices with xMW and I don't think I'll ever forget the hurt our emotional/physical affair caused a lot of people and I've worked hard to heal and atone for what I contributed to and was once a part of. Closure, that's what this really feels like to me now and I hope as time goes on, everyone in the world who has been involved no matter what side of triangle that affairs represent, we can find peace. BTW- I'll still be around the forums to provide perspective, advice, suggestions, etc., though at some point I will have to graduate from LS like so many before me. -FC Edited March 28, 2012 by FightClub 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl2 Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I have been 16 months NC and then I decided it was time to face my xMM demon. I did and thought WTF did I ever see in you? That close connection finally drifts away and one day we realise it has gone and set our heart free. I love the way you are doing positive things with your education. Good on ya Mate... colloquialism from Australia. Link to post Share on other sites
U472439 Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 hi FC, congrats! I have read your story, and it does sound a little similar to mine. I am only 2 weeks NC, but I already feel better. Still not totally sure if the floor is going to fall out from beneath me at some point, and I'll start missing her again. That it's taken you over a year to really feel free is a bit scary to me, but at the same time, happy to read what it feels like to be on the other side of the experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I am so happy for you. Staying positive and focusing on what's really important is the beginning of healing. Once you begin to look to the future and not the past a new life can begin. Congrats to you and I hope those classes springs a new loving relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Happy for you FC When you will find a woman that will love you and will want to be with you 100% you'll see what difference it makes.. - And you will be a better man for her because the A taught you valuable things. Never take anyone for granted and learn to appreciate genuine, honest and healthy relationships. We have learned it the hard way. The A has greatly impacted my vision on real Love, difference between healthy/unhealthy relationships and dynamics between people. What doesn't kill you, make you stronger ! Think about yourself with some wisdom added and self-confidence to never put up again with second-class relationships. Never make default choices, always expect the BEST for yourself. Keep us in touch about the single ladies Link to post Share on other sites
Author FightClub Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 hi FC, congrats! I have read your story, and it does sound a little similar to mine. I am only 2 weeks NC, but I already feel better. Still not totally sure if the floor is going to fall out from beneath me at some point, and I'll start missing her again. That it's taken you over a year to really feel free is a bit scary to me, but at the same time, happy to read what it feels like to be on the other side of the experience. I know the feeling brotha', this is just the start of where you can take yourself, it did take a long time but it was worth doing the heavy work to really come out feeling better after a lot of tough experiences. One thing to consider; You're aware something is wrong, that's the starting point that led me to find why it was wrong, not just from a moral stance but what was I missing within myself that I chose this path instead of walking away. The path is ahead of you, now you have to walk towards it. -FC Link to post Share on other sites
Author FightClub Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 I have been 16 months NC and then I decided it was time to face my xMM demon. I did and thought WTF did I ever see in you? That close connection finally drifts away and one day we realise it has gone and set our heart free. I love the way you are doing positive things with your education. Good on ya Mate... colloquialism from Australia. Thanks GG! It's very true! Amusingly, I want to take a trip to Australia sometime in the future, great people, great country! -FC Link to post Share on other sites
Author FightClub Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 Emme, I hope things have been better, I recall you feeling down a week or so ago while being in NC, stay strong, you're doing great! Always appreciate your responses! East7, Indeed, brotha! How have things been with the friend you were seeing? I'm hopeful things are going the right way, it took longer than I expected but things are working out, Thanks! -FC Link to post Share on other sites
Barrsitter Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 FC I like how you have processed everything and are so wise and non-judgmental. That is surely, the goal in this process...wisdom and being non-condemning and learning to make better choices. I am glad that you are now free of the internal pain and that your future feels bright to you. I hope to get there some day soon too. Thank you! peace...B 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Emme, I hope things have been better, I recall you feeling down a week or so ago while being in NC, stay strong, you're doing great! Always appreciate your responses! Things for now are at a stand still. A year passed and the pain is still fresh. It's not going anywhere and I accept that. Just have to work through it and when it's ready to leave it will. Many of us on this site are doing great. Just have to keep pushing with the blinders on. Link to post Share on other sites
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