Fallen Petals Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Ok, so I finally drafted up the letter of apology to her...hoping from this point forward to just move on and be able to put this whole mess in the past...work on my self esteem, work on whatever litany of other issues I have to work on... The least offensive way I could think to contact her was Facebook - which now you have to pay $1 to send a message to the inbox of someone you aren't somehow linked to, and since he's deleted (and hopefully blocked) me, we have no link any longer. Tell me how I did. The little PS was in case they'd try to make her pay to send me a note...cause that'd be just wrong in my mind, but absolutely not an option either... Even if I did an awful job at this one shot I had - it feels good to know I tried. Gotta embrace the little things - right????? BS, Hi, I realize I'm one of the last people you want to see in your inbox. Ever. But I kinda needed to get this out...and I have tried a few times to draft up this letter, but my words consistently fail me, so hopefully you can understand this may not come out perfectly. I have had some time to reflect on things, and to speak with others more from your perspective. I realize now that the pain I've been accomplice to inflicting on you is likely much worse than I could have imagined. I know it won't help to tell you I never meant to hurt you or anything of the sort, so I won't waste words on those things... I am so very sorry for hurting you. I don't know you, and even if I did, I can't imagine purposely causing someone pain the way that my actions have undoubtedly affected you. I wish for all the best for you, and for your family. If you find in your healing process you need anything from me, please let me know - though I understand likely the thing you need most from me is my absence. I also hope, not so much for me, but for yourself, that you're one day able to forgive me. I abhor the thought of you carrying the toxic feelings of hate and anger in your heart, especially over my actions. For you - I am not worth that energy, I assure you. It feels hypocritical to bring God into it, but I really do pray he gives you and yours all the strength you need for the things you're coping with now and in the future. Sincerely, Fallen Petals PS - Facebook is doing something funky with the messaging system, so if you find trouble getting me here but find you do need me for some reason you can write to me at *****@*****.com or ******@*****.com 5 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 It's a good letter. Innocuous enough. The BS in your case may not know of the affair as she hasn't contacted you. So it serves that purpose as well. Given that your XMM has cheated before, and that your affair was 2 months, and that he ended it..you may not hear from her. But you apologized, you didn't write anything harmful, and it isn't anonymous so, I'd say it's the best and kindest thing to do. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
egalew Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I've, on occasion, thought about about writing the BS a letter. Yet, I don't want to rub salt in her wounds. But honestly I don't think she wants to hear from me, and do believe if it wasn't me it would have been someone else. exMM was definitely out there looking. I also believe he used our affair as an exit affair, and had other OW before me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Good letter. Short and to the point, sincere and spoken with respect and absolute kindness. You show remorse and apologize too. I hope it brings peace to you and of course some peace to her as well. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fallen Petals Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 First off - thank you all so much. I was a mess the last several days trying to think on how to write it. A mess when I hesitated because I had to pay to send it - then a mess when I realize how stupid it was to quibble over a stupid dollar when I owe much more than that over all...and then of course after I hit send I had to bring it here because I was a mess wondering if I said or did anything wrong with it!! LOL Umm...Have I mentioned that I am just a mess over all of this?? I just want to move on and be better than all of this... I've, on occasion, thought about about writing the BS a letter. Yet, I don't want to rub salt in her wounds. But honestly I don't think she wants to hear from me, and do believe if it wasn't me it would have been someone else. exMM was definitely out there looking. I also believe he used our affair as an exit affair, and had other OW before me. I highly doubt she wants to hear from me either, but honestly, if anything maybe it helps to know I am not some evil person in the corner plotting ways to steal other womens husbands?? Maybe this way she knows I won't be re-entering their lives somewhere down the line or...I don't even know...hopefully she just knows now from that that I really am sorry...and sometimes, when someone does something wrong and they never ever apologize, that makes it worse...cause then you think "and they're not even sorry they did it!" You know?? xMM was actively looking for an A - I met him on a dating site. I was not his first...and unless they really fix things this (not first) time around, I likely won't be his last. I fret that he'll repeat his cycles until something changes - he told me it was always supposed to be an exit affair, but her reaction wasn't what he'd planned for...I don't know what any of that means, just that I won't be party to it anymore. Not for him. Not for anyone. And quite shortly I am hoping he'll just be that guy I knew once for a brief moment in time...one of my fallen petals... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fallen Petals Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 I think it's great petals..........really great. Don't expect a response and if you get one, that's ugly. then still just let it go. Let it go......... I doubt she'll respond. If she does I wouldn't expect a kind response. I plan to let it go. I am hoping this helps her too...somehow...cause there really isn't anything else I CAN do for her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautionaryTale Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 What you wrote was perfect, if I received a letter such as that TODAY, I would be touched and it would bring me peace. However I am already past the forgiveness stage and hold no ill will what-so-ever. Back when everything was fresh OTOH... I was filled with red hot rage and hatred for all involved. I probably would not have replied at all. If she does respond, really prepare yourself for bitter, nasty, hateful words. I hope this does not happen but, as we all know all too well, people can be especially cruel. You are the perfect person to take out ALL anger on and you've given her two of your email addresses. Just be prepared, like LadyGrey said, let it go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Petals, that is a thoughtful letter that says everything without adding to her hurt. It is dignified, to the point and if I had received a letter like that I would have thanked you for your understanding. I would now leave it at that and if she wants to contact you, then I hope she replies in the same manner. I wouldn't contact her again unless she asks for details that you are comfortable to share. I hope you find peace for yourself too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fallen Petals Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Thank you - and I won't be contacting her or xMM again. Honestly, the only reason I gave her a way to get ahold of me is because I felt it would be presumptuous on my part to think she would never need it. I honestly don't see what I can do further to help her get past all of it - but if there is anything, at least I know I have given her a way to let me know. And while I did give her two of my e-mail addresses...they are two I don't use regularly and are not linked to my family or business dealings. However, should she write to me there - I'll take whatever hits she throws at me and let it slide, if she asks questions, I'll respond, otherwise, I am out of their lives for good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 It shows humility and contrition. Just make sure it's well written and don't use slang. I'm a big proponent of being formal. Don't start off with, "hi" I never wrote one nor would I ever. He was abusive to my xow. He can suck an egg as far as I was concerned. Afterward, start moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fallen Petals Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 How are you doing today? Thank you!! Today has been rough, actually, but over all I feel better. I feel like I am beginning to dig out of my hole...at least some. It's a pretty sizeable hole...LOL. And of course, since I sent that message via FB it was just sitting there, begging me to click on it to see if she'd read it yet. So finally I succumbed at around 1p and saw that it was checked at 9:45am. I decided no response is a great thing and all the response I need, so I archived it so I won't see it (outta sight and outta mind). So here's to rebuilding and putting the past where is belongs - behind me...not letting it define me, but definitely learning from the huge atrocious mistakes so as not to repeat them!! Link to post Share on other sites
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