Do i stick around while he goes back to her?

[Sweett]

Met this guy in the spring of this year online. His profile said he was single and looking for marriage, which I soon found to be a lie. We met in person and talked over the phone and texted several times then he disappeared...just stopped responding to my messages. He reappeared a while later and disappeared again so by this time I kinda told him off. When I did he let on that someone was living with him and he was "supporting" her because she has no job and he said they argued a lot, he didn't trust her, her kids were disrespectful to him in his house, his son didn't like her, etc.

 

Well the day after Thanksgiving he calls me pissed at her that she was talking to him rudely in his house and asked me what he should do? I'm like I can't tell u that is your decision but no on should make u uncomfortable in your own house. so an hour later he calls back and said the police came and escorted her away. so while she is gone he wants to spend time with me and we did.

 

after we met earlier this year and talked I really liked his personality, he was funny, and nice so I agreed to spend time with him and I felt drawn to him more. I was on my way to visit him yesterday and he calls and says its not a good idea. He appeared very upset as he said he had feelings for me and didn't know what to do. I was devastated and asked why and after a while he said he was still in love with her and he moved her back in yesterday.

 

I feel really bad like I have been slapped in the face and used. I feel his relationship is toxic and he didn't trust her from the get go and I don't get why he cannot see this. He wants to stay in touch but right now I have him blocked,...should I keep it that way? Its hard because I really liked this guy. AND he still is active in his online profile...if he is so in love why would he be online using a paid site saying he is looking for marriage???

Edited December 9, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for paragraphs

[evanescentworld]

Have nothing whatsoever to do with the man from this day on.

he's flaky, untrustworthy, emotionally stunted and deceitful.

 

And he has an awful lot of Drama-Baggage.

 

I mean, you really needed to ask?

Come out of the fog, dearest, and let him live his confused life. It's his problem.

You deal with him - you inherit it.

[Sweett]

Have nothing whatsoever to do with the man from this day on.

he's flaky, untrustworthy, emotionally stunted and deceitful.

 

And he has an awful lot of Drama-Baggage.

 

I mean, you really needed to ask?

Come out of the fog, dearest, and let him live his confused life. It's his problem.

You deal with him - you inherit it.

 

You are so right! I just feel so bad today given this all happened yesterday. I asked him why he allowed himself to fall for a woman with so much baggage and he did not have an answer for me. he only has one son and she has 3 teens. I have no kids and no drama. Deceitful is also a good word. Every time he reappeared he would call from a new number. Drop phones are his best friend...

[evanescentworld]

Block every possible avenue available to him, to contact you.

 

If he uses drop-phones, you may need to change your number, but believe it or not it really isn't that much of a challenge with modern phones. You delete his contact details, transfer all your wanted contacts over, and send them a 'round-robin' text advising them this is your new number.

 

I did it twice - once because i moved country!

 

Believe me, the sooner you can drop him - the better you'll feel! Leave the liar to his life, get yourself a new one!

[Sweett]

Block every possible avenue available to him, to contact you.

 

If he uses drop-phones, you may need to change your number, but believe it or not it really isn't that much of a challenge with modern phones. You delete his contact details, transfer all your wanted contacts over, and send them a 'round-robin' text advising them this is your new number.

 

I did it twice - once because i moved country!

 

Believe me, the sooner you can drop him - the better you'll feel! Leave the liar to his life, get yourself a new one!

 

I think every word you used to describe him was perfect. he said he was confused and his head was all messed up . he even also told me he loved me and I kinda just laughed at him...amazing how people abuse the word...you don't hurt people you "love".

[Survivor12]

You are so right! I just feel so bad today given this all happened yesterday. I asked him why he allowed himself to fall for a woman with so much baggage and he did not have an answer for me. he only has one son and she has 3 teens. I have no kids and no drama. Deceitful is also a good word. Every time he reappeared he would call from a new number. Drop phones are his best friend...

 

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to ask yourself the same question.

 

Why did you allow yourself to get involved with a guy who:

 

--Lied to you

--Disappeared on you

--Was/is supporting a woman & her kids

--Called the police because he was being "rudely spoken to" & disrespected (or to get her out of the house so he could "spend time" with you)

--kicked you to the curb because he is still in love with his live-in gf

 

Baggage? Sounds to me like they have a matched set.

 

Run & don't look back!

[Sweett]

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to ask yourself the same question.

 

Why did you allow yourself to get involved with a guy who:

 

--Lied to you

--Disappeared on you

--Was/is supporting a woman & her kids

--Called the police because he was being "rudely spoken to" & disrespected (or to get her out of the house so he could "spend time" with you)

--kicked you to the curb because he is still in love with his live-in gf

 

Baggage? Sounds to me like they have a matched set.

 

Run & don't look back!

 

True seems I always set myself up for this type of heartbreak. He sat there and said all these negative things about what she wasn't doing and said he did not want her back and the next day he wanted her back and she comes running. I think someone like him has to have a woman like her to feel like a man.

[Sweett]

And I don't think that was the first time he put her out of his house in less than a year!!!

[Survivor12]

That's about him...what about YOU? Why do you need or want someone like him in your life? Why are you selling yourself short?

 

Those are the questions that you should be trying to answer, because until you do, you will continue to set yourself for more heartache.

[anika99]

You actually don't know anything about the girlfriend. You only know what he tells you and he's a liar. She might not be the awful person he made her out to be but even if she is, he is not one bit better than her. He is bad news and you need to stay away from

[Sweett]

That's about him...what about YOU? Why do you need or want someone like him in your life? Why are you selling yourself short?

 

Those are the questions that you should be trying to answer, because until you do, you will continue to set yourself for more heartache.

 

 

I went through a bad break up 3 years ago where I was cheated on and I felt emotionally abused. I felt like I was worthless and useless and not good enough because of his behavior. This guy I speak of in my post was funny and attractive and I wanted him to want me. I felt like someone was showing me attention and this was the best I could do. Before anyone says counseling!! I have been to several, they all say I didn't cause someone to cheat on me and It was more of an issue with him and I should not have let that one occurrence define me...its like I hear this and I should believe it but I don't...I keep blaming myself and selling myself short for men like this

[jellybean89]

Doesn't matter why he stays with her -- the fact is, he stays with her AND told you he loves her.

 

That is enough for you to know you are nothing but a rebound/revenge 'friend'.

 

He isn't available. EVEN if they 'broke up' today, he isn't emotionally available to you until he processes everything.

 

Do NOT put your life on hold or "wait" for him. You don't know him at all and while you may be attracted to him, he has a girlfriend. That is your clue to move on.

[stillafool]

I asked him why he allowed himself to fall for a woman with so much baggage and he did not have an answer for me. he only has one son and she has 3 teens. I have no kids and no drama. Deceitful is also a good word. Every time he reappeared he would call from a new number. Drop phones are his best friend...

 

Because the heart wants what the heart wants. Just like you wanting him even though you had to know he was in love with his live-in gf. The way he blew you off before for her yet you gave him another chance. I imagine that is how he feels about her.

[Sweett]

Doesn't matter why he stays with her -- the fact is, he stays with her AND told you he loves her.

 

That is enough for you to know you are nothing but a rebound/revenge 'friend'.

 

He isn't available. EVEN if they 'broke up' today, he isn't emotionally available to you until he processes everything.

 

Do NOT put your life on hold or "wait" for him. You don't know him at all and while you may be attracted to him, he has a girlfriend. That is your clue to move on.

 

 

 

If he is so in love why is his online dating profile still active and in use? Looking for marriage is what it says

[evanescentworld]

If he is so in love why is his online dating profile still active and in use? Looking for marriage is what it says

 

Darling, you already know what a phukkup he is - do you really think this question needs answering?

 

Don't let this mess with your mind.

There's no point asking an idiot why he's an idiot, is there?

 

It's no longer about anything he says or does.

This is now all about what you say and do.

 

Say nothing. Not a single word to him, not a one, ever again. he doesn't deserve logic, support, kindness, or anything else you clearly gave him.

 

Do? You know. You KNOW what to do. 180-degree hot-foot run, like the wind. As far and as fast as you can, away from him.

 

The time for questions and recriminations is past.

in fact, it was a futile waste of your time and energy to even think about it.

[Sweett]

Darling, you already know what a phukkup he is - do you really think this question needs answering?

 

Don't let this mess with your mind.

There's no point asking an idiot why he's an idiot, is there?

 

It's no longer about anything he says or does.

This is now all about what you say and do.

 

Say nothing. Not a single word to him, not a one, ever again. he doesn't deserve logic, support, kindness, or anything else you clearly gave him.

 

Do? You know. You KNOW what to do. 180-degree hot-foot run, like the wind. As far and as fast as you can, away from him.

 

The time for questions and recriminations is past.

in fact, it was a futile waste of your time and energy to even think about it.

 

Thank u for your advice, I really think I will change my number today. I blocked him with my phone but somehow he was still able to leave messages as I have 2 voicemails from him. I have deleted them did not even listen to them.

[snowflakes88]

If he is so in love why is his online dating profile still active and in use? Looking for marriage is what it says

 

Have you asked yourself why it's still active and in use while he claims he's so into you? That's a much more relevant question, IMO.

[Michelle ma Belle]

You actually don't know anything about the girlfriend. You only know what he tells you and he's a liar. She might not be the awful person he made her out to be but even if she is, he is not one bit better than her. He is bad news and you need to stay away from

 

THIS!

 

This guy is presenting himself as a full-on LIAR. Insanely simple if you ask me. That is ALL you need to know.

 

Sitting around believing ANYTHING that comes out of this guy's mouth is a monumental waste of your time and energy.

 

This is yet another case of a man wanting to have his cake and eat it too.

 

Don't be the cake.

[dreamingoftigers]

THIS!

 

This guy is presenting himself as a full-on LIAR. Insanely simple if you ask me. That is ALL you need to know.

 

Sitting around believing ANYTHING that comes out of this guy's mouth is a monumental waste of your time and energy.

 

This is yet another case of a man wanting to have his cake and eat it too.

 

Don't be the cake.

 

Yeah! Eat the cake!

 

Wait. that doesn't work with this analogy.

 

But cake is delicious.

 

Go share yummy cake with someone else that isn't stealing cake from his girlfriend. and lying about it.

 

She was probably his gf the whole time. She probably called the police on him!

 

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't sit around with cake in hand waiting for some dude that just wants to eat everyone's cake to show up.

 

Eat the cake yourself or find someone who shares to have cake with.

 

Man. I need to eat something. Food poisoning knocked me back yesterday.

[GoldenAxe]

Please don't wait for ANYONE.

[Sweett]

Have you asked yourself why it's still active and in use while he claims he's so into you? That's a much more relevant question, IMO.

 

I have asked myself the question several times and i have come up with someone who is always searching for something, seeing what else is out there, wants different women, etc. he also has this statement on his page that goes like this" i have been hurt so i know not to hurt someone else" go figure especially since he seems to be in the business of hurting people.

[Sweett]

THIS!

 

This guy is presenting himself as a full-on LIAR. Insanely simple if you ask me. That is ALL you need to know.

 

Sitting around believing ANYTHING that comes out of this guy's mouth is a monumental waste of your time and energy.

 

This is yet another case of a man wanting to have his cake and eat it too.

 

Don't be the cake.

 

I agree, he even said he didn't trust the gf because someone told him she was talking to another guy but in reality he can't be trusted.

[jellybean89]

If he is so in love why is his online dating profile still active and in use? Looking for marriage is what it says

 

Why were you okay with being with someone who told you he loves someone else?

 

Why were you willing to be 2nd fiddle?

 

Only he knows his head...and you can only control you.

 

He sounds like a sleeze.

[Sweett]

Why were you okay with being with someone who told you he loves someone else?

 

Why were you willing to be 2nd fiddle?

 

Only he knows his head...and you can only control you.

 

He sounds like a sleeze.

 

Just wanted to be wanted i suppose.

[MissBee]

Met this guy in the spring of this year online. His profile said he was single and looking for marriage, which I soon found to be a lie. We met in person and talked over the phone and texted several times then he disappeared...just stopped responding to my messages. He reappeared a while later and disappeared again so by this time I kinda told him off. When I did he let on that someone was living with him and he was "supporting" her because she has no job and he said they argued a lot, he didn't trust her, her kids were disrespectful to him in his house, his son didn't like her, etc.

 

Well the day after Thanksgiving he calls me pissed at her that she was talking to him rudely in his house and asked me what he should do? I'm like I can't tell u that is your decision but no on should make u uncomfortable in your own house. so an hour later he calls back and said the police came and escorted her away. so while she is gone he wants to spend time with me and we did.

 

after we met earlier this year and talked I really liked his personality, he was funny, and nice so I agreed to spend time with him and I felt drawn to him more. I was on my way to visit him yesterday and he calls and says its not a good idea. He appeared very upset as he said he had feelings for me and didn't know what to do. I was devastated and asked why and after a while he said he was still in love with her and he moved her back in yesterday.

 

I feel really bad like I have been slapped in the face and used. I feel his relationship is toxic and he didn't trust her from the get go and I don't get why he cannot see this. He wants to stay in touch but right now I have him blocked,...should I keep it that way? Its hard because I really liked this guy. AND he still is active in his online profile...if he is so in love why would he be online using a paid site saying he is looking for marriage???

 

Funny and nice are a dime a dozen.

 

He lied to you from the beginning. He is in another toxic relationship where he is also a toxic person. He is still in love with his primary woman, even though they live in drama calling the cops on each other and such (some people get off on drama), he's cheating and he's still online looking for more and worse lying online about marriage.Come on.

 

Exactly WHY on God's green earth would you even want him much less want to wait for him???Just because he's nice and funny? Those aren't stable qualities. Anyone can be funny or nice or have an interesting personality...if they are cheating liars who are toxic though, then the funny and nice should NOT suffice.

 

A lot of other "nice" and funny men exist who will not lie to you, be living a double life and won't be in love with someone else.