The things MM say to you

[CloudyHead]

I posted on this site several years ago when I was the OW and involved with a MM. Suffice it to say that we both left our spouses and had a six year relationship with each other. MM (I will continue to refer to him as such) left me a month ago (very ugly incident he orchestrated in front of my children). Although we did not officially live together, we were together every weekend, he participated in school and sport activities with my children, took vacations together (2 trips to Disney World), celebrated holidays with my family and friends. It was like a marriage.

Since he left, I discovered he is seeing a MW. A woman who is over a decade older than me, in a thirty year marriage, attends church, etc. I happened to uncover text messages between them and it was like a blast from my past.

How many of these comments have you heard?

"I would like to be whispering sweet nothings in your ear right now"

"You are so talented (smart, funny, etc)"

"I am sure tomorrow will be wonderful because I will be spending the day with you"

"I hope I get plenty of opportunities to hold you tomorrow . .all day . .doesn't that sound wonderful?"

"I had a wonderful time today. . .love you too"

"Miss your touch . . .I love you (insert your name - I'll use Ann)"

"Your excitement is contagious"

"Sweet dreams . . .I love you"

"Good morning Ann . . I hope you slept well"

"You are really in a job that suits you Ann . .you are perfect for it"

"Rainy day . .I wish I was laying in OUR bed holding you. . I love you"

"I just want to make you happy"

"I sure like you naked"

"What do you usually eat for lunch, Ann?"

"Headache feel better?"

"Not as lucky as I am to have you"

"Don't guess I have told you how much I love you today? Maybe not enough times . .I do love you"

"Getting ready to leave work and go home to a cold empty apartment. I can only dream about you being there with me"

"I respond to your every text, don't I"

"I think we have a lot to share with each other"

"You are really special, Ann"

"Obviously we have found someone we can love for the rest of our lives"

"Did you beguile me Ann? Charmed and entranced me with your wit and humor?"

"I am realizing that you and I have lots in common. . you may have been made for me, Ann. . .We may have been made for each other"

"It is a marvelous thing we have happened on . . thanks to your prayers"

"You are amazing"

"You can't tell me enough how much you love me"

"You know it means so much to me for you to say that"

"Love you too sweetheart"

"You're too good for me . .I guess that is why I love you as much as I do!"

"I am glad I have you in my life"

"Ann, you are so wonderful!"

"You know I want to touch that spot that gets you all hot and bothered"

"I tell you what is amazing . . seeing you get turned on . now that is amazing!"

"Let's not let that fire dwindle"

"Are you walking around with your husband texting me? You little devil"

"I am just as curious about who Ann is??? I cannot imagine ever loving anyone else"

"Can't wait until you are in my arms again and our lips are together"

"Good morning Ann! I hope you slept well!"

"I love you Ann . . that is how I feel . . I want the world to see how much we love each other . .that we were meant for each other"

"You are a treasure Ann . . my treasure!"

"I love you. If you want to go through with leaving your husband we ought to think about being pro active. At this point it is a financial matter."

"This is why we needed to take our time and think it through really well. We can talk about it more when we are together . .it won't go away. . I love you and always will love you"

"Lets keep our focus on our beautiful life together"

"Love repressed or love fulfilled? I choose the latter. . .How about you?"

"I love you. . .I wish I was there with you"

 

There are lots more . .I am sure you can add your own . . . .New face before them but same lines and lies all the time . .

[Minnie09]

Holy eff.

Yes - many of those lines (almost all of them actually, or very similar ones) have been said/texted/e-mailed to me by mm.

I'm still with mm and he's still officially M. Planning to divorce. I've not been holding my breath, but now I'm even more skeptical. Scary.

[anika99]

He is a serial cheater and it seems that before he leaves one relationship he needs to already be in another relationship. I'm not sure that the things he said to his OW are lies, he may have sincerely felt everything he wrote to her, after all he did leave you for her, but he has a very childish and selfish idea of love. He likes the passion, the excitement and the sex that happens in the infatuation stage. The cheating part probably makes it even more romantic and thrilling for him. He loves how a woman makes him feel, he loves things that make him feel good, he loves selfishly.

[BeautifulIdiot]

Wow that's scary. I'm not such a special snowflake after all. Eurgh.

[yodelwithyu]

Me: You are actually too smooth sometimes. Are sure you aren't a player?

ExMM: I'm not.

Me: You don't have a girlfriend or anything right?

ExMM: No.

*Leaves out the fact that he has a wife*

BARF

[burnt]

Such a sad thing: after hearing such lies, makes you doubt everything and makes it difficult to ever trust anything you hear.

 

Losing faith--it's a hefty price to pay.

[burnt]

Me: You are actually too smooth sometimes. Are sure you aren't a player?

ExMM: I'm not.

Me: You don't have a girlfriend or anything right?

ExMM: No.

*Leaves out the fact that he has a wife*

BARF

 

Well, technically speaking in his mind, he thought he was telling you the truth.

I mean you asked "girlfriend or anything" instead of "girlfriend or wife". Maybe in his mind "wife" does not fall into the category of "anything".

 

Barf, indeed.

[yodelwithyu]

Well, technically speaking in his mind, he thought he was telling you the truth.

I mean you asked "girlfriend or anything" instead of "girlfriend or wife". Maybe in his mind "wife" does not fall into the category of "anything".

 

Barf, indeed.

 

LOL! Yeah, I tried to edit *Leaves out the fact that he has a wife on technicality* but I was too late before the next post =)

[Lovetoohard]

Me: You are actually too smooth sometimes. Are sure you aren't a player?

ExMM: I'm not.

Me: You don't have a girlfriend or anything right?

ExMM: No.

*Leaves out the fact that he has a wife*

BARF

 

I knew my ex was married before I got involved with him (I still cringe when I say that) and I had a nagging feeling that I wasn't the first and given how he is super charming around the ladies, I always used to tease him and call him a player and a Casanova. He would be so hurt when I would say that and he would get all serious and go out of his way to explain that he wasn't. Pfft! Whatever!! Haha.

[Ruffian1]

Cloudy head, do you know the MOW he left you for? I bet he is looking at her $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

 

She probanly has assets he is eyeing up and I don't mean her personality or body.

[sunburned]

"What do you usually eat for lunch, Ann?"

 

He sounds like a sparkling conversationalist!

 

Did he even care what you had for lunch, Cloudy? The rat bast*rd!

 

I got a lot of "you are amazing," "you are so special to me," "you are adorable" and "you are the smartest woman I know." That was in addition to the "I love you" and "I miss you" because nothing says I care like a carefully orchestrated text during the five minutes the BS is outside watering the plants.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you, CloudyHead. It was good of you to return and share your story. Takes some guts and I'm sure you'll make smarter choices as you move on. These riveting texts brought back a lot of vomit-inducing memories that are thankfully 2+ years in my rear view mirror. I wish you a speedy trip to the same place!

[bathtub-row]

Honestly, my xMM never said any of those things to me except for a couple of them, like he was glad I was in his life, I was smart, creative, etc. Most of the time, we talked about our day, our kids, our pets, the weather, food we liked, and in general just shared our points of view on things. There wasn't a lot of BS talk. Our connection was a sincere friendship which, for me, made it very hard to let go of.

 

I think your xMM loves to be in love; he loves the chase; he loves unattainable love and he loves cheating. Once he gets this woman (if he does), he'll dump her, too. Hopefully, she'll stomp his heart into the ground like he has done to others in his life.

 

I'm really sorry you went through all that and it turned out in such a way. That is truly sad.

Edited December 15, 2015 by bathtub-row

[Popsicle]

Never heard any of those but your guy is a serial cheater.

[bathtub-row]

Such a sad thing: after hearing such lies, makes you doubt everything and makes it difficult to ever trust anything you hear.

 

Losing faith--it's a hefty price to pay.

 

It is exactly the price I've paid. Even though my xMM didn't con me in such a way, still, I believe in no one. I believe that love doesn't matter. I believe that almost all relationships are lies and I'm no longer capable of trusting anyone fully. That could be called being fully awake, or completely dead.

[sandylee1]

Cloudy head, do you know the MOW he left you for? I bet he is looking at her $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

 

She probanly has assets he is eyeing up and I don't mean her personality or body.

 

He left his own marriage for the OP. So I wouldn't say he's after the cash. If he can leave a marriage for his OW... leaving a relationship with no marriage is much easier.

 

He likes the in love feeling.

 

A lot of men in affairs like asking those kind of questions.. like..

 

What are you wearing today ... imparticular about lingerie ... there very visual like that.

 

It makes the woman feel special ...like he's not just interested in sex.

[Gloria_Smellons]

I heard a good few of them, but my personal 'favourite'...

 

'I wish/if only I'd have met you first, things could've been....' *voice lowers to a whisper and trails off, whilst staring into the middle distance*

 

Barf indeed.

[BeautifulIdiot]

"I wish I'd met you first"

 

I heard that as we were ending.

[CloudyHead]

Cloudy head, do you know the MOW he left you for? I bet he is looking at her $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

 

She probanly has assets he is eyeing up and I don't mean her personality or body.

 

 

She has nothing. She is 12 years older than me. I read a message from her on Monday that she was upset because she only had $156 in her checking account and she didn't get paid until Friday. Her husband had written a check for car repairs and forgot to give her the receipt to log into their checkbook. She returned home to find her cat ill and she couldn't afford to take the cat to the vet (I got a cat for my children a year ago and MM was furious. This woman has 3 cats, a dog and fish).

 

Oh, and she knows that I know about her and that the two of them are leaving for NYC on Thursday. MM arranged the trip to NYC for her (he can't wait to give her her first glass of champagne). She told her husband that her friend won a trip to NYC and asked her to go along. She is terrified that I will show up at the airport so she is bringing her epi-pen (just in case I appear). Her blood pressure has spiked because I know about them. Oh, and she is getting her potassium level checked because she is having problems with it. She is concerned she will not be able to keep up with him walking around NYC (she is a heavy girl). She is 59. MM is 62.

 

Me? I don't have health issues. Not on any medications. Had more energy than him most of the time. Rarely was sick. I can take my cat to the vet any time I want to. I am not worried about not having enough money to make it until Friday. A few days before MM walked out, I had purchased tickets for himself me and my children to attend the Lion King musical at the cost of $500 (surprise holiday gift for everyone as we all like Disney movies).

 

He lived in a studio apartment during the week. He kept his boat, a dresser full of clothes, a closet full of clothes and furniture at my house because his studio apartment was so small. He has his boat. He said he didn't want the rest of his items (some of his sport coats were $800; he had just bought a $100 pair of shoes when we were Christmas shopping the week before he left). All the cushions and accessories for his boat are at my house. He literally walked away from it all.

 

I think he has told new MW that he secured his studio apartment just for the two of them. They both refer to it as "our apartment" and that meeting at "our apartment" is more private and safe. I had given him artwork over the years that had our names on it and my children had given him hand drawn artwork that he had put on the walls. I am sure he has removed all of that as that decor would not work well in "their apartment".

Edited December 15, 2015 by CloudyHead

[CloudyHead]

"I wish I'd met you first"

 

I heard that as we were ending.

 

 

The phrases I heard. . "Imagine how different our lives would have been if I had met you first" . . ."You complete me" . . . "She doesn't understand me the way that you do" . . . "All I ever wanted was to be intimate with someone . . .I finally found that with you" . . .

[Lady2163]

You know, as slimy as people may think I am (I knowingly had a long term, long distance sexship, friendship with a married man), sometimes I read posts here and am relieved I never had any thought he would ever leave his wife.

 

I didn't get the kind of manipulation and seduction of the texts and comments that have been listed here. We, too had an age difference, so the whole "if I had met you first" line wasn't realistic.

 

He said sweet things and kind things often. I didn't have to beg for a compliment. We flirted and said X rated things.

 

I think one time I said, "If Davy Jones (or some other teen heart throb from that era), walks into your house a sweeps her off her feet and steals her away, I better be first on your list of potential dates." His response was, "She gets Davy Jones and I get you? Seems fair!"

 

I've been missing him lately.

[Lois_Griffin]

Rather than show up at the airport and cause her to use her Epi Pen, you should tip her husband off so HE can show up at the airport to send them off in style.

 

Consider it a community service deed. I'd do it in a heartbeat. Yup, I surely would.

[cocorico]

Never heard any of those but your guy is a serial cheater.

 

I think there is a big difference between players, who use lines from some "MM handbook", to keep OW on a string, and MM who have honest, real relationships with their OW and who don't behave in this stereotypical way.

 

But for an OW, on the receiving end, the difference might not always be apparent until too late.

[Lady2163]

She has nothing. She is 12 years older than me. I read a message from her on Monday that she was upset because she only had $156 in her checking account and she didn't get paid until Friday. Her husband had written a check for car repairs and forgot to give her the receipt to log into their checkbook. She returned home to find her cat ill and she couldn't afford to take the cat to the vet (I got a cat for my children a year ago and MM was furious. This woman has 3 cats, a dog and fish).

 

Oh, and she knows that I know about her and that the two of them are leaving for NYC on Thursday. MM arranged the trip to NYC for her (he can't wait to give her her first glass of champagne). She told her husband that her friend won a trip to NYC and asked her to go along. She is terrified that I will show up at the airport so she is bringing her epi-pen (just in case I appear). Her blood pressure has spiked because I know about them. Oh, and she is getting her potassium level checked because she is having problems with it. She is concerned she will not be able to keep up with him walking around NYC (she is a heavy girl). She is 59. MM is 62.

 

Me? I don't have health issues. Not on any medications. Had more energy than him most of the time. Rarely was sick. I can take my cat to the vet any time I want to. I am not worried about not having enough money to make it until Friday. A few days before MM walked out, I had purchased tickets for himself me and my children to attend the Lion King musical at the cost of $500 (surprise holiday gift for everyone as we all like Disney movies).

 

He lived in a studio apartment during the week. He kept his boat, a dresser full of clothes, a closet full of clothes and furniture at my house because his studio apartment was so small. He has his boat. He said he didn't want the rest of his items (some of his sport coats were $800; he had just bought a $100 pair of shoes when we were Christmas shopping the week before he left). All the cushions and accessories for his boat are at my house. He literally walked away from it all.

 

I think he has told new MW that he secured his studio apartment just for the two of them. They both refer to it as "our apartment" and that meeting at "our apartment" is more private and safe. I had given him artwork over the years that had our names on it and my children had given him hand drawn artwork that he had put on the walls. I am sure he has removed all of that as that decor would not work well in "their apartment".

 

You're only a month into the relationship ending and you are still processing.

 

I'm not sure how you found out so many details about her, or if you know of her.

 

But, there's some...ignorance, maybe even stupidity here.

 

She's worried about you showing up at the airport. Once they pass through security, who cares? You can't get through without a ticket.

She's 59 and never had a glass of champagne? Wow. I grew up relatively poor and still had sipped champagne at numerous weddings long before I was 21.

I don't know why men find these women appealing. I have a former friend who is essentially useless. She lives on a trust fund and manages to spend her monthly stipend within the first week of receiving it. She doesn't cook, she doesn't clean, she doesn't run errands. She essentially takes in young adults who have no focus and this is how they "pay" for their room and board.

Yet, she hooks men time and time again.

I don't know if men like to feel knowledgable and powerful or if they somehow think they can fix these women. I suppose it can be a heady feeling to be the one introducing someone to all these firsts.

[burnt]

Honestly, my xMM never said any of those things to me except for a couple of them, like he was glad I was in his life, I was smart, creative, etc. Most of the time, we talked about our day, our kids, our pets, the weather, food we liked, and in general just shared our points of view on things. There wasn't a lot of BS talk. Our connection was a sincere friendship which, for me, made it very hard to let go of.

 

I received both--the intellectual friendly conversations that spun over philosophy, religion, education, life, faith, etc. all smoothly entwined with sprinklings of sweet nothings.

 

Looking back, it's hard to separate the two, it's hard to let go of either. It's hard know which one was real.

 

I think there is a big difference between players, who use lines from some "MM handbook", to keep OW on a string, and MM who have honest, real relationships with their OW and who don't behave in this stereotypical way.

 

But for an OW, on the receiving end, the difference might not always be apparent until too late.

 

Even after a year, I can't tell which category I fall into. There were elements of genuine affection and care, all mixed with pure manipulation and lies, interweaved in perfect fluidity.

 

It's a deadly cocktail combination, when sugarcoated lies are mixed in with brute honesty. Leaves you uncertain about what to believe in.

[Daisy2013]

I love you;

You are my love;

I miss you;

My life would be complete with you;

My life sucks except for you;

I will see you as soon as I can;

I don't want to lose you, but I am so conflicted because this is wrong in God's eyes;

I only get hot with you, only kiss like this with you.

We are friends first (and we're friends long before the A) and that is why our R is so special. We laugh together and have fun together.

 

I'm sure there are more, but this is what I can think of now.