She says we are best friends?

You can't progress from 'just friend' to lover. As her 'just friend' she sees you as one of the girls, and she's not a lesbo, right? Don't tell her how you feel, she will be disgusted.

ouch, any one else?

She clearly only wants to be friends. If you tell her how you feel then your relationship will be awkward and you will lose her friendship. You need to ask yourself if you can only be friends with this girl, and ultimately want nothing more from her.

i really dont know what to do, i dont want to ruin everything but i also dont want to not what could have happened

any ideas for testing the waters?

Sigh!

I am sorry I was rude, but I see this too much. I'll give you my standard spiel.

She likes you as a friend. If you becomes her lover, she will loose a friend, she is not interested in that. You have know her for too long; in her head you are no longer love-potential, and sorry about the lesbo-comment, but it's not far off. Basically you are sexless to her. If you test the waters, it will be awkward, and she will resent it but hide her resentment because she likes you. If you are lucky, she will break contact with you. If you are unlucky, she will forgive you your transgression and agree to keep seeing you under the condition that you know your place. Being in love with her, you will accept that. Occasionally you will try to make advances, you will be rebuffed. You will pursue her still, and because she likes you and for old times sake and because she pities you, she will keep seeing you and you will keep coming to her. For every advance, she will feel resentment and pity build inside her. You will quickly learn that you have to play the 'just friends' part to keep her from rebuffing you.

When things are back on track, she will be very happy, thinking you have come to your senses. But the love is still inside you, building with each rebuff and the close contact, and she will feel this love, only she mistakes it for a deeper, emotional bond, she will see you as a soulmate. All the attention and understanding you give her with will be addictive, she will not be able to let you go.

You will shower her with love, but she will have no obligation towards you. She will take a lover, and when he pisses on her, she will come to cry on your shoulder. You will be very happy about this, because in vain you will cling to the mistaken notion that sharing such stuff builds an emotional bond between you that will turn into love at some time. This will never happen. You will become her emasculated slave.

Run!

surferkid,

This may sound far-fetched, but I think the only way to "test the waters" is for you to start showing some interest in another girl.

You say this girl is asking you for dating advice. Turn the tables. Tell her you are interested in dating some girl you have your eye on and you want some dating advice from her - seeing as you are best friends.

Then, go out on a date with someone.

See how this girl reacts to you dating someone. If she has some feelings for you, she may take notice of this, and perhaps see you in a different light. She may even start to warm up to you a bit.

But if she truly sees you only as a friend and nothing more, it won't phase her to "see" you dating. She will just be happy for you. Then you will know for sure you are in the "friends zone" and have little chance of having anything more with her.

The last thing you want to do is tell her how you feel, especially since you have no signals from her that you are anything more than a friend to her. By telling her how you feel right now, you take a huge risk of freaking her out, scaring her, and jeopardizing the friendship you do have.

It's always a good idea to wait to express feelings until you know the other person is also feeling it, too.

Sidenote: By dating someone else, you not only "test the waters" with this girl, but you may actually meet someone you like better and who likes you as more than just a friend.

i have actually already done this, like she seems to get a little jealous but i dont know, its like kind of joking around i guess? but this was before she had the BF she has now

Surferkid, I nicked this post from Yamaha, he lays it out very neatly:

You accept being friends with women. You have accepted the conditions of friendship and have lost your edge. Women will not respect you as a man if you accept being a buddy so easily. The only women you should be friends with are those YOU are not interested in romantically.

You need to quit being such a nice guy, accepting their conditions as your only choice. When you do this women lose respect for you because you have not stood up for yourself. They will still be your buddy but they don't respect you as a man.

They will continue to be your friend as long as you let them run the show. Now if you don't mind being "just friends" with all these women and being used for your compassion and entertainment then continue as you have been but if you want a gf you must act like a bf. This means telling them of your interest and not accepting a just friendship. Now you can be friendly but don't be just friends. You may lose some buddies but this is what guy friends are for, not women.

You also need to observe women and approach the ones that seem interested in you. You can hit on who you like but if you want a favorable response then you look for women that are are open to your pursuit. Women choose the man they want so look for the women who chooses you and pursue her. She will not want you to be just her friend.

Reread Erik's post. He is dead on.

How do I know this? Because I did this to a guy friend recently.

Eight months ago my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. I was devastated because I was very much in love with him.

My ex's best friend, who I knew had feelings for me, came to my rescue. He was the most supportive, caring, sensitive friend a girl could ask for. He was there for me every step of the way following the break-up. He held me, let me cry on his shoulder, listened to me carry on about some of my most intimate thoughts and feelings, made sure I didn't sit and sulk in my apartment for hours, and gave me space when I needed to be alone.

But I never, ever thought of him as anything more than a friend (We had known each other for 5 months before I met my ex) You either feel it or you don't. How I wish I had romantic feelings for him! Everyone tells me he would have made the better boyfriend. And he certainly treated me better than my ex did.

This amazing friend gave so much of himself to me, knowing that I couldn't reciprocate.

He did this for 7 months until he couldn't do it any more. It hurt him too much to be around me anymore.

Recently he turned a cold shoulder toward me and I can see the resentment in his eyes. I don't blame him. I never led him on but I hurt him terribly because I couldn't give him what he wanted.

I am sorry for the long narrative, but I would hate to see you go down this same path.

If you and this girl have been close friends for a long time and her feelings have not progressed beyond friendship by know, chances are they won't. Telling her how you feel will not "make" her have feelings for you. My male friend told me how he felt about me last October. It didn't change how I felt about him.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but I am trying to spare you the kind of heartache I inflicted on my male friend who did not deserve it.

If I were you (since you already tested the waters by dating someone else), I would slowly start to distance myself from this girl and cool the friendship. As long as you stay friends with her, she will never think of you as anything else.

Redirect your attention to meeting and dating some new girls - ones who can show some romantic interest in you.

They are out there. You just need to give them a chance.

And if this other girl ever starts to see you in a different light, she will find you and put out some clear signals that she is interested. But I wouldn't hold my breath.

Honesly, she wants you as a friend and you want her as a lover. Staying friends isn't IN YOUR BEST INTEREST. So talk to her and say this:

"Listen I have enough friends already. Lets not hang out anymore."

It sounds strange. But this is the way to handle it. It will save you a lot of painfull moments hanging around with her, knowing your feelings won't be answered. Find someone else.

Whatever you are going to reply, In my opinion the friendship isn't worth it.....