Has anyone dated a narcassist?

I am currently sitting here with my mind spinning thinking about him and wanting to get on with my life. I feel trapped with the thoughts of him. I originally broke up with him and I believed that I made a mistake and wanted to talk to him. So I did and I confessed that I was sorry and that I over reacted and I was not myself at the time.

I was verbally abused in so many ways with the manipulation, belittling, couldn't anything right. I was given the silent treatment, no sex, yelled at consistently. I felt like a puppet an object for him to take advantage of.

We were in contact a week later since he was trying to return my text that I wanted to talk to him to make amends. I visited him and we of course had like you'd say break up sex...but I was so upset that my mind was not co-operating with me. I was like someone else doing the action.

Anyways he called me Saturday night but I was out over at a girlfriends and I am sure he thought I was out on a date. So I called him back the next day so of course he does not answer.

So I left a message and said to myself he will call me...I am not hounding to call again. He finally called me two nights later and said that "we need a break" - since he is a narcissist; does he think that I am going to sit here and pine over him and wait for his return?

Originally I broke up with him...I believe he doesn't want to be the abandoned one. So he is leaving me hanging.

Does he have another girl on the go? Am I his back up-plan if it doesn't work out with her? My head is in a constant spin - I cannot get him out of my head.

We've all dated narcissists. Everyone has some narcissistic traits. And there is what is known as good narcissism and bad narcissism.

Having said all that, I can't see anything in your post that points to your boyfriend having any behavioural problems of the narcissistic variety. All i see is someone that was made to feel very insecure and vulnerable and now, as is quite natural in these circumstances, has put a wall up to protect himself from further pain.

I have read so much on the internet regarding the narcissist's personality and traits and he is definitely a narcissist. I can not believe what I have gone thru and how he is.

I know I must go NC and deal with my self esteem and become the person I used to be before I met him. He was so charming, alluring and he brain washed me into thinking he was the grand of all men. I fell for all his manipulating ways to have me cater to all his needs. I felt like I was a servant and I didn't do it, I was punished with words of insult and criticism.

He wanted his needs catered to and to forget about my needs. All I could think, sleep and drink him and nothing else. I was conditioned to become him and forget about me. I was becoming his mirror. IT was all about HIM.

Nothing I wanted to do or say was right, my thoughts and dreams didn't mean a thing. I was upset, distraught alot but he didn't care as long as his needs were met. I would constantly walk on egg shells and wondering when the next outburst was to come. Oh the hell. Why did I stay and why do I still want him? Because he got inside of my head and turned all my thinking to him and be all about HIM.

hello this is my first time posting on here, I have been a long time lurker but am kinda shy so been hesitant to do. When I read your story it struck home me. I am in the exact situation right now. It feels like no one understands what you are going through but trust me I do right down to the feeling like a servant. My bofriend and I have been broken up for 4 days now and I am wanting to get on with my life and heal myself and figure out why I put up with him and I am shocked that I could still have feelings for someone who treated me as bad as he did. I know you don't want to hear this but from everything I have read, the best thing to do is walk away. It will never change, he will never change. You need to go into survival mode. We were together 3 years, he did everything to me physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse. I kept hanging in there because I loved HIM and finally figured out when he threatened to kill me, that there was no hope and no love in this man. I am hurting but I know it won't always be this way. Please just walk away

My exBF would be very mean and throw things. He never hit me or done anything to scar me - except the words would leave scars and I feel wounded. This is a very emotional for me.

Even though I broke up with him and then he turned it around because I stupidly wanted to see him and talk things out and try to get back together. I missed him and he probably got a thrill out of it. I supplied him. Now that he knows that I want back, he states to me that we need to take a break because he has issues to deal with and needs to deal with them. I know what he is talking about and sure yes he does, however I know that this is a true over exaggerated lie. Now he thinks I am on the fence waiting for him to contact me. ha ha ha I'm sure when the time comes when he contacts me I will probably melt all over again. I need strength!

I try to convince myself that I do not need him, but deep down I miss him tremendously which I know is stupid! He feels nothing at all. I am sure the girl that he is seeing now (which I suspect) during our relationship is discarded he will try to contact me. I hope to hell I am cured and he is out of my thoughts at that time.

I do see a pattern of his intents to always come back. Been there and stupidly done that! I was fooled once again that he missed me and needed me. FAKE!!

if you really think he is a narcissist, a true narcissist, then you know he isn't capable of feeling love right? There is no compassion or empathy there either. Just a shell of a person, a hollowed out miserable person with no room in their head or heart for anyone but them. Mine is out chasing women as we speak, one will never be enough. He is broken inside and needs approval and validation from women, many women. He is a man whore and really feel sorry for him in a way. I love him with all my heart but I can't do it any more and I try to remind myself that me just loving him isn't good enough, I deserve to be loved back. I want to be in a partnership where I can spoil my man and he spoils me. I want to be able to believe the things he says to me. My ex lies so much he doesn't know what the truth is about anything any more and would get mad at me when he tripped up and I caught one of his lies.

It hurts to realize that he never cared for me but I am trying to digest that right now and for my own good. I can't think about him, I have to think about me. Doesn't hurt any less, maybe more but that is how I am trying to handle this.

Another thing is I guess I am more mad at myself then him because I put up with the behavior. He came along at a bad time in my life and I was vulnerable and he finished the job of tearing me down. I now have to repair that damage and I will. I am very strong willed and I will come out on top of this.

It is difficult to understand but you are feeding his need and you need to stop and think of yourself and not him. I have found that when you ignore them, they will come after you. Sort of a push/pull thing as I call it. They will do the opposite of what you do.

I hope it turns out how you want it to. Mine didn't but I made the choice to end it and take some satisfaction in that alone. I think maybe that is why is chasing women so hard right now. Lol, if it didn't hurt so much I would think it was hilarious at how desperate he looks right now.

Gosh, it is so nice to find someone who understands what I have and is going thru'. Oh I totally believe and know he is a narcissist no doubt! All the traits are him.

I just need to keep remembering it is not my fault at any of this. Yes, it was at the beginning thinking that I really liked him and he could be the one. Ha, was I mistakenly mesmerized. He brainwashed me and made me think that he was this wonderful man who showed me compassion and love - FAKE! He is a self of false feelings and convinced me that he is a caring soft person.

Each day I feel like I am getting stronger but I seem to always fall back onto thinking about him. He has stolen my thoughts, brain and dreams. MY SOUL!! I feel like nothing without him...which is pretty sad...I will get thru' this.

NO CONTACT!!!!

I am currently sitting here with my mind spinning thinking about him and wanting to get on with my life. I feel trapped with the thoughts of him. I originally broke up with him and I believed that I made a mistake and wanted to talk to him. So I did and I confessed that I was sorry and that I over reacted and I was not myself at the time.

 

I was verbally abused in so many ways with the manipulation, belittling, couldn't anything right. I was given the silent treatment, no sex, yelled at consistently. I felt like a puppet an object for him to take advantage of.

 

We were in contact a week later since he was trying to return my text that I wanted to talk to him to make amends. I visited him and we of course had like you'd say break up sex...but I was so upset that my mind was not co-operating with me. I was like someone else doing the action.

 

Anyways he called me Saturday night but I was out over at a girlfriends and I am sure he thought I was out on a date. So I called him back the next day so of course he does not answer.

 

So I left a message and said to myself he will call me...I am not hounding to call again. He finally called me two nights later and said that "we need a break" - since he is a narcissist; does he think that I am going to sit here and pine over him and wait for his return?

 

Originally I broke up with him...I believe he doesn't want to be the abandoned one. So he is leaving me hanging.

 

Does he have another girl on the go? Am I his back up-plan if it doesn't work out with her? My head is in a constant spin - I cannot get him out of my head.

gfunk we're going through the exact same thing! After i realised the guy in my life was a narc it made things SO much easier for me, as i finally understood him and his behaviour. He doesn't want to be the abandoned win- narcissists HAVE to win, and they will go out of the way to do so. They have to be the one to end it with a narcissistic supply such as yourself, not the other way round. Just NC and get out while you can.. thats what i'm trying to do. He's still on my mind 24/7 but i'm no longer contacting him 24/7, so thats something. I honestly wish you all the luck in the world! Just remember that he CANNOT change, and he does not think there is ANYTHING wrong with himself. Surround yourself with people you want to be surrounded by and you'll be fine in no time!

My ex I believe displays malignant narcissistic behavior. When I told my therapist about him, he even said that C displayed narcissistic behavior. He is very charming, he's very goodlooking, he's a manipulator, uses people for his own selfish gain and he feels he's entitled to a comfortable lifestyle (provided by someone else of course). This as*hole broke up with me 5 months ago and married the girl he cheated on me with because she's a lawyer and has money. Plus he had gotten her pregnant during the last few months of our relationship.

He's a future faker, a liar, a cheat and a downright bad person. Yes, I dodged a bullet but I also have born the brunt of the suffering and pain because of his choices.

If you are dating someone who is narcissistic, educate yourself and learn about this disorder.

Amen and amen!

if you really think he is a narcissist, a true narcissist, then you know he isn't capable of feeling love right? There is no compassion or empathy there either. Just a shell of a person, a hollowed out miserable person with no room in their head or heart for anyone but them. Mine is out chasing women as we speak, one will never be enough. He is broken inside and needs approval and validation from women, many women. He is a man whore and really feel sorry for him in a way. I love him with all my heart but I can't do it any more and I try to remind myself that me just loving him isn't good enough, I deserve to be loved back. I want to be in a partnership where I can spoil my man and he spoils me. I want to be able to believe the things he says to me. My ex lies so much he doesn't know what the truth is about anything any more and would get mad at me when he tripped up and I caught one of his lies.

 

It hurts to realize that he never cared for me but I am trying to digest that right now and for my own good. I can't think about him, I have to think about me. Doesn't hurt any less, maybe more but that is how I am trying to handle this.

 

Another thing is I guess I am more mad at myself then him because I put up with the behavior. He came along at a bad time in my life and I was vulnerable and he finished the job of tearing me down. I now have to repair that damage and I will. I am very strong willed and I will come out on top of this.

 

It is difficult to understand but you are feeding his need and you need to stop and think of yourself and not him. I have found that when you ignore them, they will come after you. Sort of a push/pull thing as I call it. They will do the opposite of what you do.

 

I hope it turns out how you want it to. Mine didn't but I made the choice to end it and take some satisfaction in that alone. I think maybe that is why is chasing women so hard right now. Lol, if it didn't hurt so much I would think it was hilarious at how desperate he looks right now.

With the ex narc on my mind...it takes all my energy. Just thinking of him being a man whore OMG that is just so gross!! I had no idea he would be like that. That explains sometimes when I call his home around 9pm he doesn't answer...he says he fell asleep and didn't hear the phone. LIAR!!! He is out with the other victim. Just not once a couple times I've called at different times.

I have checked on his history on his computer and yup he is looking up porn every night before going to bed. Plus his email is readily open to me which I of course read some emails and I was shocked of what I saw. Dating/SEX sites, porn sites, emails from potential victims. I guess I was in denial and didn't want to accept it. I held onto this info to digest for awhile and then made my decision to leave. Oh and he gambles and does high end drugs too. What a charm of a guy! Again denial. (I know guys like their porn...but every night??) Right when I leave his place at 10pm he says he is going to play poker online and check his email...yeah another lie plus to see if there are any victim emails)

Now that I am typing this I am chuckling. This is good therapy.

He has his own business so he has money...so he thinks he is high and mighty. I don't care about money at all. I worked for him for the summer and it was bad...very bad. He yelled at me everyday, belittled me and tried to make me make mistakes so he could blast at me in front of the other employees and customers. The customers were quite surprised and said how can you work for that @sshole... Now that I am gone, customers are asking where I am and they know exactly why. Touche - I hope they go somewhere else to buy their stuff.

Plus I was never given sex. I was portrayed as the Madonna but not the whore. Nice...I was sexless. That bugged me a lot. I enjoyed sex with him and he knew I craved it so he stopped it with me so I would cater to him more so than he can grant me sex. Needless to say he was having sex with others or the porn sites were enough with him masturbating.

With reading all these websites on the narc - it really is opening my eyes. WOW - WHAT A FOOL I WAS!!! Love is blind and I was foolish to buy into him thinking it was real. Hmmmm

He doesn't want to be the abandoned one - narcissists HAVE to win, and they will go out of the way to do so. They have to be the one to end it with a narcissistic supply such as yourself, not the other way round.

This makes sense so we are currently "on a break" when he called me back. Originally I broke up with him. He wants to have the control ha ha ha So he can pursue someone else on this break and when that one is finished he can come back to me.

I'll play his game. I will in the meantime fix myself with my issues and if he does contact me I'll be ready and if not...well he is out of my life for good!!!

Revenge is not a good thing...but I want to put him in his place...whether he cares or not.

My ex was very much into porn also, every night even if we had sex that day, he lied and tried to hide it. I also went through the same thing of the dating sites, sex sites, contacting women behind my back, secret "friendships" with old girlfriends, you name it and I been through it.

I felt like I could never satisfy him in anything. If I tried to be what he wanted and do what he wanted he raised the bar until I felt like he was sucking the very soul out of my body.

Like you I am feeling the pain and missing him. My mind is trying to remember the good times and I try to focus on why I left. It hurts to know that I really did love him and tried to convince myself that he loved me. I know now he didn't and is so very painful. He too convinced me that he loved me and things were wonderful for about 4 months when we first got together, then slowly things turned. He treated me like a queen then after he knew I was hooked it was me treating him like a king, and my needs didn't matter. He turned everything around on me and tried to make it look like I was being selfish when it was him. He is now going around badmouthing me and telling lies about me. I have decided that I am not doing that to him, I will let people find out on their own what he is. They will not listen to me any way. I don't want to sink to his level and was worried that if I stayed I would become like him, all cold and heartless. I wouldn't want to be like him.

He has been so heartless and cruel as to belittle me about being sexually abused. There were things I didn't like and he would tell me he shouldn't have to pay for what someone else did to me. He rubbed it in that I lost my son to my ex husband in a bitter custody battle. Called me a bad parent and things you would not believe. Anything he could use to inflict pain he would, no holds barred.

Yes it is helping me too to post on here. Not feeling so alone and weak. I am doing no contact but will have to have some contact with him, I still have stuff at his house to get. I dread so bad!!!!

He doesn't want to be the abandoned one - narcissists HAVE to win, and they will go out of the way to do so. They have to be the one to end it with a narcissistic supply such as yourself, not the other way round.

This makes sense so we are currently "on a break" when he called me back. Originally I broke up with him. He wants to have the control ha ha ha So he can pursue someone else on this break and when that one is finished he can come back to me.

 

I'll play his game. I will in the meantime fix myself with my issues and if he does contact me I'll be ready and if not...well he is out of my life for good!!!

 

Revenge is not a good thing...but I want to put him in his place...whether he cares or not.

Be careful with the whole revenge thing. I've tried this a few times and it's difficult- you might end up falling back into the cycle. For example, with my guy i ignored his texts/calls etc for a while and he went NUTS! I felt so liberated and great, as he was hating the fact that he wasn't in control anymore. Eventually I replied ONE thing back to him, and that was it. Back into old habits.

The only way you can truly get revenge is to break up and begin NC. Cut him from your life and pretend you don't care, even though you will for some time yet. He will be absolutely mind-boggled by the fact that you don't need him, and with a source of supply gone he will go INSANE! Then justice is yours. You will become much more attractive to him at this point, but if he comes crawling back, put him back in his place. Good luck to you.

One good thing I read was why they picked us...we have feelings, good looking are compassionate and willing to love. They want to be us. ALL PLUSSES GO TO US! They see all the good qualities in us that they want and desire...But the downfall is that the narc steals it away from us piece by piece not knowingly to us and leaves us empty and dry. A lost soul.

So all in all, we are not at all bad nor unable to find true and real love. I look at it as uplifting as to why they picked us. I am going back to the real me and I will fight every which way possible!

I had feelings all the time that when he would belittle me or criticize me that was wrong and made me mad and hurt. I would go home after seeing him and be angry with tears and then I had to either ignore him the next day at work which helped me. The internet has helped me tremendously in my understanding why he is the way he is/was. Thank god the light went off and I listened to my gut. I ignored it for so long and no longer will I ever do that. I'd rather be alone then surrender my life to a worthless human being who doesn't deserve to become me.

I agree with you!

Be careful with the whole revenge thing. I've tried this a few times and it's difficult- you might end up falling back into the cycle. For example, with my guy i ignored his texts/calls etc for a while and he went NUTS! I felt so liberated and great, as he was hating the fact that he wasn't in control anymore. Eventually I replied ONE thing back to him, and that was it. Back into old habits.

The only way you can truly get revenge is to break up and begin NC. Cut him from your life and pretend you don't care, even though you will for some time yet. He will be absolutely mind-boggled by the fact that you don't need him, and with a source of supply gone he will go INSANE! Then justice is yours. You will become much more attractive to him at this point, but if he comes crawling back, put him back in his place. Good luck to you.

One good thing I read was why they picked us...we have feelings, good looking are compassionate and willing to love. They want to be us. ALL PLUSSES GO TO US! They see all the good qualities in us that they want and desire...But the downfall is that the narc steals it away from us piece by piece not knowingly to us and leaves us empty and dry. A lost soul.

 

So all in all, we are not at all bad nor unable to find true and real love. I look at it as uplifting as to why they picked us. I am going back to the real me and I will fight every which way possible!

 

I had feelings all the time that when he would belittle me or criticize me that was wrong and made me mad and hurt. I would go home after seeing him and be angry with tears and then I had to either ignore him the next day at work which helped me. The internet has helped me tremendously in my understanding why he is the way he is/was. Thank god the light went off and I listened to my gut. I ignored it for so long and no longer will I ever do that. I'd rather be alone then surrender my life to a worthless human being who doesn't deserve to become me.

I have also read that secretly they fear us and see us as better than them. Thanks for sharing I hadn't ever read about why they pick us. Does make me feel some better and not like a total fool. I guess I shouldn't feel like a fool for wanting someone to love me, but I do.

I was in a VERY similar situation. My ex wanted the control- I broke up with him first, took him back after he made my life hell, only to get dumped. All after years of verbal and emotional abuse. Almost one month later now and I'm feeling this immense relief. Let's consider ourselves lucky to be done with those men

I was in a VERY similar situation. My ex wanted the control- I broke up with him first, took him back after he made my life hell, only to get dumped. All after years of verbal and emotional abuse. Almost one month later now and I'm feeling this immense relief. Let's consider ourselves lucky to be done with those men

While it does hurt and I am trying to let go, I too feel a sense of relief and actually feel like I can be myself again. He tried so hard to twist me into someone else, but it didn't work....

Yes he tried to turn you into himself. He is very unhappy and took all your happiness and left you with none. He robbed you unknowingly until you realized that you feel ill, unhappy, miserable, rejected, unloved....because HE IS!!!

He robbed me of my happy go lucky attitude towards life and made me not as excited about anything anymore. It seems that each day the sun is shining but I only see gloom. Oh another day to get thru'.....isn't that just so ridiculous. I WANT ME BACK SO BAD!!!!

Dang it I answered my phone and it was my ex narcissist boyfriend. Geessh!!! He was so nice of course. I knew that he would call in time. That what they do. I do very much miss him and wish him all the best; however speaking with him...I am slowly and gratefully getting over him. I do not feel the same towards him at all. I know what he is all about. He has no clue that I know....ha ha ha

I know what he up to ... thinking that he can get around me in such a way of being nice and concerned for me. Naaaah...it's not going to work. I am head strong now further ahead!

It is a very subtle brainwashing that occurs with narcissists and their victims, because that is what we are. You are right, they know how to pick the good people, and then they grab a hold like a succubus. You slowly lose touch with reality because basically they are constantly telling you that you are a bad person if you are not seeing reality their way or revolving around them. The key is not to be drawn in by another one if you escape...

be strong, let it hurt...your gonna be hurting with or without him...but without, you will heal....move on theres millions of better men in the world, find one that makes u happy

Yes he tried to turn you into himself. He is very unhappy and took all your happiness and left you with none. He robbed you unknowingly until you realized that you feel ill, unhappy, miserable, rejected, unloved....because HE IS!!!

 

He robbed me of my happy go lucky attitude towards life and made me not as excited about anything anymore. It seems that each day the sun is shining but I only see gloom. Oh another day to get thru'.....isn't that just so ridiculous. I WANT ME BACK SO BAD!!!!

One year ago - last August - I was going through so much pain related to my ex, who has NPD. He fought hard regarding NC. The last time I had any communication from him whatsoever was around February. I had to cut off every way he had to contact.

I've finally gotten me back. Thus the change in username; I want to put that painful time behind me. This is one more way of acknowledging having made it through to the other side. Of having myself back.

You will get yourself back again. It will take time, but you will.

((hug))

This healing process all takes time. But you know what it felt good to hear from him when he called. I was kinda shocked that he called. At first I was thinking that he missed me, needed me...now I know he is just keeping me at arm's length.

I worked for him thru' the summer and quit on him 3 weeks ago. He has a work partner who I will be working for this upcoming weekend. I will not be seeing the narc at all which is good. So needless to say I will be working for the narc indirectly. Does he think he has ties on me still? I could use the extra cash.

I am currently trying to get to know this new guy who is so interested in me. I like him too; but my thoughts of the narc keep popping in my head. I know they are just stupid thoughts but I will in time get over the narc. I need to keep busy and really enjoy the new guy. I am so much better than the narc and he knows it. I am pretty, fun-loving and have a good head on my shoulders and I do not take BS anymore. I rather just walk away and he knows it. But yes, deep down he has a hold on me emotionally. I am not kidding myself at all. I may be battered and bruised but I will get thru' this one way or another.

Now I hear from an employee (friend) that he is telling them that we are still chatting and hanging out. What?? I told the employee ah no we are not. What is the narc doing? Saving his face since I broke up with him?

Any suggestions or thoughts on this?