Guys, do you respect women who have fbuddy relationships? Is that a "low-grade"chic?

Judging is needed when it comes to relationships because the past matters. When you apply to work at a place they check your past and they use it to judge whether or not you should be hired so why should relationships be any different? Why is it that a person's actions and the patterns they have displayed throughout their life all of a sudden don't matter when it comes to commiting to a person and sharing your life with them?

I actually agree with Woggle.

While I certainly don't speak for all men, whenever I've been in any sort of relationship that could be characterized as FWB, it's been because I needed/enjoyed the sex enough but simply did not like the girl enough to be in a relationship with her. Bottom line, if I really like a girl as a person AND I think she's extremely attractive, I'm going to try to get into a relationship with her unless I've experienced some very recent emotional trauma. If I'm going to keep things casual, it's because she is lacking something that I value in women I truly want to date, but I'd rather be having sex than turn down the whole situation altogether. I'm willing to bet this is the same for many men and women who find themselves in FWB.

 

With that said, I can't say that being in a FWB relationship with a girl has ever made me think less of her. I already thought less of her in the first place, and that's why she became an FWB instead of a girlfriend.

damm this is some real sht!!!

"I have needs" is BS line that men use to pressure women into sex, and now women have started using it to rationalize their own stupid behavior. Nobody "needs" sex. Some people go many years (or their whole lives!) without sex, and they are perfectly healthy. Anyone who says they "need" sex is (1) lying (to you or themselves) or (2) has serious psychological problems that drive their "need" to use sex for validation.

Thank you for saying that! I liked your whole post, but this is something that gets me, too.

It takes two to tango. Let's discuss "low-grade" men now, shall we? If I'm not mistaken, F-buddies isn't a position solely held by women....

I was thinking the same thing in regards to that, and what I'll quote next:\

Can't they just fulfill their need with SELF-Gratificaton?

You mean like men always do? The men who would NEVER think of having sex with a gal they weren't in a serious relationship with?

I dont see that men want a ho as a girlfriend. This arrangement is hoe-ing. Investment free hoe-ing

 

I think that women ARE trying to be like men and its making things worst. Men are using this mindset to their advantage and winning at the fking game. Then when the meet a woman with class, it turns them on. It back to a challenge to them. I dont see that men want a ho as a girlfriend. he want a women he respects

I have no respect for men who would use women sexually, and then turn around and judge a woman for doing the same thing with men.

damm this is some real sht!!!

Feel free to discuss further. We should try to get this thread back on topic.

My main point has been that people should not confuse the direction in which the causation goes. I don't end up liking FWBs less because they're FWBs, they become FWBs because I don't like them as much. The latter is, in my opinion, a normal thing. The former is a very immature and asinine way of looking at things.

because i may get horny and ONLY want the sex. mind you - i'm a gal that was with the same man for 23 years.

IF i decided i want a certain man only for sex and nothing else because he's hot - i would ask him if that's ok with him.

i did do it this way for about a year or so. it worked best. sex only - hot sex - steamy sex. no attachment. no time wasted pretending. no lies. just for the shear fun of it!

when the demands became bigger - i ended it. i wasn't into demands at that time - i'd had 23 years of that...

it was fun while it lasted. we were both honest. it was awesome. we are still very compatible friends. he just emailed me something really funny an hour ago.

I can get where your coming from with this.

I still would not trust you at all in a relationship.

I wouldn't. I've never been one who was into casual sex but I don't throw stones at people who do.

Again, I can't. I've been fortunate in life to have men care for me as I've cared for them. But, women just like men have biological needs and if a woman doesn't want a bf it certainly doesn't mean she doesn't need sex. Just like a man needs sex. What is this woman to do?

 

If your at a point in life where you need to take a break from the opposite sex... I can understand that.

 

Having a f*** buddy isn't really the answer. Buy a porn vid and some lube, or a vibrator.

 

God forbid your BF some day spends a week on a business trip... when suddenly the "Biological Needs" take over. Give me a break. Stop trying to rationalize poor behavior.

 

There are examples of religious 'wars' which, even where they involved a struggle for wealth and/or power were started because of religious 'differences of opinion'.

 

As a fairly good student of history... I can't think of 1 single major conflict that wasn't about wealth and power. Religion and differing viewpoints are just used to justify the actions.

 

I can't think of a single war fought only for religious reasons.

 

You can have whatever doubts you wish about any women you choose to have a relationship with. What I object to is you calling women 'low-grade' or 'hoes' because they don't act the way you think women should act.

 

In my opinion they are "Low Grade"... and I duly note your objection.

 

Perhaps you'd like to swap places for a day with a fat, ugly girl (nice description by the way) and see just how many guys want to sleep with you!

 

Plenty!

 

Why don't you swap places with a similar fat guy and try to get laid.

 

Who is going to have an easier time of it?

 

So, as long as she views sex as something to be shared only in a loving relationship as an extension of her emotions that makes her a decent girl? Regardless of how many men she has slept with, in or out of wedlock?

 

Close but not exactly. Numbers are only an issue if it's really high.

 

I know lots of very 'nice' girls who have enjoyed FWB and who would never consider cheating when in a relationship.

 

I doubt it. They are probably cheating and not telling you or planning to cheat.

 

It's the biggest downfall of FWB type women... they cheat like it's a competition.

 

I'm not young and naive either (it wouldn't surprise me if I'm older than you are) and, as far as I'm aware, we're not talking about women who sleep around a lot. This is what I keep asking you to clarify. I thought we were talking about women who were happy to have FWB sex, which to me means having a male friend they enjoy having sex with occasionally, without expecting or wanting it to lead to a relationship. Sleeping around with men they barely know is an entirely different thing to me.

 

True... sleeping around is real bad.

 

I'm definitely talking about women who jump into FWB situations.

 

If I walked up to you and said... "Hey... You're not really good enough to date, but you are good enough for some casual sex". You can say sure thing or no way. If you say sure thing... 2 things are clear... you don't value yourself much and the guy is a dirtbag. If you say no... you go up in self respect.

I doubt it. They are probably cheating and not telling you or planning to cheat.

Why do you have the idea that all women who have been in a FWB situation would cheat if they were in a relationship??? Is this from your own experience? Because otherwise it's not really a logical conclusion to come to.

I know plenty of men AND women who have had casual sex and later been involved in a relationship where they didn't cheat...

If I walked up to you and said... "Hey... You're not really good enough to date, but you are good enough for some casual sex". You can say sure thing or no way. If you say sure thing... 2 things are clear... you don't value yourself much and the guy is a dirtbag. If you say no... you go up in self respect.

Actually, this in inacurate. What you mean is "if you say no.....you go up in MY respect (for you)". The individual's self respect doesn't change. That individual may have different values depending on the choice they make but just because one person is happy to have fun without emotional investment and another isn't doesn't make them worth less. That's your value judgement not theirs.

I don't understand your objection to people choosing to have sex with each other but not wanting a relationship, nor do I understand your 'not good enough' criteria. You're quite right that anyone in a FWB situation has decided the other person is not relationship material - for them. What's wrong with that? Both people want sex from each other and nothing more. It doesn't mean the person isn't great relationship material for someone else. It's not about being 'good enough' or not, its about meeting each others needs at that time.

Lets turn this around for a second and imagine two people meet and they really like each other but don't find each other physically attractive (it could be a man and a woman or two men or two women). These two people get to know each other and become great friends and get a lot from that friendship, but they have zero interest in having sex with each other and therefore don't start a relationship.

Does that mean that they don't consider one another 'good enough' for a relationship? Or does it just mean that they are fulfillng one particular need for each other - namely, friendship.

To me, what it says is that the overall criteria for a full blown relationship hasn't been met ie that you like the person a lot AND you are physically attracted to them. Without the physical attraction you're just friends, without the 'like each other a lot' you're FWB.

I really feel like having sex with a hot man occasionally, however, I do not want a relationship at this point in my life. Why should I have to wait until I feel like being in a relationship, in order to satisfy my sexual needs?

I do not like using sex toys, and it is perfectly normal and healthy for SOME women to want to have sex with men they are attracted to regularly.

Having sex without being in a serious relationship can be done in a tasteful and respectable manner. I do not go to bars and pick up men I have never previously met in my life before, and have one night stands.

Women have ssexual needs, and there is NOTHING wrong with satisfying those needs by having sex occasionally. Personally, I like the idea of knowing a guy, becomming sexually attracted to each other through having good chemistry and compatible physical desires for one another, and then hanging out and having sex occasionally.

If you get feelings, it makes sense to stop. Although there will be some feelings there, but you cannot care in a way that would make you get upset if the guy got a girlfriend, or found a girl he really had true feelings for.

I see it meaning:

You are not good enough to be my girlfriend.

I am waiting for something better to come along.

Free to fk anybody else and not have to answer to you.

Free to find another woman and give her more..family time, money, etc.

When I was single, now and then I would meet a guy who was nice to look at, had a personality I could enjoy, maybe have some laughs with and an easy enough rapport to enjoy primarily just for sex, but otherwise, the guy was just:

Not good enough to be my boyfriend

and I was looking for someone better to come along

and because I was single at the time, I was free to fk whom I wanted without having to answer to anyone

until I found a better man to give more..family time, money, etc.

And he did come along! He had the basic qualities required for me to find him a suitable sex partner plus much, much more. So I married him.

I've never cheated on anyone in any of the less happy, healthy, passionate, or compatible relationships I've had so I can't see changing this standard for a relationship that is fulfilling and so much better for me. No one was keeping me from cheating but myself. I never noticed this standard becoming harder to follow after having experienced casual associations.

I don't mind people who would look down on me for my actions as a single person simply due to my gender. That is their problem. And their problem puts them on MY list of low quality people I wouldn't even have as FWB let alone a real relationship with. I'd have a hard enough time even considering them a friend if that is how their mind works.

I dont respect women who become FB because she cant get more than that from the man.

 

But I respect women who become FB because she doesnt want more than that from the man.

 

See the difference?

Exactly. I totally agree. A true FWB or FB arrangement is only achieved by mutual agreement where both parties get exactly what they want.

I dont respect women who become FB because she cant get more than that from the man.

 

But I respect women who become FB because she doesnt want more than that from the man.

 

See the difference?

Absolutely, but the point is that I have never met an emotionally-well-adjusted woman who falls into your second category, i.e. a woman who is willing to have an on going sexual relationship with a man but DOES NOT want more from that particular man.

Women who just want to have casual sex do NOT have any real reason to restrict that to just one guy simply because so many other guys are available who would be willing to have casual sex with the woman. Therefore FWB or FB type relationships of any length of time are in reality situations in which the woman in question actually wants more out of the relationship with that particular guy, the guy does not, but the woman doesn't have enough self-respect to simply look elsewhere for a fulfilling relationship.

In order to justify downgrading herself like that, the woman rationalizes that "hey it was just casual sex and that's all that I wanted." No LOL it was not "all that she wanted," not most of the time, not if she is emotionally well adjusted.

IOW despite what some of the forum participants are advocating, there is in no way a precise parallelism in male vs. female motivations, behaviors, and attitudes when it comes to these sorts of relationships. On the average, a woman has so many sexual choices available as compared to the average man, that there's simply no need for her to "settle" for a sex-only relationship with no deeper "relationship potential."

Remember we are not just talking about "casual sex" such as a series of ONSs. We are talking about long term FWB/FB relationships. Emotionally well adjusted women IME have a lot of trouble getting into a sexual relationship without an emotional foundation for it. Any emotionally well adjusted woman who's in a long term FWB/FB relationship isn't in it just for the sex, because she doesn't need to be. She's using the sex to try to get the man.

Women who just want to have casual sex do NOT have any real reason to restrict that to just one guy simply because so many other guys are available who would be willing to have casual sex with the woman. Therefore FWB or FB type relationships of any length of time are in reality situations in which the woman in question actually wants more out of the relationship with that particular guy, the guy does not, but the woman doesn't have enough self-respect to simply look elsewhere for a fulfilling relationship.

FWB is not the same as casual sex and there are many advantages to a FWB arrangement for both the man and the woman.

Have you not noticed how choosy women are? There are enough threads on here from guys who are annoyed that women won't 'give it up' and how women can have whoever they want but it's never them.

A woman chooses a FWB because she finds him attractive and likes him enough as a person to have sex with him but not enough to want a relationship AND she's probably in a position where she doesn't currently want a relationship but wants to enjoy sex just for fun.

Obviously there are some women who make a mistake and aren't able to handle this kind of relationship and usually they end it fairly soon, but there are many women who are perfectly well adjusted and confident individuals who want regular sex with somebody they like without having to make any further commitment.

Having sex with strangers or people she barely knows is an entirely different thing, not to mention very risky.

I think this gets to the nub of the whole FWB-thing. Many women have been convinced by the media that they need to act like men and get revenge against men.

The reality is that most men don't sleep around and don't have promiscuous sex.

Women are never going to "impress" a man looking for a LTR with how slutty they are, and they're going to turn off some (most?). So it's pretty disingenuous to have a casual attitude toward relationships and then attack people by saying "You can't judge me!" Of course I can. And I judge that I don't want to get involved with someone like you.

Why do you have the idea that all women who have been in a FWB situation would cheat if they were in a relationship??? Is this from your own experience? Because otherwise it's not really a logical conclusion to come to.

 

I know plenty of men AND women who have had casual sex and later been involved in a relationship where they didn't cheat...

I was asking a guy that question. Did you miss that? I was paraphrasing his earlier statement.

 

 

 

Well... that's the difference right there. You think sex is just like partnered masturbation. Or... your using it as an ego crutch for low self esteem.

 

If a woman doesn't see sex as anything special... She will be very incompatible with me.

I see sex as something that CAN be very special, however; I also view sex in two different ways. Firstly, sex is something special that occues between two people who are in love.

Sex is something very special two people can share, but it can still be something that can be taken more lightly, too. If I have the right chemistry with a guy, I am very horny due to not having sex in years or months, and me and the man like and have mutual respect for one another ( as people), then I do not see a problem with using sex as a tool for masturbation.

Masturbating is not good enough for me to sustain me for years, and do not want to be in a serious relationship for a good 2 years or so. It is noamyl and healthy for women to crave sex, and SOME women CAN view sex as two entireley different things; one is a way to form a special bond with the right man, and sex can also be used as a tool to satisfy our NATURAL physical desires.

Lastly, friends with benifits does not necessarily mean that the girl is simply not good enough for the guy to date, and is therefore just a sex partner; women want sex from men they find sexually attractive, and not all women want to wait for a serious realtionship to do this.

I have never cheated before. I would be a loyal and caring partner. I never crave sleeping with other hotter men whilst I am in relationships. Although I also want to have sex casually at this point in my life.

It does not mean I will make a bad girlfriend, just because I like to satisfy my normal, healthy desire to have sex whilst I am not in a relationship.

I see sex as something that CAN be very special, however; I also view sex in two different ways. Firstly, sex is something special that occues between two people who are in love.

 

Sex is something very special two people can share, but it can still be something that can be taken more lightly, too. If I have the right chemistry with a guy, I am very horny due to not having sex in years or months, and me and the man like and have mutual respect for one another ( as people), then I do not see a problem with using sex as a tool for masturbation.

 

Masturbating is not good enough for me to sustain me for years, and do not want to be in a serious relationship for a good 2 years or so. It is noamyl and healthy for women to crave sex, and SOME women CAN view sex as two entireley different things; one is a way to form a special bond with the right man, and sex can also be used as a tool to satisfy our NATURAL physical desires.

 

Lastly, friends with benifits does not necessarily mean that the girl is simply not good enough for the guy to date, and is therefore just a sex partner; women want sex from men they find sexually attractive, and not all women want to wait for a serious realtionship to do this.

 

I have never cheated before. I would be a loyal and caring partner. I never crave sleeping with other hotter men whilst I am in relationships. Although I also want to have sex casually at this point in my life.

 

It does not mean I will make a bad girlfriend, just because I like to satisfy my normal, healthy desire to have sex whilst I am not in a relationship.

I had an FWB situation with a guy once - at his suggestion. I won't do that again because it led to him wanting more, and I hurt him terribly. Lost a friend too. So much for "it's only because the gal can't get someone better."

And, by the way, I now have someone better.

Great post Leigh!

 

I had an FWB situation with a guy once - at his suggestion. I won't do that again because it led to him wanting more, and I hurt him terribly. Lost a friend too. So much for "it's only because the gal can't get someone better."

 

And, by the way, I now have someone better.

What really dissapoints me, is how narrow some of these posters minds are. Why do respectable women have to want long term relationships? Why is a long term, seroious relationship the only " respectable" aspiration for women?

I like and respect myself as a person. I have a good life plan ahead of me, career wise, and also on a personal level. I am a good person, who has goals and standards as to how I treat people, and how I allow myself to be treated.

I DO want a " respectable" life for myself. I want to get a good job, give to charity, help the community, and also be a ambitious, fun, humerous, and interesting human being.

However, I do not see how wanting a long term, monogomous, SERIOUS relationship, is a critiera for a women to be considered " respectable", either as a partner, or as a person in general.

I dress well, I am, well spoken, I am affable, and I also would not cheat on a long term partner of mine. However, I do not want or aspire to having a long term SEIROUS relationship, with the same person, for many years ( or for LIFE). I am not ruling out ever craving a long term parrtner, but for the time being, I am looking for a more casual type of sexual relationship, and THIS DOES not make me any lesser of a person then ANY OF YOU.

I cannot believe how judgmental people are being, not to mention the assumptions that are being made, about women like MYSELF, who believe that mutual masturbation with a person that likes you and respects youa s a person, IS WRONG?

Here is the thing; IT MAY BE WRONG FOR YOU. But there are respectable people, who would make GREAT wives or partners, whome have RESPECTABLE Loves, and WHO DO NOT " sleep around" with many men; there are women LIKE THAT who are RESPECTABLE.

You could meat the women of your dreams,and fall in love with who she is as a person; her humour, wit, intelligense, strength determination. THis women could also have had FWB or casual sex type of relationships. You would never have known - because not all women who have casual sex necessarily sleep around a lot. They just have sex occasionally, and they wait until the RIGHT guy comes up for the position; a guy with the right chemistry, with whome they desire to have sex with.

I certainly did not settle for just ANY guy to have sex with. I waited about 5 years without sex, then met a guy by chance who I had good chemistry with, and who was ridiculously good looking. I have a HIGH SEX DRIVE, and yet I waited until the right guy came along to satisfy my sexual urge.

I would never feel okay about giving my body up, to a guy who I did not feel comfortable with. The chemistry has to be right, and I have to WANT the guy sexually. Life wise, he has to want me just as badly.

So I have skimmed this post..admittedly not read all of it...And I am noticing people here are simplifying a FWB situation as sport sex and no more to it at all. Wouldn't that just be NSA sex and not a FWB? If I am wrong, please correct me...maybe I mistakenly classified my FWB from years back as a FWB instead of a R with no future plans or serious commitments...??? But I thought the 'F' in FWB stood for FRIEND.

We saw each other for somewhere around a year(I think) and he new I rarely had time because I spent so much time flying back and forth across the country so I couldn't invest proper time in a R. I didn't care if he saw anyone else because I never wanted to be his gf. We were friends though...talked and emailed while I was traveling and did do things together other then sex.

Rented movies, went out for drinks, and cooked dinner on occasion(the rare times I was in town early enough. But I had been clear with him that I would stop seeing him eventually, I was just waiting till I had the time for a real bf before I attempted to get in a R. So is this not a FWB? Because so many posters seem to have simplified a FWB to way less then what I thought it was.

I also want to apologise for my lack of spelling, however, it is 1am in Australia and I am typing on my bed, upon which my computer is sitting. I normally try to just read the posts in bed, seeing as it is so hard to type.

However, I was so outraged by the intollerance and ignorance of some of these posters on the matter of casual sex, that I was compellled to sit up, and voice my opinion on this issue.

TO say that women who like casual sex are not respectable as partners, or as people, is a total falacy, the problem is that YOU cannot accept that not all women WANT the same things as you do ( to the men who only want long term serious, meaninglful partnerships).

I will conclude this by saying that there are plenty of women that; have high self esteem; would make excellent partners or wives; and who are respectable people, who earn as much, look as well presented, and give a smuch to charities and their communities as YOU guys do, who proclaim to judge how :" disrecpectful" the women who embrace casual sex are.

What really dissapoints me, is how narrow some of these posters minds are. Why do respectable women have to want long term relationships? Why is a long term, seroious relationship the only " respectable" aspiration for women?

 

I like and respect myself as a person. I have a good life plan ahead of me, career wise, and also on a personal level. I am a good person, who has goals and standards as to how I treat people, and how I allow myself to be treated.

 

I DO want a " respectable" life for myself. I want to get a good job, give to charity, help the community, and also be a ambitious, fun, humerous, and interesting human being.

 

However, I do not see how wanting a long term, monogomous, SERIOUS relationship, is a critiera for a women to be considered " respectable", either as a partner, or as a person in general.

 

I dress well, I am, well spoken, I am affable, and I also would not cheat on a long term partner of mine. However, I do not want or aspire to having a long term SEIROUS relationship, with the same person, for many years ( or for LIFE). I am not ruling out ever craving a long term parrtner, but for the time being, I am looking for a more casual type of sexual relationship, and THIS DOES not make me any lesser of a person then ANY OF YOU.

 

I cannot believe how judgmental people are being, not to mention the assumptions that are being made, about women like MYSELF, who believe that mutual masturbation with a person that likes you and respects youa s a person, IS WRONG?

 

Here is the thing; IT MAY BE WRONG FOR YOU. But there are respectable people, who would make GREAT wives or partners, whome have RESPECTABLE Loves, and WHO DO NOT " sleep around" with many men; there are women LIKE THAT who are RESPECTABLE.

 

You could meat the women of your dreams,and fall in love with who she is as a person; her humour, wit, intelligense, strength determination. THis women could also have had FWB or casual sex type of relationships. You would never have known - because not all women who have casual sex necessarily sleep around a lot. They just have sex occasionally, and they wait until the RIGHT guy comes up for the position; a guy with the right chemistry, with whome they desire to have sex with.

 

I certainly did not settle for just ANY guy to have sex with. I waited about 5 years without sex, then met a guy by chance who I had good chemistry with, and who was ridiculously good looking. I have a HIGH SEX DRIVE, and yet I waited until the right guy came along to satisfy my sexual urge.

 

I would never feel okay about giving my body up, to a guy who I did not feel comfortable with. The chemistry has to be right, and I have to WANT the guy sexually. Life wise, he has to want me just as badly.

great post!

I dont respect women who become FB because she cant get more than that from the man.

 

But I respect women who become FB because she doesnt want more than that from the man.

 

See the difference?

From female's point of view, a woman who wants only d....k from a man does not exist unless she is in denial of her real female's nature. If there is smth good in a man, she would always want smth more from him. It is a natural female's instinct to look for attachment primarily.

And, It is males's way of thinking to desire only p....y from a woman. It is a natural male's instinct to desire physical sexual action primarily.

But, there are women who do not want more than sex from some certain men.

Because the certain men are hopeless for anything else except to be used as sexual objects. Some men have nothing to offer except to be used as an object.

But, there are women who do not want more than sex from some certain men.

Because the certain men are hopeless for anything else except to be used as sexual objects. Some men have nothing to offer except to be used as an object.

Although I called it "two friends giving each other mutual pleasure." I didn't want to call it "using him." That wasn't right. Actually, I cooked him dinners often and stuff. We were good friends. He just wouldn't make a good partner for me, and I wasn't interested in a relationship with ANYONE at the time anyway. That was 6 years ago.

I've been with my guy for over 5 years now, and he's the best partner I could ever hope to find.

TO say that women who like casual sex are not respectable as partners, or as people, is a total falacy, the problem is that YOU cannot accept that not all women WANT the same things as you do ( to the men who only want long term serious, meaninglful partnerships).

 

I will conclude this by saying that there are plenty of women that; have high self esteem; would make excellent partners or wives; and who are respectable people, who earn as much, look as well presented, and give a smuch to charities and their communities as YOU guys do, who proclaim to judge how :" disrecpectful" the women who embrace casual sex are.

One of the major benefits of a forum like this is that it provides us with an opportunity to discover the honest beliefs of people of the other gender. Instead what I often see (and this is true of both men and women) is people screaming at each other that they shouldn't be allowed to have their own beliefs.

The reality is that a woman's sexual history is important to men looking for a potential wife. Apparently it is less important (or not important at all) to women looking for a husband. You can scream and lecture at people of the other gender and tell them that their feelings are wrong, or you can deal with reality. I suggest that the latter is more conducive to happiness.