T-h-r-o-u-g-h I-t

ALL:

I originally posted this to another subscriber here, recently.

I think some of you may be helped in some way by it. It deals with the emotional recovery of breaking up.

Here it is:

Having to confront those feelings is a bitch, I know.

They kind of sneak up on you, and seize you when you least expect it.

Those are precisely the kinds of moments that I've often wondered if they (your ex, my ex, someone else' ex, etc.), -experience, too.

The answer, I believe, is entirely dependent upon whether they were truly as deeply into you as you were of them.

At first, approaching the developing inner truths about our relationship face-to-face, is something our mangled, leftover emotions FLEE from.

And as the weeks pass slowly by, we continue to still maintain an active struggle against the inevitable truth, often masking the memories produced in the relationship in more gilded detail than was ever really so.

We simply lie to ourselves, -it's a poison balm we use.

We CHOOSE the inaccurate, romantic version, over the flood of impending truth that lies just on the other side of the Big Wall Of Denial.

And we do it for as long as we can.

The length of time we choose to stay on this side of denial, only prolongs the recovery of our emotional state.

But it is still a natural rite of passage to do so and a process that has been proven countless times to be survivable.

We NEVER BELIEVE that until we EXPERIENCE it.

We do not accept it.

" It is not possible", we tell ourselves, "How can I go on without him/her? "

Every thought we have, either consciously or subconsciously, and even in our dreams, runs the risk of suddenly being hijacked by an unexpected, random memory.

They torment us, haunt us, -even when our mind's video is replaying the 'happy' times.

Simply because we have lived in familiar patterns constructed by a past relationship which we valued, we are naturally subject to feeling the absence of it.

We are left with this huge, hollow emptiness that begs to be fed with a return of emotional and physical warmth, comfort, acceptance, and assurance.

The longing washes over us and, at times, we are so consumed, we distrust our ability to think sane thoughts or ever be constructive again.

Nothing but the loss seems to matter.

And we focus so hard on the loss, don't we?

Now, the perspective I'm leading you to:

Those four things, -emotional and physical WARMTH, COMFORT, ACCEPTANCE, AND ASSURANCE are capable of being cultivated and given to us by OTHERS.

SOMEONE on this planet may not only give you THAT, -but MORE!

Our current perspective is one where our focus is on someone who is NOW GONE, and we, (in our loathsome misery, looking only through a unique chemically produced tunnel-vision), TRULY BELIEVE that only he/she is the ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD who possesses these characteristics and abilities and only he/she is capable of giving them to us.

Just think what that would mean to hope everywhere.

If that were true many babies would never have been born to wonderful loving parents who once thought the same thing.

If that were true, everyone would wonder whether they had actually been born in the right country, and at the right time that would produce their perfect mate.

And, although I have, at times, wondered about that myself (smile), -I don't quite buy it.

I'm all for RECOVERY.

Whatever it takes for you to get through this, -whether it's a party for weeks on end, or adding a workload that would kill a mule to keep you busy.

It's a process, and you will go through the steps like everyone else.

This is one of the areas of common ground that most human beings find themselves walking through, at one point or another.

It does not respect who you are.

It wasn't meant to kill you, -so don't even go there.

And I said 'T-H-R-O-U-G-H', in the third sentence above.

Note that.

Because you WILL.

Take care.

And keep posting.

(Smile)

-Rio

ahhhhhh I am having an especially hard time tonight. I can't wait until the semester starts on Monday. I go along thinking I'm okay and then it hits me. So I decided to read your post again. Thanks!

Ashley:

Here's another one I posted to someone else in my "Questions for Guys" thread.

Borrowed and pasted here for you.

-Rio

Thank you, Elizabeth.

 

Your friendship is welcome, -and reciprocated.

 

I am more than happy that my posts have been a help to you, as well as to others.

 

When many of us enter this forum we are searching for a place that allows us to 'empty out' all the emotions, confusing thoughts, and questions we can't (or don't want to) answer ourselves, or simply can't be as open as we can here, with our day-to-day friends.

 

Sometimes, we just need a fresh new perspective.

 

While everyone has their own unique story, and may be entering LS at different stages of emotional trauma or upset, there is one very distinct thread, (no pun or reference intended), weaving us all together: the emotion of love.

 

Whether our relationship with him/her was long or short-term, acutely painful, semi-expected, or a numb-rendering shock, the often surprising onslaught of emotions has the power to stop us in our tracks, strip us of our confidence, bring us to our knees, and then to, one day, -make us face our true selves.

 

The ache and the difficulty is notably REAL, the journey to our emotional recovery sometimes long and trying...but no less significant for any person.

 

When we leave this forum, after reading or posting, there is little doubt in my mind that the information here is some of the best advice and comforting reassurance that I have ever discovered online.

 

You will be encouraged, enlightened and if you are like me and (I suspect) many others, -your first belly laugh since your breakup will happen here.

 

It can happen.

 

For all those who, at this moment in your heartbreak or recovery stage, believe it is not possible to survive what you are going through, I post to you the following :

 

 

"Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn."

 

-Mahatma Gandhi

 

Every morning is another chance to live -and love- again.

 

You WILL wake up.

 

(Smile)

 

Take care.

 

-Rio