The Stubborn Guy Cracked...

After having NC with my ex for over 6 weeks~ (his choice~ I had attempted to reach out on 3 occasions) Who's waiting for me when I return home from work?

Yep- the ex. Could the timing be worse? Nope~ I have a date tonight! So, not only do I have to shower and get ready, cuz my date is coming... but my ex is here wanting to "talk".

You know what? This is what I have been waiting for, for the last couple months... and when I see him, I get so angry that he's ignored me for the past 2 months and that he shows his face just as I am beginning to feel good about moving on.

So~ I didn't even invite him up. I told him tonight wasn't a good night for me because I had plans and that I would call him next week and arrange a time to talk.

WTF? Now, I have to get ready for this date...and my stupid ex is going to be creeping in and out of my thoughts all night.

I don't even think I want him back anymore. I've come so far with myself and my healing the past couple months~ now I fear I will regress.

He looked so sad and lost standing out there in the rain, and now that's all I can think of. But here I am feeling bad, when he was the one who dumped me and told me he never wanted to see me again. Geez, I told him I wouldn't talk to him tonight, he fell silent and I walked into my building and I just had to turn around and look... and there he was with a big raindrop coming off the end of his nose just looking at me with those big blue eyes....

Crap. I'm gonna go get ready for my date and try and push this out of my mind for tonight.

I don't know if I've ruined my chances or not by saying I had plans and couldn't talk...? I don't know what to do...

D

I don't know if I've ruined my chances or not by saying I had plans and couldn't talk...?

You sure screwed up big time...not!

Hope your date goes well. You have your ex in the palm of your hand, now squeeze...hard.

Hey babe,

You need to decide what you want here? You know he is no good for you but people change and thats a good thing for you. He may be what your waiting for.

What do you do now? Go on your date tonigh and have fun then tomorrow decide on the next step.

And good going with the making him wait its perfect you didnt ruin your chances but dont keep it waiting to long.

Good luck babygirl

D-Lish,

Wow, you did great. Hope you had fun on your date...

you cracked this guy hard man.. keep us updated!

D-lish..

I'd love to say eff him.. as that is what happened to me when I made contact after a month or so but I think you need to do what is in your heart.

If you still love him and you think he is being genuine then at least get together for coffee and talk it out..

If you part ways forever at least you will do it with a smile and some good closure..

On a side note: I hope your date went well with the new guy

If you still love him and you think he is being genuine then at least get together for coffee and talk it out..

Great idea. Starbucks can crack even the most stubborn person.

I'm so happy for you. my ex is such a stubborn guy also. we haven't talked in 2 months. he told me to give him his space to take care of his career. i tried contacting him like 5 times but he ignored it. i see him around and he jus smiles and walk on by. i hope he will crack soon.

Just got home from my date... arghhh. Not into him that much. He kinda spit when he talked sometimes and I think he was nervous so he drank a bit much and then the spit talking turned into spit-slurring....lol.

I guess I need time to digest what happened tonight. I NEVER thought the moment would come when my ex would show up wanting to talk. He really hurt me~ and seeing him here at my door tonight threw me for a loop. I mean he had to drive 45 minutes to get here.

When I arrived home I was trying to think about what to wear out tonight...and then there he was, standing in the rain waiting for me. My first reaction was ANGER! I still am angry. I was getting over him. He's been cruel with his silence, and I have poured my heart out to him.

You know what? I may go out for a coffee with him and discuss what he wants to talk about... but I don't think I could trust him again. He looked like he was going to cry tonight when he saw me. It's just that I was feeling better and then I see him vulnerable and now I'm confused.

Of course I still love him~ but he left me when I was at the height of experiencing a difficult time. Can I trust him to be there for me in the future? I mean, I was poised to claim bankruptcy with my business and I was stressed as hell.... sure I wasn't myself.... and he blamed me and left me because I was bitchy and emotional for a month. What happens if I have something else major happen down the road~ Will he leave me because he can't deal with that?

Perhaps these are things I need to talk to him about over coffee. At least hear him out. I hesitate to question if things can change that quickly in a couple months- but then again...things have changed drastically for me in a couple months. I pulled my business out of a hole and turned it around ~ so can he have changed too? Maybe.

I'm mad..... mad, angry, confused.

Thanks for the advice!

D

I hesitate to question if things can change that quickly in a couple months- but then again...things have changed drastically for me in a couple months.

He drove for 45 minutes to see you? It must be love.

He's probably had a serve or two of your dating experiences, and is thinking that you're not so bad after all. But you're right - he failed the litmus test. You probably want more than a "good times" guy.

Hey D-Lish,

I am glad you have had a breakthrough with your b/f. It eventually happened and it is great.

I realise it is confusing for you though. Take your time, see what happens. He will probably let you know what he really wants from you, but the signs are he still loves you. The question is, now, do you want him back. The thing is, it is a new relationship starting, and it is going to take time.

One thing though, protect yourself, you do not want to get hurt again.

Let us know how you are getting on.

lol. Dee, that's great. You did really great.

Go have coffee with him and you will probably find out why he had to go into NC for so long. The reason probably wasn't to hurt you. (hmmm, wait, I should listen to my own advice...)

But you're right, you do need someone who can support you through hard times, and this guy did not cut it.

But you deserve an explanation, and maybe this is the beginning of a new phase in your relationship, maybe this is closure.

go girl!

D-Lish,

I think your ex has already proven that he's not a reliable as a boyfriend. Kicking you while you're down is, or like another poster said, failing the litmus test. I see you going out with him to coffee as a reaction to your disappointment in your date last night. Your ex isn't the last guy on the earth and he doesn't sound like relationship material. As far as him changing, don't count on it. Most people don't change. Your circumstances changed and you're in a better place, but it doesn't sound like you as a person changed. We all need someone that will stick with us through the rough times. Anything else is just passing time. Just because he realized there wasn't anything better immediately available doesn't mean you should settle for that.

Of course I still love him~ but he left me when I was at the height of experiencing a difficult time. Can I trust him to be there for me in the future?

That is a signficant question isn't it? And that's probably the bottom line with you.

At the very least, this can give you a new sense of confidence. At some point he failed to see the value, and now he has realized his mistake.

Good luck with everything.

D-lish,

I am happy for you! I know you are confused, as you should be! But I am glad that you not only weren't available, but you never specified WHY--None of his business. Let him wonder!

I would meet him to talk. You deserve some answers and/or some closure. But do it on YOUR timing. Make him work around YOUR needs and your schedule. Depending on whether he gives you genuine answers or a song and dance, only then can you weigh out the issues that you mentioned. [Future trust. Will he run or support you the next time you have a problem, etc.]

Keep us posted. I hope everything works out for the best and that your heart ends up feeling whole in the long run. That is what matters.

Heart

PS--I know you're familiar with what I'm going thru [you've posted to me]... Still no change. Still getting the silent treatment, and as much as I want to hear from him, I fear possibly dealing with exactly what you're dealing with! [Having him come back when I'm finally feeling better and moving on]

D-lish,

PS--I know you're familiar with what I'm going thru [you've posted to me]... Still no change. Still getting the silent treatment, and as much as I want to hear from him, I fear possibly dealing with exactly what you're dealing with! [Having him come back when I'm finally feeling better and moving on]

Thanks Heart!

I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it's hard...

I truly think I'm over wanting him back- maybe not over him...but have gotten to that place where I am pretty sure my head knows things could never work.

My heart still has other things to say though...

I don't know if I'll meet up- maybe have a conversation over e-mail. Seeing him again made me feel weak in the knees- and I don't want to make myself vulnerable my meeting him.

They do come back sometimes I guess... so, yes.. you too be ready for it!

:-)

Dee

Geez.... dating sucks.

Geez.... dating sucks.

It's times like this you wish you'd put up with your ex's sh*t. You didn't think that those good times came for free, did you?

Magic Hands~

I guess I just thought the right person would just magically appear and we would live happily ever after...? No? It doesn't happen that way?

lol.

Lets' see... since the break up I've had dates with: Gropers, spit-talkers/spit slurers, boob starers, and one really nice guy I sort of liked- but was only visiting and lives on another continent.

I still don't think I miss my exes S$&t... okay, maybe a little.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not going back to him though. After careful thought, I realize that the bottom line is that he let me down when I needed him most. I sent him an e-mail this morning to tell him I'd meet him for coffee and to talk though.

Thanks for your comments and support- I'll keep you posted!

Dee

I have come to the conclusion that I am not going back to him though. After careful thought, I realize that the bottom line is that he let me down when I needed him most.

Wow...you are a lot smarter than you look. And I think you might be being just a teensy bit picky - gropers can be "repackaged" as slightly over-affectionate.

Boob starers, hey? You're not shaking them, or nothing - right?

Hmm. I had this guy friend, and we hit it off like no one ever. In fact, it just plagues my mind how well we did.

Now, that I have moved, I have time to reflect on my ol' place, and see things in a different perspective. It wasn't the greatest, in fact most times I see myself doing much more than was necessary, if in fact, downright appeasing another just for the sake of friendship. Sad. But then things happened, but overall, I began to feel used, abused and feelings of unjust overtook me.

I lost so much, and one item in general. It still breaks my heart, to see how one could take and look you in the eye and lie. Funny yeah? Not really. But then again it all depends in how you see it.

Right now, I am in the process of regaining composure, get my self geared up for the holidays, and regroup. I look forward to spending time with my family and doing what pleases me. Of course a new job may be in order, but things are looking up.

I miss what was, but look up to what may be. Make sense?

When feelings overcome you, write it out, go out, seek another out!

Well, on a lighter note, hope ya all have a great week!

Hey D-Lish,

I think you are right not to go back to him.

As you said, he let you down at the time when you needed him most, and everybody who is serious and committed to a relationship goes through hard times with their partner and do not let them down because they can't cope with the situation.

You know my story too and I have also come to the conclusion that they do not deserve to be given a second chance. They s*** on us and there is no way back. Full stop. If they really loved us and cared about us, they would have stuck around through difficult times and happy times as well. Enough of the selfish people!

Take care, I wish you all the best :-)

I have come to the conclusion that I am not going back to him though. After careful thought, I realize that the bottom line is that he let me down when I needed him most. I sent him an e-mail this morning to tell him I'd meet him for coffee and to talk though.

Is this the only time he's let you down, or is it a pattern?

If it's the only time, maybe you can find it within you to give him a second chance. People f*ck up. We're all human, and at one time or another, we all f*ck up for no good reason. If no one was ever forgiven and given a second chance, we'd all be alone.

If he lets you down all the time, well, then you have no reason to believe he won't do it again.

Good luck to you.

People f*ck up. We're all human, and at one time or another, we all f*ck up for no good reason. If no one was ever forgiven and given a second chance, we'd all be alone.

She's right. I'm a pink elephant, but even I f*ck up sometimes (as I glance sheepishly at my infractions).

Sheepishly? That's just wrong.

People f*ck up. We're all human, and at one time or another, we all f*ck up for no good reason. If no one was ever forgiven and given a second chance, we'd all be alone.

I've always been the one to do the forgiving ..

Normally it is me making peace and being the peace maker..

The one time that I needed to be forgiven because I screwed up I was kicked in the balls and sent on my way.. and I was totally sincere..

I do agree that people make mistakes and should be forgiven. I look at my grandparents marriage of 68 years and know that in order for it to make it to 68 years there had to be some forgiving and second, possibly 3rd chances given..

I look at my grandparents marriage of 68 years and know that in order for it to make it to 68 years there had to be some forgiving and second, possibly 3rd chances given..

Sweet story, Art.

Actually, I was watching SNL last night...they had a skit talking about a "tough" crime policy.

A "20 strikes" policy. After the 20th strike just three more strikes. And once those three strikes are up then that's it! Just one more strike.

Loved it.