When will the comments stop?

Its been over a year since I cheated on my fiance and the remarks will not stop. Every time I want to hang out with my friends he always has to ask me if my secret lover will be there. I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to hang out with my friends anymore without him being there because I don't want to hear the comments or deal with the 20 questions. He tells me that I brought this on myself and it will never stop but I just can't stand this. I feel that I have been punished long enough for what I have done to him. I know its going to take him a long time to trust me again but he choose to stay with me and things are now going really good between us. Those comments just won't stop though. I don't want to feel like I can't leave the house without him but that is how I'm starting to get because I just get sick of hearing his mouth everytime I walk out the door. What should I do? Will this ever stop?

I have no answer for you but if you cheated on your fiance then he may never have any trust for you. His words show how hurt he is and certainly shows anger. You may wish to consider that the relationship may forever be poisoned and you may have to make the call and move on. Clearly he has not forgiven you and has a great deal of anger. Your life will be a living hell. It is sad that your cheating has caused this but these are sometimes the ramifications of cheating.

He tells me that I brought this on myself and it will never stop but I just can't stand this.

Maybe you should take a break from each other.

I was like that when that stuff happened to me. Couple months after my marriage she was talking to her ex.

Two years later and I have to admit the trust is still not at 100%. Though I would say more like 98%. Even though she has turned everything around and is doing what I am asking.

Over time the remarks liked your fiancee made disappeared, I said them out of insecurity. That's what he's feeling right now and you can't blame him. You made your bed, lie in it. Accept responsibility. When he makes those comments, just say 'I am with you & I love you'. Instead of fighting about it, making that comment as I suggested will probably give you better results.

Have you two tried marriage counseling? I would not get married until you both go.

He hasn't forgiven you yet, regardless of what you may have done to try to make it up to him.

Consider that every time he makes a comment, there's a knife twisting in his gut at the thought of you in some other man's arms... you might hate the comments, but he hates it even more that he has thoughts of you with some other guy.

I'd recommend marriage counseling - you two need some help in getting over this. Don't get married until you've resolved this.

His "constant reminders" to you are a function of his pain (at thinking of another man penetrating you) and his lack of confidence that it won't happen again.

Put yourself in his shoes. I am positive that if the positions were reversed you would be extracting just as much him as he is from you.

The good news is that he will eventually lighten up. Would you? History and male vs. female personality says you would not. If he cheated it would be in your book forever.

His "constant reminders" to you are a function of his pain (at thinking of another man penetrating you) and his lack of confidence that it won't happen again.

 

Put yourself in his shoes. I am positive that if the positions were reversed you would be extracting just as much him as he is from you.

 

The good news is that he will eventually lighten up. Would you? History and male vs. female personality says you would not. If he cheated it would be in your book forever.

Yep! You got this one right on target! Women never forget!

When stbXH, I just cringe at the thought of him dipping his wick in someone else's bucket of wax! Eeooowww! Ugh!!! Disgusting!!! Just the sight of him makes me just want knock the living daylight out of him!

Sorry to say but he might have that idea of once a cheater always a cheater. Its hard for everyone whose been cheated on to just forget or "let it go".

It will always stay on his mind no matter what happens. He may have lost trust in you thats why he asks all those questions.

Try to get him to trust you again before you get married.

Try to put yourself in his place, and think how would you react to better understand him

He might stop bringing it up when he realizes that you are truely sorry for what you did to him, and that it hurts you to be reminded of it over and over.

And even then, if he stops bringing it up, the thought will still pop into his head at the worst opportune time, but if there's enough love between you two, he'll hold the thought to himself.

In the meantime, replace the situations that bring up the bad thoughts, with new situations that are different, more fun, and more exciting! Make him look forward to being together with you!

In your old posts, you indicate that it wasn't a one time thing -- that you cheated on him somewhat frequently -- that may affect his opinion of things.

Well with a username like "xxbaddgurl83xx" one gets the impression that you might be somewhat like the village bicycle, perhaps something like the Pillsbury doughboy. You can't really blame him can you? Of course, that's just my opinion.

Do him a huge favor and break off with him so he can find someone that will appreciate him better.

Sounds to me like he will never trust you again and the comments will never stop. If I were you I'd end the relationship and get on with your life. This one is now poisoned.

forgiven but never forgotten....

happened to me and it always plays on my mind to,it hurts when the person you love cheats,what else would you expect,dont end the relationship tho,he will learn to trust you again till you do it again