After 4 months I broke NC...

...by mistake

 

From my thread yesterday

 

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The ex contacted me again yesterday at 10 in the morning

 

"How r yu doing been thinking of yu lately"

 

which is almost identical to this text...she sent me in early May

 

"How r yu doing was just thinking of yu today"

 

I never bothered responding.

 

And on the last day of June she emailed this...

"Thank you for this heartfelt email. I really appreciated it. (I can't

remember if I responded to it at the time or not?)

I hope you are doing well."

 

I think she was fishing for contact because the email she was referring to was sent by me on April 1. She was replying to an email I sent 3 months ago and she used an excuse of "I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?" which is a lie since she has a gmail account which attaches all replies to the original email. So she knows she never replied...

 

I never responded to this either.

 

I've been in NC for almost 4 months and it's been slightly more then a year since the breakup(cheating on her part)...so I'm not sure what she wants.

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So I was getting good advice from loveshackers and I didn't respond as usual. So last night I was waiting for this girl (I'm sort of interested in) to pick me up to go rock climbing. My phone rings and I didn't bother looking at the caller ID b/c I thought it was the girl telling she's downstairs. It was the ex...

 

Ex: Hi serendip...it's ******. How are you doing...I was thinking of you.

 

(I didn't know what to say...and I didn't want to hang up b/c that's rude)

 

Me: Life is good...just came back from spelunking and back country camping...ummm...what's going on?

Ex: I'm busy training for an adventure race and triathalon....What is spelunking?

(I see the girl out front parking her car)

 

Me: Sorry I gotta go...I'm just on my way out for rock climbing...later

 

Ex: Bye

 

Then I just had a great time rock climbing and didn't even think about the conversation with ex.

 

Then this morning my phone rings to tell me I have a text messageat8:05 am...it's from the ex which surprise me since it's 5 am for her(westcoast time - she does not get up that early)

 

Ex text:

"What is spelunking"

 

I know I shouldn't have replied but I already broke NC by answering her call...plus I felt bad leaving her hanging

 

My reply:

"It's caving exploration of caves i had to rappel down

86 feet into a cave that still had ice crawl and contort

my body through different depths just to listen to an underground river

it was beautiful zen even"

 

Ex text:

 

"Sounds very cool"

 

So I thought that was that...and I didn't respond since there was nothing to respond to...then 10 mis later

 

Ex text:

 

"Where did yu do that"

 

My reply:

 

"M*****fe Rock"

 

She has no clue where that is and I think she was just trying to keep the conversation going. Well any way that was it. I know I will get some slack from some loveshackers for breaking NC...but I didn't mean to. I don't know what to make of all this.

She tries to get into contact with you again, maybe form a frienship. So. Your call - do you want her in your life or not? if not, block the no. If yes, keep it simple and don't invest emotionally too soon.

You know actually I don't think you screwed up at all!!! You handle yourself very well by accident too.

 

I guess now you get to see her bugging the hell out of you. Continue playing it cool and aloof and I would only talk to her sometimes, if you are up for it.

 

I would still make her work her ass off regardless if you want her back or not. Some may say that is cruel, but I say make it up to her.

 

Live your life and keep it up!!

She tries to get into contact with you again, maybe form a frienship. So. Your call - do you want her in your life or not? if not, block the no. If yes, keep it simple and don't invest emotionally too soon.

 

I don't think friendship is an option...I usually don't want friends that lie and cheat on me. It's hard to trust someone after that.

 

I know I broke NC by answering her call...but it was by mistake. I think I will most likely continue with NC unless she has something real to say.

 

So far this string of contact has no effect on me other then the usual...trying to continue to move on and heal.

I guess now you get to see her bugging the hell out of you.

 

Oh gawd...I hope not.

 

I suspect she will not be contacting me for a while now...b/c I responded and she got her "quick fix" to ease her guilt or whatever.

Oh gawd...I hope not.

 

I suspect she will not be contacting me for a while now...b/c I responded and she got her "quick fix" to ease her guilt or whatever.

 

Probably. Just remember the way things ended the next time she calls or text.

 

And pay attention to CALLER ID

Hi Serendip, I don't think you did anything wrong. She is contacting you the same way my ex did. Chances are that she just wants to talk to you to make herself feel better. She is starting to feel guilty just like mine did and us talking friendly to them makes them feel like better people. I would stop responding if I were you. All you are doing is opening up the lines for more calls and texts. I am sorry that your ex is screwing with you the way mine is.

All you are doing is opening up the lines for more calls and texts. I am sorry that your ex is screwing with you the way mine is.

Yep. I second Fox. That's what she's doing. If she was interested in having anything 'real' to say, she'd know damn well whether she would have replied to an email or not... whether it was yesterday, last week or six months ago. As it is, you're not on her radar so she can't work out whether she did or didn't. Chances are that Mr-Right-Now isn't working out and she's checking out her other options. /ignore

Probably true on the quick fix!!! That makes them sorry as the day is long!!! I do not think you did a thing to boost her ego, though. You played it straight up cool even though she caught you by accident!!!

Serendip, my ex did exactly the same. He wrote a casual text, and just seemed to try some contact again. Unfortunetaly, I wasn't as cool as you and called. It all got out of control again and rude words were said on both parts.

 

I found it really disrespectful to just start contact again as if nothing had happened after such betrayal. So, good for you that you know you don't want her in your life anymore. You did really well!

Yep. I second Fox. That's what she's doing. If she was interested in having anything 'real' to say, she'd know damn well whether she would have replied to an email or not... whether it was yesterday, last week or six months ago. As it is, you're not on her radar so she can't work out whether she did or didn't. Chances are that Mr-Right-Now isn't working out and she's checking out her other options. /ignore

 

She knows she didn't reply to my email sent months ago...she has a gmail account...gmail tells you if you replied or not. She just used that as an excuse to contact me(lame I know) b/c I ignored her months early when she attempted to make contact. She was trying to save face...except it made her look worse in my eyes(she had to do a search for my email reread it and reply to it).

She knows she didn't reply to my email sent months ago...she has a gmail account...gmail tells you if you replied or not. She just used that as an excuse to contact me(lame I know) b/c I ignored her months early when she attempted to make contact. She was trying to save face...except it made her look worse in my eyes(she had to do a search for my email reread it and reply to it).

 

She's just trying to feed her ego. Don't feed the BEARS! The more you respond to her, the more you "pump her up" and deflate yourself.

 

You want to take control of your life?

 

IGNORE HER.

 

(It drives ex's nuts!)

Chances are that she just wants to talk to you to make herself feel better. She is starting to feel guilty just like mine did and us talking friendly to them makes them feel like better people.

 

 

Oh I agree with this Fox...like I said earlier...she's been wanting a "quick fix" to ease her guilt for the past 4 months now...but I've been ignoring her and with each time her desperation grew. But the only thing is I can't tell her off....it's been over a year since the breakup(I don't want to give her that emotional power over me). She doesn't deserve to know that I'm still trying to heal and move on.

 

But her texting me at 8:05 am my time asking the same question again

 

"what is spelunking"

 

tells me she didn't sleep very well last night....b/c she's up at 5:05 am texting me about something she could have googled last night. My ex sleeps 10 hrs a night b/c she needs the rest when she is training for triathlons. She wanted the continued contact and lost sleep over it. I slept like a baby last night...didn't think of her more then usual.

She's just trying to feed her ego. Don't feed the BEARS! The more you respond to her, the more you "pump her up" and deflate yourself.

 

You want to take control of your life?

 

IGNORE HER.

 

(It drives ex's nuts!)

 

I don't think I fed her ego with this exchange...I only eased her desperation for contact.

Oh I agree with this Fox...like I said earlier...she's been wanting a "quick fix" to ease her guilt for the past 4 months now...but I've been ignoring her and with each time her desperation grew. But the only thing is I can't tell her off....it's been over a year since the breakup(I don't want to give her that emotional power over me). She doesn't deserve to know that I'm still trying to heal and move on.

 

But her texting me at 8:05 am my time asking the same question again

 

"what is spelunking"

 

tells me she didn't sleep very well last night....b/c she's up at 5:05 am texting me about something she could have googled last night. My ex sleeps 10 hrs a night b/c she needs the rest when she is training for triathlons. She wanted the continued contact and lost sleep over it. I slept like a baby last night...didn't think of her more then usual.

 

Ouch!! If you guys have been broken up that long, I can see why you are where you are! You still did fine!!

Ouch!! If you guys have been broken up that long, I can see why you are where you are! You still did fine!!

 

The longest it ever took me to get over a relationship previously was a month or 2...I never had to deal with being cheated on and I definitely never thought it would take me this friggin long to heal.

Ex text:

"What is spelunking"

 

Heh, I love it. Shoulda texted back: "What, your Google not working or something?"

 

Talk about a weak excuse to make contact.

I don't think friendship is an option...I usually don't want friends that lie and cheat on me. It's hard to trust someone after that.

 

I know I broke NC by answering her call...but it was by mistake. I think I will most likely continue with NC unless she has something real to say.

 

So far this string of contact has no effect on me other then the usual...trying to continue to move on and heal.

 

You handled it Perfectly!!! really!! Bravo!! i loove hearing things like this, i wish mine would call but then i wouldnt be as cool and collected as you were even if i tried cuz i would be telling him off-maybe thats what he dont want to hear,a Sista mouthing off and telling him he's a no good loser Scrub! great job reslly, make her work for it,and keep me/us posted. This is better than Young &the Restless

You handled it Perfectly!!! really!! Bravo!! i loove hearing things like this, i wish mine would call but then i wouldnt be as cool and collected as you were even if i tried cuz i would be telling him off-maybe thats what he dont want to hear,a Sista mouthing off and telling him he's a no good loser Scrub! great job reslly, make her work for it,and keep me/us posted. This is better than Young &the Restless

 

Right, right!!!! I was glad to read this post, no doubt!!!!

[/i]Heh, I love it. Shoulda texted back: "What, your Google not working or something?"

 

Talk about a weak excuse to make contact.

 

Yeah this morning when I saw her asking me that...I actually was considering replying with

 

"Google is your friend"

 

but I didn't

I don't think I fed her ego with this exchange...I only eased her desperation for contact.

 

 

But that is exactly what eased her desperation from contact. Her ego was satisfied.

seredip, you are so far beyond a lot of us love shackers that your little incident will not even set you back. You sound so strong. You sound over her. You sound inspiring. Now if I can follow your lead.

Well I think I was right in that she was looking for a quick fix...she just wanted contact to make herself feel better. I haven't heard anything from her since.

 

The only thing that is peculiar to me is that she got her contact when I answered the phone(this should have satisfied her)...but the next day she text me at 5am her time(which reeks of desperation/neediness) to ask what 'spelunking was' when she could have googled it. So if you are willing to forgo sleep(my ex needs a lot of sleep) just to continue contact...wouldn't you say something real instead of the BS pretense...kind of weird.

 

Also I found out through a friend that the ex recently has been hanging again with the guy she cheated on me with. I thought she had a boyfriend which didn't bother me at all since she didn't cheat on me with him...but her hanging out with the guy she cheated on me sort of brought back some of the hurt. I felt bad yesterday but I feel a lot better today...like so what.

 

But I did tell my friend never to tell me any info on my ex. I don't want to know.

Maybe your ex can go "spelunking" and get lost!! Lost from your life! What a bitch!!!

It's for the best she doesn't contact me.

 

But I know she will contact me again when she needs another fix so I might have to tell her to stop it.