All Ow

Great Ramones song!

Hmmm, I am about ready for one as well. The holidays and chilly weather causes me to feel that I wish to snuggle...share warm food, thoughts and SNIVING.

It is playing tricks upon my mind so I just play tricks back!

Every time I think his name, his face or his memory, I super-impose something undesirable and repugnant.

Doesn't work all the time, but some of the time, as it is moment by moment when one is lacking fortitude and lobotomy is not available!

Hugs to all!

Great Ramones song!

Hmmm, I am about ready for one as well. The holidays and chilly weather causes me to feel that I wish to snuggle...share warm food, thoughts and SNIVING.

It is playing tricks upon my mind so I just play tricks back!

Every time I think his name, his face or his memory, I super-impose something undesirable and repugnant.

Doesn't work all the time, but some of the time, as it is moment by moment when one is lacking fortitude and lobotomy is not available!

Hugs to all!

OK, whats SNIVING, lol. got me there POM.

Its difficult to forget though, so many reminders. I might even go and melt the chocolate Easter Bunnies that I got from him tommorow that sit on my bedside table, a boy and a girl bunny. Does that make me a bunny boiler. lol.

I'm only 3 days into NC and I don't think I've ever felt so down in my life, he doesn't even know yet i've done it, i've got this irrational urge to text and tell him. Does it count if them dont know? I just get by one hour at a time, saying dont do it. I know it will get easier from what you all prev OW have said but its so hard.

I'm not sure about it 'not counting' if they don't know. What I can tell you is that if you haven't told him you don't want to hear from him again, then quite possibly he'll get back in contact at some point (sooner, or later, depending on the relationship you had) and that will most likely set you back on your recovery from this.

I'm sorry, I don't know what your story is, and haven't seen a thread yet about your NC but... Why didn't you tell him?

I would say there is some truth in it 'not counting' if he doesn't know... because part of you is still involved in the '(when) will I hear from him?' thing... and that's not really the beginning of moving on...

I'm not sure about it 'not counting' if they don't know. What I can tell you is that if you haven't told him you don't want to hear from him again, then quite possibly he'll get back in contact at some point (sooner, or later, depending on the relationship you had) and that will most likely set you back on your recovery from this.

 

I'm sorry, I don't know what your story is, and haven't seen a thread yet about your NC but... Why didn't you tell him?

 

I would say there is some truth in it 'not counting' if he doesn't know... because part of you is still involved in the '(when) will I hear from him?' thing... and that's not really the beginning of moving on...

Well this was my original story, if you want to read, but its pretty depressing as I seem to have really moved on no further. It has been a bit volatile around here recently so have kept a bit quiet.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=94891

It turned out the relationship continued, just ended up speaking more and more and getting more involved. But at the same time I was getting more and more upset at not being a high priority in his life, everything else was more important and most of it rightly so, ie wife and kids. The trouble is I wish I could say I regret the past 3-4 months but I dont, because when everything is ok, he makes me so happy and he constantly tells me how happy I make him.

Anyway 4 weeks ago he went on holiday, I knew he was going and what day, but I was expecting a text to say "bye see you when I get back" or something like that, but I got nothing. I know it sounds pathetic over such a small thing, but it was just the final straw. Maybe he had a genuine reason but I dont believe it in my head, its more like he got so wrapped up in his home life, which is understandable, so then could not text me. So in other words I was unimportant in his life, which I really cannot stand being.

Anyway, I knew I wouldnt hear from him on holiday but thought he would text when he got back which should have been last Weds. So by Thursday night still not heard a thing and Thursday was our exactly 1 year meeting date, so it seemed to me that it was an ideal day to finish it as well. So I made the decision I was not going to contact him anymore, I have not texted him or anything. I have still not heard from him, so if he phones I am planning on telling him we have to finish this time and if he doesn't text or phone, well so be it.

So thats the reason I have not told him i've gone NC, do you think I should tell him then? I suppose I could send the letter to him I have written by email, I will know if he's read it or not.

To be honest the longer he leaves it to contact me the better in some ways because the longer I will have been without him, the more used to NC I am. I'm just hoping this time I can follow thru unlike lat time. Also I dont want to be the cause of the break-up of his marriage, as in by the affair being found out, IF it is really as bad as he said it is then he needs to sort it out himself like I managed to do with my relationship.

Hmm OK. Well, I don't think it's a small thing that you didn't get a 'bye for now' text. Communication is vital (imho) in a relationship. He's not doing a good job.

I do still think you should make it clear if you've ended it. Not to enter into a debate or even to read his reply (if he sends one). But at least for you to have drawn a line under it, and so that you can be sure that he won't be popping up like nothing happened just when you've started getting over things.

Came home last Thursday and still hasn't contacted you..?

Hmm OK. Well, I don't think it's a small thing that you didn't get a 'bye for now' text. Communication is vital (imho) in a relationship. He's not doing a good job.

 

I do still think you should make it clear if you've ended it. Not to enter into a debate or even to read his reply (if he sends one). But at least for you to have drawn a line under it, and so that you can be sure that he won't be popping up like nothing happened just when you've started getting over things.

 

Came home last Thursday and still hasn't contacted you..?

Nope, still not contacted me, and I've still not contacted him either. There is only 1 reason I will accept and that is D-Day has arrived and I dont know about it yet and if that is the case all the more reason for me to not contact him.

I will think about the letter, not too sure about the one I have composed so far. I dont want to come accross as either a drama queen, soggy biscuit or bunny boiler. Will have to think of another one. I'm still feeling weird though, its a cross of being really pi**ed off at him, hurt and confused. He has never done anything so thoughtless in the whole of the time I have known him.

Thnx

I'm only 3 days into NC and I don't think I've ever felt so down in my life, he doesn't even know yet i've done it, i've got this irrational urge to text and tell him. Does it count if them dont know? I just get by one hour at a time, saying dont do it. I know it will get easier from what you all prev OW have said but its so hard.

It is never easy to walk away from a person when you still care. It is incredibly difficult, as a matter of fact.

But, I believe this to be true: If it hurts, it probably isn't good for you.

If your relationship hurts you, it probably isn't good for you.

I have been exactly where you are. I didn't think I would EVER get over that MM of mine. I loved him dearly. And he loved me.

But I hated the fact that I had to share him. I hated the deceit. I hated how he seemed to have all the power. I hated how he made it virtually impossible for me not to fall in love with him....THEN tell me he was married. I hated how he repeatedly tried to woo me back when I would extricate myself from the mess. I hated alot. And that's not me. I don't have a hateful bone in my body. But this situation was systematically destroying who I was.

How did I stop it?

I just got more and more indignant. I always KNEW that I deserved better even though he treated me like gold when we were together. But that didn't matter. The fact of the matter was: he left me to go home to her. And I couldn't stand that. And he knew it. That is why he told me he hid his marital status. He knew that I would never stand for being the OW. And I didn't.

Get angry. Get indignant. Get your power back.

I almost hope he contacts you so YOU can end it. It makes it so much easier to get your self respect back when YOU can say, "NO MORE."

It is a dark walk you walk. But, me and others will be the light that shines ahead for you. We have been where you are. And, it is beautiful on this side.

Hold on to that. Believe that.

There is life after him. And it's even better than life WITH him because there is HOPE on this side. Hold on to that hope.

You were fine before you met him, and you will be fine after him. Believe it.

Peace to you my friend.

Freedom Now

Nope, still not contacted me, and I've still not contacted him either. There is only 1 reason I will accept and that is D-Day has arrived and I dont know about it yet and if that is the case all the more reason for me to not contact him.

 

I will think about the letter, not too sure about the one I have composed so far. I dont want to come accross as either a drama queen, soggy biscuit or bunny boiler. Will have to think of another one. I'm still feeling weird though, its a cross of being really pi**ed off at him, hurt and confused. He has never done anything so thoughtless in the whole of the time I have known him.

 

Thnx

I am truly sorry about his lack of contact and how this is affecting you. That is just the worst dad gum feeling and no one deals with that very well: all these emotions and thoughts running about in you and no place to "put them". It's OK to be feeling what you are feeling.

We have all had our share of "on again" "off again" relationships. They are messy and scary (exciting at times) because one never knows when its "off" or "on".

One doesn't know when to turn oneself "off" or "on", either.

Where is the middle and how many times do we gravitate towards finding that?

Is this "off" time the end? Will he come back and start me again or is my battery dead? Do I want him to come back, will I care if he does? What will he say? How will I react?

MY experience w/ this has been that the guy always comes back just when I have barely decided to turn off--it's like they have a radar about this!!! When one teeters they swoop back from absent land just in time to rescue me from these painful thoughts/emotions.

They come w/ the sweetest kisses, gifts and a very hard pekker. The "on time" is perfect, lustful, romantic and all that kind of yummy stuff.

Then off time comes full circle again...

On and off relationships usually become a complete turn off to one party or both because it is just too darn dramatic; the ups and downs become too draining.

You aren't required to make any decisions right now!

Give yourself a break and have your own (self-gathering) holiday!!! Enjoy the peace you have and give yourself time. You certainly give him time to do what HE needs!

It's your right to sit awhile and do nothing if you must.

You've earned it so take it, sweetie!

Hugs!

Nope, still not contacted me, and I've still not contacted him either. There is only 1 reason I will accept and that is D-Day has arrived and I dont know about it yet and if that is the case all the more reason for me to not contact him.

 

I will think about the letter, not too sure about the one I have composed so far. I dont want to come accross as either a drama queen, soggy biscuit or bunny boiler. Will have to think of another one. I'm still feeling weird though, its a cross of being really pi**ed off at him, hurt and confused. He has never done anything so thoughtless in the whole of the time I have known him.

 

Thnx

Hello again,

Are you thinking of telling him how you feel in this email? Because that's probably not a great idea anyway. Break-up letters are always counter-productive in my experience

I was suggesting just a simple 'i have decided that it's best for me if we no longer see/contact each other, please don't contact me again, etc.'

What do you think..?

It is never easy to walk away from a person when you still care. It is incredibly difficult, as a matter of fact.

But I hated the fact that I had to share him. I hated the deceit. I hated how he seemed to have all the power. I hated how he made it virtually impossible for me not to fall in love with him. But this situation was systematically destroying who I was.

I just got more and more indignant. I always KNEW that I deserved better even though he treated me like gold when we were together. But that didn't matter.

Get angry. Get indignant. Get your power back.

I almost hope he contacts you so YOU can end it. It makes it so much easier to get your self respect back when YOU can say, "NO MORE."

It is a dark walk you walk. But, me and others will be the light that shines ahead for you. We have been where you are. And, it is beautiful on this side.

Hold on to that. Believe that.

There is life after him. And it's even better than life WITH him because there is HOPE on this side. Hold on to that hope.

You were fine before you met him, and you will be fine after him. Believe it.

Freedom Now

This is all so true I think you must be inside my mind, I think I've turned the corner now. Will elaborate at the bottom. I'm certainly angry and indignant and I sure want my power back.

You were right about needing to hear from him as well or at least being able to tell him.

We have all had our share of "on again" "off again" relationships. They are messy and scary (exciting at times) because one never knows when its "off" or "on".

One doesn't know when to turn oneself "off" or "on", either.

Where is the middle and how many times do we gravitate towards finding that?

Is this "off" time the end? Will he come back and start me again or is my battery dead? Do I want him to come back, will I care if he does? What will he say? How will I react?

MY experience w/ this has been that the guy always comes back just when I have barely decided to turn off--it's like they have a radar about this!!! When one teeters they swoop back from absent land just in time to rescue me from these painful thoughts/emotions.

They come w/ the sweetest kisses, gifts and a very hard pekker. The "on time" is perfect, lustful, romantic and all that kind of yummy stuff.

Then off time comes full circle again...

On and off relationships usually become a complete turn off to one party or both because it is just too darn dramatic; the ups and downs become too draining.

You do make me laugh, your phrasing is so true. All the words you have said are so true as well, like Freedom now, you have both expressed so well exactly how i'm feeling, whats going thru my mind, its sooooo bizare.

Hello again,

 

Are you thinking of telling him how you feel in this email? Because that's probably not a great idea anyway. Break-up letters are always counter-productive in my experience

 

I was suggesting just a simple 'i have decided that it's best for me if we no longer see/contact each other, please don't contact me again, etc.'

 

What do you think..?

the question, am i thinking about telling him how I feel in this email, made me smile alot, of course it was about how I feel, I'm female, lol. Women do feelings men usually dont, this is why I wasn't thinking of sending it in the first place, glad you reminded me, cos your right it would have been counterproductive. Your wording was alot better.

Well here is the update!! Today on MSN I finally heard from him. Well what can I say, unfortunately cant go into too much detail as for being identifiable, unlikely I know, but you do have to be careful. The reason for no text before he left, mmmm, not too sure if it was true, however it was that incredible it might be so, but it makes no difference. Reason for no contact until now, I completely believe, he's only been back here about 2 days, because of a terrible incident, someone would not lie about the reason why. Still makes no difference though.

I will explain, while chatting he said, blah blah blah, however we do need to have a chat. Oh I thought, here we chuffin well go again. Has anyone else who's been or is an OW heard those words, "we need to have a chat". I've heard those before. That means he is going to chuck me, reasons I think this, 1, its because he's been away and you know what holidays are like for forgetting the reality of your life, also it nearly happened last time he was on holiday and 2, because of the incident. I said I know what your going to say you know, and changed the subject, no point in trying to discuss serious issues on MSN, things can be taken the wrong way, like on here, cant hear the tone in peoples voices.

No doubt the chat will be tomo night and do you know something, I dont think I' m that bothered, I've been that upset these last 4 weeks, I almost feel like oh, just get on with it, or excuse my English, to use a bit of a rude expression, "sh*t or get off the pot, I feel quite blase. My stomach didn't lurch, I didnt well up with tears, I just thought, oh!!! WHATEVER. We shall see. I really want off the merry-go-round. I'm hoping when he tells me I say, "I agree with you, I wish you well for the future."

So thanks and hugs to you all for your kind words and support as they have meant alot to me.

NT

Hang in there sweetie.

Keep turning the corner. We are here for you.

We are here for you.

SECOND THAT ONE!

Hope are you're all right? Yes, we are all here to support you and I have been thinking of you...

Hang in there sweetie.

 

Keep turning the corner. We are here for you.

SECOND THAT ONE!

Hope are you're all right? Yes, we are all here to support you and I have been thinking of you...

Thanks to you all. I really do appreciate your kind thoughts.

How are you all doing today?

I bought myself a new toy, lol. No not a vibrator, a Roboraptor. I'm going to wrap it and put it under the tree.

Thanks to you all. I really do appreciate your kind thoughts.

 

How are you all doing today?

 

I bought myself a new toy, lol. No not a vibrator, a Roboraptor. I'm going to wrap it and put it under the tree.

So Im not the only one who buys myself toys. lol

Hope your doing well NT

I bought myself this kick ass Guess dress that is a total knock out! I have gotten tons of compliments on it so far and it makes me feel great when I am wearing it.

It feels good, doing something for yourself.

New toys and new dresses! How wonderful for us!

I just bought a new coat--camel! It was half off + half off and was lower than what I had budgeted. Plus it makes me look "trim". I never even thought of having something like this.

I am very careful with spending but shoot! I need to be warm and if that means being a little stylish then so be it!

I feel very New York, Paris, Milan chic. Even if one of my grandchildren puked on me this afternoon a woman needs her muse.

Speaking of what is a Roboraptor. Sounds a bit dirty and devine...

So Im not the only one who buys myself toys. lol

 

Hope your doing well NT

Yeah, i'm doing ok, just waiting for "the chat", lol. Trying to stay strong and positive and not fall at the final hurdle.

I cant wait to open my new toy, gonna kill me to wait for xmas day, wanna play with it now. lol. I'm always buying myself gadgets/toys.

thnx for your thoughts. How are you doing at the moment?

New toys and new dresses! How wonderful for us!

I just bought a new coat--camel! It was half off + half off and was lower than what I had budgeted. Plus it makes me look "trim". I never even thought of having something like this.

I am very careful with spending but shoot! I need to be warm and if that means being a little stylish then so be it!

I feel very New York, Paris, Milan chic. Even if one of my grandchildren puked on me this afternoon a woman needs her muse.

Speaking of what is a Roboraptor. Sounds a bit dirty and devine...

http://www.evosapien.com/html/roboraptor.php

Yeah, i'm doing ok, just waiting for "the chat", lol. Trying to stay strong and positive and not fall at the final hurdle.

 

I cant wait to open my new toy, gonna kill me to wait for xmas day, wanna play with it now. lol. I'm always buying myself gadgets/toys.

 

thnx for your thoughts. How are you doing at the moment?

Im actually doing great. Maybe its the buzz from paint fumes. lol

I actually know what one of my xmas presents from my kids is, and its going to kill me to wait. ( I actually had to buy it since its a age restricted item, but I promised I would wait. )

http://www.evosapien.com/html/roboraptor.php

I see! It's a robot--which one can completely control. I like that very much....

I see! It's a robot--which one can completely control. I like that very much....

I dont EVEN want to know.

http://www.evosapien.com/html/roboraptor.php

Ahhh, so it is an electronically controlled device which ones uses for one's pleasure...

Ahhh, so it is an electronically controlled device which ones uses for one's pleasure...

Cute little dino! But....

Does it clean the house or mow the lawn--just curious?

Ahhh, so it is an electronically controlled device which ones uses for one's pleasure...

I like the sensors on his tail, chin, and mouth, and the way he reacts completely differently to being touched depending on what mode he is in: hunting, playful, and cautious.

lol This is to funny