Really cant cope any more :(

Hi guys,

I really need a stiff slap round the face and telling to get a grip. Anyone?

I can't go on like this being depressed any more. I cannot go on.

Its been 2 weeks since my ex dumped me completely out of the blue, having seemed perfectly happy. I know thats quite a short amount of time compared to what some people on here are going through, so i know a lot of your advice will be "just give it time", and I know that will work. However I feel stuck in a rut and that my progress of getting over her has ground to a halt. I need someting to jolt me into action again.

I've been through the despair stage, been a blithering wreck for a few days.

I've been thorugh the "on a mission to get her back" stage.

How do I feel now? Well its hard to explain so im just gonna type what comes into my head...

I miss her like hell. I want her to come grovelling back asking for forgiveness. Thats the idea that I cant let go of, I want her to come back appologising. But I know in my head that a) she wont. b) even if she did, it wouldnt work because she wouldnt appologise enough or realise what shes done to me, and shes still young and would ultimately want to remain free. I know this to be true, but i cant stop thinking how much i want her to come back.

I know its stupid, but I cant let go of the idea. Its all i think about. I mean ALL.

Shes proved to me that shes too immature to grasp what my understanding/idea of a relationship is, and that just makes me think that its a shame. Such a shame because I love(ed?) her so much and its a waste simply because she doesnt realise a simple idea because shes too young/inexperienced

I WANT to get over her. I know in my head that is only course of action however I cant kick myself into gear.

Has anyone else felt like this? How do I move on to the next stage?

It doesnt help that she keeps nagging me for bits of info about her life that shes forgotten (like her password for her computer). I dont have the balls to tell her to shut up, because of this idea that I want her to come back and I dont want to ruin it. Even though I know it wont work Arggggg

I've constantly got that nervous butterflies feeling that shes going to contact me any minute to appologise. Even though I know it hasnt gone off, i check my phone every 5 seconds, and im CONSTANTLY checking msn to see if shes online. She has been a few times and ive not initiated anything. I can't relax because of these butterflies, and I know im making myself ill, im going to have a heart attack soon.

How do I relax and get over this stupid way of thinking?

Thanks guys I could really use some supportive words right now

You're going to be OK. You know that deep down, but it is hard to get past the hurt and negative thoughts, I know.

Part of it is thinking that she is the end all, be all, and that you have her it will fix everything. But she is just as human as you are, and there are plenty of things about her that were no good for you.

I'm going to give you a very crude suggestion.

I want you to picture her sitting on the toilet taking a big sh*t every time you start dreaming about how wonderful she is and wanting her back.

It will stop the cycling, obsessive thoughts. It isn't a cure to the whole problem. It is just a slap in the face, as you requested.

Rocket- 2 weeks is NOTHING. If the relationship was significant to you (and it sounds like it was) you are barely comprehending it still. It may take you many weeks, or months, or yes, even a year or more to process through the emotions and feel "healed". I'm on 11 months today and I still feel the sting every day. I'm not trying to discourage you, just advise you that you may need a lot more time than you think to recover.

Sorry to hear that you're going through these difficult times.

You can only be sure about one thing. It will get better, and probably sooner than you think.

I was like you a complete wreck for the first weeks after we broke up. Thought of her constantly and just didn't seem to let go. When you have thought about all the memories of her thousand times, you eventually will get fed up and you will think about her less frequently.

When I first broke up, I though about her constantly every minute every day. A month later, I wasn't thinking about her all the time - but she still popped into my mind 100 times a day. Now she stills pops up - but not as frequently as she used to. And now I don't get these sting in my stomach when I feel this memories.

CaliGuy gave me amazing advice few days ago. He told me to think WHO ... everytime she popped into my mind. Meaning, that every time I started to think about her ... I should immediately start to think of something else. This has helped me a lot, because I don't dwell on thoughts about her now. Just a pop-up ... and 10 seconds later ... I was back to normal.

Just stay strong - and I promise you, just as people here promised me three monts ago ... that is will get better soon

Have a nice weekend

RE:

Brace yourself, RocketMan. The next couple of months will be tough, but with determination you will get past the beak-up.

No. That is the answer to deciding, allowing, accepting and letting her into your life, again.

No - you don't want her. Keep telling yourself -"No. No. I don't want her".

She won't be any different, than when she left the relationship. You see her in a radiating, romantic light, right now. This will pass, and change over the course of time.

It will click. You will understand, how silly the relationship was -and how you could have engulfed your dreams around such a woman.

Why should you take her back? She and you don't see eye-to-eye.

Regards,

Sand&Water

Kelso, you are correct, Caliguy gave me the same advice to say: "WHO!?" whenever she popped up in my head. And that technique works WONDERFULLY! I am serious, try it! I know you are only 2 weeks out of your relationship, I am currently running on 3 1/2, and this is definately working for me. I am not saying all of your pain will be gone, because mine is not, but it does help, keeps me focused at school now and the task at hand. Good luck to you, and remember I am here for you! :-D

I am sorry you are going through this. I have been going through same thing as you, and feel how painful it is.

Okay, what if you know that after __ weeks, or __ years, you would meet a very wonderful lady who is everything you could dream of or beyond your dream, will you feel better?

Although I don't know the future, but when I look back I found things always turns better, but I didn't see that when I was in the middle of the hard time. Image you have a son, and you love him very much. you want him to have a better life, in order to do that you have to endure watching him sufer the pain of medical operation for his wounds, although he beg you to stop, you have to let the operation continue, and you know after the operation your son will get well.

In life there are always ups and downs, people need a rock to grab so that will not sink, and a career, a man, a woman or money never can be the rock. hope you find yours.

I'm going to give you a very crude suggestion.

 

I want you to picture her sitting on the toilet taking a big sh*t every time you start dreaming about how wonderful she is and wanting her back.

hahaha, oh my. Wait, I'm trying that one to see if it helps me get over my ex.... Is that straight from Dr. Phil's book?

It doesn't help... I still love him- even when he's pooping.

A-

as everyone is saying, 2 weeks is so fresh. 5 Months for me and I'm still stinging. I am way better than I was in the beginning though. In the first two weeks I lost 10 pounds and cried my eyes out- broke down everywhere I went. Didn't sleep- couldn't grasp it was over... all those things you are experiencing now.

Yeah, time is your ally in all this. But that's not comforting to hear at the moment. Keeping yourself busy is pretty crucial for you right now. Give yourself time to grieve~ don't be in a hurry to rid yourself of the pain.

Hang in there,

D

hahaha, oh my. Wait, I'm trying that one to see if it helps me get over my ex.... Is that straight from Dr. Phil's book?

It doesn't help... I still love him- even when he's pooping.

:lmao:

No, I've never heard Doctor Phil say that...but a counselor gave me that advice years ago to stop obsessive thoughts about someone and it worked. I guess I thought he was God's gift and it knocked him down to human for me again. Can't hurt to try, right?

hey, just chillax

everyone gets either jazzed or nervous about meeting up with someone u care about. u know what, the past is water under the bridge. the key is keep moving forward and know the one person u count on is always there.

i had a pint played space invaders [whoa!] put some coin in the jukebox and watched a bit of the wild oilers game

no worries

plenty of time

no rush

Okay, remember you asked for it...

<SMACK!> Get a grip!!!!

Make a list of everything about her that you found even the tiniest bit irritating and read it every time you think about her. Tell yourself daily, several times daily, you are worthy of better treatment by a better woman. If you must, allow yourself 10 minutes per day to pine over her and then pick yourself up and do something fun. Especially something she wouldn't do with you.

Actually I know it hurts and understand how you feel. I wish I could have followed my own advice.

Again, I will sort of quote Art Critic's signature line - One day someone will walk into your life and you will understand why it never worked out with anyone before (her.) Your future holds your true love match.

:lmao:

No, I've never heard Doctor Phil say that...but a counselor gave me that advice years ago to stop obsessive thoughts about someone and it worked. I guess I thought he was God's gift and it knocked him down to human for me again. Can't hurt to try, right?

Well, I love it. That's the best. Sure takes the romance out of it all doesn't it?

I already knew my ex was flawed... both on and off the toilet. I could tell you a great story involving a 3rd date and a plunger....

hahahaha.

That advice rocks.

DD

Well, I love it. That's the best. Sure takes the romance out of it all doesn't it?

 

I already knew my ex was flawed... both on and off the toilet. I could tell you a great story involving a 3rd date and a plunger....

hahahaha.

 

That advice rocks.

DD

Maybe we need a new thread for potty date stories. TP had one too.

Hey everyone,

Thanks for your support

Last night i really started to feel better, mainly because after 2 and a half weeks of thinking about this solidly i finally couldnt be bothered to any more, and could have a rest.

I drempt about her last night tho, sighhhh, and of course, it was about her missing me, so i've felt pretty crappy all day

One thing did actually occur to me today though, so maybe i am on the right track... For the first time i actually considered, "what if she doesnt come back having changed her mind?" you know? And it really hurts. Ive been living in denial

its only just hit me that she could actaully be gone. for good.

I did however hear from a friend of a friend that she has been asking about me, how i am and if ive been going out and stuff. Theres a bit of wishful thinking going on on my part at the moment, which isnt helping

I cant let go of the idea that shes just in a mood and will come round in a few days its all i can think.

It's going to take a lot more time. But take heart that it will get easier. There are some things you can and should do to make it easier for yourself:

1) Cut off contact. Give her back everything that's hers, get back everything that's yours. Block her online, don't answer emails, phone calls, etc.

2) Get rid of anything else that reminds you of her. Cards, photos, emails, everything. You don't have to necessarily throw them out, but at the very least shove everything tangible into a box and put it somewhere out of sight and out of mind.

3) Take up a hobby or rediscover an old one. Anything to keep you busy and take your mind of things.

4) Get laid. But not with your ex.

5) Talk to anyone except her. What really helped me is I had someone to talk to. Anytime I had the maddening desire to call my ex, I called this other person instead. We do need to vent and bottling things up is not a good thing. But the last person you want to unload to is your ex.

6 months or a year from now, you'll look back and realize that life really does go on.

Maybe we need a new thread for potty date stories. TP had one too.

Yep, he did- and it's the funniest story!

ex's suck ass!

Sick of being sad....

D

Could not have put it better D.

LOL!

Time does heal the heartache.

Gawd, it took so long to get off my butt and start dating again. I'm glad I'm doing it though- it's helping me to move forward.

D,

How long did it take for you? I am a month into my break up and have felt like total crap for the entire time. Today, it was kind of like the sun was breaking through. I still had some down moments, but I caught myself scanning the online dating sites and actually thinking about some of these women. Maybe there are better fits out there. I know I am no where near over my ex, but since she moved on prior to ending it, I do feel somewhat of a competition. Sick, I know, since she would never know what I did, other than seeing an online profile of me.

I don't think I am ready to get serious, but is it possible to start dating this soon. Will I compare everyone or will it help me heal faster? Seems the thought of it has helped today anyway.

Hmm, I only dated my ex for a year. But I truly believed he was the "one" for me. I've been married and divorced in the past- and to be honest, the divorce didn't hurt as much as my last break up.

It has taken me 5 months to even consider dating. I was distraught, emotional, depressed, feeling unable to move on for quite some time. I don't know what happened, but one day I woke up and felt better.

How long it takes to get over someone you truly love/loved isn't the same for everyone. Dating does help- I'm not ready to fall into the arms of another man and fall in love just yet. But I am open to the idea of it finally.

I have done so much soul searching and made so many changes in my life the past 5 months. I think I am coming to terms with the fact that I deserve better than what I had with the ex. I also know that I am ready to be a better partner in my next relationship because of what I've learned about myself over the past 5 months.

When you're ready to move on, you'll just know! That's how it happened for me.

You doing okay?

D

Thanks D,

As far as ok, I will say I feel a little better. Nowhere near myself, but a little better, the knots do leave from time to time now.

I understand what you mean about hurting worse than a divorce. I was married for 18 years, and while going through a divorce wasn't easy, it didn't hurt like this. It was the classic case of kids, careers, little sex, no romance, etc..but we always got along and still do. Strangely, she has been one of the confidants during this.

Afterwards, I saw things I didn't have or do properly. This time around, I gave it the proper effort. I was affectionate, romantic, passionate. We took many weekend trips together. Then BAM! I think that is why it hurts so much more.

One of the tips I have found and did yesterday is making a list of all the things you didn't like about your ex. Rocketman, you will want to do this in a few days. It started out with the few biggies, but as the day went on, I caught myself wanting to add more, and cracking up a few times as I did. Some got quite silly. It really helps taking the rose colored glasses off. I have spent the last month reliving every single good moment, trip, etc..now I can spend some time remembering what I want different next time. I think that is why I did find some enjoyment from reading the online profiles.

I also have a friendly relationship with my ex husband- we didn't have children together, but we had dogs...

He has also been a great confidante to me, and I to him. He's the one that keeps telling me "not to settle". lol.

Wow, I could make a long list about my ex and his flaws... But I fell hard for him despite those flaws.

I guess the greatest thing to come out of my relationship with my ex is learning from my mistakes- and the desire to change the parts of me that need some fixing. I think I will be a better partner to the right man if and when he comes along.

:-)

that's how I sometimes think about it when I feel bad. I just went through a couple bad years and I'm in my 2nd week of NC.

I believe in my heart, that there is such a thing as love..

BUT, I also know that a lot of this biological and chemical in nature. When we fall in love - there are many chemicals that affect us. Researchers have identified pathways in the brain which light up when we are in love. Falling in love seems to have a similar effect on the brain as using cocaine. It's so pleasurable it's almost like an addiction.

And when we stop - it's just like withdrawl - and we all know how hard it is to kick a chemical habit - the only way to get over it is to go without it for a long time and the feelings of withdrawl fade.

But the drug is your ex.. their are the one's that set the chemicals off. And our bodies are set in routines.. you know at certain times durring the day when you are used to having your dopamine fix and it isn't then your body will crave it. Try to distract yourself - and don't cave in..

================

Well, I guess I'm recovering from the withdrawl then...

And in need of a new fix!

D