Open To Receive....Bring it on!!

Yes, thats exactly how it works. The victim needs to work harder not to get victimized! Way to TomCat.

 

Ef that. I warned you... its analogy time!

 

He who knows that there is a fire in the house has the resposibility to call 911! You let your wife and kids burn with the house while you run out? What a great guy you are!

Here's a bottle of honey. It's pasturized so you don't have to worry about all those nasty bugs.

I agree. If only more people had the guts to just be honest and leave when its over.

Why thank you. I learned from me mum that many just cant get past themselves enough to care. In fact the only thing better for her than having 2 men vying for her attention would be having 3.

Hey, I kind of jumped on TBF for bieng a little harsh, mostly because her perspective is a needed medicine but needs just a little sweetness.

Your point of view is just as important... would you like a candy bar?

Yes, thats exactly how it works. The victim needs to work harder not to get victimized! Way to TomCat.

 

Ef that. I warned you... its analogy time!

 

He who knows that there is a fire in the house has the resposibility to call 911! You let your wife and kids burn with the house while you run out? What a great guy you are!

NO not work HARDER, just work. Remember before you got the engagement ring how you worked for your love? Well a lot of people put ALL that to rest after the marriage takes way. And don't play coy cobra you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Not excusing and A but seriously you fall a sleep and expect to be awake?

No thanks Cobra, I don't take candy from strangers. I do appreciate the sentiment though.

Why thank you. I learned from me mum that many just cant get past themselves enough to care. In fact the only thing better for her than having 2 men vying for her attention would be having 3.

 

Hey, I kind of jumped on TBF for bieng a little harsh, mostly because her perspective is a needed medicine but needs just a little sweetness.

 

Your point of view is just as important... would you like a candy bar?

Yes please. I want something with nuts.

No thanks Cobra, I don't take candy from strangers. I do appreciate the sentiment though.

I apologize, I was not offering candy to you... I was offering Annabelle the same advice.

However, I do take offense to your calling me strange!

i have to ask ladies, for those of you who are defending the role of the OW...how many of you have been the betrayed spouse? it had been said that "things happen", well when you discover he is married, you make that choice to continue that path.

speaking of charity and giving to the ones in need, etc., don't see the relevance here, but i do want to make the point of empathy. if it is empathy you speak of, where is the empathy in knowing you are directly contributing to the destruction of a marriage, a family?

I apologize, I was not offering candy to you... I was offering Annabelle the same advice.

 

However, I do take offense to your calling me strange!

My apologies. You are special in your own way...

The OW/OM have no idea what and how the marriage failed and what and how interactions existed between the betrayed spouse and the wayward spouse. I don't particularly care if you've been cheated on in a non-binding relationship without vows, you have no idea what a real marriage is all about. So many judgements are passed on the betrayed spouse through conversations and intimations by the wayward spouse. This is like believing that everything FOX news or CNN tells you. It's only one perspective. Start reading all perspectives or experiencing them and then tell me how knowledgeable you are about each and every marital breakdown.

I lived with someone for 6 years so don't tell me I have no idea what a marriage is like, short of standing in church infront of all our friends and relatives and seeing everyone drunk at the end of the night as we whisk off to our honeymoon, I know EXACTLY what it's like to be married, share a bank account, share a home, buy a home together, buy things in common take calls for MR x when he is out and have him take calls for Mrs X when I am out. Bullcrap I don't know what it's like to be married, I never had the ring on my figer but I know EXACTLY what it's like to have that level of commitment and intertwined lives with a man.

What does that have to do with ANYTHING anyway? I know the deterioration of a union when I see one, I have live it in my own flesh less the paper that states I am Mrs X. But don't you worry when that time came to split the assets I know EXACTLY what it must feel like to go through a Divirce too!

The weekend cottage, the familiy reunions, the combined family christmases EVERYTHING! so don't talk without knowledge please

I lived with someone for 6 years so don't tell me I have no idea what a marriage is like, short of standing in church infront of all our friends and relatives and seeing everyone drunk at the end of the night as we whisk off to our honeymoon, I know EXACTLY what it's like to be married, share a bank account, share a home, buy a home together, buy things in common take calls for MR x when he is out and have him take calls for Mrs X when I am out. Bullcrap I don't know what it's like to be married, I never had the ring on my figer but I know EXACTLY what it's like to have that level of commitment and intertwined lives with a man.

 

What does that have to do with ANYTHING anyway? I know the deterioration of a union when I see one, I have live it in my own flesh less the paper that states I am Mrs X. But don't you worry when that time came to split the assets I know EXACTLY what it must feel like to go through a Divirce too!

 

The weekend cottage, the familiy reunions, the combined family christmases EVERYTHING! so don't talk without knowledge please

Living with someone is one step shy of being truly committed. When you've invested enough in and to someone to the level of a long-term marriage, come back and tell me more although for some people, vows are meaningless.

i have to ask ladies, for those of you who are defending the role of the OW...how many of you have been the betrayed spouse? it had been said that "things happen", well when you discover he is married, you make that choice to continue that path.

 

speaking of charity and giving to the ones in need, etc., don't see the relevance here, but i do want to make the point of empathy. if it is empathy you speak of, where is the empathy in knowing you are directly contributing to the destruction of a marriage, a family?

I was on both ends not married but engaged to be married when I was cheated on.

I didn't contribute to any destruction I came into something that was already destructed, my contribution was I kicked around some rubble.

Living with someone is one step shy of being truly committed. When you've invested enough in and to someone to the level of a long-term marriage, come back and tell me more although for some people, vows are meaningless.

Well enlighten me please, how was your marriage any different than my common law situation?

Listen, buy things in common owing the same house having our families spend holidays together, sharing a bank accoung EXACTLY WHAT MORE did you have in your marriage that I lacked? please explain

NO not work HARDER, just work. Remember before you got the engagement ring how you worked for your love? Well a lot of people put ALL that to rest after the marriage takes way. And don't play coy cobra you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

 

Not excusing and A but seriously you fall a sleep and expect to be awake?

Coy I may be, dumb I am not. Do you honestly believe that affiars happen when spouses are open and honest with each other? Affairs thrive only in darkness and secrecy. Often the spouse doesnt know there is a problem. Maybe they are too busy making money for the family, taking care of the children.

If YOU are unhappy in a marriage it is YOUR responsibility to communicate and initiate fixing it. When we all develop the ability to read minds, only then will your point be valid.

Living with someone is one step shy of being truly committed. When you've invested enough in and to someone to the level of a long-term marriage, come back and tell me more although for some people, vows are meaningless.

In the same respect .....

Come back and tell us how a OW thinks and what their motivations are once you have been one.

See where I am going with that?

Coy I may be, dumb I am not. Do you honestly believe that affiars happen when spouses are open and honest with each other? Affairs thrive only in darkness and secrecy. Often the spouse doesnt know there is a problem. Maybe they are too busy making money for the family, taking care of the children.

 

If YOU are unhappy in a marriage it is YOUR responsibility to communicate and initiate fixing it. When we all develop the ability to read minds, only then will your point be valid.

Please point out WHERE I said that A happen when spouses are opne and honest with one another.

I look forward to seeing where I said that! (this should be good)

I think Cobra hit on the bottom line here. You mess around with a married person, then you're messing around with dirt...garbage. Or rubble as TC said. No matter WHAT the reason is that the cheater gives, you will never really know the REAL reason. Because, as has been pointed out, you're only getting ONE side. And to top it all off you're getting it from a known liar and cheater!

And besides that, who cares what the reason is...a man (or woman) of integrity gets out of that marriage that is supposed to be so broken BEFORE starting a new relatlonship. What's so hard to grasp about that? That's the classy and right thing to do. Period. End of story.

What's that expression about lying down with dogs and getting fleas? It shocks me how so many have such low standards for themselves.

Well enlighten me please, how was your marriage any different than my common law situation?

 

Listen, buy things in common owing the same house having our families spend holidays together, sharing a bank accoung EXACTLY WHAT MORE did you have in your marriage that I lacked? please explain

Financially speaking, it's the same. Emotionally speaking, it's one step shy of the real meal deal. As I said, some people feel that vows are meaningless and don't believe in either taking them or adhering to them.

Tell me something. Why didn't the two of you get married?

My apologies. You are special in your own way...

Now you imply that my bus is short? Do you have any idea how sensetive us guys are about the size of our bus?

Coy I may be, dumb I am not. Do you honestly believe that affiars happen when spouses are open and honest with each other? Affairs thrive only in darkness and secrecy. Often the spouse doesnt know there is a problem. Maybe they are too busy making money for the family, taking care of the children.

 

If YOU are unhappy in a marriage it is YOUR responsibility to communicate and initiate fixing it. When we all develop the ability to read minds, only then will your point be valid.

I don't disgaree with what you are saying at all. But as aperson that was once married (for 8 years) I can teel you that often time sits th efact that one spouse is too busy making money or taking care of children that the marriges fails. I was a victim of severe neglect and I brought it up countlesss times to the point where I begged him to pay me any sort of attention. If one spouse is unhappy and the other spouse doesn't even notice ..... there is a major problem in the marriage.

In the same respect .....

 

Come back and tell us how a OW thinks and what their motivations are once you have been one.

 

See where I am going with that?

Oh, I don't pretend to know how an OW/OM thinks or feels. What I do know is that most believe the lies spewed from the mouth of a known liar and cheater. I also know that they are in an affair for less than altruistic reasons.

Now you imply that my bus is short? Do you have any idea how sensetive us guys are about the size of our bus?

So..you have a bus? Very impressive.

I think Cobra hit on the bottom line here. You mess around with a married person, then you're messing around with dirt...garbage. Or rubble as TC said. No matter WHAT the reason is that the cheater gives, you will never really know the REAL reason. Because, as has been pointed out, you're only getting ONE side. And to top it all off you're getting it from a known liar and cheater!

 

And besides that, who cares what the reason is...a man (or woman) of integrity gets out of that marriage that is supposed to be so broken BEFORE starting a new relatlonship. What's so hard to grasp about that? That's the classy and right thing to do. Period. End of story.

 

What's that expression about lying down with dogs and getting fleas? It shocks me how so many have such low standards for themselves.

I completely agree with what you are saying here. I think most of here do.

Financially speaking, it's the same. Emotionally speaking, it's one step shy of the real meal deal. As I said, some people feel that vows are meaningless and don't believe in either taking them or adhering to them.

 

Tell me something. Why didn't the two of you get married?

he cheated on me during our engagement I was busy with getting my career going and my mind and heart were not into the rel as much as it could have been but I was most def into him and being with him, though I did put him second to my own goals at times. I think he wanted it (the marriage) more than I did at the time. He cheated on me with a co-worker. We were having problems in the rel we were distancing each other and I played a blind eye to it because my mind at the time was into other things and I really didn't see it as a huge problem, well I neglected what should have been the most important thing to me. and there you have it.

Financially speaking, it's the same. Emotionally speaking, it's one step shy of the real meal deal. As I said, some people feel that vows are meaningless and don't believe in either taking them or adhering to them.

 

Listen I don't agree, emotionally speaking it's the same, if you have all the other things in common, how did your rel change after your actual wedding day? Let's face it if you have commitments in every respect, the wedding day does not take it to the next level, the FACT that you chose to spend the rest of your days together does. and anything that comes after that is shared with time, not a paper. time offers you a deeper emotional connection not a paper

Annabelle, see we can all agree on this one aspect at least. And TC, I feel for what you went through. But why do I sense that you blame yourself? He should have come to you and been honest about trying to fix it or move on...the right way wasn't to hurt you and cheat on you. That was the coward's way out. That's what a man with no integrity and honesty does...a selfish man. I don't care how much you felt you neglected him, he was still in the wrong.

Can we all agree on this much?