**********You wont believe this*********

NC day 6

I just forgave my ex for everything.

I dont care about ''who has the power'' anymore.

This isnt a game. This game of 'power' is only making things worse. Im gonna try the game of truth and following what I THINK is right for me.

If you want to really try and save your relationship, OR LEARN from it-

You need to know EXACTLY why the relationship broke down to start with....

Its something you were doing....or not doing.

It just hit me like s h i t off a stick.

I could never let go of the past, I was turning bitter and angry over time, We would get in huge arguments about things that happened in the past, one tiny argument about something trivial could escalate into full blow warfare,. AND WHY?

Because I was unable to let go of things that happened in the past, and I would all ways bring them up and use them as a 'weapon'...frkin eh....who would thought it.

So yes, I broke my NC, day 6.

Why?

To tell my ex that I forgive her. I forgive her for the split, i forgive her everything that happened that I wouldnt let go of, and resented her for over the years that most likely led to our demise.

Im pretty sure this is what drove her away to start.

If its done then its done, but at least I feel really good now. I have never forgiven her for everything before. Even if she has no desire to be back with me, I have no bitterness or anger left in me. That s h i t s in the past. I should have left it there when I had the chance.

A lesson learned.

Seems to me that its best to look within for the answers. I found some treasure!

Seems to me, SOME perfectly good relationships COULD HAVE gone to waste as we are to stubborn and ego inflated to see WHERE things went wrong and try fix them?

I could be way outa line here, but you know what? I think I cracked what happened.

assuming she broke up with you (which it sounds like) and you broke NC after 6 days to "forgive" her, then yes, the relationship is now over.

I feel really good now. I have never forgiven her for everything before. Even if she has no desire to be back with me, I have no bitterness or anger left in me.

Isn't it the BEST feeling to be able to say that and know that you really, really mean it?

Good work! Congratulations!! Well done!!!

Wishing you a bright, happy and successful future.

no one i know gets rid of their bitterness and anger 6 days after the end of a relationship...generally it takes months or years. after 6 days the reality hasn't even set in yet

Its actually been a month and a half we broke up.

And Now i feel pretty good for actually being able to forgive for real.

Alpha male- You may like to play games, but for me, I just dont care anymore, I forgave her, if she doesnt want to be with me again, so be it, but at least i found the ROOT of the problem in the relationship.

Now she can walk away GUILT FREE. Im not gonna guilt trip and play games with someone i love to get them back.

I love her so much, that i can just forgive her and set her free.

Whether you like it or not, thats what i have done, and im telling you, it takes more of a man to do that than it does to play silluy little games to get them back. Its not about a power struggle and acerting your dominance. Not in my case anyway. There are alot of single, bitter, angry men on this site......

There are alot of single, bitter, angry men on this site......

Comes from being married

Hey, OP, good on ya for finding your path. Stick with it. There will be tests

Op what you found is inner peace. Good for you. It will speed up the healing process. I did this after two months of seperation. I tried to understand the reasons for her leaving and worked really hard at forgiving her for them.

I think alphamale is simply stating that NC works in trying to reconcil seperation.

And yes it is about mind games because alot of these feeling in the walk away spouse is in the mind. By forgiving her you have probably lessen'd your chance at reconciling by releaving much of her guilt to have an affair with another man. You are basically telling her its ok in terms of guilt.

- But i am with you 100%. Life is too short to pander after a woman that can toss years of marriage, kids , family down the toliet in an instant.

i think you have taken the enlightend road like myself, and let her go. If she wants to come back then you have left her a path home, however you will not pause life and build strategies to try to win her over. Your relationship is supposed to be much thicker than that at this point.

Good Luck, You will have tuff times ahead, but stay true to your course.

Soul Bear, forgiveness is a good thing, especially forgiving yourself.

Don't be surprised if negative emotions come back. You might experience waves of this, until you're finally able to move on. Even then, if reminders trigger it, it can still come back to haunt. This is normal, as long as it's not debilitating.

There are alot of single, bitter, angry men on this site......

yep right here

I have to disagree with NC works for reconciliation.

I dont want her to come back because she feels guilty. I want her to come back because SHE WANTS TO...

As LOXX says, it will leave a path for her to return, without me steering her against her will. I love her far more than to play mind games with her.

Our relationship is far thicker than to play games.

This is how I plan on reconciliation.

Everything in the past has to be forgiven in order to start a fresh. Those old bitter resentments is why she left in the first place, i couldnt let them go, and it turned into sh*t storm because of it.

I dont know how, but I managed to forgive her. If she returns, ill be happy, if she doesnt, I will still be happy in knowing that it wasnt meant to be as she did not WANT to return.

Does that make any sense?

you must attempt to forgive.

You must attempt to forgive from the bottom of your heart to have real forgiveness. If you want to get back a lost love, this step can definitely assist you to do it. It will assist you to avoid problems in the future, too.

I notice that everyone who replies to this thread has NOT got back with their ex, and is still holding resentment towards them.

I would love to hear a womans/dumper POV on this.

Im just following my heart, and my heart tells me to forgive her...

Great you've forgiven her!

But that has nothing to do with her coming back, by you saying i forgive you it's not going to make her want to come back some more.

I think your still in the post break up state where you try all different ways to make yourself feel better, or the situation easier but nothing has changed.

Regardless of what you say now, you still have a long way to go to be honest, i'm 3 months post break up and i'm still up and down, happy then sad.

Fact is NC has worked for a lot more people than not, if you want to use it or not it's up to you, a lot of people have given you great advice

Forgivness and communication are the key to any healthy relationship, if not a relationship, then a solid friendship down the line.

This is my path I have chosen. It's my heart I am following..

No power games, no nothing.

I can forgive and learn.

I love enough to forgive her and myself.

Im not expecting her to come back. HOWEVER, I dont want to make her feel bad, im sure this is just as hard for her as it is for me. She didnt leave me for someone else. Its about respect and humiliation, swollowing your pride.

Cool off period

Figure out what went wrong.

Communicate

Forgive

As I said, this is my path I have chosen as I beleive it's what I AM meant to do in my sittuation. Everyones is different.

If you go into a relationship with someone, make sure that you wont be holding their misdeeds over their head. This can be something that damages a relationship beyond repair, so if there is no forgiveness, you might as well let it go.

Thats my opinion

Forgivness and communication are the key to any healthy relationship

 

Your not in a relationship anymore, she chose to end it

 

Its not as hard for her as it is for you she was well prepared, over time you will notice the red flags before the break up.

 

If you can be in a friendship with somebody you love and broke your heart go ahead but it will lead nowhere good.

Soul Bear.. I think it is great that your forgave her.. but remember that you are supposed to forgive without strings attached..

It seems you forgave her and contacted her with the explicit reason to get her back..

Fine.. but you need to say it.. don't hide behind the wrong reasons you broke NC..

NC is for healing yourself and is for you.. not to get someone back.

As long as you don't keep looking back on this moment and repeating it and forgiving her over and over then you did the right thing.

By the way.. the way I look at forgiveness is a bit different than you..

I feel that if you truly forgave her you wouldn't be mentioning getting her back..

You would be wishing her well and telling her goodbye instead.

Something to think about....

So I received a reply via IM telling me that its ok, she understands how hard it is and for what its worth she forgives me too.

2 mins of small chat, neither of us showing our cards-

I cut the conversation short and said I had to go.

Told each other to take care and left it at that

That to me, is progress from where we left off last

OK, absorb all that and push back from her and LS for a week

OK, absorb all that and push back from her and LS for a week

Carhill, you got me confused.....?!

P.S im re naming you 'myrock' as that is what you have been since I came onto this site. Level headed, OUTSIDE THE BOX, not bitter or negative. I thank you for that. Your a good man.

SB, I am pleased you are so happy with your change of thoughts on the split.

However, I do not know why but I have a small feeling you are leading yourself to another fall. Please back off from her now, block her IM, ignore Texts etc and just heal yourself. If she wants you back then you will know!

Good luck my dear, I wish you much happiness and peace x

Your head can often fool you. It is better to listen to your heart.

SB, I am pleased you are so happy with your change of thoughts on the split.

 

However, I do not know why but I have a small feeling you are leading yourself to another fall. Please back off from her now, block her IM, ignore Texts etc and just heal yourself. If she wants you back then you will know!

 

Good luck my dear, I wish you much happiness and peace x

Thankyou Lishy

And I agree. Next move is hers

Your head can often fool you. It is better to listen to your heart. The difference is that your head is the voice of reason and will lead you safely, but your heart will lead you to complete your dreams, even if it is not the safest way to go.

SoulBear

Carhill, you got me confused.....?!

Let me unconfuse...

You need quiet time to implement changes you've made and to process the current dynamic. LS can be a negative stimulant which takes you away from that process. Contact with her can also be a negative stimulant. It's all about balancing your perspective and psyche. Right now, you're talking the talk. Time and processing will allow you to actually walk the walk.

Let me unconfuse...

 

You need quiet time to implement changes you've made and to process the current dynamic. LS can be a negative stimulant which takes you away from that process. Contact with her can also be a negative stimulant. It's all about balancing your perspective and psyche. Right now, you're talking the talk. Time and processing will allow you to actually walk the walk.

How very very true Myrock

You are a wise man.

See you all soon. This Bears gonna go into the woods for a week.

Ill keep you all posted

My recent revelation: Anything shy of abuse, you don't need advice for. If you care enough to ask for advice, you don't need it. Seriously, just be honest, open, and vulnerable and take what you get. Be yourself.

I realized that it doesn't work when you are acting out someone else's version of what is right for you. It is inauthentic and you don't get want you want because you are not following your heart.

Geez, I wish I had thought about this sooner. I mean all this NC and maintain your power mess is bull. It is completely manipulative. You have no power if you can't even express your truth. Ineffective, inconsistent communication kills love.

I forgive myself for listening to all the bad advice over the years and not following my heart. It was my decision to yield my responsibilities to others. It wasn't anyone else's choice to make. It's really sad because all I have are questions now, and it is beyond too late for me and my ex.

The funniest thing is that I ended our relationship, yet my heart remains with him. The next time I fall in love I am going to keep communicating. You create your world through language so why keep quiet. Always express yourself.