Second Chances: Expectations vs. Reality...

Many of us believe that if we had once more chance, we would make the most of it. That if we could set the table just so, they would see how right we are together. Sadly, our expectations never meetup with reality...

Something like this...

http://vimeo.com/7580722

LOL that is awesome. WHEW, Man do I love NC! I couldnt bare the thought about that happening to me...which I know she is probably engaged to this guy by now or is about to be.

Please dont ever ever ever contact me EX.

I enjoyed that movie. I very real take on modern romance...

3 movies that helped me cope...

1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (although, I wasn't cheated on)

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (GREAT movie... READILY applies to me... minus the end)

3. Swingers

3 movies that helped me cope...

 

1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (although, I wasn't cheated on)

That was a hilarious movie. Jason Seigel is brilliant. You'll never know when you meet that special person...you just have to live your life and not look back...

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (GREAT movie... READILY applies to me... minus the end)

I just recently saw this...it was interesting...a very good movie. Sometimes I wish I could erase my memories of her because it feels like she's erased me from her mind...

Lesson learned from that movie: stay in the present...when Jim Carey's character just says "OK" at the end, that hit home for me...

3. Swingers

Never saw this...really have to one of these days...

That was brilliant. Feel for the guy because I've been in his shoes before, many years ago.

The problem with most men is our expectations almost NEVER meet reality. That's why it's good to not create expecations and just try and have some frikken fun once in a while, ya know?!

Many of us believe that if we had once more chance, we would make the most of it. That if we could set the table just so, they would see how right we are together. Sadly, our expectations never meetup with reality...

 

Something like this...

http://vimeo.com/7580722

OMG I just watched that and that has got to suck! (I still wanna see that movie though). As for me, at the moment my story is turning out to be more like the Notebook. Guy and girl separate and girl finds guy again but is taken and has to finally make a decision between going with her heart or what would be socially right.

I enjoyed that movie. I very real take on modern romance...

Indeed... Was much like my own situation, all the way down to shopping at IKEA together.

It would be hard for any of us here not to identify with much of the movie.

Indeed... Was much like my own situation, all the way down to shopping at IKEA together.

 

It would be hard for any of us here not to identify with much of the movie.

Good lord...we did this too...it's sad but in a funny sort of way...

So how have things been Sean? I haven't been around the boards as much lately...

daaaamn...that would suck...

i believe i kicked out my second chance (litterally)....i mean how am i suppose to sit there and watch her fall in love in front of me? but then again she ended up breaking it off with that person and is with someone else...*shrugs*

Many of us believe that if we had once more chance, we would make the most of it. That if we could set the table just so, they would see how right we are together. Sadly, our expectations never meetup with reality...

 

Something like this...

http://vimeo.com/7580722

Heh ... subtle, poignant and realistic. (and my best friend told me to rent this movie after my breakup to "cheer me up??") Looks interesting. Reminds me a bit of "A Waking Life" type of movie near the end.

Many of us believe that if we had once more chance, we would make the most of it. That if we could set the table just so, they would see how right we are together. Sadly, our expectations never meetup with reality...

 

Something like this...

http://vimeo.com/7580722

lots of truth to this.

However now I think I'll be depressed for the rest of the night haha

Nice one Sean, I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

Now I'm just sitting around feeling sorry for the lad in the film.

I guess that's a slight improvement eh ?? haha

I personally believe... if given a second chance at the entire situation of our relationships... we'd all still go through the relationships the EXACT same way... b/c our exes WOULD NOT HAVE CHANGED.

Unless you cheated... or did something REALLY ****ing stupid... IMO, you did nothing wrong... they had the problem.

Nice one Sean, I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

 

I guess that's a slight improvement eh ?? haha

I was leery to watch the film but I really like both actors... The movie is fantastic, and on a 'Swingers' level, prophetic/inspirational.

Now I'm just sitting around feeling sorry for the lad in the film.

I'd rather people feel bad watching this if it puts up a yield sign prior to them making the same mistake.

Unless you cheated... or did something REALLY ****ing stupid... IMO, you did nothing wrong... they had the problem.

While I understand why some people think this way, I don't, and I don't think it is entirely healthy. It seems to say, "I have nothing to learn about myself from this relationship and its demise..." At the very least, people learn what to avoid next time.

Reflecting on my relationship, I have made changes and believe I'm better for it.

Gosh, great thread man.

This reminds me of myself 4 years ago and 2 years ago. I was such a sad site.... I feel bad for any guy going through this because it's such a bad feeling.

Actually I take that back "I don't feel bad for him".

I watched the movie, and it wasn't anything like any of out relationships here on loveshack, the girl BLANTLY said 3 times that there FRIENDS.

The girl also acted like she was only interested in him as a friend/sex partner, never once did she show any interest in him as BF meterial.

A great saying on loveshack is "Actions speak louder than words" also RED FLAGS, she gave red flags throughtout this movie. So bassically it can only be that guys fault for even letting this playout. Many girls have said Just Friends to me, and I do that, just friends!!

Actually I take that back "I don't feel bad for him". I watched the movie, and it wasn't anything like any of out relationships here on loveshack, the girl BLANTLY said 3 times that there FRIENDS.

 

The girl also acted like she was only interested in him as a friend/sex partner, never once did she show any interest in him as BF meterial.

Did we watch the same movie? While she did indeed say that, her actions would clearly lead one to believe otherwise (the conversation after the pancake argument is one example). If you can get past some of the semantics, this movie is indeed a good example of what many go through here.

A great saying on loveshack is "Actions speak louder than words" also RED FLAGS, she gave red flags throughtout this movie. So bassically it can only be that guys fault for even letting this playout. Many girls have said Just Friends to me, and I do that, just friends!!

IMHO, If red flags are not observed in the very beginning, it is after the relationship is over, and logic stops getting its ass kicked by emotion, that they get attention again.

IMHO, If red flags are not observed in the very beginning, it is after the relationship is over, and logic stops getting its ass kicked by emotion, that they get attention again.

The red flags are ALWAYS there. We just choose to ignore them based on HORMONES rather than our BRAINS.

Im dealing with a girl who said...

Just friends/ I want to be with you

Just friends/you have my heart

Just friends/I love you

i havent seen the movie but in my situation i blame her...in the instance she felt she wanted to be with me she'd show me all the little things a person who is interested in one as a romantic partner....then out of the blue (or when she is interested in somene else) she would step back to the friends part.

that would be a hinsight red flag, like in the midist of it, you not sure if she is scared or whats going on...

my ex was a blaring red flag....1. broke up with her girl the day we met 2. was still friends with her ex whome she broke up with in Oct here it is Nov AND she was in a new relationship

sometimes red flags come as a pink flag...no one is perfect and you want to give some a benefit of the doubt...my pink flag with the last chick...she was 5 years my jr....i didnt want anyone no more than 4....and that she was long distance....other things seemed to be fine.

my pink flag with the last chick...she was 5 years my jr

Guess the 15 year diff with my ex would be considered a Red Clippership Sail then

While I understand why some people think this way, I don't, and I don't think it is entirely healthy. It seems to say, "I have nothing to learn about myself from this relationship and its demise..." At the very least, people learn what to avoid next time.

 

Reflecting on my relationship, I have made changes and believe I'm better for it.

Definitely, I agree. Even though some of us on here may be the dumpee's and are feeling like the victim, we still had a responsibility in the relationship.

I can obviously only speak for myself, but I do believe that I still have things to learn, and things I need to work on.

If I was already perfect I'd probably still be with her !!!

Guess the 15 year diff with my ex would be considered a Red Clippership Sail then

Nope. Physical age is not a red flag.

MENTAL age differences quite possibly could be. I don't see why people are hung up on age gaps. It's such an insignificant thing compared to all of the other complexities that need to be in sync for a relationship to work.

Nope. Physical age is not a red flag.

 

MENTAL age differences quite possibly could be. I don't see why people are hung up on age gaps. It's such an insignificant thing compared to all of the other complexities that need to be in sync for a relationship to work.

To be clear, I really did not have an issue with the age difference... Maybe in the beginning, but not long after we both became comfortable with it. The mental/emotional difference was another story entirely.

I dont know if I want to chalk this up to age difference but being with her, for almost 2 years, I was again exposed to fun things I may have normally dismissed as I have gotten older. On the other hand, I know I opened her eyes to many things she would probably not have experienced until later in life as well. It is one of the tangible positive things I know I have taken from the relationship.