48 f and 38 m !!!

Dear all LS members

This is my first post here, I am 38 M USA, married to a beautiful wife, blessed with 2 kids, working hard, my relationship with my wife is really good, we are friends. Until that day, I met this nice lady, she is married. When I first saw here I was really attracted to her, I started looking to her until she started doing the same to me, she is older than me by 10 years !!! then we started to see each other every week as families, at the beginning I was strong, so she tried her best to get close to me, now she has power !! I started to lose my power and she knew that I am into her, my problem is I still love my wife and we still do our private things & we enjoy it, but I cant take the other woman from my mind, I think about how to attract her more and more, I lost weight, I changed my style in clothing, I want her to be attracted to me, sometimes I am jealous from her husband, the thing is I started to blame her why she didn't greet me when she saw me on that day, I did it for 3 times in different things.

She started to avoid me, but we have to get together as families, now my wife knew it. I had hard time to convince her that it only attraction and no feelings.

I want you LS members to advice me, what should I do, I will see this lady because we are friends as families, I want to get my first image of the person she liked, and ladies can a 48 married women love 38 married man ???

Thank you for your replies.

Some people might reply to you that you are scum for having these thoughts. I do not believe that. These thoughts enter into human minds regardless of whether they are welcome.

However, encouraging these thoughts in your mind is only going to lead you to trouble. It sounds as though possibly this 48 year old woman was highly flattered by your interest and encouraged it somewhat but never had any intention of going anywhere with it and is now getting annoyed that you thought you had some level of relationship with her that gave you any right to act jealous toward her husband!

I know that it is hard to tell your mind to go somewhere else when it wants to go where it wants to go, but over time it will work if you are diligent. You can't have her, so think of something else. People who suffer involuntary breakups of REAL relationships have to do this all the time, and they manage it.

This woman sparked an interest in you that perhaps you had not felt for a while but you should try to redirect your interest toward your wife. Think about what you have and what you risk by indulging this thinking...maybe that will help you to direct your appreciation toward your family.

If that doesn't work, try thinking about being in the arms of this woman and then your wife and/or kids walking in on you. How would you feel about that?

THis is not about who is how old...you talk about your good relationship with your beautiful wife but your question is not how to get this other woman out of your mind, but...whether it might be possible for her to love you?

Yes, of course a 48 year old woman can love a 38 year old married man. That happens, too. But you aren't dealing with a theoretical woman of a particular age. You are dealing with a real woman who does not love you and isn't going to. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can shed these feelings.

Because if you keep obsessing over her, and your wife has already noticed, you are risking your marriage over a completely non-existent relationship.

Some people might reply to you that you are scum for having these thoughts. I do not believe that. These thoughts enter into human minds regardless of whether they are welcome.

 

However, encouraging these thoughts in your mind is only going to lead you to trouble. It sounds as though possibly this 48 year old woman was highly flattered by your interest and encouraged it somewhat but never had any intention of going anywhere with it and is now getting annoyed that you thought you had some level of relationship with her that gave you any right to act jealous toward her husband!

 

I know that it is hard to tell your mind to go somewhere else when it wants to go where it wants to go, but over time it will work if you are diligent. You can't have her, so think of something else. People who suffer involuntary breakups of REAL relationships have to do this all the time, and they manage it.

 

This woman sparked an interest in you that perhaps you had not felt for a while but you should try to redirect your interest toward your wife. Think about what you have and what you risk by indulging this thinking...maybe that will help you to direct your appreciation toward your family.

 

If that doesn't work, try thinking about being in the arms of this woman and then your wife and/or kids walking in on you. How would you feel about that?

 

THis is not about who is how old...you talk about your good relationship with your beautiful wife but your question is not how to get this other woman out of your mind, but...whether it might be possible for her to love you?

 

Yes, of course a 48 year old woman can love a 38 year old married man. That happens, too. But you aren't dealing with a theoretical woman of a particular age. You are dealing with a real woman who does not love you and isn't going to. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can shed these feelings.

 

Because if you keep obsessing over her, and your wife has already noticed, you are risking your marriage over a completely non-existent relationship.

Thank you for your reply, I am trying my best to keep her out of my mind, but it is not easy !!

Lots of things that we must do in life are not easy, but if we keep clear to ourselves that they must be done and take them one step at a time, we can and do accomplish them.

I was in a relationship with a man some years ago that I thought would kill me. I could not stop thinking about him and in some weird way I encouraged the pain because feeling pain seemed better than trying to feel nothing. I spiralled down into drinking and depression until one day I was on my sofa with bottle in hand and said very consciously to myself, today I am going to decide whether I want to live or die. I did not make

the decision that quickly, either...

But clearly I decided to live. This is an extreme example but point is that today thinking of that man means nothing to me other than regret that I let it all happen.

It's true that I do not have to see him and interact with him, whereas you do with this woman, at least sometimes. But, it seems to me that you could minimize that contact, and should. I would think that your wife, knowing that you are attracted to this woman, would be happy to support you in that effort.

Sometimes when a thought keeps coming back, I will set aside ten minutes a day to indulge it and then refuse to let it back in. Sometimes that helps vs just constantly trying to fight off the thought all day long.

Whatever it takes, this is going nowhere but to wasting your time and emotions and risking your marriage and family. That's a thought you should indulge!!!

There are some easy way to get her out of your mind and the easiest is to open your feelings about her to, you ready....

1) Your wife and

2) Her husband.

If you love your wife then you will be honest about the feelings. Then you will ask her to go no contact with this family. Are you commited to your marriage? If so go to MC counseling and figure out what needs you and your wife need to meet in order to make your marriage affair proof.

The changing of your clothing and the weigh loss are all signs your ready to cheat.

You lied to your wife, which you shouldn't have done. You obviously had feelings for this woman and you need to get away from this woman.

You don't choose who you are attracted to, but you do choose who you give into your attractions to. You're choosing to give in and it's an unwise choice.

You and this family don't HAVE to meet one another. I don't believe you that there's some pressing need for you two to meet up all the time and I'm sure if you were honest with your wife about all this, she would agree with me. You're just using this as an excuse to keep seeing her and keep fanning the flame of your attraction to her.

I've been attracted to other men while in a serious relationship before as well, but I never took them as far as you did because I knew that I was just holding those people on a pedastool and feeling infatuation for them and I wasn't about to throw away my wonderful relationship for another person. I usually avoided the people or started fighting with them or something and counting all the ways that they are unattractive and all the annoying things they do. Eventually, my attraction died because attraction is very shallow and can die fairly easily if you don't fan the flame of it by flirting and emotionally connecting to the person you are attracted to.

You are choosing to pursue her. You don't have to and your life wouldn't be happier if you got divorced from your current wife, hurt your kids, and were with this woman (who won't necessarily leave her husband for you.) It will probably be miserable in fact for a very long time if you do this.

If you love your wife then you will be honest about the feelings. Then you will ask her to go no contact with this family. Are you commited to your marriage? If so go to MC counseling and figure out what needs you and your wife need to meet in order to make your marriage affair proof.

 

The changing of your clothing and the weigh loss are all signs your ready to cheat.

Bella, I am not looking to cheat, I did that because I want to attract her.

You lied to your wife, which you shouldn't have done. You obviously had feelings for this woman and you need to get away from this woman.

 

You don't choose who you are attracted to, but you do choose who you give into your attractions to. You're choosing to give in and it's an unwise choice.

 

You and this family don't HAVE to meet one another. I don't believe you that there's some pressing need for you two to meet up all the time and I'm sure if you were honest with your wife about all this, she would agree with me. You're just using this as an excuse to keep seeing her and keep fanning the flame of your attraction to her.

 

I've been attracted to other men while in a serious relationship before as well, but I never took them as far as you did because I knew that I was just holding those people on a pedastool and feeling infatuation for them and I wasn't about to throw away my wonderful relationship for another person. I usually avoided the people or started fighting with them or something and counting all the ways that they are unattractive and all the annoying things they do. Eventually, my attraction died because attraction is very shallow and can die fairly easily if you don't fan the flame of it by flirting and emotionally connecting to the person you are attracted to.

 

You are choosing to pursue her. You don't have to and your life wouldn't be happier if you got divorced from your current wife, hurt your kids, and were with this woman (who won't necessarily leave her husband for you.) It will probably be miserable in fact for a very long time if you do this.

Dear Enchanted Girl

All I want you to know, I love my wife, I don't want to cheat her, I don't want to leave her & I don't want the other woman to be with me. you know the feeling when find your self attracted to someone, all what you're looking for is how to make this person attracted to you without any intensions ... like this woman I know from deep inside of me that she likes me, I can see it in here eyes, I don't want her to love me, but what happened when she felt that I am really pushy about greetings and going out to their house, it seems that she is scared so she trying to take backwards action, but I swear she likes me. ALL I AM LOOKING FOR IS THE FEELING THAT SHE ADMIRES ME.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PLAYING AT - ?!?

You don't want to have an affair, you don't want to cheat on your wife, you don't want to be unfaithful - but you lost weight and shaped up to attract her, and you just want her to admire you?

WHY - ??

If you have no intention of ploughing one between her legs, (and I'm glad to hear you haven't!) what the hell do you care what she thinks of you?

Why does it matter?

What's the point?

This woman does not matter, she should not matter, and you certainly have no right to want to matter to her!

You are a married man, with a wife you love!

You have children!

You come over as big-headed, dense and frankly, completely egotistic.

And you should be a lot more than 'friends' with your wife.

She should be your everything, but you're losing your grip and wandering off.

Get back to your wife, and matter to her.

Make her admire you.

Not this woman!

You need to grow up and stop being so immature, really you do.

I think there may be an aspect of her that you feel is missing in your wife and want on a subconscious level. Try to isolate what that is, because I really don't think it's just pure lust on your part. Your beautiful, loving wife will give you everything you need. You have only to ask. Either that or she somehow represents something in your wife that you really love, but have somehow disassociated. Keep your focus on the one you've pledged yourself to, and your strange desire for this other will pass in time.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PLAYING AT - ?!?

 

You don't want to have an affair, you don't want to cheat on your wife, you don't want to be unfaithful - but you lost weight and shaped up to attract her, and you just want her to admire you?

 

WHY - ??

 

If you have no intention of ploughing one between her legs, (and I'm glad to hear you haven't!) what the hell do you care what she thinks of you?

Why does it matter?

What's the point?

 

This woman does not matter, she should not matter, and you certainly have no right to want to matter to her!

 

You are a married man, with a wife you love!

You have children!

 

You come over as big-headed, dense and frankly, completely egotistic.

And you should be a lot more than 'friends' with your wife.

She should be your everything, but you're losing your grip and wandering off.

Get back to your wife, and matter to her.

Make her admire you.

Not this woman!

 

You need to grow up and stop being so immature, really you do.

I thank u for your nice words !!! But let me tell you, I am mature, my marriage is doing well, I am keeping the crush inside of me and it can happen to anyone I guess !!!

If, in the worst possible case, you decide your marriage has lost its meaning...

Then, PLEASE, separate from your wife before you cheat.

I'm not saying you want to cheat... But the thought is surely there. Be careful and respect your wife and kids.

If, in the worst possible case, you decide your marriage has lost its meaning...

 

Then, PLEASE, separate from your wife before you cheat.

 

I'm not saying you want to cheat... But the thought is surely there. Be careful and respect your wife and kids.

Karnak, Did I say that ??? I believe it is normal to have a crush on somebody .. the thing is everyone of us male or female like to be admired by others esp. the one we like or attracted to !! without any thinking of cheat.

Karnak, Did I say that ??? I believe it is normal to have a crush on somebody .. the thing is everyone of us male or female like to be admired by others esp. the one we like or attracted to !! without any thinking of cheat.

You're making excuses. We can all see through the things you are saying. You may tell yourselves these lies, but you're purposefully giving into your crush.

We said that, yes, everyone has attraction to people they aren't married to, but no, everyone does not revolve their lives around those people and work really hard to impress them. We work hard to get rid of our feelings instead so we can remain faithful.

People don't usually go out in the world and say,"Today I'm going to have an affair." They get a crush on someone. They give into that person, a little at a time and before they know it, the feelings have gotten really deep and the two of them are having sex.

You don't NEED her to feel attracted to you. You need the opposite so you can be faithful to your wife. You're already being unfaithful to her in your heart, even if you're not being unfaithful to her with your body. Your wife is supposed to be the most important person to you, not another woman. You're already having an emotional affair with this woman by valuing her above your wife.

If you wanted a bunch of people to pat you on the back and tell you its okay, then don't come here. We are going to tell you the truth of what you are doing, not lies.

can a 48 married women love 38 married man ???

Yes, of course they can.

But the point is totally moot unless you want to end your marriage.

If you wanted a bunch of people to pat you on the back and tell you its okay, then don't come here. We are going to tell you the truth of what you are doing, not lies.

woow, that is so powerful, thank u enchanted for the time and the advice.

Tag,

It seems like you want an ego boast. What I don't think you get it is at the expensive of making your wife and possibly this woman uncomfortable.

I think you want us to tell you it is okay.

Have you ever heard of emotional needs? Perhaps one of your higher ones is admiration. Speak to your wife about it and let her know what you need.

Recently, it was pointed out to me that maybe my husband didn't value me until other men were attracted to me. Who knows maybe that's where your coming from.

However, your repeated prouse about only wanting to have her admire you comes across as pompous. No one wants to cheat, this is the crap that leads to it.