So many contradictory actions and words (a general observation)

If your child (who you are not sure is yours) is that important... Go through the legal process.

Based on what you have said in other posts... You have made it clear that you would only be using the child as a pawn to get to your EX anyway. You have exhausted all other avenues to get to your EX... this is the only "card" you have left to play.

For the Love of God... Let it go!

You are seriously F'ed up in the head!

I don't think that is true. He has made it clear that he wants a relationship with the mother in part because he sees it as his only way to have a relationship with his child and in part because he loves her.

 

I think what he wants is a family with her and the child. And I don't think he has exhausted all legal avenues. I think he fears if he pursues a legal action to establish paternity that he will alienate her and never have the family he wants to have with her and the child.

 

And I think he truly believes the child is his.

Exactly.

If I were to very aggressively pursue this in court drag her through the mud then what? I alienate myself from the kid, and the mother.. So I get to raise a child who will hate my guts with a horrible relationship with the mother.

Homebrew acts as if this was just some woman I met at the gas station or something and have stalked ever since. If this matter were to go to court all of the dirt would come out... she does not want that I don't need that and it serves no one.

Further I went to the police and asked them... They told me that "if I reply to their email it's not harassment it's a conversation". Hence their replying to my email means I'm not harassing either of them it's a conversation. So I'm in the clear. Your talk about me being a persons cell mate is really way off the mark.

My final word on this, and the final (for now) status of my issue.

The BF has been given a face saving exit. You see he tried to scare and intimidate me into not contacting her. I have made it abundantly clear that I will not be intimidated by him.

I wrote an email to her saying I was sorry that my message upset her, but that it was what I really felt. That I just could not let her BF punk me out via email. I also said I would stop pestering her and wished her well. (In short a nice NC message) She understood that and did not send that message onto her BF or show it to him.

(edited to add: I have confirmation of this. The man told me that she blocked me as If I had not sent her any email..... he now is back tracking and claiming that I have been email blocked and mentioning that other email. I guess he spied her email, figured out what we tried to do and now has to flex his muscle again. Either way I'm done playing his game. What a man child he is. lol)

So he gets to think he won, and I have given in to him. Which was what his whole attitude was about.

Basically here is the way I see things for now.

1.) I don't get the company of my son or his mother for now. Or the honor of being there to support her.

2.) I am for the time being absolved of that responsibility. There is nothing more I can do that would not traumatize my child so there is nothing more I will do. His need for peace trumps my need to be there for him.

3.) I still have physical and emotional needs to meet. There is a world of other people to meet those needs with . I am now fully free to explore those possibilities. For example with a woman, E, who's a beautiful wonderful young blonde with a great education and no children. If she and I start something now she'll get all of me my undistracted attention which is what she deserves.

4.) I come away from this with the one thing I was unwilling to give up. My self respect. I made my feelings known, and I stood by my right to express them without backing down to the BF's attempts at intimidation.

5.) Though I will always care for S, as she was my first adult love, and the mother of my first child.... She is a deeply flawed person. I hope things work out for her, I really do... But now she's someone else's problem. You know the old saying... Be careful what you wish for....

6.) The last development tells me that I have more influence than I thought. She wants him to think the channel is closed without actually closing it. To keep her option open....but keep a relationship she's trying to make work. That I can respect.

So it's not all bad for me. I really really would like to have my son in my life but there is just nothing I can do that would really be good for him, and get me into his life.

In fact just writing that down made me feel quite a bit better. I'm going to go and live life now. :-)

Happy new year.

One thing that just occured to me. Looking at point 6 and the whole face saving gesture etc. ... Only leads back to what I said about contradictory actions.

While It's clear that for now, she wants to make it work with her current BF. She still does not totally close and lock the window.

Either way I'm done with this. There are just too many open and inviting doors.